20th April - CT confusion.

I slept quite well in the hospital bed it was surprising as I don't normally. This hospital bed was definitely different to those I've been in before though, a huge improvement.  I was woken by one of the nurses to take my temperature at five thirty, it was 39.8.  Unfortunately, it was going up instead of coming down not a good sign to be getting home. I reminded the nurse looking after me that I was due to have my CT scan that day.
"We'll get it sorted don't worry. They may change the time from the original one though".
"Okay". I settled back down to sleep for a while whilst awaiting breakfast it was far too early to be up.

Two doctors called in to see me around ten o'clock.
"We have looked at the x-ray that we took Mrs McEvoy and it looks like your bowel is blocked pretty high up so we want you to carry on having the Movical sachets that you have been prescribed but we want you to have these four times a day.  We also want you to have an Enema this will hopefully unblock your bowel along with a laxative that we would like you to have this morning, okay?"
"Can I wait until after I have my CT scan?"
"Why?"
"Well if I go down for my scan and I need to go to the toilet its going to be quite embarrassing" I told them.
"I'm sure they can arrange for you to go to the toilet" one of the doctors butted in.  Luckily my nurse  Amy stepped in. "There isn't any toilets near where the CT scan area is... I think Loraine would be better to wait and have these done when she gets back from CT".
"Well you could wait for the Enema but I think she should still have the laxative... how would you feel about that?" the doctor looked at me.
"Uncomfortable... I'd rather wait until after the CT scan" I replied.
"Okay, okay if that's how you feel we will let you wait until you come back from your CT scan".
"Thanks" I smiled.
"You are to go down for your CT scan at twelve fifteen, a porter will come and get you".
"Okay thanks. And when do you think I can go home?"
"Well obviously we need to get the blockage in your bowel sorted out so that your bowel is working properly before we let you go. Then we have to get your temperature down. We suspect this is high due to another urine infection. The high dose of IV antibiotics we are giving you through your drip should sort this out. As soon as your temperature is down and your bowel is normal we can let you go home".
"Okay thanks".  The doctors left and I gave Lee a ring.
"Hi"
"Morning, how did you sleep?"
"Not bad thanks. I've had some Weetabix this morning".
"That's great love".
"My CT scan is at twelve fifteen I will drink fluids up here and then when I go down I will go straight in for the scan so there's no need for you to be here for it. Just let mum and dad come for the visit at two o'clock and you come up tonight at six o'clock".
"Okay"..
 As I put down the phone Amy my nurse came in.
"Loraine, I'm due to change over your antibiotics now but before I do that do you want a shower or anything?"
"Oh I'd love one".
"Right well I'll take this one down and clamp it off then you can have a shower and we'll keep it down until you come back from your CT scan. They will have to take it down when you go for your scan anyway".
"Okay".
"Do you need anything for the shower?"
"Just a towel please I've got everything else with me".
"Okay I'll go get those for you".  Amy re-appeared with the towel five minutes later and I headed for the shower.  It was so nice to have a shower and wash my hair without any wires or anything it felt great. However, it was then I noticed through the steam in the bathroom mirror I was yellow!!  I mean I didn't look like Sponge bob or one of the Simpson's but I definitely had a yellowy tinge to my skin. That wasn't a good sign!!  I came out of the shower dried and dressed into my jogging bottoms and  a t-shirt a little worried, Amy brought me in a jug of water and I mentioned it to her.
"When you see the doctors again, mention it to them Loraine. But, honestly I can't see it Loraine".
"Okay".

The porter arrived for my CT scan just after twelve fifteen and took me down to the x-ray department and into the CT area.  From there I was shown straight in and asked to lie on the bed, which I did.
"I'm just going to flush your cannula and make sure its working Loraine, as you know we inject a small amount of dye for your CT scan so we just need to make sure the cannula you have in is working. When was it last used?"
"It was disconnected just before I had a shower at about ten this morning", I told him.
"I'm sorry Loraine but its not working, we're going to have to try and re site the cannula for you".
"Oh god" I whinged, knowing what trouble they would have doing that.
"Its either that or we can send you back up and they can try and re site it on the ward for you then send you back down when we have another slot free?"
