Sunday morning arrived and I had some weetabix and a cup of tea for breakfast and went back to sleep again.
"Loraine, we're gonna be moving you in the next half an hour to a two bed room on ward 97, so if you want to start packing your stuff up for us?" Amy asked as she came into my room an hour later.
"Okay yes no problem it shouldn't take long. Do you know what I do with the TV thingy because I've prepaid for three nights?" I asked her.
"Oh yes if you go onto the home screen there's an option on there for moving beds so you need to select that you're moving beds, when you get into your new ward you go onto the home screen again and select new bed and it should let you just carry on with your subscription."
"Okay thanks Amy".
Ward 97 looked okay it was a large ward but only had two beds opposite each other. One bed was occupied by a lady called Marjorie. Marjorie is scary to look at she resembles the witch I remember seeing in a book about Hansel and Gretel she has a long crooked nose and hairs on her chin. To top it off half an hour later she was snoring loudly. I tried making conversation that afternoon but it was like talking to a stone so I gave up in the end and put the telly on. After a couple of phonecalls visiting was re-arranged so mum and dad came up in the afternoon to see me. I've already spoken to Lee and he's knackered after the beer and quiz night so he's setting off from Sue's later on and going to pick Lorna up and bring her with him for evening visiting. Mum and dad appeared and once again mum came armed with food cheese and crackers this time, along with some apples. Lunch was vile.
"I'll try an apple" I took one of them off her.
"They're nice aren't they?" she asked smiling. To be fair she was right the apple was really juicy and quite nice. But it didn't feel like I was swallowing it properly.
"Sorry mum I just feel like its getting stuck in my throat. I'm gonna have to leave it?"
"Well is there anything else we can get you?"
"No I'm fine honestly. I feel a bit sick so I best leave it" I poured myself a drink of juice and swallowed it back. It still feels like the apples stuck though and its giving me heartburn. Dad asked me what the ladies name was opposite.
"Oh the witch thats Marjorie. She has a thing for rice krispies" I told him.
"What do you mean?"
"Well she sleeps, stares right through me, never utters a word and then goes to sleep, snores loudly and shouts about Rice Krispies.. whether she wants some or she's had some for breakfast I have no idea. Soon find out tomorrow morning". Dad laughed and mum looked puzzled. Their visit was cut short when dad realised he would have to pay an extra hours car parking if they stayed until four cos it had taken them a while to find a space so he wanted to leave in time to get back to the car before an extra hours parking was added on. I wasn't best impressed that he begrudged paying for carparking to visit me. However just after they left I vomitted what I'd eaten of the apple so it was probably just as well they left when they did. Vomitting bits of apple is not a nice process trust me it hurts like hell! I'm struggling with visits when it comes to Lee and Mum and Dad coming to be honest I see them every day so there's no conversation really cos I haven't done anything apart from lie on this bloody bed.
Lorna and Lee came tonight, Lee told me all about the quiz night and it showed that he'd had a good time and had relaxed a bit, exactly what I wanted him to get out of it. Sue had apparently made a speech about my donation but had broken down halfway through. He said one of the comittee members from the school charity had gotten up and finished the speech for her. I felt so sorry for her that must have been pretty hard. My illness had hit Sue hard we hadn't been friends for more than two years but we were close to each other. Lee told me that Sue was gonna come visit me on Monday night and I was really looking forward to seeing her. I squirmed as a pain shot through me and Lorna sat there with a worried expression on her face when she saw my face.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine the pains a bit bad though"
"Well we'll get a doctor for you then" Lorna suggested.
"Its sunday they don't come round on a sunday" I told her.
"Well let me have a word with one of the nurses and see if they can give you anything extra" she suggested.
"Okay if it makes you feel useful knock yourself out" I replied and managed a smile. Lee gave me a hug.
"I hate all this waiting around"
"I know. Me too at least you can go home at night. I'm sick of being stuck in here just sitting in limbo waiting for something to happen".
"Loraine, how bad is the pain at the minute if you were to score it between one and ten?"
"About an eight"
"And where abouts is it?" The nurse asked me.
"Abdomen and round my back in my kidneys. Do you have a heat pad at all?"
"I can get you one. Do you think it will help?"
"Well it has before I'd like to give it a try"
"I'll go get you one".
