Sunday morning arrived and I had some weetabix and a cup of tea for breakfast and went back to sleep again.
"Loraine, we're gonna be moving you in the next half an hour to a two bed room on ward 97, so if you want to start packing your stuff up for us?" Amy asked as she came into my room an hour later.
"Okay yes no problem it shouldn't take long. Do you know what I do with the TV thingy because I've prepaid for three nights?" I asked her.
"Oh yes if you go onto the home screen there's an option on there for moving beds so you need to select that you're moving beds, when you get into your new ward you go onto the home screen again and select new bed and it should let you just carry on with your subscription."
"Okay thanks Amy".
Ward 97 looked okay it was a large ward but only had two beds opposite each other. One bed was occupied by a lady called Marjorie. Marjorie is scary to look at she resembles the witch I remember seeing in a book about Hansel and Gretel she has a long crooked nose and hairs on her chin. To top it off half an hour later she was snoring loudly. I tried making conversation that afternoon but it was like talking to a stone so I gave up in the end and put the telly on. After a couple of phonecalls visiting was re-arranged so mum and dad came up in the afternoon to see me. I've already spoken to Lee and he's knackered after the beer and quiz night so he's setting off from Sue's later on and going to pick Lorna up and bring her with him for evening visiting. Mum and dad appeared and once again mum came armed with food cheese and crackers this time, along with some apples. Lunch was vile.
"I'll try an apple" I took one of them off her.
"They're nice aren't they?" she asked smiling. To be fair she was right the apple was really juicy and quite nice. But it didn't feel like I was swallowing it properly.
"Sorry mum I just feel like its getting stuck in my throat. I'm gonna have to leave it?"
"Well is there anything else we can get you?"
"No I'm fine honestly. I feel a bit sick so I best leave it" I poured myself a drink of juice and swallowed it back. It still feels like the apples stuck though and its giving me heartburn. Dad asked me what the ladies name was opposite.
"Oh the witch thats Marjorie. She has a thing for rice krispies" I told him.
"What do you mean?"
"Well she sleeps, stares right through me, never utters a word and then goes to sleep, snores loudly and shouts about Rice Krispies.. whether she wants some or she's had some for breakfast I have no idea. Soon find out tomorrow morning". Dad laughed and mum looked puzzled. Their visit was cut short when dad realised he would have to pay an extra hours car parking if they stayed until four cos it had taken them a while to find a space so he wanted to leave in time to get back to the car before an extra hours parking was added on. I wasn't best impressed that he begrudged paying for carparking to visit me. However just after they left I vomitted what I'd eaten of the apple so it was probably just as well they left when they did. Vomitting bits of apple is not a nice process trust me it hurts like hell! I'm struggling with visits when it comes to Lee and Mum and Dad coming to be honest I see them every day so there's no conversation really cos I haven't done anything apart from lie on this bloody bed.
Lorna and Lee came tonight, Lee told me all about the quiz night and it showed that he'd had a good time and had relaxed a bit, exactly what I wanted him to get out of it. Sue had apparently made a speech about my donation but had broken down halfway through. He said one of the comittee members from the school charity had gotten up and finished the speech for her. I felt so sorry for her that must have been pretty hard. My illness had hit Sue hard we hadn't been friends for more than two years but we were close to each other. Lee told me that Sue was gonna come visit me on Monday night and I was really looking forward to seeing her. I squirmed as a pain shot through me and Lorna sat there with a worried expression on her face when she saw my face.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine the pains a bit bad though"
"Well we'll get a doctor for you then" Lorna suggested.
"Its sunday they don't come round on a sunday" I told her.
"Well let me have a word with one of the nurses and see if they can give you anything extra" she suggested.
"Okay if it makes you feel useful knock yourself out" I replied and managed a smile. Lee gave me a hug.
"I hate all this waiting around"
"I know. Me too at least you can go home at night. I'm sick of being stuck in here just sitting in limbo waiting for something to happen".
"Loraine, how bad is the pain at the minute if you were to score it between one and ten?"
"About an eight"
"And where abouts is it?" The nurse asked me.
"Abdomen and round my back in my kidneys. Do you have a heat pad at all?"
"I can get you one. Do you think it will help?"
"Well it has before I'd like to give it a try"
"I'll go get you one".
"Thanks".
The heatpad was brought over and I put it behind my back the heat helped more or less straight away.
"I've had a word with the doctors again Loraine, they want you to have a think again about a syringe driver. But meantime we're going to increase your pain medication so you can have a booster injection to take the pain away four hourly if you need one. okay?"
"Okay thanks".
"All you need to do is give us a buzz when you think you need one and we'll give you an injection and it should help you okay?"
"Okay thanks". Lorna and Lee were the last ones to leave the ward that night. Marjorie had begun the snoring and Rice krispies shouting out just before they left. They were both laughing and Lee told me to make sure she ordered them for breakfast the next morning.
Monday morning, and I've been told I'm moving again.... although pretty much in agreement with this move. Marjorie kept me awake all night snoring and calling out about bloody rice krispies again. I wasn't surprised when she ordered them for breakfast this morning.
"I'm still on ward 97 but I'm in the next room down on your left its a four bed room" I told Lee when I rang him to let him know where I was.
"So do you want me there ready for the doctors coming round?"
"Yes if you can I'd rather you be with me so I've got another pair of ears" I told him.
"What time then?"
"Best thing to do is ring them ask them what time they're expected and say you want to be here for a chat see what response you get?"
"Okay I'll give them a ring darl and then I'll ring you back".
"Okay thanks". All the beds in the room where I am are occupied I'll give you a brief run down. In bed one is Sadie, she's probably late seventies. She has cancer and its in her spine but its affecting her arms and she can't use them so she needs feeding, washing etc. She seems quite chirpy considering. In bed two we have Muriel I think she's probably early seventies she seems able to get up and about but again has some form of cancer. She's talked about her son so I guess thats her only visitor and she watches her TV a lot. She's not very talktative though. I'm in bed three and in bed four we have Jean she has told me she has terminal cancer too but they're making arrangements to discharge her home hopefully tomorrow. She's really looking forward to it I'm not sure how long she's been in. I've told them all today that i'm waiting to see surgeons regarding an operation, they all seemed surprised.
The phone above my bed rang and i answered it, it was Lee "It took me ages to get through darl, they said they're not sure if the surgical team are doing rounds today. But she says Dr Jagdev should be coming round so I'm going to get there for about ten thirty. That okay with you?"
"Yes thats fine love".
"Your mum and dad are going to come up and take over at two o'clock and then Sue will be coming to see you at nightime. I think I'll be coming back then as well".
"Thats great. Thanks Lee".
"Don't thank me. I'll see you soon, love you".
"Love you too".
Jean looked over at me "Was that your husband?"
"Yes he's coming in early in the hope we can get a date sorted out for my operation" I told her. "We've only been married since January".
"Aw thats nice. My husband died ten years ago, it was cancer took him as well" she told me.
"Sorry to hear that Jean" I sympathised.
"Its a long time ago now at least I know he'll be waiting for me when I go" she shed a tear and I got off my bed and gave her a hug.
"Its a shitty disease, isn't it Jean? I'm lucky Lee knew I was terminal when he proposed to me and still wanted to take me on".
"You must have a good one there".
"Yeah I think so. I met him on holiday you know it was a holiday romance and instead of bringing back a stick of rock I brought back Lee".
"Oh thats lovely a real mills and boon story" she smiled.
"Yep. I got a good one" I smiled. "Right, I'm off to get a wash and make myself look gorgeous before he turns up... well as gorgeous as I can look with hair that needs washing and pyjamas on that are too big" I laughed. "See you in a bit".
"Hi darl, hows you?"
"Nervous. I just want them to give me a date now, then we know whats happening and when I hate all this waiting around".
"Hows your pain?"
"Not great" just as I said that the house doctor on the ward I forget her name and my named nurse for the day turned up.
"So you didn't have a good night Loraine did you?" I looked at Lee and he scowled cos I hadn't told him.
"Nope not really the abdominal pain and pain in my back is pretty excruciating and seems to get worse on a night when i lie down to go to sleep".
"Loraine, we want to put a syringe driver up, just until we know we have your pain under control. It will give you a constant release. You've had one before you know how they work" she tried to persuade me.
"I'd rather not. You don't understand a syringe driver limits my independance. I have to hold it so only have on hand free. That means I can't go to the loo alone because I can't undo my stoma bag to empty it. I can't change my stoma bag on my own and I can't have a bloody shower or a bath cos its not allowed to get wet. No, no and final answer no".
"No its not like that. There is a bag you can put it in that goes over your shoulder freeing up your hands". She added again.
"I think you will find that there isn't one single syringe driver bag in this hospital I've had enough of them to know. You couldn't provide me with one before and unless a miracles happened nothings changed" I told her.
"Well I'm pretty sure" she frowned now and looked at the nurse.
"I'll check" the nurse said and she turned back to me again.
"If we could get you a bag would you let us put you on a syringe driver just until the pains under control?" she asked me.
"If you can get a bag fine I'll give it a go. But the minute I ask for it to be taken down... i want it down, okay?"
"Okay deal".
"You okay?" Lee asked.
"Just give me a hug!" I ordered and he squeezed me tightly. "If I get pissed off with it it comes down and you have to back me on this okay?"
"Okay love no problem you know I'll support you no matter what your decision is".
"Thanks". Half an hour later they turned up with a syringe driver and a makeshift bag made from some tubigrip... weird to look at and not quite long enough but it did the trick and freed my hands so I agreed to let them put some drugs in it and set it up. Once loaded it lasts twelve hours at a time before it needs loading up again. (Knowing my luck it would go off just during a change over on shift. The alarm on it drives you crackers!) "Okay all done we're gonna carry on with your fluids for now but we will know more later". the nurse told me as she set up the syringe driver.
"When are the surgical team coming about the operation?" I asked her.
"Mm we're not sure but we will chase it for you again now" she promised me.
"Well Lee's been here since ten its not fair we need to know sooner rather than later cos he needs some rest".
"I'll chase it for you now. You should find the pain gets easier but if it kicks in again let us know and we can give you a booster and rejig things okay?"
"Okay".
At two o'clock just as visting began the little doctor appeared at my the bottom of my bed.
"Um I'm afraid there's been a delay with the meeting there was an emergency the meeting was postponed it looks like its going to be tomorrow now" the house doctor told us.
"You're joking?" Lee looked at her not happy.
"Erm no I'm afraid not".
"Do you realise we've been waiting for a decision since Friday its not fair" he explained to her. "Loraine has enough going on without being stressed with delays and you lot again. The same thing happened when she was awaiting her first operation in 2010 and in the time it took them to make the decision it spread meaning she needed a hysterectomy as well as a partial bowel disection. We know its aggresive and we know Loraine's terminal but that shouldn't give you the oportunity to allow this cancer to grow and shorten her life even more".
"I do apologise but I can only go by what I've been told" She said looking at her feet. I felt a tad sorry for her as she was only the go between.
"Well I don't suppose its your fault" Lee said and sat down "Its just annoying all this waiting around. Will they definitely be round tomorrow?"
"As far as I'm aware it won't be delayed again". The doctor walked away and Lee gave me a hug. "Sorry but this is pathetic all this waiting about and then swapping and changing. "Are you okay if I get off for a bit get something to eat and I'll be back up tonight to see you?"
"No thats fine you get yourself off. You look knackered" I replied and gave him a hug. "If anything changes I'll ring you if not I'll see you at six. I love you".
"I love you too", Lee replied and gave me a hug.
Six o'clock visiting arrived and in with it came Sue copeman and her dad John it was so good to see them both. John gave me a grin and a big hug I hadn't expected him to come so it was nice surprise. I call John daddy number three. Number one is obviously my dad, number two is Lee's dad Barry and number three is John he looks out for me.
"I wasn't expecting you" I grinned
"Well you visited me I wanted to see what nutters you were in with?"
"Well yesterday you would have met Marjorie, snores loudly looks like a witch and kept shouting out Rice Krispies but this lot are just like having your grannies around its great. Not as entertaining as your ward was" I reminded him. Just as John sat down Lee appeared.
"Hiya darl sorry I'm late"
"Don't worry you've been here more than you've been away" I reminded him.
"Hiya sis" Lee greeted Sue with a hug and then shook hands with John, "Hi John".
"So are you alright?" Sue asked and I smiled.
"Yeah I'm fine just sick of all this waiting around waiting for them to make a bloody decision about this operation. I feel like i'm in limbo"
"You look rough" she said smiling.
"Cheers I can always count on you to cheer me up fatty" I said grinning and she grinned back.
"Oi skinny no need for the attitude" we laughed we were always poking fun at one another.
"I was just telling John that the most entertaining thing I've had all week is Marjorie with her rice krispies shouting thats as good as it gets not like when Sue and I visited John in Bradford General now that was entertainment". Lee hadn't heard the story of Johns in hospital stay and he was in stitches as he listened about the goings on.
John had needed surgery on his veins in his leg due to this diabetes and he'd been in hospital for about a week when Sue and I had gone to visit him during one of my weekend visits over to her house. It had been rather funny as he was in a four bed room and one of the fellas in with him was an alchoholic who had an infection in his leg and was having treatment via leeches being placed on his leg and bandaged around it. He was there on a morning and then would disappear either to the off licence for some beer or to the pub for the afternoon. Without the nursing staff even noticing then he'd come back intoxicated and snored loudly on his bed til teatime. He would go walkabout when the nightshift changed over so that none of them really noticed him disappearing then he would come back in pissed as a fart and open the window for his girfriend to climb in then she'd get in bed with him after he'd pulled the curtains round and winked at his fellow patients. This would be followed by very noisy sexy again that none of the staff noticed. Although John and his three comrades had to put up with. One of the mornings he'd been caught and she'd been barred from visiting but the following night she was back again. John and his fellow comrades were totally gobsmacked at his cheek. They appeared whilst we were visiting both pissed and him holding a carrier with some special brew in. She asked one of the lads to use his mobile and he willingly handed it over to her, she was on it ranting and raving down the phone at some poor bugger for over half an hour. Sue and I sat their in stitches who needed TV this was great. Oh to live in Bradford! Visiting was definitely a more cheerful episode that night. Sue was really quiet though and kept on glancing at me with a concerned expression every time she thought I wasn't looking. Lee and John chatted away and I stared at her.
"You're quiet"
"Are you eating?"
"Nope, no appetite and the grub in here is terrible".
"Well I brought you chocolate" she grinned. "Put it in your locker maybe you'll fancy it later".
"Okay I will thanks Sue".
"You will take care won't you?"
"Yes I will. I am. Just wish they'd come tell me when the operations gonna be then I can focus on the future I feel like I'm in limbo. But I should know tomorrow for definate. They've promised me this time. I'm putting a complaint in if they don't show tomorrow".
"I don't blame you and if you don't I will" she assured me.
"Thanks Sue".
"You're welcome. Give us a hug and when you get out of here you can come to mine to recuperate I'd love to have you".
"Sounds lovely. You know I love your place its so peaceful". I can't believe that visit passed as fast as it did but it perhaps had something to do with having something to talk about finally. John had kept us all entertained with tales of his hospital stay. I hadn't laughed so much in ages. It has concerned me how quiet Sue was though. Lee stayed while Sue and John left.
"You're smiling"
"I know, it was good to see them both. Maybe I'd be better off in Bradford General, more entertaining".
"I can't believe all that was true" Lee said looking at me.
"It is believe me I couldn't believe how rough they were" I grinned.
"Well at least you won't have Marjorie shouting about Rice Krispies tonight".
"Yes I suppose you're right".
"Hows the syringe driver doing for you?"
"Bloody in the way" I replied smiling.
"Hows your pain?"
"Better, so I guess its working" I replied.
"Right I will see you tomorrow. I'll aim on coming for two o'clock at normal visiting unless I get a phonecall otherwise to come earlier. So speak to whatever nurse you have tomorrow. Explain we want to be there to talk to the surgical team about the operation and ask if we have to come in early can someone give us a ring?"
"Yes okay I will".
"Night then sleep well"
"Night Lee" I gave him a kiss and watched him walk off the ward.
"He seems nice your husband"
"He is" I told Jean. "A lovely man".
"Enjoy whatever you have left together" Jean told me smiling.
"I intend to Jean. If they don't come and see me about this operation tomorrow I'm bloody discharging myself sick to death of waiting".
"You still haven't heard anything?"
"Nope but I guess no news is good news?"
"Aye perhaps you're right love" she replied and I lay down in my bed waiting to fall asleep.
Saturday 23 June 2012
20th April - 21st April - Operation oh god!
"Its getting late" I wiped my tears looking up at Lee.
"Yes but I think we should wait to I can see the surgeons with you.".
"I know that love but it could be the early hours of the morning before they turn up and that multi-storey car park shuts early. You don't want to get stranded and not be able to get out".
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"I might have another wobble but I'll manage, go on you look knackered go. Can you call in and tell my mum and dad for me. I'd rather they heard it face to face.
"Okay I'll call in at the club to see your dad and then we can both go tell your mum".
"Thanks".
Antonietta called in to see me as Lee left. "Do you want me to give you something to perhaps help you sleep tonight Loraine?"