"No its fine you can give it a go. I have bad veins that's the problem it hurt like hell getting that one in and took eight attempts".
"Well we'll get our doctor who's pretty good and get him to have a go". I lay there nervous as hell I just knew this was gonna hurt again. 'I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry' I kept repeating to myself.  Then the doctor appeared.  "So I hear you are pretty hard to get one of these into Loraine, is that right?" he asked me.
"Yep. It sometimes takes a while" i replied.
"Well I will do my best but if I'm hurting you tell me and I will stop and we'll send you back up to the ward and bring you back down once we have got another  cannula into you".
"Okay". I took a deep breath and waited for the ultimate statement.
"Right Loraine, sharp scratch", 'it hurt' I winced but took deep breaths to try and forget about the pain as he prodded and poked my arm trying to get the cannula in.  "Its in Loraine, you can relax" .
"Is it working?"
"Appears to be. Its in a bit of a tricky spot though so I'm going to make sure its secure so that they can use it back up on the ward for you as well".
"Thanks".  I looked and saw the cannula was in the crook of my right arm, a normal spot to take blood from but unusual to put a cannula in.  The doctor must have seen my look.
"I know its in a tricky spot but its the only one I could find I'm afraid Loraine so we have to go with it I'm afraid".
"That's fine at least they won't have to redo it when I get back up to the ward".
"Okay we're going to proceed with the scan but because of the spot the cannula is in we're going to inject the dye really slowly so it may take longer than it would normally, okay".
"Okay that's fine".  I closed my eyes ready to go into the huge polo mint, well that's what it looks like in my eyes anyway. Once it starts taking the pictures I imagine its pretty much like being in a washer on a spin cycle. It does feel a little claustrophobic, hence why I close my eyes during the procedure and keep them closed.  The CT scan was over within twenty minutes and I was wheeled back outside to the waiting area, however it was full so my wheelchair was taken to a totally different area and parked up, that was at one o'clock. At quarter to two I was still sat waiting. I went and checked with a nurse and was told there was just a back log. I checked with another and was told I hadn't been put down for collection and another who said I'd been marked as being collected already. So I headed to the reception desk. It was now nearly two and I was fuming I could have walked back up to the ward in this time. "I've been waiting over an hour for a porter to take me back to my ward can you ring up to the ward and see if they have any objection to me making my own way back please?"
"Well if a porter brought you down you really should wait" I got told.
"Yep I know I should but as I said I have been sitting there for over an hour waiting for a porter visiting starts at two o'clock and I have visitors coming and I would rather be up there than down here. So, please can you make the phone call?"
"OK I'll check?"
"Thanks" I was that mad I could feel tears brewing which was daft but I just wanted to be back up on the ward.
"Loraine, I've had a word and no they haven't any objection to you making your own way back up to the ward".
"Okay, thanks". I marched off in the direction of the lift, still fuming!!

"Hi mum, Hi dad," I gave them all a kiss.
"You okay?"
"I've been waiting for over an hour downstairs for a porter to bring me back up. I've never been so bloody angry!"
"Why?"
"Who knows, probably bloody forgot me, not bloody happy though. They had to put yet another cannula in hence the new decoration"  I said showing them my right arm. 
"Oh not again"
"Yep it had bent so they couldn't get the CT fluid to go through it so they had to put a new one in, AGAIN".
"You okay?"
"Yep I'm fine can't get any worse".
"You look tired" my mum added.
"Mm well its hard to get any sleep when they check you every two hours".
"Oh love" my mum came over in my direction.
"One cuddle!" I told her.  "No more just the one". I warned her and she laughed. I'm not a cuddly person and I really hate been slobbered all over but my mum can't seem to help it lately, then to my surprise my dad gave me a kiss as well. This was unheard of, well apart from on my wedding day, where I have a photograph of him doing just that. (Blackmail material lol).
"What are we going to do about Ross's birthday, do you think you'll still be in?" My dad asked.
"I think we'd better wait until I get the results of my CT scan dad, they should be back by Tuesday once we get those then we'll have more of an idea. But If I can be there I will be. I'd already bought my £70 dress after all and I'd never spent that much i my life".
"So what are they treating you for then?"