"Thanks".
The heatpad was brought over and I put it behind my back the heat helped more or less straight away.
"I've had a word with the doctors again Loraine, they want you to have a think again about a syringe driver. But meantime we're going to increase your pain medication so you can have a booster injection to take the pain away four hourly if you need one. okay?"
"Okay thanks".
"All you need to do is give us a buzz when you think you need one and we'll give you an injection and it should help you okay?"
"Okay thanks". Lorna and Lee were the last ones to leave the ward that night. Marjorie had begun the snoring and Rice krispies shouting out just before they left. They were both laughing and Lee told me to make sure she ordered them for breakfast the next morning.
Monday morning, and I've been told I'm moving again.... although pretty much in agreement with this move. Marjorie kept me awake all night snoring and calling out about bloody rice krispies again. I wasn't surprised when she ordered them for breakfast this morning.
"I'm still on ward 97 but I'm in the next room down on your left its a four bed room" I told Lee when I rang him to let him know where I was.
"So do you want me there ready for the doctors coming round?"
"Yes if you can I'd rather you be with me so I've got another pair of ears" I told him.
"What time then?"
"Best thing to do is ring them ask them what time they're expected and say you want to be here for a chat see what response you get?"
"Okay I'll give them a ring darl and then I'll ring you back".
"Okay thanks". All the beds in the room where I am are occupied I'll give you a brief run down. In bed one is Sadie, she's probably late seventies. She has cancer and its in her spine but its affecting her arms and she can't use them so she needs feeding, washing etc. She seems quite chirpy considering. In bed two we have Muriel I think she's probably early seventies she seems able to get up and about but again has some form of cancer. She's talked about her son so I guess thats her only visitor and she watches her TV a lot. She's not very talktative though. I'm in bed three and in bed four we have Jean she has told me she has terminal cancer too but they're making arrangements to discharge her home hopefully tomorrow. She's really looking forward to it I'm not sure how long she's been in. I've told them all today that i'm waiting to see surgeons regarding an operation, they all seemed surprised.
The phone above my bed rang and i answered it, it was Lee "It took me ages to get through darl, they said they're not sure if the surgical team are doing rounds today. But she says Dr Jagdev should be coming round so I'm going to get there for about ten thirty. That okay with you?"
"Yes thats fine love".
"Your mum and dad are going to come up and take over at two o'clock and then Sue will be coming to see you at nightime. I think I'll be coming back then as well".
"Thats great. Thanks Lee".
"Don't thank me. I'll see you soon, love you".
"Love you too".
Jean looked over at me "Was that your husband?"
"Yes he's coming in early in the hope we can get a date sorted out for my operation" I told her. "We've only been married since January".
"Aw thats nice. My husband died ten years ago, it was cancer took him as well" she told me.
"Sorry to hear that Jean" I sympathised.
"Its a long time ago now at least I know he'll be waiting for me when I go" she shed a tear and I got off my bed and gave her a hug.
"Its a shitty disease, isn't it Jean? I'm lucky Lee knew I was terminal when he proposed to me and still wanted to take me on".
"You must have a good one there".
"Yeah I think so. I met him on holiday you know it was a holiday romance and instead of bringing back a stick of rock I brought back Lee".
"Oh thats lovely a real mills and boon story" she smiled.
"Yep. I got a good one" I smiled. "Right, I'm off to get a wash and make myself look gorgeous before he turns up... well as gorgeous as I can look with hair that needs washing and pyjamas on that are too big" I laughed. "See you in a bit".
"Hi darl, hows you?"
"Nervous. I just want them to give me a date now, then we know whats happening and when I hate all this waiting around".
"Hows your pain?"
"Not great" just as I said that the house doctor on the ward I forget her name and my named nurse for the day turned up.
"So you didn't have a good night Loraine did you?" I looked at Lee and he scowled cos I hadn't told him.
"Nope not really the abdominal pain and pain in my back is pretty excruciating and seems to get worse on a night when i lie down to go to sleep".
"Loraine, we want to put a syringe driver up, just until we know we have your pain under control. It will give you a constant release. You've had one before you know how they work" she tried to persuade me.