"Yes I'd like that I think I'll need something" as soon as the words left my mouth I began to cry again.
"Aw Loraine, come here" Antonietta put her arms round me and pulled me into a hug. "I don't know what to say love, Cancer just stinks doesn't it?" I nodded through my tears. "Do you think there is any way they would let me stay on this ward tonight Antonietta there's no way I can face sharing a room at the minute."
" Don't worry I've been on to the bed manager and I've explained you're really distressed and that i think we should keep you here tonight. She's not an ogre and understands why, she's doing her best to make it so you can stay here as well."
"Thank you so much."
"Hey its okay hows Lee handling the fact that its back"
"Well outwardly he's just saying don't worry love its just more chemo or surgery you'll get through this. Problem is Antonietta I don't think I could cope with more surgery and possibly another bag.."
"Lets just take one step at a time and see what the surgeons say". There was a knock on the door at that point and two men wearing scrubs stood in the doorway.
"Loraine McEvoy?"
"That's me!" I replied.
"We haven't met before. But we've been asked to take a look at your CT scan and the options of surgery." My eyes filled with tears I couldn't help it the thought of another op scared me more than dying. Antonietta made her excuses and left the room to leave us to talk.
"Can I just stop you there," The man stopped speaking and looked at me.
"If I said game over and that I didn't want any surgery what would you say?"
"I would say think again. The surgery will give you longer and to be honest we don't have any option. This isn't optional surgery..."
"I don't understand"
"Okay what do you know of the spread and how the tumour stands just now?"
"I've been told that its grown into a mass and has blocked off part of my bowel causing and obstruction and has also torn it slightly leaving me with the chance of contracting peritonitis which will mean game over anyway?"
"Ah right" he cast a look at his colleague and then looked back at me. "That's not entirely the whole story. It hasn't just stopped at your bowel you see its grown behind your bowel Loraine its made contact with your stoma, if I'm right you've been getting lots of pain when you change your bags and press on the site where your stoma is situated, is that right?"
"Yes"
"And the reason why you've been getting so many urine infections is that we suspect you right urethra tube has also become involved with the cancer and possibly the right kidney too." Tears began to fall again. "I hear you are newly married so we need to get you well again so we can give you a little longer with your husband, okay?" I nodded and listened.
"And when will that be?"
"Well if you were at deaths door we would have been talking taking you into theatre tonight. But, you're not so we're possibly looking at next week. We need to reconstruct your stoma again, who did your original surgery?"
"It was at Pinderfields hospital in Wakefield by Mr Chalhal"
"Right so we need to find you a Urologist from here or see if Mr Chalhal is willing to come here to do the surgery. It will be pretty much the same as your last operation I imagine there will be two surgeons from general surgery and two surgeons from the urology side to do the stoma reconstruction it will be a long complicated operation but I'm sure it can be done" he assured me. "There will be a big meeting held tomorrow at which point your case will be discussed and decisions will me made and then we will come back to you with the dates of your surgery."
"Okay thanks". And that was it he was really reassuring and I felt quite upbeat about it all when he left. I rang Lee to ask about how it had gone with mum and dad and briefly spoke to them then I told him what the surgeons had said.
"As much as I'm dreading it, it gives us hope and possibly the chance of a little bit longer with each other although I'll probably be off my feet for a few months afterwards".
"Well its better than nothing. We'll come in tomorrow for Dr Jagdev's rounds in the morning I had a word and the registrar said it wouldn't be a problem and understood we would have questions she said to come in around ten o'clock but if anything changes let me know".
"Okay love I will night and sleep well". I'd just put the phone down when Antonietta re-appeared to do my new fluids.
"Where they nice what did they have to say?" she asked me.
"Well it looks like I'm having surgery from what they've said I don't have any options left but its not an emergency yet unless peritonitis kicks in. They can't give me an exact date just yet but will know more after a meeting that should be happening tomorrow morning. Will Dr Jagdev be able to tell me more tomorrow on rounds?"
"I Imagine so she will be at the meeting so may know more".
"The registrar said it would be okay for Lee and my parents to come in during rounds tomorrow so they could put any questions to Dr Jagdev, so I just wanted to check if this was okay with you?"
"Of course they can, that will be fine I'll square it with ward sister in the morning."
"Great thanks".
"Right I'll go get your fluids and your antibiotics and I'll be right back".
"There may be a problem" I told her.
"Whats that?"
"I appear to have sprung a leak" I showed her my hand.
"Yes you have your cannula needs re-siting so I best find a doctor first."
"Could we delay it by ten minutes so I can have a shower beforehand and get ready for bed?"
"Yes, two minutes" she disappeared and brought back some towels. "You're not moving beds I just found out so you're here for the night as soon as you get out the shower though I need you to beep me and I'll get a doctor to redo the cannula".
"Can't you do it?"
"Well I can give it a go if that's what you want. I just don't want to hurt you."
"Trust me you can't be any worse than some of the idiots I've had."
"Okay i will give it a go you go have your shower". She said disconnecting me from the drip stand. I took my time in the shower contemplating the thought of yet another operation and them redoing my stoma. It was a scary thought. My time in Pinderfields in 2010 hadn't been plain sailing and I'd hated being in hospital away from everyone. But, I guess they knew best and it needed to be done. At least Lee and Mum and dad would be here for ward rounds in the morning maybe seeing Dr Jagdev and her team would give me more information.
Antonietta actually re sited my cannula without too much pain I was pleasantly surprised she brought with her two sleeping tablets and I took them in the hope they would knock me out. The last thing I needed was time to think.
Lee turned up the next morning with Mum and Dad in tow ready for the medical team coming round. There were quite a few tears shed from my mum, and my dads eyes filled up a few times. I was examined when Dr Jagdev came round then she asked me what the surgeons had said the night before.
"Well they said I have no choice that they will have to carry out an operation as my stoma is blocked and it needs to be re-sited away from the cancer in order for it to drain as normal" I told her.
"Well what's going to happen is there will be a meeting regarding your case involving all the surgical teams needed on Monday morning a decision will then be made with regards to surgery and when it takes place and what it will involve. We will then come and see you and advise you what has been decided. Do you have any questions?" she asked my mum and dad.
"I thought the meeting was taking place today?" My mum and dad asked.
"The general surgeons aren't in today. The on call team that saw Loraine yesterday had forgotten it was Friday and that the meeting wouldn't happen on a Saturday, I'm sorry".
"Is there a risk with the surgery that we could loose Loraine?" Dad asked.
"Yes there's a risk with any surgery and obviously with the spread of the cancer and the fact that Loraine's cancer has proven to be so aggressive gives a bigger risk to life. But if we don't operate we don't have any other options. We gave Loraine the strongest chemotherapy that we had and unfortunately instead of helping Loraine's tumours and shrinking them they have metastasised and exploded into a greater mass."
"Can I have this PICC line taken out and a new one putting in? They're having to canulate me because its blocked and its been re sited ten times since Thursday and trust me when you don't have any veins it bloody hurts" I moaned.
"Yes we can arrange for that to be done later this afternoon for you Loraine. Then we will look at putting a new one in prior to surgery".
"Okay thanks".
"Right we will be back to see you on Monday, okay?"
"Okay thanks".
Well we had all the answers the only option was surgery and even that wasn't guaranteed. Lee gave me a cuddle when Dr Jagdev left and mum sat on the bed.
"You'll get through this"
"I know" I smiled at her. "Don't worry. But, you best be making tracks if you're coming back to visit later, otherwise you'll have no time".
"Yes okay."
"And so you know, Lee is going to the charity quiz thing that Sue has arranged tonight and he's stopping over. He needs to go because Sue needs the money I'm donating to the kids and I'm glad he's going so he needs a break".
"Oh okay", mum looked unsure.
"So no giving him a hard time because I've asked him to go. You and dad are coming this afternoon which means Lee can get off and Jenna's coming up later with Sam so visits are sorted out".
"Okay, anything you fancy us bringing later?"
"No mum I'm fine. oh actually maybe some more magazines or puzzle things would be good I'm getting a tad bored again".
"Okay love" she gave me a kiss and walked to the door.
"You have a good time" I told Lee "and tell everyone I wish I could be there and I'm sorry I wasn't okay?" My eyes filled with tears cos I really did envy him being able to go. Lee looked at me concerned and cupped my face.
"I won't go if its going to upset you not being there..."
"You bloody will Sue's relying on that money. Which reminds me I'll walk you down to the cash point and draw out the money I haven't given you it yet".
"Well I was gonna get you to write a cheque cos I brought the cheque book for you"
"No I promised cash and cash it will be, come on help me into my dressing gown".
"Okay love". I walked them all to the lift drip stand in tow and headed to the cashpoint. Lee handed me my bank cards and I handed him the cash. Stupid cashpoint would only let me take £250 though so I had to take the money out of two seperate bank accounts. I gave Lee an extra £50.
"Whats that for?"
"To make sure you have a good time and buy a few drinks for Sue and Nick etc" I owe them big style. Lee gave me a hug and a kiss. I said bye to mum and dad and headed to the shop to see if I could tempt myself with anything. I bought a bar of dairy milk and headed back to the lift and back to my room. I rang Sue when I got back to the room and told her I'd given Lee the money for the charity auction and told her how sorry I was not to be going.
"You just get better Mrs McEvoy and I'll come see you real soon. Thanks again for the donation they are overwhelmed at the school especially since they know what you're going through".
"Tell them I'm still human and know a good cause when I see one and to spend it wisely".
"I will".
"And make sure Lee lets his hair down and enjoys himself".
"I will Nick and dad will be there to look after him along with Simon and Kim".
"Okay I will say goodbye cos I fancy a nap before visiting starts again".
"Alright bye friend"
"Bye".
"Loraine? Loraine?" The Scottish voice woke me up and I half expected seeing one of my relatives at the bottom of my hospital bed. Instead it was one of the doctors I'd seen on rounds with Dr Jagdev on Saturday.
"I've been assigned to remove your PICC line for you. Its not working anymore is that right?"
"Um yes that's right".
"Okay well I'll just go and get some bits and pieces then I'll be back"
"Okay thanks".
He looked quite nervous as he began pulling on the wire, I felt a tugging sensation and looked away but it didn't hurt it just felt really weird. Within seconds it was done, I couldn't believe the length of the wire that had been sitting inside me since October it was double my arm length almost. The doctor taking it out told me his name and I'm sure it was something Scottish but for the life in me I cannot remember his name.
"Right all done Loraine, just press on there for me a minute you're bleeding slightly I'll just stick the gauze over it and when it stops you can take it off".
"Okay thanks".
"They are gonna schedule for a new one putting in either Monday or Tuesday next week and that should make things easier for you then. I take it you have no veins?"
"Nope they've had to re site the cannula about ten times so far cos my veins keep collapsing. Its bloody painful when you don't have any".
"I bet. Right I better get on see you later". My arm felt a bit tender but it was okay I curled up on my bed and went back for another snooze still feeling tired.
I was surprised when Leona and Jo turned up this afternoon along with my mum and dad I hadn't known Jo was coming but it was nice to see her. We had a good catch up and I told her all about the forthcoming operation and how I wasn't entirely happy about the idea.
"You're bound to be scared Loraine, but if its your only chance, you have to take it love"
"I know. Just dreading it especially if its as bad as it was last time. At least I know what to expect though right?" Mum and dad sat looking lost at the corner of the room. Leona tried to engage them in conversation but I could see she was having a hard time.
"We're gonna go down for a coffee can I get you anything?" Mum asked us all.
"No I'm fine. Are you bored?" I asked her, she looked at me.
"No I just thought we should let you talk with your friends and we'll come back up for the second hour of visiting".
"Oh right. Well yes if you don't mind?"
"Well your dad wants a coffee so I'll go with him. Shall I bring you back anything?"
"No I'm fine honestly".
"Okay give us a kiss and we'll see you soon" Mum said leaning over and giving me a kiss. Dad bent over as far as his belly would allow and gave me a hug.
"Bye Leona, bye Jo see you in a bit" they waved and left.
"Sorry I didn't know you were coming" I apologised to Leona and Jo if I had I'd have re-arranged my mum and dads visit".
"Its okay don't worry about it. We could have gone for a walk though I should have thought"
"No its fine honestly".
"So how are the kids?"
"I haven't seen them yet but apparently Logan's really worried and wants to see me. I just want to get a good day before he comes up. So perhaps Tuesday he'll come with Lee. Jenna's coming to see me with Sam later on tonight".
"Oh is this the new boyfriend then?"
"Yep he's not her type, very shy and reserved and well just not her type. If you have a look on face book you will recognise him he was in CSC whilst you and I were there on Jo Jeffries team I definitely know the face".
"Oh right I'll have a nosey when I get a minute on Ashleigh's face book"
"I forgot you don't have an account. I'll pull it up now" I went onto the Internet opened my face book page and looked up Sam and then showed Jo the picture.
"Yep I know who you mean. Definitely not Jenna's type"
"Exactly" I agreed. I won't give it long though. Don't get me wrong he's really good to her I just think Jenna will get bored cos he's nice".
"You never know he might settle her down" Leona chipped in.
"God I can but hope Leona, but I doubt it". It was nice to see them again I hadn't seen them since our wedding in January. I missed Jo we didn't see so much of each other now cos she was always working stupid shift times. We'd had a really good natter and catch up when mum and dad re-appeared.
"I bought you some muffins" Mum handed me over a pack of five mini muffins from Costa coffee.
"I said I didn't want anything" I told her.
"Well I thought I might be able to tempt you. Save them for later if you don't want them now".
"Okay thanks mum".
"The rains really bad outside love and I'm not keen on driving when its so heavy so we might get off earlier if that's okay with you?" Dad said just after Jo and Leona had said their goodbyes and left.
"Yes okay".
"We can stay if you want?" Mum chipped in scowling at my dad.
"No its fine. I know dads not keen on driving when its raining its fine seriously you get yourselves off. I'm sure I'll find something to amuse myself with".
"If you're sure?"
"Yes I'm sure we can talk later".
"Okay bye then" she lent over and hugged me followed by my dad and then they were gone.
"Hiya did you arrive okay?" I asked Lee as he answered the phone it was just after seven and he'd promised he would ring when he got to Sue's as we had a habit of getting lost on the way there. Although we could find our way home no problem lol.
"Oh shit I didn't call you, sorry love"
"I'll let you off I was worried though as we always get lost going to Sue's and you promised you'd call".
"Sorry I was late getting to Sue's and then I got hooked up talking to John when I walked in I completely forgot".
"Hmm out of sight out of mind" there was silence on the other end. "I'm only joking" I laughed. "Just say hi make sure you give Sue the money and have a bloody good time. I'll ring you about ten to say night if that's okay".
"Of course it is. I'll make sure Sue's available to talk to you then as well her and Nick are running round like headless chickens trying to sort the quiz out it should have started fifteen minutes ago but some of the teams haven't turned up yet."
"Well you better get yourself sat down and try hard then" I laughed.
"I'll do my best. I'm on the team with Celia, John, Nick, Kim and Simon so we should do okay between us".
"Good luck then talk to you later" we blew each other a kiss and hung up.
"Sorry about that" I apologised to Jenna and Sam who had walked in during my phone call to Lee. "He said he'd call and he didn't I was worried he'd got lost again".
"Its fine I got you these, gran said you mentioned you fancied some" she handed me over a box of Liquorice Allsorts.
"Aw thanks love" I gave her a kiss and a hug.
"So are you okay Sam?" I asked him. He looked like a little nervous kitten sitting on the chair at the side of my bed.
"Yes I'm fine Loraine thanks".
"So whats the news?" Jenna asked me. "Gran said they're gonna operate?"
"Yep just waiting for a date. The tumours behind my stoma so they need to unblock it otherwise I could go into renal failure". she looked puzzled.
"My kidneys could pack up" I re-phrased it for her.
"Oh right, that's not good".
"No, which is why they have to operate. So I'm just waiting for a date. They should be coming back to me on Monday with a date then we will know more. By this time I was munching my way through the box of sweets. It was then I remembered my manners and offered some to Jenna and Sam. Jenna took some but Sam didn't.
"Was there anything else we could have brought you?"
"No honestly I'm fine. Its just boring sitting here in these four walls. If it wasn't for this TV and Internet thing above my bed I'd go crazy. It costs a bloody fortune to use it though".
"Why how much is it?"
"Twenty quid for three days. So its already cost me forty quid".
"Bloody hell that's a bit steep"
"I know".
"Have you seen what Sam's bought me?" Jenna pulled out a laptop.
"You are joking?" it was gorgeous and not cheap. "Sam you need to stop spoiling her" I warned him. "She will walk all over you if you let her" I added.
"MUM" Jenna chastised me smiling.
"Its true. And all this going for McDonald's at stupid times of day and night cos her ladyship wants one has got to stop. You tell her no".
"I don't mind" Sam told me. "And her laptop was broken she needed a new one and I could afford it".
"Well get her to do all your washing and clean your flat and make you some meals to compensate" I told him. Jenna frowned at me "Don't take advantage of this poor defenceless man" I warned her and she smiled. "One day he will tell you where to go if you do and you will loose the best thing that's happened to you for a long time".