"Well the x-ray showed a blockage in my bowel, in other words I'm severely constipated and I'm on antibiotics to bring my temperature down as I've got some kind of infection. They do think I have a urine infection but that's nothing new is it? The CT scan results will tell us more when we get those back. But, until they get my temperature down they won't let me out of hospital".
"Hows the food?"
"How do you think?" I replied pulling a face my dad laughed. My mum sat just staring at me not really saying much I knew she was worried because I was back in hospital unfortunately I had a horrible feeling that the results of this CT scan would be different, lets hope I was wrong. 

It was quarter to four when Amy my nurse appeared. 
"Loraine we need to do your enema" she reminded me.
"Lovely, I am so looking forward to it" I smiled sarcastically
"Do you want me to come back after visiting?"
"Whens that?"
"It finishes at four o'clock and its quarter to now" I looked at mum and dad.
"We can go now its not a problem that way you can get it over with..."
"You don't mind?"
"No course we don't".
"Right I will leave you to say your goodbyes and then I'll come back with the stuff you need" Amy replied.
"Thanks Amy".  Mum came over first and gave me a hug.
"I love you"
"I love you too mum"
"I hope you get a good nights sleep"
"Yes me too". Dad came forward and gave me a cuddle, two kisses in one day certainly wasn't gong to happen lol,


Dinner arrived and looked positively disgusting I wasn't hungry anyway so therefore it didn't get eaten. I went on line to talk to Missy Moo whilst waiting for Lee to arrive.
"Hello, how are you?"
"I'm fine they're looking after me" I told her. "I'm so sorry I'm going to miss your charity night tomorrow" I apologised.
"Don't be daft, and lee could always come on your behalf"
"hey I never thought of that.... not sure if he would though",
"Well I can always ask him he's just logged on to facebook should I send him a message?"
"Yep do it that way if nothing else it gets him some guy time at the pub I think he needs it".
"Me too he's really worried about you"
"I know. He's due for visiting soon" I told her. "Its amazing how much you look forward to visits when you're staring at four walls all day".
"Have you got one of those tellies about your bed?"
"Yep they're bloody expensive though £20 gets you three days of TV, telephone, Internet and certain films too, not recent ones or anything but they're reasonable enough".
"Yeah dads was expensive when he was in he refused to pay it".
"I'd go stir crazy without it Sue in this room on my own with just the en suite for company".
"Yes I bet you would at least dad had the mad heads when he was in" she laughed. I laughed with her as I remembered back to when we had gone to visit him. (When her dad John, had gone into hospital we'd gone to visit him at the Bradford Royal Infirmary.  He was in a six bed ward with an empty bed and five occupied ones. One of the guys was an alcoholic  who had an infection in his leg. They'd put leeches on his leg and bandaged over the top of them he was supposed to be on bed rest.  However, that wasn't the case John told us the tale as we sat round his bed at visiting time. "Him in the end bed" he told us. "He's supposed to be on bed rest, cos he has blood poisoning and they have leeches on his leg eating away at the infection. He waits til the doctors have been and says he's off for a walk in the grounds, he goes down the bloody pub and doesn't come back til meal times. Then last night at visiting he waited until the nurses were in the middle of a shift change and said he was off for a ciggy cos he knew they wouldn't remember. He only pissed off down the pub and came back with some tinnys, and a bird on his arm. He pulled the curtains round said he didn't want to be disturbed. Got her to climb in through the window and she spent the bloody night with the, curtains pulled round and the lot. Didn't give a toss about us out here and believe me they were making some noise" John laughed. Tears rolled down our cheeks as he'd told the tale. We'd seen it with our own eyes during the visit later on when she'd appeared with the guy in the end bed they were both half cut and she did indeed go into his cubicle and pull the curtains round and then she got into bed with him. Sue and I couldn't believe our eyes). St James's certainly wasn't as interesting."

"Hi," Lee walked into my room and lent over and gave me a kiss.
"Hiya love. I was talking to Sue earlier"
"Yes she's asked me about the pie and peas thing?"
"Yes please will you go and give them the charity money. I can give you my card and you can draw it out and put it in an envelope for them and after all she's already paid for the tickets".
"It doesn't seem right with you in here darl. Well Jenna and Sam are coming to visit tomorrow night about seven anyway so they could come and visit me and you could go there. It will do you good to have some time with the lads and chill out for a bit. There's only so much we can talk about on a night and this way you can take the money for me and we will have something to talk about tomorrow night".