"I'd rather not. You don't understand a syringe driver limits my independance. I have to hold it so only have on hand free. That means I can't go to the loo alone because I can't undo my stoma bag to empty it. I can't change my stoma bag on my own and I can't have a bloody shower or a bath cos its not allowed to get wet. No, no and final answer no".
"No its not like that. There is a bag you can put it in that goes over your shoulder freeing up your hands". She added again.
"I think you will find that there isn't one single syringe driver bag in this hospital I've had enough of them to know. You couldn't provide me with one before and unless a miracles happened nothings changed" I told her.
"Well I'm pretty sure" she frowned now and looked at the nurse.
"I'll check" the nurse said and she turned back to me again.
"If we could get you a bag would you let us put you on a syringe driver just until the pains under control?" she asked me.
"If you can get a bag fine I'll give it a go. But the minute I ask for it to be taken down... i want it down, okay?"
"Okay deal".
"You okay?" Lee asked.
"Just give me a hug!" I ordered and he squeezed me tightly. "If I get pissed off with it it comes down and you have to back me on this okay?"
"Okay love no problem you know I'll support you no matter what your decision is".
"Thanks". Half an hour later they turned up with a syringe driver and a makeshift bag made from some tubigrip... weird to look at and not quite long enough but it did the trick and freed my hands so I agreed to let them put some drugs in it and set it up. Once loaded it lasts twelve hours at a time before it needs loading up again. (Knowing my luck it would go off just during a change over on shift. The alarm on it drives you crackers!) "Okay all done we're gonna carry on with your fluids for now but we will know more later". the nurse told me as she set up the syringe driver.
"When are the surgical team coming about the operation?" I asked her.
"Mm we're not sure but we will chase it for you again now" she promised me.
"Well Lee's been here since ten its not fair we need to know sooner rather than later cos he needs some rest".
"I'll chase it for you now. You should find the pain gets easier but if it kicks in again let us know and we can give you a booster and rejig things okay?"
"Okay".
At two o'clock just as visting began the little doctor appeared at my the bottom of my bed.
"Um I'm afraid there's been a delay with the meeting there was an emergency the meeting was postponed it looks like its going to be tomorrow now" the house doctor told us.
"You're joking?" Lee looked at her not happy.
"Erm no I'm afraid not".
"Do you realise we've been waiting for a decision since Friday its not fair" he explained to her. "Loraine has enough going on without being stressed with delays and you lot again. The same thing happened when she was awaiting her first operation in 2010 and in the time it took them to make the decision it spread meaning she needed a hysterectomy as well as a partial bowel disection. We know its aggresive and we know Loraine's terminal but that shouldn't give you the oportunity to allow this cancer to grow and shorten her life even more".
"I do apologise but I can only go by what I've been told" She said looking at her feet. I felt a tad sorry for her as she was only the go between.
"Well I don't suppose its your fault" Lee said and sat down "Its just annoying all this waiting around. Will they definitely be round tomorrow?"
"As far as I'm aware it won't be delayed again". The doctor walked away and Lee gave me a hug. "Sorry but this is pathetic all this waiting about and then swapping and changing. "Are you okay if I get off for a bit get something to eat and I'll be back up tonight to see you?"
"No thats fine you get yourself off. You look knackered" I replied and gave him a hug. "If anything changes I'll ring you if not I'll see you at six. I love you".
"I love you too", Lee replied and gave me a hug.
Six o'clock visiting arrived and in with it came Sue copeman and her dad John it was so good to see them both. John gave me a grin and a big hug I hadn't expected him to come so it was nice surprise. I call John daddy number three. Number one is obviously my dad, number two is Lee's dad Barry and number three is John he looks out for me.
"I wasn't expecting you" I grinned
"Well you visited me I wanted to see what nutters you were in with?"
"Well yesterday you would have met Marjorie, snores loudly looks like a witch and kept shouting out Rice Krispies but this lot are just like having your grannies around its great. Not as entertaining as your ward was" I reminded him. Just as John sat down Lee appeared.
"Hiya darl sorry I'm late"
"Don't worry you've been here more than you've been away" I reminded him.
"Hiya sis" Lee greeted Sue with a hug and then shook hands with John, "Hi John".
"So are you alright?" Sue asked and I smiled.
"Yeah I'm fine just sick of all this waiting around waiting for them to make a bloody decision about this operation. I feel like i'm in limbo"
"You look rough" she said smiling.