"I won't" she promised but she smiled and looked at me from under her long eyelashes with a knowing glint in her eye. Both she and I knew if she clicked her fingers Sam would go running. She just had the gift for making blokes fall at her feet. I didn't agree with it but there was nothing I could do to change her unfortunately. It was Sam I felt sorry for he was inexperienced with women Jenna was his first girlfriend and he was smitten. There wasn't a chance of him growing a backbone and dumping her but unfortunately I could see it happening the other way round and sooner rather than later because if Jenna gets what she wants she gets bored eventually and moves on. I have no idea where she gets it from. I was never that confident with guys and certainly never got what I wanted. In one way I admire my daughter because of her confidence with the opposite sex in another way I worry about her getting a reputation for being a bit of a man eater. Sam hardly said a word through the visit just smiled and chuckled a bit now and then. He was definitely nervous around me maybe cos I said it how it was with regards to Jenna. Unfortunately I didn't see the relationship lasting he was too nice, too reliable, and had no bad habits... not Jenna's type she went for bad boys a bit like I did at her age and Sam fit none of that criteria. It was after eight before they both left I'd been glad of their company but I was a bit tired now. I went in search of a nurse to unhook me from my drip so I could get ready for bed. It was just after nine when I got into bed in my pyjamas and settled down for the night. I completely forgot about ringing Lee at ten.
"Yes but I think we should wait to I can see the surgeons with you.".
"I know that love but it could be the early hours of the morning before they turn up and that multi-storey car park shuts early. You don't want to get stranded and not be able to get out".
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"I might have another wobble but I'll manage, go on you look knackered go. Can you call in and tell my mum and dad for me. I'd rather they heard it face to face.
"Okay I'll call in at the club to see your dad and then we can both go tell your mum".
"Thanks".
Antonietta called in to see me as Lee left. "Do you want me to give you something to perhaps help you sleep tonight Loraine?"
"Yes I'd like that I think I'll need something" as soon as the words left my mouth I began to cry again.
"Aw Loraine, come here" Antonietta put her arms round me and pulled me into a hug. "I don't know what to say love, Cancer just stinks doesn't it?" I nodded through my tears. "Do you think there is any way they would let me stay on this ward tonight Antonietta there's no way I can face sharing a room at the minute."
" Don't worry I've been on to the bed manager and I've explained you're really distressed and that i think we should keep you here tonight. She's not an ogre and understands why, she's doing her best to make it so you can stay here as well."
"Thank you so much."
"Hey its okay hows Lee handling the fact that its back"
"Well outwardly he's just saying don't worry love its just more chemo or surgery you'll get through this. Problem is Antonietta I don't think I could cope with more surgery and possibly another bag.."
"Lets just take one step at a time and see what the surgeons say". There was a knock on the door at that point and two men wearing scrubs stood in the doorway.
"Loraine McEvoy?"
"That's me!" I replied.
"We haven't met before. But we've been asked to take a look at your CT scan and the options of surgery." My eyes filled with tears I couldn't help it the thought of another op scared me more than dying. Antonietta made her excuses and left the room to leave us to talk.
"Can I just stop you there," The man stopped speaking and looked at me.
"If I said game over and that I didn't want any surgery what would you say?"
"I would say think again. The surgery will give you longer and to be honest we don't have any option. This isn't optional surgery..."
"I don't understand"
"Okay what do you know of the spread and how the tumour stands just now?"
"I've been told that its grown into a mass and has blocked off part of my bowel causing and obstruction and has also torn it slightly leaving me with the chance of contracting peritonitis which will mean game over anyway?"
"Ah right" he cast a look at his colleague and then looked back at me. "That's not entirely the whole story. It hasn't just stopped at your bowel you see its grown behind your bowel Loraine its made contact with your stoma, if I'm right you've been getting lots of pain when you change your bags and press on the site where your stoma is situated, is that right?"
"Yes"
"And the reason why you've been getting so many urine infections is that we suspect you right urethra tube has also become involved with the cancer and possibly the right kidney too." Tears began to fall again. "I hear you are newly married so we need to get you well again so we can give you a little longer with your husband, okay?" I nodded and listened.
"And when will that be?"
"Well if you were at deaths door we would have been talking taking you into theatre tonight. But, you're not so we're possibly looking at next week. We need to reconstruct your stoma again, who did your original surgery?"
"It was at Pinderfields hospital in Wakefield by Mr Chalhal"
"Right so we need to find you a Urologist from here or see if Mr Chalhal is willing to come here to do the surgery. It will be pretty much the same as your last operation I imagine there will be two surgeons from general surgery and two surgeons from the urology side to do the stoma reconstruction it will be a long complicated operation but I'm sure it can be done" he assured me. "There will be a big meeting held tomorrow at which point your case will be discussed and decisions will me made and then we will come back to you with the dates of your surgery."
"Okay thanks". And that was it he was really reassuring and I felt quite upbeat about it all when he left. I rang Lee to ask about how it had gone with mum and dad and briefly spoke to them then I told him what the surgeons had said.
"As much as I'm dreading it, it gives us hope and possibly the chance of a little bit longer with each other although I'll probably be off my feet for a few months afterwards".
"Well its better than nothing. We'll come in tomorrow for Dr Jagdev's rounds in the morning I had a word and the registrar said it wouldn't be a problem and understood we would have questions she said to come in around ten o'clock but if anything changes let me know".
"Okay love I will night and sleep well". I'd just put the phone down when Antonietta re-appeared to do my new fluids.
"Where they nice what did they have to say?" she asked me.
"Well it looks like I'm having surgery from what they've said I don't have any options left but its not an emergency yet unless peritonitis kicks in. They can't give me an exact date just yet but will know more after a meeting that should be happening tomorrow morning. Will Dr Jagdev be able to tell me more tomorrow on rounds?"
"I Imagine so she will be at the meeting so may know more".
"The registrar said it would be okay for Lee and my parents to come in during rounds tomorrow so they could put any questions to Dr Jagdev, so I just wanted to check if this was okay with you?"
"Of course they can, that will be fine I'll square it with ward sister in the morning."
"Great thanks".
"Right I'll go get your fluids and your antibiotics and I'll be right back".
"There may be a problem" I told her.
"Whats that?"
"I appear to have sprung a leak" I showed her my hand.
"Yes you have your cannula needs re-siting so I best find a doctor first."
"Could we delay it by ten minutes so I can have a shower beforehand and get ready for bed?"
"Yes, two minutes" she disappeared and brought back some towels. "You're not moving beds I just found out so you're here for the night as soon as you get out the shower though I need you to beep me and I'll get a doctor to redo the cannula".
"Can't you do it?"
"Well I can give it a go if that's what you want. I just don't want to hurt you."
"Trust me you can't be any worse than some of the idiots I've had."
"Okay i will give it a go you go have your shower". She said disconnecting me from the drip stand. I took my time in the shower contemplating the thought of yet another operation and them redoing my stoma. It was a scary thought. My time in Pinderfields in 2010 hadn't been plain sailing and I'd hated being in hospital away from everyone. But, I guess they knew best and it needed to be done. At least Lee and Mum and dad would be here for ward rounds in the morning maybe seeing Dr Jagdev and her team would give me more information.
Antonietta actually re sited my cannula without too much pain I was pleasantly surprised she brought with her two sleeping tablets and I took them in the hope they would knock me out. The last thing I needed was time to think.
Lee turned up the next morning with Mum and Dad in tow ready for the medical team coming round. There were quite a few tears shed from my mum, and my dads eyes filled up a few times. I was examined when Dr Jagdev came round then she asked me what the surgeons had said the night before.
"Well they said I have no choice that they will have to carry out an operation as my stoma is blocked and it needs to be re-sited away from the cancer in order for it to drain as normal" I told her.
"Well what's going to happen is there will be a meeting regarding your case involving all the surgical teams needed on Monday morning a decision will then be made with regards to surgery and when it takes place and what it will involve. We will then come and see you and advise you what has been decided. Do you have any questions?" she asked my mum and dad.
"I thought the meeting was taking place today?" My mum and dad asked.
"The general surgeons aren't in today. The on call team that saw Loraine yesterday had forgotten it was Friday and that the meeting wouldn't happen on a Saturday, I'm sorry".
"Is there a risk with the surgery that we could loose Loraine?" Dad asked.
"Yes there's a risk with any surgery and obviously with the spread of the cancer and the fact that Loraine's cancer has proven to be so aggressive gives a bigger risk to life. But if we don't operate we don't have any other options. We gave Loraine the strongest chemotherapy that we had and unfortunately instead of helping Loraine's tumours and shrinking them they have metastasised and exploded into a greater mass."
"Can I have this PICC line taken out and a new one putting in? They're having to canulate me because its blocked and its been re sited ten times since Thursday and trust me when you don't have any veins it bloody hurts" I moaned.
"Yes we can arrange for that to be done later this afternoon for you Loraine. Then we will look at putting a new one in prior to surgery".
"Okay thanks".
"Right we will be back to see you on Monday, okay?"
"Okay thanks".
Well we had all the answers the only option was surgery and even that wasn't guaranteed. Lee gave me a cuddle when Dr Jagdev left and mum sat on the bed.
"You'll get through this"
"I know" I smiled at her. "Don't worry. But, you best be making tracks if you're coming back to visit later, otherwise you'll have no time".
"Yes okay."
"And so you know, Lee is going to the charity quiz thing that Sue has arranged tonight and he's stopping over. He needs to go because Sue needs the money I'm donating to the kids and I'm glad he's going so he needs a break".
"Oh okay", mum looked unsure.
"So no giving him a hard time because I've asked him to go. You and dad are coming this afternoon which means Lee can get off and Jenna's coming up later with Sam so visits are sorted out".
"Okay, anything you fancy us bringing later?"
"No mum I'm fine. oh actually maybe some more magazines or puzzle things would be good I'm getting a tad bored again".
"Okay love" she gave me a kiss and walked to the door.
"You have a good time" I told Lee "and tell everyone I wish I could be there and I'm sorry I wasn't okay?" My eyes filled with tears cos I really did envy him being able to go. Lee looked at me concerned and cupped my face.
"I won't go if its going to upset you not being there..."
"You bloody will Sue's relying on that money. Which reminds me I'll walk you down to the cash point and draw out the money I haven't given you it yet".
"Well I was gonna get you to write a cheque cos I brought the cheque book for you"
"No I promised cash and cash it will be, come on help me into my dressing gown".
"Okay love". I walked them all to the lift drip stand in tow and headed to the cashpoint. Lee handed me my bank cards and I handed him the cash. Stupid cashpoint would only let me take £250 though so I had to take the money out of two seperate bank accounts. I gave Lee an extra £50.
"Whats that for?"
"To make sure you have a good time and buy a few drinks for Sue and Nick etc" I owe them big style. Lee gave me a hug and a kiss. I said bye to mum and dad and headed to the shop to see if I could tempt myself with anything. I bought a bar of dairy milk and headed back to the lift and back to my room. I rang Sue when I got back to the room and told her I'd given Lee the money for the charity auction and told her how sorry I was not to be going.
"You just get better Mrs McEvoy and I'll come see you real soon. Thanks again for the donation they are overwhelmed at the school especially since they know what you're going through".
"Tell them I'm still human and know a good cause when I see one and to spend it wisely".
"I will".
"And make sure Lee lets his hair down and enjoys himself".
"I will Nick and dad will be there to look after him along with Simon and Kim".
"Okay I will say goodbye cos I fancy a nap before visiting starts again".
"Alright bye friend"
"Bye".
"Loraine? Loraine?" The Scottish voice woke me up and I half expected seeing one of my relatives at the bottom of my hospital bed. Instead it was one of the doctors I'd seen on rounds with Dr Jagdev on Saturday.
"I've been assigned to remove your PICC line for you. Its not working anymore is that right?"
"Um yes that's right".
"Okay well I'll just go and get some bits and pieces then I'll be back"
"Okay thanks".
He looked quite nervous as he began pulling on the wire, I felt a tugging sensation and looked away but it didn't hurt it just felt really weird. Within seconds it was done, I couldn't believe the length of the wire that had been sitting inside me since October it was double my arm length almost. The doctor taking it out told me his name and I'm sure it was something Scottish but for the life in me I cannot remember his name.
"Right all done Loraine, just press on there for me a minute you're bleeding slightly I'll just stick the gauze over it and when it stops you can take it off".
"Okay thanks".
"They are gonna schedule for a new one putting in either Monday or Tuesday next week and that should make things easier for you then. I take it you have no veins?"
"Nope they've had to re site the cannula about ten times so far cos my veins keep collapsing. Its bloody painful when you don't have any".
"I bet. Right I better get on see you later". My arm felt a bit tender but it was okay I curled up on my bed and went back for another snooze still feeling tired.
I was surprised when Leona and Jo turned up this afternoon along with my mum and dad I hadn't known Jo was coming but it was nice to see her. We had a good catch up and I told her all about the forthcoming operation and how I wasn't entirely happy about the idea.
"You're bound to be scared Loraine, but if its your only chance, you have to take it love"
"I know. Just dreading it especially if its as bad as it was last time. At least I know what to expect though right?" Mum and dad sat looking lost at the corner of the room. Leona tried to engage them in conversation but I could see she was having a hard time.
"We're gonna go down for a coffee can I get you anything?" Mum asked us all.
"No I'm fine. Are you bored?" I asked her, she looked at me.
"No I just thought we should let you talk with your friends and we'll come back up for the second hour of visiting".
"Oh right. Well yes if you don't mind?"
"Well your dad wants a coffee so I'll go with him. Shall I bring you back anything?"
"No I'm fine honestly".
"Okay give us a kiss and we'll see you soon" Mum said leaning over and giving me a kiss. Dad bent over as far as his belly would allow and gave me a hug.
"Bye Leona, bye Jo see you in a bit" they waved and left.
"Sorry I didn't know you were coming" I apologised to Leona and Jo if I had I'd have re-arranged my mum and dads visit".
"Its okay don't worry about it. We could have gone for a walk though I should have thought"
"No its fine honestly".
"So how are the kids?"
"I haven't seen them yet but apparently Logan's really worried and wants to see me. I just want to get a good day before he comes up. So perhaps Tuesday he'll come with Lee. Jenna's coming to see me with Sam later on tonight".
"Oh is this the new boyfriend then?"
"Yep he's not her type, very shy and reserved and well just not her type. If you have a look on face book you will recognise him he was in CSC whilst you and I were there on Jo Jeffries team I definitely know the face".
"Oh right I'll have a nosey when I get a minute on Ashleigh's face book"
"I forgot you don't have an account. I'll pull it up now" I went onto the Internet opened my face book page and looked up Sam and then showed Jo the picture.
"Yep I know who you mean. Definitely not Jenna's type"
"Exactly" I agreed. I won't give it long though. Don't get me wrong he's really good to her I just think Jenna will get bored cos he's nice".
"You never know he might settle her down" Leona chipped in.
"God I can but hope Leona, but I doubt it". It was nice to see them again I hadn't seen them since our wedding in January. I missed Jo we didn't see so much of each other now cos she was always working stupid shift times. We'd had a really good natter and catch up when mum and dad re-appeared.
"I bought you some muffins" Mum handed me over a pack of five mini muffins from Costa coffee.
"I said I didn't want anything" I told her.
"Well I thought I might be able to tempt you. Save them for later if you don't want them now".
"Okay thanks mum".
"The rains really bad outside love and I'm not keen on driving when its so heavy so we might get off earlier if that's okay with you?" Dad said just after Jo and Leona had said their goodbyes and left.
"Yes okay".
"We can stay if you want?" Mum chipped in scowling at my dad.
"No its fine. I know dads not keen on driving when its raining its fine seriously you get yourselves off. I'm sure I'll find something to amuse myself with".
"If you're sure?"
"Yes I'm sure we can talk later".
"Okay bye then" she lent over and hugged me followed by my dad and then they were gone.
"Hiya did you arrive okay?" I asked Lee as he answered the phone it was just after seven and he'd promised he would ring when he got to Sue's as we had a habit of getting lost on the way there. Although we could find our way home no problem lol.
"Oh shit I didn't call you, sorry love"
"I'll let you off I was worried though as we always get lost going to Sue's and you promised you'd call".
"Sorry I was late getting to Sue's and then I got hooked up talking to John when I walked in I completely forgot".
"Hmm out of sight out of mind" there was silence on the other end. "I'm only joking" I laughed. "Just say hi make sure you give Sue the money and have a bloody good time. I'll ring you about ten to say night if that's okay".
"Of course it is. I'll make sure Sue's available to talk to you then as well her and Nick are running round like headless chickens trying to sort the quiz out it should have started fifteen minutes ago but some of the teams haven't turned up yet."
"Well you better get yourself sat down and try hard then" I laughed.
"I'll do my best. I'm on the team with Celia, John, Nick, Kim and Simon so we should do okay between us".
"Good luck then talk to you later" we blew each other a kiss and hung up.
"Sorry about that" I apologised to Jenna and Sam who had walked in during my phone call to Lee. "He said he'd call and he didn't I was worried he'd got lost again".