"Okay, are you sure?"
"I'm positive get her rang and tell her you'll be there" I insisted. So, Lee got on his mobile and rang Sue telling her he would be going for the Pie and Peas quiz night and that he would be taking the charity donation I was making. In case I haven't explained Sue works for Harden Pre-school in Harden its a nursery for two to five year old and its not government but actually charity funded. So they rely on charity fundraisers to get new toys equipment etc for the kids. When Sue had told me about how they needed to raise £300 and they were doing a pie and peas quiz night in order to do it. I'd told her I would give her the £300 out of my pension I'd received and then they could try and use the rest of the money they raised for something else. ... So Lee was taking along my £300 donation and they would hopefully raise some money on the quiz night which was £5 a ticket to get more things for the school.  She had been overjoyed and I'd been so looking forward to going and doing the quiz but instead I was stuck here. At least Lee would enjoy it though.
"Darl, here Sue wants a quick word?" Lee handed me his mobile.
"Hi Sue".
"I meant to tell you earlier on if we raise enough money, we're going to get a buddy bench for the garden made from wood, where the kids can sit and talk if they've had an argument or something. So they can work out their differences".
"Oh that's a good idea".
"Yep I thought so, I'll let you get back to your visit with Lee and talk to you later on, okay?"
"Okay Sue night love".  I'd just put the phone down when the registrar came in to the room.
"Hi Loraine, is it okay to have a word, we have your CT results back?"
"Yep of course it is please take a seat this is my husband Lee" I introduced her.
"I'm one of the registrars working with Dr Jagdevs team" she explained.  "What your scan results have shown is that the tumour that was near to your bowel is perhaps blocking your bowel and that's why you are having these pains. Has the pain settled down?" 
"It seems to have just now yes"
"Good. We need to get some more bloods off you later on but we'll probably do that after you've moved"
"Am I moving?"
"Oh haven't they told you?"
"Yes you're moving to ward 97 later today we're just waiting for a bed. You're going into a four bay room so you'll have company and Dr Jagdev should be round to discuss the results in more detail with you tomorrow".
"Okay".
"Do either of you have any questions?"
"No that's fine explains a lot though" I told her. "With regards to the pain and the vomiting".
Yes obviously if the bowel is blocked and you are eating then it has to find some way out and that's why you've been vomiting so much".
"Right okay". I smiled at her and she left the room.  I looked over at Lee "Well at least we know why I've been in pain".
"Yep you're in the right place now darl and they'll sort you out" Lee kissed my forehead.
"Yeah I hope so. Just my luck though getting moved, whats betting whoever they move me in with snores?" I laughed just what I need. "Listen you get off its half seven I'm knackered and I bet you've not eaten all day have you?"
"No I've not had much" he told me.
"Well you look knackered so go home get something to eat and have a bath".
"You don't mind?"
"No course I don't off you go" I gave him a big hug and we said our goodbyes.  I was flicking through the TV channels when a woman  came into my room. I'd seen her before when Dr Jagdev had done her rounds. "Mrs McEvoy?"
"Yes, that's me" I replied.
"Can I have a chat with you?"
"Yes course you can. Have your visitors gone?"
"Yes my husbands just left" I told her. 
"Oh right... let me explain first of all i work with Dr Jagdev and my colleague I believe came in earlier and gave you the results from your CT scan results. Is that right?"
"Yes she came in whilst Lee was here"
"And what did you understand from what she told you?"
"Well that, the tumour I have has moved and has nicked the bowel slightly and its possible that's whats causing the blockage in my bowel".
"Ah, right"  I took in the expression on her face then and I think at that point it hit me we hadn't taken in the full extent of what the other doctor had said.  "Can I get a chair?"
"Yes please" I nodded.
"With regards to the blockage whats actually happened is that the tumour that we thought had liquefied has,.... well its.... grown into a mass its left a tear at the top of your bowel".  I swallowed hard.  "Right".
"Now we also think part of the tumour is blocking your bowel causing it not to empty properly which is obviously an issue.  If the bowel gets blocked further there is a chance that the bowel could tear causing peritonitis, which could obviously kill you." That's when I began to cry silent tears streamed down my face.