"Cheers I can always count on you to cheer me up fatty" I said grinning and she grinned back.
"Oi skinny no need for the attitude" we laughed we were always poking fun at one another.
"I was just telling John that the most entertaining thing I've had all week is Marjorie with her rice krispies shouting thats as good as it gets not like when Sue and I visited John in Bradford General now that was entertainment". Lee hadn't heard the story of Johns in hospital stay and he was in stitches as he listened about the goings on.
John had needed surgery on his veins in his leg due to this diabetes and he'd been in hospital for about a week when Sue and I had gone to visit him during one of my weekend visits over to her house. It had been rather funny as he was in a four bed room and one of the fellas in with him was an alchoholic who had an infection in his leg and was having treatment via leeches being placed on his leg and bandaged around it. He was there on a morning and then would disappear either to the off licence for some beer or to the pub for the afternoon. Without the nursing staff even noticing then he'd come back intoxicated and snored loudly on his bed til teatime. He would go walkabout when the nightshift changed over so that none of them really noticed him disappearing then he would come back in pissed as a fart and open the window for his girfriend to climb in then she'd get in bed with him after he'd pulled the curtains round and winked at his fellow patients. This would be followed by very noisy sexy again that none of the staff noticed. Although John and his three comrades had to put up with. One of the mornings he'd been caught and she'd been barred from visiting but the following night she was back again. John and his fellow comrades were totally gobsmacked at his cheek. They appeared whilst we were visiting both pissed and him holding a carrier with some special brew in. She asked one of the lads to use his mobile and he willingly handed it over to her, she was on it ranting and raving down the phone at some poor bugger for over half an hour. Sue and I sat their in stitches who needed TV this was great. Oh to live in Bradford! Visiting was definitely a more cheerful episode that night. Sue was really quiet though and kept on glancing at me with a concerned expression every time she thought I wasn't looking. Lee and John chatted away and I stared at her.
"You're quiet"
"Are you eating?"
"Nope, no appetite and the grub in here is terrible".
"Well I brought you chocolate" she grinned. "Put it in your locker maybe you'll fancy it later".
"Okay I will thanks Sue".
"You will take care won't you?"
"Yes I will. I am. Just wish they'd come tell me when the operations gonna be then I can focus on the future I feel like I'm in limbo. But I should know tomorrow for definate. They've promised me this time. I'm putting a complaint in if they don't show tomorrow".
"I don't blame you and if you don't I will" she assured me.
"Thanks Sue".
"You're welcome. Give us a hug and when you get out of here you can come to mine to recuperate I'd love to have you".
"Sounds lovely. You know I love your place its so peaceful". I can't believe that visit passed as fast as it did but it perhaps had something to do with having something to talk about finally. John had kept us all entertained with tales of his hospital stay. I hadn't laughed so much in ages. It has concerned me how quiet Sue was though. Lee stayed while Sue and John left.
"You're smiling"
"I know, it was good to see them both. Maybe I'd be better off in Bradford General, more entertaining".
"I can't believe all that was true" Lee said looking at me.
"It is believe me I couldn't believe how rough they were" I grinned.
"Well at least you won't have Marjorie shouting about Rice Krispies tonight".
"Yes I suppose you're right".
"Hows the syringe driver doing for you?"
"Bloody in the way" I replied smiling.
"Hows your pain?"
"Better, so I guess its working" I replied.
"Right I will see you tomorrow. I'll aim on coming for two o'clock at normal visiting unless I get a phonecall otherwise to come earlier. So speak to whatever nurse you have tomorrow. Explain we want to be there to talk to the surgical team about the operation and ask if we have to come in early can someone give us a ring?"
"Yes okay I will".
"Night then sleep well"
"Night Lee" I gave him a kiss and watched him walk off the ward.
"He seems nice your husband"
"He is" I told Jean. "A lovely man".
"Enjoy whatever you have left together" Jean told me smiling.
"I intend to Jean. If they don't come and see me about this operation tomorrow I'm bloody discharging myself sick to death of waiting".
"You still haven't heard anything?"
"Nope but I guess no news is good news?"
"Aye perhaps you're right love" she replied and I lay down in my bed waiting to fall asleep.
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