"Its fine I got you these, gran said you mentioned you fancied some" she handed me over a box of Liquorice Allsorts.
"Aw thanks love" I gave her a kiss and a hug.
"So are you okay Sam?" I asked him. He looked like a little nervous kitten sitting on the chair at the side of my bed.
"Yes I'm fine Loraine thanks".
"So whats the news?" Jenna asked me. "Gran said they're gonna operate?"
"Yep just waiting for a date. The tumours behind my stoma so they need to unblock it otherwise I could go into renal failure". she looked puzzled.
"My kidneys could pack up" I re-phrased it for her.
"Oh right, that's not good".
"No, which is why they have to operate. So I'm just waiting for a date. They should be coming back to me on Monday with a date then we will know more. By this time I was munching my way through the box of sweets. It was then I remembered my manners and offered some to Jenna and Sam. Jenna took some but Sam didn't.
"Was there anything else we could have brought you?"
"No honestly I'm fine. Its just boring sitting here in these four walls. If it wasn't for this TV and Internet thing above my bed I'd go crazy. It costs a bloody fortune to use it though".
"Why how much is it?"
"Twenty quid for three days. So its already cost me forty quid".
"Bloody hell that's a bit steep"
"I know".
"Have you seen what Sam's bought me?" Jenna pulled out a laptop.
"You are joking?" it was gorgeous and not cheap. "Sam you need to stop spoiling her" I warned him. "She will walk all over you if you let her" I added.
"MUM" Jenna chastised me smiling.
"Its true. And all this going for McDonald's at stupid times of day and night cos her ladyship wants one has got to stop. You tell her no".
"I don't mind" Sam told me. "And her laptop was broken she needed a new one and I could afford it".
"Well get her to do all your washing and clean your flat and make you some meals to compensate" I told him. Jenna frowned at me "Don't take advantage of this poor defenceless man" I warned her and she smiled. "One day he will tell you where to go if you do and you will loose the best thing that's happened to you for a long time".
"I won't" she promised but she smiled and looked at me from under her long eyelashes with a knowing glint in her eye. Both she and I knew if she clicked her fingers Sam would go running. She just had the gift for making blokes fall at her feet. I didn't agree with it but there was nothing I could do to change her unfortunately. It was Sam I felt sorry for he was inexperienced with women Jenna was his first girlfriend and he was smitten. There wasn't a chance of him growing a backbone and dumping her but unfortunately I could see it happening the other way round and sooner rather than later because if Jenna gets what she wants she gets bored eventually and moves on. I have no idea where she gets it from. I was never that confident with guys and certainly never got what I wanted. In one way I admire my daughter because of her confidence with the opposite sex in another way I worry about her getting a reputation for being a bit of a man eater. Sam hardly said a word through the visit just smiled and chuckled a bit now and then. He was definitely nervous around me maybe cos I said it how it was with regards to Jenna. Unfortunately I didn't see the relationship lasting he was too nice, too reliable, and had no bad habits... not Jenna's type she went for bad boys a bit like I did at her age and Sam fit none of that criteria. It was after eight before they both left I'd been glad of their company but I was a bit tired now. I went in search of a nurse to unhook me from my drip so I could get ready for bed. It was just after nine when I got into bed in my pyjamas and settled down for the night. I completely forgot about ringing Lee at ten.
Tuesday 29 May 2012
20th April - CT confusion.
I slept quite well in the hospital bed it was surprising as I don't normally. This hospital bed was definitely different to those I've been in before though, a huge improvement. I was woken by one of the nurses to take my temperature at five thirty, it was 39.8. Unfortunately, it was going up instead of coming down not a good sign to be getting home. I reminded the nurse looking after me that I was due to have my CT scan that day.
"We'll get it sorted don't worry. They may change the time from the original one though".
"Okay". I settled back down to sleep for a while whilst awaiting breakfast it was far too early to be up.
Two doctors called in to see me around ten o'clock.
"We have looked at the x-ray that we took Mrs McEvoy and it looks like your bowel is blocked pretty high up so we want you to carry on having the Movical sachets that you have been prescribed but we want you to have these four times a day. We also want you to have an Enema this will hopefully unblock your bowel along with a laxative that we would like you to have this morning, okay?"
"Can I wait until after I have my CT scan?"
"Why?"
"Well if I go down for my scan and I need to go to the toilet its going to be quite embarrassing" I told them.
"I'm sure they can arrange for you to go to the toilet" one of the doctors butted in. Luckily my nurse Amy stepped in. "There isn't any toilets near where the CT scan area is... I think Loraine would be better to wait and have these done when she gets back from CT".
"Well you could wait for the Enema but I think she should still have the laxative... how would you feel about that?" the doctor looked at me.
"Uncomfortable... I'd rather wait until after the CT scan" I replied.
"Okay, okay if that's how you feel we will let you wait until you come back from your CT scan".
"Thanks" I smiled.
"You are to go down for your CT scan at twelve fifteen, a porter will come and get you".
"Okay thanks. And when do you think I can go home?"
"Well obviously we need to get the blockage in your bowel sorted out so that your bowel is working properly before we let you go. Then we have to get your temperature down. We suspect this is high due to another urine infection. The high dose of IV antibiotics we are giving you through your drip should sort this out. As soon as your temperature is down and your bowel is normal we can let you go home".
"Okay thanks". The doctors left and I gave Lee a ring.
"Hi"
"Morning, how did you sleep?"
"Not bad thanks. I've had some Weetabix this morning".
"That's great love".
"My CT scan is at twelve fifteen I will drink fluids up here and then when I go down I will go straight in for the scan so there's no need for you to be here for it. Just let mum and dad come for the visit at two o'clock and you come up tonight at six o'clock".
"Okay"..
As I put down the phone Amy my nurse came in.
"Loraine, I'm due to change over your antibiotics now but before I do that do you want a shower or anything?"
"Oh I'd love one".
"Right well I'll take this one down and clamp it off then you can have a shower and we'll keep it down until you come back from your CT scan. They will have to take it down when you go for your scan anyway".
"Okay".
"Do you need anything for the shower?"
"Just a towel please I've got everything else with me".
"Okay I'll go get those for you". Amy re-appeared with the towel five minutes later and I headed for the shower. It was so nice to have a shower and wash my hair without any wires or anything it felt great. However, it was then I noticed through the steam in the bathroom mirror I was yellow!! I mean I didn't look like Sponge bob or one of the Simpson's but I definitely had a yellowy tinge to my skin. That wasn't a good sign!! I came out of the shower dried and dressed into my jogging bottoms and a t-shirt a little worried, Amy brought me in a jug of water and I mentioned it to her.
"When you see the doctors again, mention it to them Loraine. But, honestly I can't see it Loraine".
"Okay".
The porter arrived for my CT scan just after twelve fifteen and took me down to the x-ray department and into the CT area. From there I was shown straight in and asked to lie on the bed, which I did.
"I'm just going to flush your cannula and make sure its working Loraine, as you know we inject a small amount of dye for your CT scan so we just need to make sure the cannula you have in is working. When was it last used?"
"It was disconnected just before I had a shower at about ten this morning", I told him.
"I'm sorry Loraine but its not working, we're going to have to try and re site the cannula for you".
"Oh god" I whinged, knowing what trouble they would have doing that.
"Its either that or we can send you back up and they can try and re site it on the ward for you then send you back down when we have another slot free?"
"No its fine you can give it a go. I have bad veins that's the problem it hurt like hell getting that one in and took eight attempts".
"Well we'll get our doctor who's pretty good and get him to have a go". I lay there nervous as hell I just knew this was gonna hurt again. 'I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry' I kept repeating to myself. Then the doctor appeared. "So I hear you are pretty hard to get one of these into Loraine, is that right?" he asked me.
"Yep. It sometimes takes a while" i replied.
"Well I will do my best but if I'm hurting you tell me and I will stop and we'll send you back up to the ward and bring you back down once we have got another cannula into you".
"Okay". I took a deep breath and waited for the ultimate statement.
"Right Loraine, sharp scratch", 'it hurt' I winced but took deep breaths to try and forget about the pain as he prodded and poked my arm trying to get the cannula in. "Its in Loraine, you can relax" .
"Is it working?"
"Appears to be. Its in a bit of a tricky spot though so I'm going to make sure its secure so that they can use it back up on the ward for you as well".
"Thanks". I looked and saw the cannula was in the crook of my right arm, a normal spot to take blood from but unusual to put a cannula in. The doctor must have seen my look.
"I know its in a tricky spot but its the only one I could find I'm afraid Loraine so we have to go with it I'm afraid".
"That's fine at least they won't have to redo it when I get back up to the ward".
"Okay we're going to proceed with the scan but because of the spot the cannula is in we're going to inject the dye really slowly so it may take longer than it would normally, okay".
"Okay that's fine". I closed my eyes ready to go into the huge polo mint, well that's what it looks like in my eyes anyway. Once it starts taking the pictures I imagine its pretty much like being in a washer on a spin cycle. It does feel a little claustrophobic, hence why I close my eyes during the procedure and keep them closed. The CT scan was over within twenty minutes and I was wheeled back outside to the waiting area, however it was full so my wheelchair was taken to a totally different area and parked up, that was at one o'clock. At quarter to two I was still sat waiting. I went and checked with a nurse and was told there was just a back log. I checked with another and was told I hadn't been put down for collection and another who said I'd been marked as being collected already. So I headed to the reception desk. It was now nearly two and I was fuming I could have walked back up to the ward in this time. "I've been waiting over an hour for a porter to take me back to my ward can you ring up to the ward and see if they have any objection to me making my own way back please?"
"Well if a porter brought you down you really should wait" I got told.
"Yep I know I should but as I said I have been sitting there for over an hour waiting for a porter visiting starts at two o'clock and I have visitors coming and I would rather be up there than down here. So, please can you make the phone call?"
"OK I'll check?"
"Thanks" I was that mad I could feel tears brewing which was daft but I just wanted to be back up on the ward.
"Loraine, I've had a word and no they haven't any objection to you making your own way back up to the ward".
"Okay, thanks". I marched off in the direction of the lift, still fuming!!
"Hi mum, Hi dad," I gave them all a kiss.
"You okay?"
"I've been waiting for over an hour downstairs for a porter to bring me back up. I've never been so bloody angry!"
"Why?"
"Who knows, probably bloody forgot me, not bloody happy though. They had to put yet another cannula in hence the new decoration" I said showing them my right arm.
"Oh not again"
"Yep it had bent so they couldn't get the CT fluid to go through it so they had to put a new one in, AGAIN".
"You okay?"
"Yep I'm fine can't get any worse".
"You look tired" my mum added.
"Mm well its hard to get any sleep when they check you every two hours".
"Oh love" my mum came over in my direction.
"One cuddle!" I told her. "No more just the one". I warned her and she laughed. I'm not a cuddly person and I really hate been slobbered all over but my mum can't seem to help it lately, then to my surprise my dad gave me a kiss as well. This was unheard of, well apart from on my wedding day, where I have a photograph of him doing just that. (Blackmail material lol).
"What are we going to do about Ross's birthday, do you think you'll still be in?" My dad asked.
"I think we'd better wait until I get the results of my CT scan dad, they should be back by Tuesday once we get those then we'll have more of an idea. But If I can be there I will be. I'd already bought my £70 dress after all and I'd never spent that much i my life".
"So what are they treating you for then?"
"Well the x-ray showed a blockage in my bowel, in other words I'm severely constipated and I'm on antibiotics to bring my temperature down as I've got some kind of infection. They do think I have a urine infection but that's nothing new is it? The CT scan results will tell us more when we get those back. But, until they get my temperature down they won't let me out of hospital".
"Hows the food?"
"How do you think?" I replied pulling a face my dad laughed. My mum sat just staring at me not really saying much I knew she was worried because I was back in hospital unfortunately I had a horrible feeling that the results of this CT scan would be different, lets hope I was wrong.
It was quarter to four when Amy my nurse appeared.
"Loraine we need to do your enema" she reminded me.
"Lovely, I am so looking forward to it" I smiled sarcastically
"Do you want me to come back after visiting?"
"Whens that?"
"It finishes at four o'clock and its quarter to now" I looked at mum and dad.
"We can go now its not a problem that way you can get it over with..."
"You don't mind?"
"No course we don't".
"Right I will leave you to say your goodbyes and then I'll come back with the stuff you need" Amy replied.
"Thanks Amy". Mum came over first and gave me a hug.
"I love you"
"I love you too mum"
"I hope you get a good nights sleep"
"Yes me too". Dad came forward and gave me a cuddle, two kisses in one day certainly wasn't gong to happen lol,
Dinner arrived and looked positively disgusting I wasn't hungry anyway so therefore it didn't get eaten. I went on line to talk to Missy Moo whilst waiting for Lee to arrive.
"Hello, how are you?"
"I'm fine they're looking after me" I told her. "I'm so sorry I'm going to miss your charity night tomorrow" I apologised.
"Don't be daft, and lee could always come on your behalf"
"hey I never thought of that.... not sure if he would though",
"Well I can always ask him he's just logged on to facebook should I send him a message?"
"Yep do it that way if nothing else it gets him some guy time at the pub I think he needs it".
"Me too he's really worried about you"
"I know. He's due for visiting soon" I told her. "Its amazing how much you look forward to visits when you're staring at four walls all day".
"Have you got one of those tellies about your bed?"
"Yep they're bloody expensive though £20 gets you three days of TV, telephone, Internet and certain films too, not recent ones or anything but they're reasonable enough".
"Yeah dads was expensive when he was in he refused to pay it".
"I'd go stir crazy without it Sue in this room on my own with just the en suite for company".
"Yes I bet you would at least dad had the mad heads when he was in" she laughed. I laughed with her as I remembered back to when we had gone to visit him. (When her dad John, had gone into hospital we'd gone to visit him at the Bradford Royal Infirmary. He was in a six bed ward with an empty bed and five occupied ones. One of the guys was an alcoholic who had an infection in his leg. They'd put leeches on his leg and bandaged over the top of them he was supposed to be on bed rest. However, that wasn't the case John told us the tale as we sat round his bed at visiting time. "Him in the end bed" he told us. "He's supposed to be on bed rest, cos he has blood poisoning and they have leeches on his leg eating away at the infection. He waits til the doctors have been and says he's off for a walk in the grounds, he goes down the bloody pub and doesn't come back til meal times. Then last night at visiting he waited until the nurses were in the middle of a shift change and said he was off for a ciggy cos he knew they wouldn't remember. He only pissed off down the pub and came back with some tinnys, and a bird on his arm. He pulled the curtains round said he didn't want to be disturbed. Got her to climb in through the window and she spent the bloody night with the, curtains pulled round and the lot. Didn't give a toss about us out here and believe me they were making some noise" John laughed. Tears rolled down our cheeks as he'd told the tale. We'd seen it with our own eyes during the visit later on when she'd appeared with the guy in the end bed they were both half cut and she did indeed go into his cubicle and pull the curtains round and then she got into bed with him. Sue and I couldn't believe our eyes). St James's certainly wasn't as interesting."
"Hi," Lee walked into my room and lent over and gave me a kiss.
"Hiya love. I was talking to Sue earlier"
"Yes she's asked me about the pie and peas thing?"
"Yes please will you go and give them the charity money. I can give you my card and you can draw it out and put it in an envelope for them and after all she's already paid for the tickets".
"It doesn't seem right with you in here darl. Well Jenna and Sam are coming to visit tomorrow night about seven anyway so they could come and visit me and you could go there. It will do you good to have some time with the lads and chill out for a bit. There's only so much we can talk about on a night and this way you can take the money for me and we will have something to talk about tomorrow night".
"Okay, are you sure?"
"I'm positive get her rang and tell her you'll be there" I insisted. So, Lee got on his mobile and rang Sue telling her he would be going for the Pie and Peas quiz night and that he would be taking the charity donation I was making. In case I haven't explained Sue works for Harden Pre-school in Harden its a nursery for two to five year old and its not government but actually charity funded. So they rely on charity fundraisers to get new toys equipment etc for the kids. When Sue had told me about how they needed to raise £300 and they were doing a pie and peas quiz night in order to do it. I'd told her I would give her the £300 out of my pension I'd received and then they could try and use the rest of the money they raised for something else. ... So Lee was taking along my £300 donation and they would hopefully raise some money on the quiz night which was £5 a ticket to get more things for the school. She had been overjoyed and I'd been so looking forward to going and doing the quiz but instead I was stuck here. At least Lee would enjoy it though.
"Darl, here Sue wants a quick word?" Lee handed me his mobile.
"Hi Sue".
"I meant to tell you earlier on if we raise enough money, we're going to get a buddy bench for the garden made from wood, where the kids can sit and talk if they've had an argument or something. So they can work out their differences".
"Oh that's a good idea".
"Yep I thought so, I'll let you get back to your visit with Lee and talk to you later on, okay?"
"Okay Sue night love". I'd just put the phone down when the registrar came in to the room.
"Hi Loraine, is it okay to have a word, we have your CT results back?"
"Yep of course it is please take a seat this is my husband Lee" I introduced her.