"Are you okay?" I nodded. 
"So two general surgeons have been shown your ct scan and they are going to look at these now to see if there is an urgency with regards to operating tonight or this weekend or whether they want to take their time before a decision is made".
"Okay"
"I didn't want them to just turn up to see you without you knowing this information first that's why I've came to tell you. Is there anything I can do?" She asked me as the tears continued to fall.
"They were on about moving me into a four bed room on a different ward can I please request to stay I just... well... I don't want to be in a ward with more people at the moment?"
"I believe they are working on that now to try and keep you here Loraine"
"And, Can I get my husband to come back... I need to tell him... I don't want to do it over the phone?"
"Of course you can and I'll be at the nurses station in case you need to talk or ask any questions".
"Okay thanks", she left the room and I shakily dialled Lee's mobile number.  He answered on the forth ring.
"I'm on the motorway love I'll ring you back when I get home" he sounded flustered and I knew it was because he didn't like answering the phone whilst driving.
"I need you to come back" I told him between my tears.
"I can't hear you love, are you okay?"
"I need you to turn around, I need you to come back to the hospital please," and then I began to cry not able to hold it in any longer.
"I'm turning round now darl I'll be there in twenty minutes!"
"Okay thanks".  I put the phone down and as I did the phone above my bed began ringing I'd given my mum the number earlier and sure enough it was her on the phone. I couldn't speak to her I just couldn't" so I rejected the call and switched off the TV and hugging my knees to my chest I began to cry again. It was then Antonietta popped her head around the door"
"Loraine? I wasn't sure if it was you or not" Antonetta had looked after me on my previous hospital visits the last time being before we had gotten married.  "How did the wedding go?" she asked smiling and I began to cry again she came over and gave me a hug.  "Oh love, I take it wasn't good news?"
"No it wasn't".
"I was just coming in to tell you I'd be your named nurse for the evening. I take it you are the patient they were discussing as I came on duty and you're waiting for the general surgeons to come and see you?"
"That's right"
"Oh honey I'm so sorry. Does Lee know?"
"He's on his way back now. I have to tell him" I sobbed.
"Oh love I'm so, so sorry" just as she finished her sentence the door opened and there stood Lee.
"Loraine, whats wrong?" I held my arms out and onetta got up from the bed and said "if there's anything you guys need just let us know?" Lee rushed towards me. "What is it? Whats happened?"
"The CT results its worse than we thought" I began, "you'd better sit down.."

19th April - Infection, x-ray and antibiotics.

The vomiting continued as i lay on the sofa. I felt terrible hot and sweaty too. "I think I need to take my temperature Lee" I told him, and he went on search of the thermometer. My temp was high above 38.8, Lee looked at it.
"Want me to call the doctor?"
"Yep I think we should it hurts" I replied. The pain was getting unbearable I had a drink and the vomiting started again. Lee had rang the doctor under the new system you have to wait for a call back.  I began to vomit again it was then Lee said "Shall we call oncology get some advice?"
"Yep probably a good idea" I replied.  So Lee got the number for the hospital off the fridge and began dialling eventually they asked to speak to me so they could do an assessment.  An assessment takes about seven minutes over the phone but at the time when you're on the other end in pain trust me it feels like an eternity as the nurse spoke I paced the floor explaining how I was feeling and answering yes or no to the questions. I had just put the phone down when it rang again and this time it was Dr Langton. I explained to him that I hadn't had chemo since 4th April and how I'd been feeling since the chemo and then I told him how the hospital had done a full blood count the day before. "Right well your results aren't here yet but they should have them Loraine, ideally I want those results before I make a decision as to what to do with you. Do you have a telephone number for the oncology unit that did your bloods?"
"Yes I do, I have rang them as well just because we've since done my temperature and it says on all my advice things that if my temp goes above 38 I've to ring"
"Okay you've done the right thing that's fine so what are they doing?"
"Well they are gonna refer my symptoms to their doctor and then ring me back".
"Right well give me that number and I will ring them for the results and I will make a decision as to what to do with you before I ring you back".
"Okay thanks Dr Langton"
"No problem Loraine you take it easy I'll get back to you as soon as I can".
"Thanks Dr Langton".  I laid back on the settee feeling rough and Lee gave me a cuddle. Lee got up and got me a wheat bag putting it in the microwave and handing it to me "here put this on your stomach it might ease the pain slightly"
"Thanks. Can you get the hospital bag out of the boot I think I better check everything is there and be prepared to go in" I told him.
"Okay I'll go get it now" Mum appeared about ten minutes later and helped me sort out my bag for the hospital. We had just finished it when the phone rang.
"Loraine?"
"Yes"
"This is the oncology day case unit. I've had a word with the doctor we do want you to come in to ward 96, however at the minute we're waiting for a bed for you. What I've done is ask Ward 96 to ring you direct as soon as a bed becomes free, okay?"
"Okay yes that's fine. Is my blood count down then?"
"Yes your white cell count is really low and because your temperature is high we think its best we bring you in and get you on antibiotics, okay?"
"Okay, thanks". No sooner had I put the phone down then it rung again.
"Loraine its Doctor Langton here, I've been in touch with the hospital your white cell count is really low and what with that and your temperature we've made the decision that you should be admitted. Have they been in touch at all?"
"Yes about two seconds ago" I replied. "I'm sorry if you think I've messed you about what with ringing the hospital as well.."
"Loraine it is fine that is what we are here for I am just glad we have got you sorted out".
"Okay well thank you very much for sorting it out for me".
"You are welcome and I hope you're not waiting too long for a bed".
"Thank you Doctor Langton". The sickness seemed to settle but I popped another tablet as the pain was growing steadily worse.
Lee had just left to take my mum home around quarter past four when the phone rang.  "Hello is Loraine there please?"
"Loraine speaking" I replied.
"Hi Loraine its Emily from ward 96 I'm just ringing to tell you there is a bed available on Ward 96 if you would like to make your way in and come to the desk you are in Room 15".
"Okay thank you"
"Do you need transport?"
"No my husband will be bringing me in its fine" I replied. I put the phone down and ran upstairs and got dressed. I was back downstairs and dressed just as Lee walked through the door.  "The beds ready Lee" I told him as he came through the front door.
"Okay you best ring your mum she wanted to come with you"
"Yes but she's only just gone home she needs some tea first. I'll tell her to come up tomorrow".
"Okay I'll just get your bag in the car" I dialled my mums number.

"Mum they've rung its ready now,"
"Do you want me to come?"
"No you've only just got in leave it and come up tomorrow Lee can take me in".
"Okay love if  you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. I better go Lee's waiting"
"Okay love I'll speak to you later".
"Bye mum".
"Bye love take care".
"Right Lee I'm ready lets go".

We arrived on Ward 96 around five pm.
"Can we help?" One of the nurses looked up from behind the desk.
"Loraine McEvoy checking in" I replied.
"You're in room 15 Loraine, follow me!" So we trundled after the nurse to room 15. "If you want to make yourself comfortable Loraine the doctor should be in to see you shortly".  I lay down on the bed waiting for the doctor to arrive and Lee examined the TV screen above my bed.
"You can buy bundles by the look of it so you can get telephone, TV, and films to watch its £20 for 3 days".
"That's a bit expensive if you're on a pension and you have no income"  I frowned. Just as I said that a nurse came to do my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate.  
"Mm your temperature is still high"
"What is it?"
"39.8" she replied. "Is your blood pressure normally low?" she queried.
"Yes its never gone high".
"Dr Jagdev is here to see you".  Dr Jagdev gowned up and walked into the room.
"Hi Loraine"
"Hi"
"Sorry to see you back in under these conditions. How are you feeling?"
"The pain in my stomach and groin is pretty horrific but the sickness seems to have stopped, I've been very tired though and I'm still really hot".
"Well your temperature is up fairly high Loraine. When did the sickness start Loraine?"
"Last night about eleven"
"And when was the last time you opened your bowels?"
"The day before, it was really like water with lumps in though".
"Okay, can you lie down so I can feel your tummy?" I lay back but it hurt to move and I winced.
"Even lying down is sore?"
"Yes"  She began to feel my stomach quite gently but it was like stroking a really sore bruise and every movement hurt and I winced".