"I'm one of the registrars working with Dr Jagdevs team" she explained. "What your scan results have shown is that the tumour that was near to your bowel is perhaps blocking your bowel and that's why you are having these pains. Has the pain settled down?"
"It seems to have just now yes"
"Good. We need to get some more bloods off you later on but we'll probably do that after you've moved"
"Am I moving?"
"Oh haven't they told you?"
"Yes you're moving to ward 97 later today we're just waiting for a bed. You're going into a four bay room so you'll have company and Dr Jagdev should be round to discuss the results in more detail with you tomorrow".
"Okay".
"Do either of you have any questions?"
"No that's fine explains a lot though" I told her. "With regards to the pain and the vomiting".
Yes obviously if the bowel is blocked and you are eating then it has to find some way out and that's why you've been vomiting so much".
"Right okay". I smiled at her and she left the room. I looked over at Lee "Well at least we know why I've been in pain".
"Yep you're in the right place now darl and they'll sort you out" Lee kissed my forehead.
"Yeah I hope so. Just my luck though getting moved, whats betting whoever they move me in with snores?" I laughed just what I need. "Listen you get off its half seven I'm knackered and I bet you've not eaten all day have you?"
"No I've not had much" he told me.
"Well you look knackered so go home get something to eat and have a bath".
"You don't mind?"
"No course I don't off you go" I gave him a big hug and we said our goodbyes. I was flicking through the TV channels when a woman came into my room. I'd seen her before when Dr Jagdev had done her rounds. "Mrs McEvoy?"
"Yes, that's me" I replied.
"Can I have a chat with you?"
"Yes course you can. Have your visitors gone?"
"Yes my husbands just left" I told her.
"Oh right... let me explain first of all i work with Dr Jagdev and my colleague I believe came in earlier and gave you the results from your CT scan results. Is that right?"
"Yes she came in whilst Lee was here"
"And what did you understand from what she told you?"
"Well that, the tumour I have has moved and has nicked the bowel slightly and its possible that's whats causing the blockage in my bowel".
"Ah, right" I took in the expression on her face then and I think at that point it hit me we hadn't taken in the full extent of what the other doctor had said. "Can I get a chair?"
"Yes please" I nodded.
"With regards to the blockage whats actually happened is that the tumour that we thought had liquefied has,.... well its.... grown into a mass its left a tear at the top of your bowel". I swallowed hard. "Right".
"Now we also think part of the tumour is blocking your bowel causing it not to empty properly which is obviously an issue. If the bowel gets blocked further there is a chance that the bowel could tear causing peritonitis, which could obviously kill you." That's when I began to cry silent tears streamed down my face.
"Are you okay?" I nodded.
"So two general surgeons have been shown your ct scan and they are going to look at these now to see if there is an urgency with regards to operating tonight or this weekend or whether they want to take their time before a decision is made".
"Okay"
"I didn't want them to just turn up to see you without you knowing this information first that's why I've came to tell you. Is there anything I can do?" She asked me as the tears continued to fall.
"They were on about moving me into a four bed room on a different ward can I please request to stay I just... well... I don't want to be in a ward with more people at the moment?"
"I believe they are working on that now to try and keep you here Loraine"
"And, Can I get my husband to come back... I need to tell him... I don't want to do it over the phone?"
"Of course you can and I'll be at the nurses station in case you need to talk or ask any questions".
"Okay thanks", she left the room and I shakily dialled Lee's mobile number. He answered on the forth ring.
"I'm on the motorway love I'll ring you back when I get home" he sounded flustered and I knew it was because he didn't like answering the phone whilst driving.
"I need you to come back" I told him between my tears.
"I can't hear you love, are you okay?"
"I need you to turn around, I need you to come back to the hospital please," and then I began to cry not able to hold it in any longer.
"I'm turning round now darl I'll be there in twenty minutes!"
"Okay thanks". I put the phone down and as I did the phone above my bed began ringing I'd given my mum the number earlier and sure enough it was her on the phone. I couldn't speak to her I just couldn't" so I rejected the call and switched off the TV and hugging my knees to my chest I began to cry again. It was then Antonietta popped her head around the door"
"Loraine? I wasn't sure if it was you or not" Antonetta had looked after me on my previous hospital visits the last time being before we had gotten married. "How did the wedding go?" she asked smiling and I began to cry again she came over and gave me a hug. "Oh love, I take it wasn't good news?"
"No it wasn't".
"I was just coming in to tell you I'd be your named nurse for the evening. I take it you are the patient they were discussing as I came on duty and you're waiting for the general surgeons to come and see you?"
"That's right"
"Oh honey I'm so sorry. Does Lee know?"
"He's on his way back now. I have to tell him" I sobbed.
"Oh love I'm so, so sorry" just as she finished her sentence the door opened and there stood Lee.
"Loraine, whats wrong?" I held my arms out and onetta got up from the bed and said "if there's anything you guys need just let us know?" Lee rushed towards me. "What is it? Whats happened?"
"The CT results its worse than we thought" I began, "you'd better sit down.."
"We'll get it sorted don't worry. They may change the time from the original one though".
"Okay". I settled back down to sleep for a while whilst awaiting breakfast it was far too early to be up.
Two doctors called in to see me around ten o'clock.
"We have looked at the x-ray that we took Mrs McEvoy and it looks like your bowel is blocked pretty high up so we want you to carry on having the Movical sachets that you have been prescribed but we want you to have these four times a day. We also want you to have an Enema this will hopefully unblock your bowel along with a laxative that we would like you to have this morning, okay?"
"Can I wait until after I have my CT scan?"
"Why?"
"Well if I go down for my scan and I need to go to the toilet its going to be quite embarrassing" I told them.
"I'm sure they can arrange for you to go to the toilet" one of the doctors butted in. Luckily my nurse Amy stepped in. "There isn't any toilets near where the CT scan area is... I think Loraine would be better to wait and have these done when she gets back from CT".
"Well you could wait for the Enema but I think she should still have the laxative... how would you feel about that?" the doctor looked at me.
"Uncomfortable... I'd rather wait until after the CT scan" I replied.
"Okay, okay if that's how you feel we will let you wait until you come back from your CT scan".
"Thanks" I smiled.
"You are to go down for your CT scan at twelve fifteen, a porter will come and get you".
"Okay thanks. And when do you think I can go home?"
"Well obviously we need to get the blockage in your bowel sorted out so that your bowel is working properly before we let you go. Then we have to get your temperature down. We suspect this is high due to another urine infection. The high dose of IV antibiotics we are giving you through your drip should sort this out. As soon as your temperature is down and your bowel is normal we can let you go home".
"Okay thanks". The doctors left and I gave Lee a ring.
"Hi"
"Morning, how did you sleep?"
"Not bad thanks. I've had some Weetabix this morning".
"That's great love".
"My CT scan is at twelve fifteen I will drink fluids up here and then when I go down I will go straight in for the scan so there's no need for you to be here for it. Just let mum and dad come for the visit at two o'clock and you come up tonight at six o'clock".
"Okay"..
As I put down the phone Amy my nurse came in.
"Loraine, I'm due to change over your antibiotics now but before I do that do you want a shower or anything?"
"Oh I'd love one".
"Right well I'll take this one down and clamp it off then you can have a shower and we'll keep it down until you come back from your CT scan. They will have to take it down when you go for your scan anyway".
"Okay".
"Do you need anything for the shower?"
"Just a towel please I've got everything else with me".
"Okay I'll go get those for you". Amy re-appeared with the towel five minutes later and I headed for the shower. It was so nice to have a shower and wash my hair without any wires or anything it felt great. However, it was then I noticed through the steam in the bathroom mirror I was yellow!! I mean I didn't look like Sponge bob or one of the Simpson's but I definitely had a yellowy tinge to my skin. That wasn't a good sign!! I came out of the shower dried and dressed into my jogging bottoms and a t-shirt a little worried, Amy brought me in a jug of water and I mentioned it to her.
"When you see the doctors again, mention it to them Loraine. But, honestly I can't see it Loraine".
"Okay".
The porter arrived for my CT scan just after twelve fifteen and took me down to the x-ray department and into the CT area. From there I was shown straight in and asked to lie on the bed, which I did.
"I'm just going to flush your cannula and make sure its working Loraine, as you know we inject a small amount of dye for your CT scan so we just need to make sure the cannula you have in is working. When was it last used?"
"It was disconnected just before I had a shower at about ten this morning", I told him.
"I'm sorry Loraine but its not working, we're going to have to try and re site the cannula for you".
"Oh god" I whinged, knowing what trouble they would have doing that.
"Its either that or we can send you back up and they can try and re site it on the ward for you then send you back down when we have another slot free?"
"No its fine you can give it a go. I have bad veins that's the problem it hurt like hell getting that one in and took eight attempts".
"Well we'll get our doctor who's pretty good and get him to have a go". I lay there nervous as hell I just knew this was gonna hurt again. 'I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry' I kept repeating to myself. Then the doctor appeared. "So I hear you are pretty hard to get one of these into Loraine, is that right?" he asked me.
"Yep. It sometimes takes a while" i replied.
"Well I will do my best but if I'm hurting you tell me and I will stop and we'll send you back up to the ward and bring you back down once we have got another cannula into you".
"Okay". I took a deep breath and waited for the ultimate statement.
"Right Loraine, sharp scratch", 'it hurt' I winced but took deep breaths to try and forget about the pain as he prodded and poked my arm trying to get the cannula in. "Its in Loraine, you can relax" .
"Is it working?"
"Appears to be. Its in a bit of a tricky spot though so I'm going to make sure its secure so that they can use it back up on the ward for you as well".
"Thanks". I looked and saw the cannula was in the crook of my right arm, a normal spot to take blood from but unusual to put a cannula in. The doctor must have seen my look.
"I know its in a tricky spot but its the only one I could find I'm afraid Loraine so we have to go with it I'm afraid".
"That's fine at least they won't have to redo it when I get back up to the ward".
"Okay we're going to proceed with the scan but because of the spot the cannula is in we're going to inject the dye really slowly so it may take longer than it would normally, okay".
"Okay that's fine". I closed my eyes ready to go into the huge polo mint, well that's what it looks like in my eyes anyway. Once it starts taking the pictures I imagine its pretty much like being in a washer on a spin cycle. It does feel a little claustrophobic, hence why I close my eyes during the procedure and keep them closed. The CT scan was over within twenty minutes and I was wheeled back outside to the waiting area, however it was full so my wheelchair was taken to a totally different area and parked up, that was at one o'clock. At quarter to two I was still sat waiting. I went and checked with a nurse and was told there was just a back log. I checked with another and was told I hadn't been put down for collection and another who said I'd been marked as being collected already. So I headed to the reception desk. It was now nearly two and I was fuming I could have walked back up to the ward in this time. "I've been waiting over an hour for a porter to take me back to my ward can you ring up to the ward and see if they have any objection to me making my own way back please?"
"Well if a porter brought you down you really should wait" I got told.
"Yep I know I should but as I said I have been sitting there for over an hour waiting for a porter visiting starts at two o'clock and I have visitors coming and I would rather be up there than down here. So, please can you make the phone call?"
"OK I'll check?"
"Thanks" I was that mad I could feel tears brewing which was daft but I just wanted to be back up on the ward.
"Loraine, I've had a word and no they haven't any objection to you making your own way back up to the ward".
"Okay, thanks". I marched off in the direction of the lift, still fuming!!
"Hi mum, Hi dad," I gave them all a kiss.
"You okay?"
"I've been waiting for over an hour downstairs for a porter to bring me back up. I've never been so bloody angry!"
"Why?"
"Who knows, probably bloody forgot me, not bloody happy though. They had to put yet another cannula in hence the new decoration" I said showing them my right arm.
"Oh not again"
"Yep it had bent so they couldn't get the CT fluid to go through it so they had to put a new one in, AGAIN".
"You okay?"
"Yep I'm fine can't get any worse".
"You look tired" my mum added.
"Mm well its hard to get any sleep when they check you every two hours".
"Oh love" my mum came over in my direction.
"One cuddle!" I told her. "No more just the one". I warned her and she laughed. I'm not a cuddly person and I really hate been slobbered all over but my mum can't seem to help it lately, then to my surprise my dad gave me a kiss as well. This was unheard of, well apart from on my wedding day, where I have a photograph of him doing just that. (Blackmail material lol).
"What are we going to do about Ross's birthday, do you think you'll still be in?" My dad asked.
"I think we'd better wait until I get the results of my CT scan dad, they should be back by Tuesday once we get those then we'll have more of an idea. But If I can be there I will be. I'd already bought my £70 dress after all and I'd never spent that much i my life".
"So what are they treating you for then?"
"Well the x-ray showed a blockage in my bowel, in other words I'm severely constipated and I'm on antibiotics to bring my temperature down as I've got some kind of infection. They do think I have a urine infection but that's nothing new is it? The CT scan results will tell us more when we get those back. But, until they get my temperature down they won't let me out of hospital".
"Hows the food?"
"How do you think?" I replied pulling a face my dad laughed. My mum sat just staring at me not really saying much I knew she was worried because I was back in hospital unfortunately I had a horrible feeling that the results of this CT scan would be different, lets hope I was wrong.
It was quarter to four when Amy my nurse appeared.
"Loraine we need to do your enema" she reminded me.
"Lovely, I am so looking forward to it" I smiled sarcastically
"Do you want me to come back after visiting?"
"Whens that?"
"It finishes at four o'clock and its quarter to now" I looked at mum and dad.
"We can go now its not a problem that way you can get it over with..."
"You don't mind?"
"No course we don't".
"Right I will leave you to say your goodbyes and then I'll come back with the stuff you need" Amy replied.
"Thanks Amy". Mum came over first and gave me a hug.
"I love you"
"I love you too mum"
"I hope you get a good nights sleep"
"Yes me too". Dad came forward and gave me a cuddle, two kisses in one day certainly wasn't gong to happen lol,
Dinner arrived and looked positively disgusting I wasn't hungry anyway so therefore it didn't get eaten. I went on line to talk to Missy Moo whilst waiting for Lee to arrive.
"Hello, how are you?"
"I'm fine they're looking after me" I told her. "I'm so sorry I'm going to miss your charity night tomorrow" I apologised.
"Don't be daft, and lee could always come on your behalf"
"hey I never thought of that.... not sure if he would though",
"Well I can always ask him he's just logged on to facebook should I send him a message?"
"Yep do it that way if nothing else it gets him some guy time at the pub I think he needs it".
"Me too he's really worried about you"
"I know. He's due for visiting soon" I told her. "Its amazing how much you look forward to visits when you're staring at four walls all day".
"Have you got one of those tellies about your bed?"
"Yep they're bloody expensive though £20 gets you three days of TV, telephone, Internet and certain films too, not recent ones or anything but they're reasonable enough".
"Yeah dads was expensive when he was in he refused to pay it".
"I'd go stir crazy without it Sue in this room on my own with just the en suite for company".
"Yes I bet you would at least dad had the mad heads when he was in" she laughed. I laughed with her as I remembered back to when we had gone to visit him. (When her dad John, had gone into hospital we'd gone to visit him at the Bradford Royal Infirmary. He was in a six bed ward with an empty bed and five occupied ones. One of the guys was an alcoholic who had an infection in his leg. They'd put leeches on his leg and bandaged over the top of them he was supposed to be on bed rest. However, that wasn't the case John told us the tale as we sat round his bed at visiting time. "Him in the end bed" he told us. "He's supposed to be on bed rest, cos he has blood poisoning and they have leeches on his leg eating away at the infection. He waits til the doctors have been and says he's off for a walk in the grounds, he goes down the bloody pub and doesn't come back til meal times. Then last night at visiting he waited until the nurses were in the middle of a shift change and said he was off for a ciggy cos he knew they wouldn't remember. He only pissed off down the pub and came back with some tinnys, and a bird on his arm. He pulled the curtains round said he didn't want to be disturbed. Got her to climb in through the window and she spent the bloody night with the, curtains pulled round and the lot. Didn't give a toss about us out here and believe me they were making some noise" John laughed. Tears rolled down our cheeks as he'd told the tale. We'd seen it with our own eyes during the visit later on when she'd appeared with the guy in the end bed they were both half cut and she did indeed go into his cubicle and pull the curtains round and then she got into bed with him. Sue and I couldn't believe our eyes). St James's certainly wasn't as interesting."
"Hi," Lee walked into my room and lent over and gave me a kiss.
"Hiya love. I was talking to Sue earlier"
"Yes she's asked me about the pie and peas thing?"
"Yes please will you go and give them the charity money. I can give you my card and you can draw it out and put it in an envelope for them and after all she's already paid for the tickets".
"It doesn't seem right with you in here darl. Well Jenna and Sam are coming to visit tomorrow night about seven anyway so they could come and visit me and you could go there. It will do you good to have some time with the lads and chill out for a bit. There's only so much we can talk about on a night and this way you can take the money for me and we will have something to talk about tomorrow night".
"Okay, are you sure?"