"Your stomach is really tender Loraine so I'm going to send you for an x-ray"
"Okay".
"You definitely have some kind of infection so I'm gonna start you on a really strong IV anti-biotic Loraine that will go up as soon as you've been for your x-ray".
"Okay fine".
"Once we get a better picture of what's going on inside we'll know what we are dealing with. Your blood count did show that your white cells are low again, that probably happened after your last lot of chemotherapy so that will account for your tiredness.  Have you had your CT scan yet?"
"No its actually tomorrow"
"Okay well we will make sure that you still have that CT scan tomorrow. I will see you later".
"Okay thanks".
The nurse came in next and tried to flush my PICC line so that she could put up the IV antibiotics.
"It can be a bit tricky" I forewarned her.
"In what way?"
"Well it flushes but sometimes it doesn't bleed back. The district nurses couldn't get it to flush on Wednesday but then I came into the day case unit on Oncology yesterday and they got it to work straight away". I told her.
"Ah okay, well lets just put a pillow under your arm and lift it up and we'll try again." So I did as i was told but again the line would not work.  "I'm really sorry Loraine but we need to get these antibiotics into you as soon as possible so we're going to have to try and cannulate you so that we can get these working quickly, okay".
"This is going to hurt" I mumbled.
"I'll get Angie to do it for you she's really good" the nurse told me.
"With the greatest respect all of the oncology day case unit nurses tried to have a go and they're really good and they couldn't manage it. That's why I had to have a PICC line put in".
"Oh love I'm sorry but we have to give it a go".
"I know its fine". Angie appeared with a bowl of water in front of me and sat down. I looked across at Lee and mouthed "this is gonna hurt".  (When you go onto the Oncology day case unit for treatment you are faced with walls lined with recliner chairs, at the side of each chair is a drip stand.  Each patient who doesn't have a permanent line in, sits whilst a nurse carries through a bowl of steaming hot water your hands are placed in the water. This is supposed to get your veins to rise to the surface of the skin and make them easier to find. Then if they are lucky they find a vein insert a needle which leaves behind a cannula and hey presto you're hooked up to a drip with whatever treatment you are due).  I placed my hands in the water and we waited.
"Don't look so worried" Angie told me. "I'm good at finding veins".
"That's what all the nurses on Oncology said until they had a dabble" I told her. "Either, you won't find one. Or you will find one and it will collapse in a few hours then I'll have to go through it all over again".
"Well all I can do is my best" Angie smiled.  "Right take your hands on and put them on the towel". I did as I was told and she dried them gently looking at the left one first, then the right. "Ooh that looks like a good one" she said pointing to a vein in at the side of my wrist.  "I'll give it a go".
"Okay" I took a deep breath and looked across at Lee maintaining eye contact as Angie entered with a needle "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" I chanted quietly.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine" I replied through gritted teeth. God it hurt, I think over time your veins must become more sensitive because every prod with that needle hurt like hell.  I winced then the tears started.
"Sorry Loraine, that vein moved".
"You okay?" Lee asked and sat at the side of me.
"Sorry" I apologised, tears flowing. "It hurts".
"I know love" Lee gave me a cuddle.  "Is this going to take long, you can see its hurting her?" Lee asked Angie.
"No, there we go its in, sorry Loraine" Angie apologised and began moping up the blood around my fingers then she dressed it to keep the cannula in place.  "Right Loraine Amy will be in with your Antibiotics and some fluids in a minute okay?" I nodded still wincing from the pain. "Sorry I hurt you love". I managed a smile as Angie left the room then dissolved into tears in Lee's arms. The antibiotics and fluids were put up about half an hour later followed by some pain relief.  When it got to quarter to eight Lee looked tired.  I had the TV sorted above my bed and it was all operational. 
"Why don't you get off?"
"I was hoping they'd have done the x-ray by now.."
"It'll happen probably later. You look knackered, and you haven't had anything to eat. Go home and get some sleep".
"Okay, okay", Lee replied. "You get some sleep as well".
"I will, I'll give you a ring before I go to sleep".
"Okay love you, bye xx"  Lee left and I pulled the TV monitor closer and logged on to facebook but nothing was happening. So I switched on the TV Coronation Street was on, so I settled down to watch it.  It was about ten minutes in when a porter turned up to take me for an x-ray.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"That's me" I replied.  "I can walk okay you know" I told the porter looking at the trolley he had with him.