"I'm positive get her rang and tell her you'll be there" I insisted. So, Lee got on his mobile and rang Sue telling her he would be going for the Pie and Peas quiz night and that he would be taking the charity donation I was making. In case I haven't explained Sue works for Harden Pre-school in Harden its a nursery for two to five year old and its not government but actually charity funded. So they rely on charity fundraisers to get new toys equipment etc for the kids. When Sue had told me about how they needed to raise £300 and they were doing a pie and peas quiz night in order to do it. I'd told her I would give her the £300 out of my pension I'd received and then they could try and use the rest of the money they raised for something else. ... So Lee was taking along my £300 donation and they would hopefully raise some money on the quiz night which was £5 a ticket to get more things for the school. She had been overjoyed and I'd been so looking forward to going and doing the quiz but instead I was stuck here. At least Lee would enjoy it though.
"Darl, here Sue wants a quick word?" Lee handed me his mobile.
"Hi Sue".
"I meant to tell you earlier on if we raise enough money, we're going to get a buddy bench for the garden made from wood, where the kids can sit and talk if they've had an argument or something. So they can work out their differences".
"Oh that's a good idea".
"Yep I thought so, I'll let you get back to your visit with Lee and talk to you later on, okay?"
"Okay Sue night love". I'd just put the phone down when the registrar came in to the room.
"Hi Loraine, is it okay to have a word, we have your CT results back?"
"Yep of course it is please take a seat this is my husband Lee" I introduced her.
"I'm one of the registrars working with Dr Jagdevs team" she explained. "What your scan results have shown is that the tumour that was near to your bowel is perhaps blocking your bowel and that's why you are having these pains. Has the pain settled down?"
"It seems to have just now yes"
"Good. We need to get some more bloods off you later on but we'll probably do that after you've moved"
"Am I moving?"
"Oh haven't they told you?"
"Yes you're moving to ward 97 later today we're just waiting for a bed. You're going into a four bay room so you'll have company and Dr Jagdev should be round to discuss the results in more detail with you tomorrow".
"Okay".
"Do either of you have any questions?"
"No that's fine explains a lot though" I told her. "With regards to the pain and the vomiting".
Yes obviously if the bowel is blocked and you are eating then it has to find some way out and that's why you've been vomiting so much".
"Right okay". I smiled at her and she left the room. I looked over at Lee "Well at least we know why I've been in pain".
"Yep you're in the right place now darl and they'll sort you out" Lee kissed my forehead.
"Yeah I hope so. Just my luck though getting moved, whats betting whoever they move me in with snores?" I laughed just what I need. "Listen you get off its half seven I'm knackered and I bet you've not eaten all day have you?"
"No I've not had much" he told me.
"Well you look knackered so go home get something to eat and have a bath".
"You don't mind?"
"No course I don't off you go" I gave him a big hug and we said our goodbyes. I was flicking through the TV channels when a woman came into my room. I'd seen her before when Dr Jagdev had done her rounds. "Mrs McEvoy?"
"Yes, that's me" I replied.
"Can I have a chat with you?"
"Yes course you can. Have your visitors gone?"
"Yes my husbands just left" I told her.
"Oh right... let me explain first of all i work with Dr Jagdev and my colleague I believe came in earlier and gave you the results from your CT scan results. Is that right?"
"Yes she came in whilst Lee was here"
"And what did you understand from what she told you?"
"Well that, the tumour I have has moved and has nicked the bowel slightly and its possible that's whats causing the blockage in my bowel".
"Ah, right" I took in the expression on her face then and I think at that point it hit me we hadn't taken in the full extent of what the other doctor had said. "Can I get a chair?"
"Yes please" I nodded.
"With regards to the blockage whats actually happened is that the tumour that we thought had liquefied has,.... well its.... grown into a mass its left a tear at the top of your bowel". I swallowed hard. "Right".
"Now we also think part of the tumour is blocking your bowel causing it not to empty properly which is obviously an issue. If the bowel gets blocked further there is a chance that the bowel could tear causing peritonitis, which could obviously kill you." That's when I began to cry silent tears streamed down my face.
"Are you okay?" I nodded.
"So two general surgeons have been shown your ct scan and they are going to look at these now to see if there is an urgency with regards to operating tonight or this weekend or whether they want to take their time before a decision is made".
"Okay"
"I didn't want them to just turn up to see you without you knowing this information first that's why I've came to tell you. Is there anything I can do?" She asked me as the tears continued to fall.
"They were on about moving me into a four bed room on a different ward can I please request to stay I just... well... I don't want to be in a ward with more people at the moment?"
"I believe they are working on that now to try and keep you here Loraine"
"And, Can I get my husband to come back... I need to tell him... I don't want to do it over the phone?"
"Of course you can and I'll be at the nurses station in case you need to talk or ask any questions".
"Okay thanks", she left the room and I shakily dialled Lee's mobile number. He answered on the forth ring.
"I'm on the motorway love I'll ring you back when I get home" he sounded flustered and I knew it was because he didn't like answering the phone whilst driving.
"I need you to come back" I told him between my tears.
"I can't hear you love, are you okay?"
"I need you to turn around, I need you to come back to the hospital please," and then I began to cry not able to hold it in any longer.
"I'm turning round now darl I'll be there in twenty minutes!"
"Okay thanks". I put the phone down and as I did the phone above my bed began ringing I'd given my mum the number earlier and sure enough it was her on the phone. I couldn't speak to her I just couldn't" so I rejected the call and switched off the TV and hugging my knees to my chest I began to cry again. It was then Antonietta popped her head around the door"
"Loraine? I wasn't sure if it was you or not" Antonetta had looked after me on my previous hospital visits the last time being before we had gotten married. "How did the wedding go?" she asked smiling and I began to cry again she came over and gave me a hug. "Oh love, I take it wasn't good news?"
"No it wasn't".
"I was just coming in to tell you I'd be your named nurse for the evening. I take it you are the patient they were discussing as I came on duty and you're waiting for the general surgeons to come and see you?"
"That's right"
"Oh honey I'm so sorry. Does Lee know?"
"He's on his way back now. I have to tell him" I sobbed.
"Oh love I'm so, so sorry" just as she finished her sentence the door opened and there stood Lee.
"Loraine, whats wrong?" I held my arms out and onetta got up from the bed and said "if there's anything you guys need just let us know?" Lee rushed towards me. "What is it? Whats happened?"
"The CT results its worse than we thought" I began, "you'd better sit down.."
Sunday 20 May 2012
19th April - Infection, x-ray and antibiotics.
The vomiting continued as i lay on the sofa. I felt terrible hot and sweaty too. "I think I need to take my temperature Lee" I told him, and he went on search of the thermometer. My temp was high above 38.8, Lee looked at it.
"Want me to call the doctor?"
"Yep I think we should it hurts" I replied. The pain was getting unbearable I had a drink and the vomiting started again. Lee had rang the doctor under the new system you have to wait for a call back. I began to vomit again it was then Lee said "Shall we call oncology get some advice?"
"Yep probably a good idea" I replied. So Lee got the number for the hospital off the fridge and began dialling eventually they asked to speak to me so they could do an assessment. An assessment takes about seven minutes over the phone but at the time when you're on the other end in pain trust me it feels like an eternity as the nurse spoke I paced the floor explaining how I was feeling and answering yes or no to the questions. I had just put the phone down when it rang again and this time it was Dr Langton. I explained to him that I hadn't had chemo since 4th April and how I'd been feeling since the chemo and then I told him how the hospital had done a full blood count the day before. "Right well your results aren't here yet but they should have them Loraine, ideally I want those results before I make a decision as to what to do with you. Do you have a telephone number for the oncology unit that did your bloods?"
"Yes I do, I have rang them as well just because we've since done my temperature and it says on all my advice things that if my temp goes above 38 I've to ring"
"Okay you've done the right thing that's fine so what are they doing?"
"Well they are gonna refer my symptoms to their doctor and then ring me back".
"Right well give me that number and I will ring them for the results and I will make a decision as to what to do with you before I ring you back".
"Okay thanks Dr Langton"
"No problem Loraine you take it easy I'll get back to you as soon as I can".
"Thanks Dr Langton". I laid back on the settee feeling rough and Lee gave me a cuddle. Lee got up and got me a wheat bag putting it in the microwave and handing it to me "here put this on your stomach it might ease the pain slightly"
"Thanks. Can you get the hospital bag out of the boot I think I better check everything is there and be prepared to go in" I told him.
"Okay I'll go get it now" Mum appeared about ten minutes later and helped me sort out my bag for the hospital. We had just finished it when the phone rang.
"Loraine?"
"Yes"
"This is the oncology day case unit. I've had a word with the doctor we do want you to come in to ward 96, however at the minute we're waiting for a bed for you. What I've done is ask Ward 96 to ring you direct as soon as a bed becomes free, okay?"
"Okay yes that's fine. Is my blood count down then?"
"Yes your white cell count is really low and because your temperature is high we think its best we bring you in and get you on antibiotics, okay?"
"Okay, thanks". No sooner had I put the phone down then it rung again.
"Loraine its Doctor Langton here, I've been in touch with the hospital your white cell count is really low and what with that and your temperature we've made the decision that you should be admitted. Have they been in touch at all?"
"Yes about two seconds ago" I replied. "I'm sorry if you think I've messed you about what with ringing the hospital as well.."
"Loraine it is fine that is what we are here for I am just glad we have got you sorted out".
"Okay well thank you very much for sorting it out for me".
"You are welcome and I hope you're not waiting too long for a bed".
"Thank you Doctor Langton". The sickness seemed to settle but I popped another tablet as the pain was growing steadily worse.
Lee had just left to take my mum home around quarter past four when the phone rang. "Hello is Loraine there please?"
"Loraine speaking" I replied.
"Hi Loraine its Emily from ward 96 I'm just ringing to tell you there is a bed available on Ward 96 if you would like to make your way in and come to the desk you are in Room 15".
"Okay thank you"
"Do you need transport?"
"No my husband will be bringing me in its fine" I replied. I put the phone down and ran upstairs and got dressed. I was back downstairs and dressed just as Lee walked through the door. "The beds ready Lee" I told him as he came through the front door.
"Okay you best ring your mum she wanted to come with you"
"Yes but she's only just gone home she needs some tea first. I'll tell her to come up tomorrow".
"Okay I'll just get your bag in the car" I dialled my mums number.
"Mum they've rung its ready now,"
"Do you want me to come?"
"No you've only just got in leave it and come up tomorrow Lee can take me in".
"Okay love if you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. I better go Lee's waiting"
"Okay love I'll speak to you later".
"Bye mum".
"Bye love take care".
"Right Lee I'm ready lets go".
We arrived on Ward 96 around five pm.
"Can we help?" One of the nurses looked up from behind the desk.
"Loraine McEvoy checking in" I replied.
"You're in room 15 Loraine, follow me!" So we trundled after the nurse to room 15. "If you want to make yourself comfortable Loraine the doctor should be in to see you shortly". I lay down on the bed waiting for the doctor to arrive and Lee examined the TV screen above my bed.
"You can buy bundles by the look of it so you can get telephone, TV, and films to watch its £20 for 3 days".
"That's a bit expensive if you're on a pension and you have no income" I frowned. Just as I said that a nurse came to do my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate.
"Mm your temperature is still high"
"What is it?"
"39.8" she replied. "Is your blood pressure normally low?" she queried.
"Yes its never gone high".
"Dr Jagdev is here to see you". Dr Jagdev gowned up and walked into the room.
"Hi Loraine"
"Hi"
"Sorry to see you back in under these conditions. How are you feeling?"
"The pain in my stomach and groin is pretty horrific but the sickness seems to have stopped, I've been very tired though and I'm still really hot".
"Well your temperature is up fairly high Loraine. When did the sickness start Loraine?"
"Last night about eleven"
"And when was the last time you opened your bowels?"
"The day before, it was really like water with lumps in though".
"Okay, can you lie down so I can feel your tummy?" I lay back but it hurt to move and I winced.
"Even lying down is sore?"
"Yes" She began to feel my stomach quite gently but it was like stroking a really sore bruise and every movement hurt and I winced".
"Your stomach is really tender Loraine so I'm going to send you for an x-ray"
"Okay".
"You definitely have some kind of infection so I'm gonna start you on a really strong IV anti-biotic Loraine that will go up as soon as you've been for your x-ray".
"Okay fine".
"Once we get a better picture of what's going on inside we'll know what we are dealing with. Your blood count did show that your white cells are low again, that probably happened after your last lot of chemotherapy so that will account for your tiredness. Have you had your CT scan yet?"
"No its actually tomorrow"
"Okay well we will make sure that you still have that CT scan tomorrow. I will see you later".
"Okay thanks".
The nurse came in next and tried to flush my PICC line so that she could put up the IV antibiotics.
"It can be a bit tricky" I forewarned her.
"In what way?"
"Well it flushes but sometimes it doesn't bleed back. The district nurses couldn't get it to flush on Wednesday but then I came into the day case unit on Oncology yesterday and they got it to work straight away". I told her.
"Ah okay, well lets just put a pillow under your arm and lift it up and we'll try again." So I did as i was told but again the line would not work. "I'm really sorry Loraine but we need to get these antibiotics into you as soon as possible so we're going to have to try and cannulate you so that we can get these working quickly, okay".
"This is going to hurt" I mumbled.
"I'll get Angie to do it for you she's really good" the nurse told me.
"With the greatest respect all of the oncology day case unit nurses tried to have a go and they're really good and they couldn't manage it. That's why I had to have a PICC line put in".
"Oh love I'm sorry but we have to give it a go".
"I know its fine". Angie appeared with a bowl of water in front of me and sat down. I looked across at Lee and mouthed "this is gonna hurt". (When you go onto the Oncology day case unit for treatment you are faced with walls lined with recliner chairs, at the side of each chair is a drip stand. Each patient who doesn't have a permanent line in, sits whilst a nurse carries through a bowl of steaming hot water your hands are placed in the water. This is supposed to get your veins to rise to the surface of the skin and make them easier to find. Then if they are lucky they find a vein insert a needle which leaves behind a cannula and hey presto you're hooked up to a drip with whatever treatment you are due). I placed my hands in the water and we waited.
"Don't look so worried" Angie told me. "I'm good at finding veins".
"That's what all the nurses on Oncology said until they had a dabble" I told her. "Either, you won't find one. Or you will find one and it will collapse in a few hours then I'll have to go through it all over again".
"Well all I can do is my best" Angie smiled. "Right take your hands on and put them on the towel". I did as I was told and she dried them gently looking at the left one first, then the right. "Ooh that looks like a good one" she said pointing to a vein in at the side of my wrist. "I'll give it a go".
"Okay" I took a deep breath and looked across at Lee maintaining eye contact as Angie entered with a needle "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" I chanted quietly.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine" I replied through gritted teeth. God it hurt, I think over time your veins must become more sensitive because every prod with that needle hurt like hell. I winced then the tears started.
"Sorry Loraine, that vein moved".
"You okay?" Lee asked and sat at the side of me.
"Sorry" I apologised, tears flowing. "It hurts".
"I know love" Lee gave me a cuddle. "Is this going to take long, you can see its hurting her?" Lee asked Angie.
"No, there we go its in, sorry Loraine" Angie apologised and began moping up the blood around my fingers then she dressed it to keep the cannula in place. "Right Loraine Amy will be in with your Antibiotics and some fluids in a minute okay?" I nodded still wincing from the pain. "Sorry I hurt you love". I managed a smile as Angie left the room then dissolved into tears in Lee's arms. The antibiotics and fluids were put up about half an hour later followed by some pain relief. When it got to quarter to eight Lee looked tired. I had the TV sorted above my bed and it was all operational.
"Why don't you get off?"
"I was hoping they'd have done the x-ray by now.."
"It'll happen probably later. You look knackered, and you haven't had anything to eat. Go home and get some sleep".
"Okay, okay", Lee replied. "You get some sleep as well".
"I will, I'll give you a ring before I go to sleep".
"Okay love you, bye xx" Lee left and I pulled the TV monitor closer and logged on to facebook but nothing was happening. So I switched on the TV Coronation Street was on, so I settled down to watch it. It was about ten minutes in when a porter turned up to take me for an x-ray.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"That's me" I replied. "I can walk okay you know" I told the porter looking at the trolley he had with him.
"I couldn't find a chair love" He replied.
"Ah well I get to ride in comfort then and I'm just about ready for a nap. I just need to nip to the loo first though, is that okay?"
"Yes no problem love", I quickly jumped down off my bed and headed for the toilet and emptied my bag then I pulled on the dressing gown hanging up inside the bathroom door.
I lay on the trolley in the x-ray area waiting for my name to be called. It was bloody cold down here and I'd been put in a cubicle on my own, away from other people obviously awaiting x-rays as well. This worried me slightly had anyone been told I was here? I didn't have a watch and there was no clock to speak of but I was pretty sure I'd been sat there a good twenty minutes before I heard my name being called along the other end of the corridor.
"I'm down here" I called out.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Down here on a trolley" I called again. God I was frustrated I wanted to jump off the trolley and get out of the cubicle but my drip was attached to the trolley I lay on so I couldn't. It was then a dark haired man wearing a white uniform appeared at the bottom of the trolley. "Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"That's right" I replied. "I didn't think you'd heard me".
"Yes sorry about that. I was expecting someone in a wheelchair not on a trolley".
"Apparently the porter couldn't find a wheelchair" I told him.
"Ah right, lets get you into x-ray". He pushed the trolley and manoeuvred me into the large x-ray room. "Can you get off the trolley okay on your own?"
"Yes no problem".
"Okay so I'll get the drip if you can just follow me over to the x-ray couch".
"Right" I walked slowly over to the x-ray couch and lay down putting my head on the pillow.
"So your consultant has asked for an x-ray of your abdomen including your bowel, okay?"
"Yes that's fine"
"Sorry Loraine I have to ask this, is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
"I've been sterilised and I had a hysterectomy when I had a cystectomy last year".
"Wow you've been through it then?"
"Just a bit" I replied.
"Right Loraine, I'm going to go behind the screen over there I'll ask you to breathe in, hold your breath and then breathe away, okay?"
"Okay".
"Loraine breathe in, hold your breath" I did as I was told but I always found this to be the hardest part because I felt like I was turning blue... "Breathe away" 'Phew' I let go and I felt so much better.
"Okay Loraine, you're all done just stay there and I'll come move the x-ray machine so you can sit up". As the machine was moved from above my head I pulled myself into a sitting position and waited.
The guy with the dark hair picked up the drip and carried it beside me over to the trolley. I climbed back onto the trolley and pulled the blanket back up over myself. It was definitely cold in here. He wheeled me back outside and put me back in the corridor. "I'll call for a porter but don't worry I'll let them know you're on a trolley and what cubicle you are in" he told me.
I don't know how long I'd been waiting but I know I was nodding off when I heard my name called.
"Over here!" I replied.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Over here!" I replied again, then to my relief I heard footsteps and saw a grey haired porter appear at the bottom of the trolley I lay on.
"Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"Yes that's right" I replied.
"Lets get you back up to 96," he smiled. "You look tired".
"I am I feel like I've been down here for hours". I told him. I must have fallen asleep during the trip back up to the ward because I don't remember it at all.
"Do you know which room you're in?" the porter enquired.
"Yes room 15".
"Can you get off the trolley okay?"
"Yes no problem" I hopped off the trolley and onto my bed. "Thanks".
"No problem, you get a good nights sleep".
"Thanks". I pressed my buzzer and waited for a nurse to come, it was a ball ache not being allowed out my room it would be so much quicker to go and get a nurse myself.
"Hi Loraine, what can I do for you?"
"I want to go to sleep but I need a night bag stand for my urostomy is it possible you could find me one? I forgot to pack mine".
"Yes I'll go get you one. Your fluids need changing too so we'll get those sorted at the same time".
"Thanks". It was then I turned on the TV above the bed and noticed the time it was ten thirty, I'd been down in x-ray for ages, no wonder i was tired. I gave Lee a quick ring said goodnight and settled down to sleep whilst I waited for my night stand to arrive. My night bag and fluids arrived around midnight they woke me up to do my blood pressure and temperature at the same time. They were so considerate. NOT!.
"Want me to call the doctor?"
"Yep I think we should it hurts" I replied. The pain was getting unbearable I had a drink and the vomiting started again. Lee had rang the doctor under the new system you have to wait for a call back. I began to vomit again it was then Lee said "Shall we call oncology get some advice?"
"Yep probably a good idea" I replied. So Lee got the number for the hospital off the fridge and began dialling eventually they asked to speak to me so they could do an assessment. An assessment takes about seven minutes over the phone but at the time when you're on the other end in pain trust me it feels like an eternity as the nurse spoke I paced the floor explaining how I was feeling and answering yes or no to the questions. I had just put the phone down when it rang again and this time it was Dr Langton. I explained to him that I hadn't had chemo since 4th April and how I'd been feeling since the chemo and then I told him how the hospital had done a full blood count the day before. "Right well your results aren't here yet but they should have them Loraine, ideally I want those results before I make a decision as to what to do with you. Do you have a telephone number for the oncology unit that did your bloods?"
"Yes I do, I have rang them as well just because we've since done my temperature and it says on all my advice things that if my temp goes above 38 I've to ring"
"Okay you've done the right thing that's fine so what are they doing?"
"Well they are gonna refer my symptoms to their doctor and then ring me back".
"Right well give me that number and I will ring them for the results and I will make a decision as to what to do with you before I ring you back".
"Okay thanks Dr Langton"
"No problem Loraine you take it easy I'll get back to you as soon as I can".
"Thanks Dr Langton". I laid back on the settee feeling rough and Lee gave me a cuddle. Lee got up and got me a wheat bag putting it in the microwave and handing it to me "here put this on your stomach it might ease the pain slightly"
"Thanks. Can you get the hospital bag out of the boot I think I better check everything is there and be prepared to go in" I told him.
"Okay I'll go get it now" Mum appeared about ten minutes later and helped me sort out my bag for the hospital. We had just finished it when the phone rang.
"Loraine?"
"Yes"
"This is the oncology day case unit. I've had a word with the doctor we do want you to come in to ward 96, however at the minute we're waiting for a bed for you. What I've done is ask Ward 96 to ring you direct as soon as a bed becomes free, okay?"
"Okay yes that's fine. Is my blood count down then?"
"Yes your white cell count is really low and because your temperature is high we think its best we bring you in and get you on antibiotics, okay?"
"Okay, thanks". No sooner had I put the phone down then it rung again.
"Loraine its Doctor Langton here, I've been in touch with the hospital your white cell count is really low and what with that and your temperature we've made the decision that you should be admitted. Have they been in touch at all?"
"Yes about two seconds ago" I replied. "I'm sorry if you think I've messed you about what with ringing the hospital as well.."
"Loraine it is fine that is what we are here for I am just glad we have got you sorted out".
"Okay well thank you very much for sorting it out for me".
"You are welcome and I hope you're not waiting too long for a bed".
"Thank you Doctor Langton". The sickness seemed to settle but I popped another tablet as the pain was growing steadily worse.
Lee had just left to take my mum home around quarter past four when the phone rang. "Hello is Loraine there please?"
"Loraine speaking" I replied.
"Hi Loraine its Emily from ward 96 I'm just ringing to tell you there is a bed available on Ward 96 if you would like to make your way in and come to the desk you are in Room 15".
"Okay thank you"
"Do you need transport?"
"No my husband will be bringing me in its fine" I replied. I put the phone down and ran upstairs and got dressed. I was back downstairs and dressed just as Lee walked through the door. "The beds ready Lee" I told him as he came through the front door.
"Okay you best ring your mum she wanted to come with you"
"Yes but she's only just gone home she needs some tea first. I'll tell her to come up tomorrow".
"Okay I'll just get your bag in the car" I dialled my mums number.
"Mum they've rung its ready now,"
"Do you want me to come?"
"No you've only just got in leave it and come up tomorrow Lee can take me in".
"Okay love if you're sure"
"Yes I'm sure. I better go Lee's waiting"
"Okay love I'll speak to you later".
"Bye mum".
"Bye love take care".
"Right Lee I'm ready lets go".
We arrived on Ward 96 around five pm.
"Can we help?" One of the nurses looked up from behind the desk.
"Loraine McEvoy checking in" I replied.
"You're in room 15 Loraine, follow me!" So we trundled after the nurse to room 15. "If you want to make yourself comfortable Loraine the doctor should be in to see you shortly". I lay down on the bed waiting for the doctor to arrive and Lee examined the TV screen above my bed.
"You can buy bundles by the look of it so you can get telephone, TV, and films to watch its £20 for 3 days".
"That's a bit expensive if you're on a pension and you have no income" I frowned. Just as I said that a nurse came to do my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate.
"Mm your temperature is still high"
"What is it?"
"39.8" she replied. "Is your blood pressure normally low?" she queried.
"Yes its never gone high".
"Dr Jagdev is here to see you". Dr Jagdev gowned up and walked into the room.
"Hi Loraine"
"Hi"
"Sorry to see you back in under these conditions. How are you feeling?"
"The pain in my stomach and groin is pretty horrific but the sickness seems to have stopped, I've been very tired though and I'm still really hot".
"Well your temperature is up fairly high Loraine. When did the sickness start Loraine?"
"Last night about eleven"
"And when was the last time you opened your bowels?"
"The day before, it was really like water with lumps in though".
"Okay, can you lie down so I can feel your tummy?" I lay back but it hurt to move and I winced.
"Even lying down is sore?"
"Yes" She began to feel my stomach quite gently but it was like stroking a really sore bruise and every movement hurt and I winced".
"Your stomach is really tender Loraine so I'm going to send you for an x-ray"
"Okay".
"You definitely have some kind of infection so I'm gonna start you on a really strong IV anti-biotic Loraine that will go up as soon as you've been for your x-ray".
"Okay fine".
"Once we get a better picture of what's going on inside we'll know what we are dealing with. Your blood count did show that your white cells are low again, that probably happened after your last lot of chemotherapy so that will account for your tiredness. Have you had your CT scan yet?"
"No its actually tomorrow"
"Okay well we will make sure that you still have that CT scan tomorrow. I will see you later".
"Okay thanks".
The nurse came in next and tried to flush my PICC line so that she could put up the IV antibiotics.
"It can be a bit tricky" I forewarned her.
"In what way?"
"Well it flushes but sometimes it doesn't bleed back. The district nurses couldn't get it to flush on Wednesday but then I came into the day case unit on Oncology yesterday and they got it to work straight away". I told her.
"Ah okay, well lets just put a pillow under your arm and lift it up and we'll try again." So I did as i was told but again the line would not work. "I'm really sorry Loraine but we need to get these antibiotics into you as soon as possible so we're going to have to try and cannulate you so that we can get these working quickly, okay".
"This is going to hurt" I mumbled.
"I'll get Angie to do it for you she's really good" the nurse told me.
"With the greatest respect all of the oncology day case unit nurses tried to have a go and they're really good and they couldn't manage it. That's why I had to have a PICC line put in".
"Oh love I'm sorry but we have to give it a go".
"I know its fine". Angie appeared with a bowl of water in front of me and sat down. I looked across at Lee and mouthed "this is gonna hurt". (When you go onto the Oncology day case unit for treatment you are faced with walls lined with recliner chairs, at the side of each chair is a drip stand. Each patient who doesn't have a permanent line in, sits whilst a nurse carries through a bowl of steaming hot water your hands are placed in the water. This is supposed to get your veins to rise to the surface of the skin and make them easier to find. Then if they are lucky they find a vein insert a needle which leaves behind a cannula and hey presto you're hooked up to a drip with whatever treatment you are due). I placed my hands in the water and we waited.
"Don't look so worried" Angie told me. "I'm good at finding veins".
"That's what all the nurses on Oncology said until they had a dabble" I told her. "Either, you won't find one. Or you will find one and it will collapse in a few hours then I'll have to go through it all over again".
"Well all I can do is my best" Angie smiled. "Right take your hands on and put them on the towel". I did as I was told and she dried them gently looking at the left one first, then the right. "Ooh that looks like a good one" she said pointing to a vein in at the side of my wrist. "I'll give it a go".
"Okay" I took a deep breath and looked across at Lee maintaining eye contact as Angie entered with a needle "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" I chanted quietly.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine" I replied through gritted teeth. God it hurt, I think over time your veins must become more sensitive because every prod with that needle hurt like hell. I winced then the tears started.
"Sorry Loraine, that vein moved".
"You okay?" Lee asked and sat at the side of me.
"Sorry" I apologised, tears flowing. "It hurts".
"I know love" Lee gave me a cuddle. "Is this going to take long, you can see its hurting her?" Lee asked Angie.
"No, there we go its in, sorry Loraine" Angie apologised and began moping up the blood around my fingers then she dressed it to keep the cannula in place. "Right Loraine Amy will be in with your Antibiotics and some fluids in a minute okay?" I nodded still wincing from the pain. "Sorry I hurt you love". I managed a smile as Angie left the room then dissolved into tears in Lee's arms. The antibiotics and fluids were put up about half an hour later followed by some pain relief. When it got to quarter to eight Lee looked tired. I had the TV sorted above my bed and it was all operational.
"Why don't you get off?"
"I was hoping they'd have done the x-ray by now.."
"It'll happen probably later. You look knackered, and you haven't had anything to eat. Go home and get some sleep".
"Okay, okay", Lee replied. "You get some sleep as well".
"I will, I'll give you a ring before I go to sleep".
"Okay love you, bye xx" Lee left and I pulled the TV monitor closer and logged on to facebook but nothing was happening. So I switched on the TV Coronation Street was on, so I settled down to watch it. It was about ten minutes in when a porter turned up to take me for an x-ray.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"That's me" I replied. "I can walk okay you know" I told the porter looking at the trolley he had with him.
"I couldn't find a chair love" He replied.
"Ah well I get to ride in comfort then and I'm just about ready for a nap. I just need to nip to the loo first though, is that okay?"
"Yes no problem love", I quickly jumped down off my bed and headed for the toilet and emptied my bag then I pulled on the dressing gown hanging up inside the bathroom door.
I lay on the trolley in the x-ray area waiting for my name to be called. It was bloody cold down here and I'd been put in a cubicle on my own, away from other people obviously awaiting x-rays as well. This worried me slightly had anyone been told I was here? I didn't have a watch and there was no clock to speak of but I was pretty sure I'd been sat there a good twenty minutes before I heard my name being called along the other end of the corridor.
"I'm down here" I called out.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Down here on a trolley" I called again. God I was frustrated I wanted to jump off the trolley and get out of the cubicle but my drip was attached to the trolley I lay on so I couldn't. It was then a dark haired man wearing a white uniform appeared at the bottom of the trolley. "Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"That's right" I replied. "I didn't think you'd heard me".
"Yes sorry about that. I was expecting someone in a wheelchair not on a trolley".
"Apparently the porter couldn't find a wheelchair" I told him.
"Ah right, lets get you into x-ray". He pushed the trolley and manoeuvred me into the large x-ray room. "Can you get off the trolley okay on your own?"
"Yes no problem".
"Okay so I'll get the drip if you can just follow me over to the x-ray couch".
"Right" I walked slowly over to the x-ray couch and lay down putting my head on the pillow.
"So your consultant has asked for an x-ray of your abdomen including your bowel, okay?"
"Yes that's fine"
"Sorry Loraine I have to ask this, is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
"I've been sterilised and I had a hysterectomy when I had a cystectomy last year".
"Wow you've been through it then?"
"Just a bit" I replied.
"Right Loraine, I'm going to go behind the screen over there I'll ask you to breathe in, hold your breath and then breathe away, okay?"
"Okay".
"Loraine breathe in, hold your breath" I did as I was told but I always found this to be the hardest part because I felt like I was turning blue... "Breathe away" 'Phew' I let go and I felt so much better.
"Okay Loraine, you're all done just stay there and I'll come move the x-ray machine so you can sit up". As the machine was moved from above my head I pulled myself into a sitting position and waited.
The guy with the dark hair picked up the drip and carried it beside me over to the trolley. I climbed back onto the trolley and pulled the blanket back up over myself. It was definitely cold in here. He wheeled me back outside and put me back in the corridor. "I'll call for a porter but don't worry I'll let them know you're on a trolley and what cubicle you are in" he told me.
I don't know how long I'd been waiting but I know I was nodding off when I heard my name called.
"Over here!" I replied.
"Mrs McEvoy?"
"Over here!" I replied again, then to my relief I heard footsteps and saw a grey haired porter appear at the bottom of the trolley I lay on.
"Mrs McEvoy?" he enquired.
"Yes that's right" I replied.
"Lets get you back up to 96," he smiled. "You look tired".
"I am I feel like I've been down here for hours". I told him. I must have fallen asleep during the trip back up to the ward because I don't remember it at all.
"Do you know which room you're in?" the porter enquired.
"Yes room 15".
"Can you get off the trolley okay?"
"Yes no problem" I hopped off the trolley and onto my bed. "Thanks".
"No problem, you get a good nights sleep".
"Thanks". I pressed my buzzer and waited for a nurse to come, it was a ball ache not being allowed out my room it would be so much quicker to go and get a nurse myself.
"Hi Loraine, what can I do for you?"
"I want to go to sleep but I need a night bag stand for my urostomy is it possible you could find me one? I forgot to pack mine".
"Yes I'll go get you one. Your fluids need changing too so we'll get those sorted at the same time".
"Thanks". It was then I turned on the TV above the bed and noticed the time it was ten thirty, I'd been down in x-ray for ages, no wonder i was tired. I gave Lee a quick ring said goodnight and settled down to sleep whilst I waited for my night stand to arrive. My night bag and fluids arrived around midnight they woke me up to do my blood pressure and temperature at the same time. They were so considerate. NOT!.
Sunday 29 April 2012
18th April - Rough is not the word for how I feel....
Just as everything was going smoothly I was hit by an infection it hit me in the form of sleep and to be honest the only signs I noticed were sleepiness. I took to my bed on Friday the 13th and slept, and slept and slept. Then on Wednesday the district nurses came out to flush my PICC line and once again they ran into difficult it was Martin that came out to see me and after half an hour we both decided enough was enough and that I should make the journey to ST James's. Martin however, asked me to get them to do a full blood count as well suggested I may be anaemic. Off we headed to St James's I asked for Andrea and we sat and waited for a good twenty minutes before she called me in.