"I couldn't find a chair love" He replied.
"Ah well I get to ride in comfort then and I'm just about ready for a nap. I just need to nip to the loo first though, is that okay?"
"Yes no problem love", I quickly jumped down off my bed and headed for the toilet and emptied my bag then I pulled on the dressing gown hanging up inside the bathroom door.

I lay on the trolley in the x-ray area waiting for my name to be called. It was bloody cold down here and I'd been put in a cubicle on my own, away from other people obviously awaiting x-rays as well. This worried me slightly had anyone been told I was here?  I didn't have a watch and there was no clock to speak of but I was pretty sure I'd been sat there a good twenty minutes before I heard my name being called along the other end of the corridor.
"I'm down here" I called out.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Down here on a trolley" I called again.  God I was frustrated I wanted to jump off the trolley and get out of the cubicle but my drip was attached to the trolley I lay on so I couldn't.  It was then a dark haired man wearing a white uniform appeared at the bottom of the trolley. "Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"That's right" I replied. "I didn't think you'd heard me".
"Yes sorry about that. I was expecting someone in a wheelchair not on a trolley".
"Apparently the porter couldn't find a wheelchair" I told him.
"Ah right, lets get you into x-ray".  He pushed the trolley and manoeuvred me into the large x-ray room. "Can you get off the trolley okay on your own?"
"Yes no problem".
"Okay so I'll get the drip if you can just follow me over to the x-ray couch".
"Right"  I walked slowly over to the x-ray couch and lay down putting my head on the pillow.
"So your consultant has asked for an x-ray of your abdomen including your bowel, okay?"
"Yes that's fine"
"Sorry Loraine I have to ask this, is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
"I've been sterilised and I had a hysterectomy when I had a cystectomy last year".
"Wow you've been through it then?"
"Just a bit" I replied.
"Right Loraine, I'm going to go behind the screen over there I'll ask you to breathe in, hold your breath and then breathe away, okay?"
"Okay".
"Loraine breathe in, hold your breath" I did as I was told but I always found this to be the hardest part because I felt like I was turning blue... "Breathe away" 'Phew' I let go and I felt so much better.
"Okay Loraine, you're all done just stay there and I'll come move the x-ray machine so you can sit up". As the machine was moved from above my head I pulled myself into a sitting position and waited.
The guy with the dark hair picked up the drip and carried it beside me over to the trolley. I climbed back onto the trolley and pulled the blanket back up over myself.  It was definitely cold in here.  He wheeled me back outside and put me back in the corridor.  "I'll call for a porter but don't worry I'll let them know you're on a trolley and what cubicle you are in" he told me. 
I don't know how long I'd been waiting but I know I was nodding off when I heard my name called.
"Over here!" I replied.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Over here!" I replied again, then to my relief I heard footsteps and saw a grey haired porter appear at the bottom of the trolley I lay on.
"Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"Yes that's right" I replied.
"Lets get you back up to 96," he smiled.  "You look tired".
"I am I feel like I've been down here for hours". I told him. I must have fallen asleep during the trip back up to the ward because I don't remember it at all.
"Do you know which room you're in?" the porter enquired.
"Yes room 15".
"Can you get off the trolley okay?"
"Yes no problem" I hopped off the trolley and onto my bed.  "Thanks".
"No problem, you get a good nights sleep".
"Thanks".  I pressed my buzzer and waited for a nurse to come, it was a ball ache not being allowed out my room it would be so much quicker to go and get a nurse myself.
"Hi Loraine, what can I do for you?"
"I want to go to sleep but I need a night bag stand for my urostomy is it possible you could find me one? I forgot to pack mine".
"Yes I'll go get you one. Your fluids need changing too so we'll get those sorted at the same time".
"Thanks".  It was then I turned on the TV above the bed and noticed the time it was ten thirty, I'd been down in x-ray for ages, no wonder i was tired.  I gave Lee a quick ring said goodnight and settled down to sleep whilst I waited for my night stand to arrive. My night bag and fluids arrived around midnight they woke me up to do my blood pressure and temperature at the same time.  They were so considerate. NOT!.