"I'm so sorry Loraine, its hectic here today" she apologised showing me to a bay. "So your PICC line is playing up again??"
"Yep" I replied.
"I thought you'd finished treatment"
"That's the thing I have, however its pending the results of my CT scan and that's not due until Friday"
"Ah, so we could take it out then?"
"Potentially yes, however results are on the 24th".
"Ah, so we better wait then?"
"Well yes and no if its not working then there's no point in it being in, is there?"
"Right well let me see if it will flush". As she disappeared to sort her trolley out Virgil one of the pre-assessment doctors that I have got to know pretty well appeared.
"Hello, Loraine how are you today?"
"Not too good Virgil" I replied. "I've been really tired since Chemotherapy"
"When was your last session Loraine?"
"4th April" I replied. "I should be rallying round by now"
"Mm" he looked at me a thoughtful look on his face. "Is there any more treatment planned?"
"I have a CT scan booked on Friday Virgil, then I see Dr Jagdev on Tuesday for the results and then I will know if there is any more treatment".
"Ah I see... okay. So you are here today because?"
"PICC line wouldn't flush AGAIN" I rolled my eyes and Virgil laughed.
"You're PICC line it is very.. how do I say.. tempestuous"
"Mm you could call it that."
"So the way you are feeling, this tiredness this is a sudden thing?"
"Just since Friday" I replied. "The district nurse who called today said he thinks I may be anaemic and I should get a full blood count down... can you do that here?"
"Yes I think that is a very good idea I will ask Andrea to do this for you" Virgil replied. At that point she re-appeared".
"I think when you flush the line you should do a full blood count on Loraine here" he suggested.
"Okay" she smiled and nodded and began setting up to try and flush my line. "Mm there is quite a bit of resistance there again Loraine" she told me. However the line began to flush "did the dressing get changed Loraine?"
"Yep but I noticed my line seems to be hanging further out of my arm than normal".
"Mm it is isn't it. Virgil?"
"Yes my dear" he replied a grin on his face.
"Loraine's line seems to be further out of her arm than normal do you think I should maybe do a chest x-ray check its in the right place? And, if its not then we could potentially take her line out. It would be no use anyway for further treatment, do you agree?"
"Yes, I will do you and x-ray card for Loraine now".
"Thanks Virgil" Andrea looked at me at that point, Loraine I'm really sorry but your PICC line isn't bleeding back I'm going to have to try and take it from your vein".
"Oh god" I whinged, my veins are horrendously bad hence the reason for the PICC line.
"I'll be gentle I promise" she looked at me a sympathetic look on her face.
"Just do me a favour and try this one in my right arm first" I asked pointing it out. "Its the best vein I have although occasionally it does move a little, but please try".
"Okay Loraine lets give it a go" I looked over at Lee who smiled at me and held eye contact with him... "Okay Loraine sharp scratch" I bit my lip as Lee smiled at me. I swore silently under my breath Fu....fu....fu....fu.....ck!" Lee lent across and held my hand.
"You okay?" He mouthed silently. I nodded....trying hard to smile...
"It hurts" I replied. I gritted my teeth all my veins felt sensitive these days
"Okay all done"
"Really? What you actually got blood?" Andrea smiled and nodded "I'm impressed" I smiled. "Right so next step I need you to go down to x-ray" Andrea told me "As soon as its done come back up and find me and we will see if its in the right place".
"For the first time ever I'm hoping it isn't in the right place then I can have the damn thing taken out... I sooo want a bath" I told her and she laughed.
"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you come back and find me after you've been to x-ray and I'll find out whats going on".
"Okay" I grabbed my coat and the x-ray card and grabbed Lee's hand and we headed down to x-ray. It was really busy when I gave over my details downstairs in x-ray, the seating area was packed full of people. "Looks like we may be waiting a while" I said smiling at Lee.
"Well we haven't got anything else to do" Lee smiled back at me and gave me a hug.
"Loraine McEvoy?"
"Maybe we won't be waiting that long after all" Lee murmured. We headed up the corridor to the changing room.
"Right Loraine if you go in there please take off everything on your top half and put a gown on, that includes your chain"
"Okay".
"Then if you come out and take a seat we will call you in".
"Okay" i waited for the door to close then locked it. Turning round the smell hit me a very strong smell of B.O. it was so strong ugh I actually felt sick. I have never got into a gown so fast in my life I actually left the changing room with the strings still unfastened holding my gown at the back thank god I could keep my jeans on. Lee was sitting on a chair outside. "Can you tie this for me?" I asked turning around.
"Of course I can turn around" Lee had just tied the strings at my neck when the radiographer called me in.. "Loraine McEvoy?"
"Yep" I replied.
"Come on in" I entered the x-ray room. "Right Loraine if you stand with your chest pressed up against the screen rest your chin on top", I did as I was told. "Now, if you put your arms round the back and grip hold of the handles. That's it, okay Loraine shortly I'll ask you to take a deep breath, hold it and breathe away".
"Okay". The radiographer disappeared behind the screen. "Right Loraine, take a deep breath in," I did, "hold your breath" I did, "now breathe away". There was a pause... "right Loraine that's it you are all done the results will be on computer when you get upstairs. You can go get changed now love".
"Thanks" I left the room and went to get changed back into my clothes in the changing room which again I did in record time because the changing room still stunk. This time I managed to get my handbag off of Lee though and sprayed mountains of the stuff around the changing room at least the next person in wouldn't have to feel sick due to the BO smell. I left the changing room still hopeful that maybe the PICC line could come out. Lee stood waiting for me.
"All done, back up we trot hope those fingers have been crossed then maybe I can get this out tonight". I grabbed Lee's hand and we headed out of the x-ray department and headed back upstairs to Oncology.
"You okay? You've gone a bit pale?" Lee asked as we were halfway up the stairs in the main entrance.
"Knackered, its just hit me" I told him and grabbed his arm "I feel a bit dizzy too" Lee put his arm around me to steady me.
"Just stop for a minute" I did as I was told and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Its okay I'm okay I'll just take it slow this time" slowly we began climbing the stairs again. I felt so drained. We headed towards oncology and sat in the waiting room, it was then I caught a glimpse of Andrea in the bay where we had been before we left for x-ray I waved to her and she beckoned us through. "Okay if you take a seat Loraine I'll go find a doctor to look at your results Virgil's left for the day".
"Alright thanks" I took a seat and Lee announced he was going to go outside for a cigarette. I laid back in the chair... I felt so tired. I must have nodded off and half an hour later it was Lee that woke me.
"You okay?"
"Yep just tired" I replied.
"Loraine the x-ray shows that the PICC line has moved slightly" Andrea announced "but its not enough to warrant it taking out it should still flush okay".
"Right".
"I'll send your bloods off the results should be back tomorrow if you want to give us a ring for them".
"Okay thanks".
"Right off we go then" Lee pulled me out of the chair. "When we get home I think you should go for a lie down".
"Okay. I won't disagree I feel like shit". I replied. "Bye Andrea, I hope not to see you again any time soon and I mean that in the nicest possible way".
"I know what you mean I hope you get your PICC line taken out soon" I smiled and she smiled back. Then lee and I headed outside to the car park and for home. I must have fallen asleep again on the way home because when I next opened my eyes we were on the driveway. I did exactly as Lee said and made my way straight upstairs to lie down.
I awoke around seven at night and headed downstairs to spend some time with Lee. "You should have woke me its late" I told him.
"You were tired so I left you to sleep" Lee replied.
"Yep true". I sat down and tried hard to concentrate on the TV but in all honesty I couldn't concentrate it just wasn't happening I was just too tired. It was only a couple of hours later that I ended up back in bed.
I started vomiting around eleven o'clock that night and it was constant ...every time I took a drink or a painkiller I was sick. Lee rubbed my back consistently throughout the night and got up to warm up wheat bags in the microwave to ease the pain for me. I was so lucky to have him, I must have drifted off in the early hours of the morning because I woke startled as Felix pounced under the covers next to me as daylight shone through the gap in the curtains.
"What the...?" I jumped then realised the reason behind the fact that the cat was sharing my bed.. the window cleaners were at the window.... I have no idea why but my cat is terrified of two things... window cleaners and bin men and every time either one arrives he runs round like a lunatic. However, this was the first time he'd dived bombed under the covers on the bed giving me the fright of my life. I shouted out for Lee but there was on answer... slowly I pulled myself out of bed... god my stomach hurt. I sat on the bed for a good five minutes then the door knocked loudly... I knew it was the window cleaners but there was no way I could run downstairs and answer the door so I left it until they had gone and then slowly made my way downstairs and onto the settee. God I felt rough.....
"I'm so sorry Loraine, its hectic here today" she apologised showing me to a bay. "So your PICC line is playing up again??"
"Yep" I replied.
"I thought you'd finished treatment"
"That's the thing I have, however its pending the results of my CT scan and that's not due until Friday"
"Ah, so we could take it out then?"
"Potentially yes, however results are on the 24th".
"Ah, so we better wait then?"
"Well yes and no if its not working then there's no point in it being in, is there?"
"Right well let me see if it will flush". As she disappeared to sort her trolley out Virgil one of the pre-assessment doctors that I have got to know pretty well appeared.
"Hello, Loraine how are you today?"
"Not too good Virgil" I replied. "I've been really tired since Chemotherapy"
"When was your last session Loraine?"
"4th April" I replied. "I should be rallying round by now"
"Mm" he looked at me a thoughtful look on his face. "Is there any more treatment planned?"
"I have a CT scan booked on Friday Virgil, then I see Dr Jagdev on Tuesday for the results and then I will know if there is any more treatment".
"Ah I see... okay. So you are here today because?"
"PICC line wouldn't flush AGAIN" I rolled my eyes and Virgil laughed.
"You're PICC line it is very.. how do I say.. tempestuous"
"Mm you could call it that."
"So the way you are feeling, this tiredness this is a sudden thing?"
"Just since Friday" I replied. "The district nurse who called today said he thinks I may be anaemic and I should get a full blood count down... can you do that here?"
"Yes I think that is a very good idea I will ask Andrea to do this for you" Virgil replied. At that point she re-appeared".
"I think when you flush the line you should do a full blood count on Loraine here" he suggested.
"Okay" she smiled and nodded and began setting up to try and flush my line. "Mm there is quite a bit of resistance there again Loraine" she told me. However the line began to flush "did the dressing get changed Loraine?"
"Yep but I noticed my line seems to be hanging further out of my arm than normal".
"Mm it is isn't it. Virgil?"
"Yes my dear" he replied a grin on his face.
"Loraine's line seems to be further out of her arm than normal do you think I should maybe do a chest x-ray check its in the right place? And, if its not then we could potentially take her line out. It would be no use anyway for further treatment, do you agree?"
"Yes, I will do you and x-ray card for Loraine now".
"Thanks Virgil" Andrea looked at me at that point, Loraine I'm really sorry but your PICC line isn't bleeding back I'm going to have to try and take it from your vein".
"Oh god" I whinged, my veins are horrendously bad hence the reason for the PICC line.
"I'll be gentle I promise" she looked at me a sympathetic look on her face.
"Just do me a favour and try this one in my right arm first" I asked pointing it out. "Its the best vein I have although occasionally it does move a little, but please try".
"Okay Loraine lets give it a go" I looked over at Lee who smiled at me and held eye contact with him... "Okay Loraine sharp scratch" I bit my lip as Lee smiled at me. I swore silently under my breath Fu....fu....fu....fu.....ck!" Lee lent across and held my hand.
"You okay?" He mouthed silently. I nodded....trying hard to smile...
"It hurts" I replied. I gritted my teeth all my veins felt sensitive these days
"Okay all done"
"Really? What you actually got blood?" Andrea smiled and nodded "I'm impressed" I smiled. "Right so next step I need you to go down to x-ray" Andrea told me "As soon as its done come back up and find me and we will see if its in the right place".
"For the first time ever I'm hoping it isn't in the right place then I can have the damn thing taken out... I sooo want a bath" I told her and she laughed.
"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you come back and find me after you've been to x-ray and I'll find out whats going on".
"Okay" I grabbed my coat and the x-ray card and grabbed Lee's hand and we headed down to x-ray. It was really busy when I gave over my details downstairs in x-ray, the seating area was packed full of people. "Looks like we may be waiting a while" I said smiling at Lee.
"Well we haven't got anything else to do" Lee smiled back at me and gave me a hug.
"Loraine McEvoy?"
"Maybe we won't be waiting that long after all" Lee murmured. We headed up the corridor to the changing room.
"Right Loraine if you go in there please take off everything on your top half and put a gown on, that includes your chain"
"Okay".
"Then if you come out and take a seat we will call you in".
"Okay" i waited for the door to close then locked it. Turning round the smell hit me a very strong smell of B.O. it was so strong ugh I actually felt sick. I have never got into a gown so fast in my life I actually left the changing room with the strings still unfastened holding my gown at the back thank god I could keep my jeans on. Lee was sitting on a chair outside. "Can you tie this for me?" I asked turning around.
"Of course I can turn around" Lee had just tied the strings at my neck when the radiographer called me in.. "Loraine McEvoy?"
"Yep" I replied.
"Come on in" I entered the x-ray room. "Right Loraine if you stand with your chest pressed up against the screen rest your chin on top", I did as I was told. "Now, if you put your arms round the back and grip hold of the handles. That's it, okay Loraine shortly I'll ask you to take a deep breath, hold it and breathe away".
"Okay". The radiographer disappeared behind the screen. "Right Loraine, take a deep breath in," I did, "hold your breath" I did, "now breathe away". There was a pause... "right Loraine that's it you are all done the results will be on computer when you get upstairs. You can go get changed now love".
"Thanks" I left the room and went to get changed back into my clothes in the changing room which again I did in record time because the changing room still stunk. This time I managed to get my handbag off of Lee though and sprayed mountains of the stuff around the changing room at least the next person in wouldn't have to feel sick due to the BO smell. I left the changing room still hopeful that maybe the PICC line could come out. Lee stood waiting for me.
"All done, back up we trot hope those fingers have been crossed then maybe I can get this out tonight". I grabbed Lee's hand and we headed out of the x-ray department and headed back upstairs to Oncology.
"You okay? You've gone a bit pale?" Lee asked as we were halfway up the stairs in the main entrance.
"Knackered, its just hit me" I told him and grabbed his arm "I feel a bit dizzy too" Lee put his arm around me to steady me.
"Just stop for a minute" I did as I was told and took a couple of deep breaths.
"Its okay I'm okay I'll just take it slow this time" slowly we began climbing the stairs again. I felt so drained. We headed towards oncology and sat in the waiting room, it was then I caught a glimpse of Andrea in the bay where we had been before we left for x-ray I waved to her and she beckoned us through. "Okay if you take a seat Loraine I'll go find a doctor to look at your results Virgil's left for the day".
"Alright thanks" I took a seat and Lee announced he was going to go outside for a cigarette. I laid back in the chair... I felt so tired. I must have nodded off and half an hour later it was Lee that woke me.
"You okay?"
"Yep just tired" I replied.
"Loraine the x-ray shows that the PICC line has moved slightly" Andrea announced "but its not enough to warrant it taking out it should still flush okay".
"Right".
"I'll send your bloods off the results should be back tomorrow if you want to give us a ring for them".
"Okay thanks".
"Right off we go then" Lee pulled me out of the chair. "When we get home I think you should go for a lie down".
"Okay. I won't disagree I feel like shit". I replied. "Bye Andrea, I hope not to see you again any time soon and I mean that in the nicest possible way".
"I know what you mean I hope you get your PICC line taken out soon" I smiled and she smiled back. Then lee and I headed outside to the car park and for home. I must have fallen asleep again on the way home because when I next opened my eyes we were on the driveway. I did exactly as Lee said and made my way straight upstairs to lie down.
I awoke around seven at night and headed downstairs to spend some time with Lee. "You should have woke me its late" I told him.
"You were tired so I left you to sleep" Lee replied.
"Yep true". I sat down and tried hard to concentrate on the TV but in all honesty I couldn't concentrate it just wasn't happening I was just too tired. It was only a couple of hours later that I ended up back in bed.
I started vomiting around eleven o'clock that night and it was constant ...every time I took a drink or a painkiller I was sick. Lee rubbed my back consistently throughout the night and got up to warm up wheat bags in the microwave to ease the pain for me. I was so lucky to have him, I must have drifted off in the early hours of the morning because I woke startled as Felix pounced under the covers next to me as daylight shone through the gap in the curtains.
"What the...?" I jumped then realised the reason behind the fact that the cat was sharing my bed.. the window cleaners were at the window.... I have no idea why but my cat is terrified of two things... window cleaners and bin men and every time either one arrives he runs round like a lunatic. However, this was the first time he'd dived bombed under the covers on the bed giving me the fright of my life. I shouted out for Lee but there was on answer... slowly I pulled myself out of bed... god my stomach hurt. I sat on the bed for a good five minutes then the door knocked loudly... I knew it was the window cleaners but there was no way I could run downstairs and answer the door so I left it until they had gone and then slowly made my way downstairs and onto the settee. God I felt rough.....
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