Today I'm back at the hospital to see Dr Ralph for a review of my first cycle of treatment. I've been feeling great on it so as far as I'm concerned nothing needs to change. I'm also due to see the pre-assessment nurses for the usual bloods etc, and due to the problems with the PICC line, I should be having some magical stuff put down it to stop the problems I've been experiencing with regards to it not bleeding back.
I checked in with Andrea at reception and walked to the blue sofas in the waiting area and plonked myself down next to Lee, pulling out my book. He squeezed my hand "You okay?"
"Yep I'm fine" I smiled.
"You've been a bit quiet..."
"I'm thinking on asking the question about my timescale and prognosis.. would that be okay with you?"
"Whatever you want to know darl fine by me" Lee replied. I know he will support me whatever happens but I also know thinking about the future he finds it daunting. I just want to know if the CT scans results I had last time really change anything in the whole scheme of things. After all I've got lots to do. Louise walked past at that point and I caught her eye.
"Hi, you're looking well"
"I feel great Louise this new chemo is definitely working for me" I grinned.
"Are you here to see Dr Jagdev? Because if you are there could be a bit of a wait" she told me.
"I'm happy to see Dr Ralph.. just not the other tool" She knew who I was talking about and smiled.
"I'll see what I can do".
"Thanks Louise". Lee smiled and I smiled back. "Rule number one always make friends with the nurse on clinic it means you don't have to wait as long" I said quietly and he laughed.
"Loraine McEvoy"
"See" I whispered.
"Just need to weigh you Loraine" I left my stuff with Lee and followed the nurse to the scales. "How are you today?"
"Fine thanks"
"Right jump on" I did as I was told and hopped on the scales.
"Eleven stone three, you've lost another two pounds since last week".
"Plus point of cancer, I get to loose weight without trying" I chuckled. This nurse obviously didn't have a sense of humour and just stared at me. "Can you go for your bloods before you see the doctor?" She asked handing me a blood form.
"No can do" I replied. "I have a PICC line I see pre-assessment to get them done normally but I haven't been booked in. I'm gonna have a word with the nurses and see what I need to do after I've seen the doctor" I told her.
"Oh, right", she looked a little perplexed by this.
"Don't worry it happens all the time" I told her. "I'll get them done today, just not before I see the doc".
"Okay if you'd like to go back and take a seat.."
"Thanks" I walked back to the sofa grinning.
"How much?"
"About another two pounds since last week" Lee looked alarmed. "I keep telling you don't worry I'm still overweight for my height so they're not concerned".
"I know it just seems to be a steady weight loss every week now. What happens when you get down to the right weight and you're still loosing?"
"It might never happen. Anyway... pot ... kettle..." Lee hasn't been eating very well and has no appetite and has lost just over a stone in weight in a month. Difference being he doesn't have it to loose I've been asking him to go see the doctor but so far he hasn't.
"Okay point taken" he replied and went back to reading his paper and keeping his mouth shut. It was only about twenty minutes later when Dr Ralph called us in.
"So how have you been?" she asked me.
"Great, no sickness, bit tired maybe but I feel fab".
"And what about you Lee?" Thats what I liked about her I was her patient but she always included Lee in our conversation and always made sure he had understood everything.
"Yes I'm fine getting more sleep because she hasn't been sick at all. Its been going well".
"Good. So no syringe driver then?"
"Nope there's been no need".
"So I'll keep you on the cyclizine tablets then and the dexamethasone for the first three days following treatment again and we'll see you again in at clinic in a month, how does that sound?"
"Sounds good"
"Have you got any questions about the treatment or anything Loraine?"
"There is something I wanted to talk about yes."
"Okay, ask away".
"Well the thing is after the CT results last time I went home and told mum and dad and explained to them what you'd found. The thing is they've taken it that I'm getting better and they seem to think the chemo is going to be a cure. So I'm worried when that news comes they won't be able to handle it. I explained to them that it doesn't really change anything but they won't have it. I mean in the whole grand scheme of things even though there was a bit of shrinkage and this change in appearance of the second tumour it doesn't alter the timescale that I was given originally does it?"
"No it doesn't. The idea of the chemo is just to give you the best timescale possible by slowing things down but its never going to be a cure Loraine. The timescale we gave you was two years from the start of your chemotherapy treatment and that remains unchanged".
"That's what I thought, I just had to ask"
"You have to understand people cope with this in different ways Loraine and you can't be there to cradle them all if they fall. You should be looking after number one at the moment, doing what you want to do. Your mum and dad, your family when the time comes they will deal with this, you can't make it any easier for them Loraine. All you can do is give them the facts and its up to them how they process them".
"I know its hard though I can see them getting their hopes up they won't discuss funeral plans or anything like that with me because they just don't seem to think it will happen".
"Well try not to worry you don't need any added stress at this time. You should be relaxing and taking things easy".
"Talking of that, I want to go on holiday, well we do, don't we Lee? To Cyprus to visit Lee's mum and dad see their new house they've just moved you see, just for a week. So when can I expect this lot of chemo to be finished so I can book it?"
"Well normally we would give you six cycles then stop for a while anyway so I would say end of April time would be okay. But obviously I don't know if you'll be well enough to fly in April I can't wave a magic wand. So I would probably wait before you book it and do it last minute or get a good travel insurance..."
"Have you seen the prices?"
"I know/ I mean you can get treatment in Cyprus if you have your E111 card so you would have to weigh it up really".
"Okay thanks. And, when the break comes from treatment how long is that normally for? I mean could we go for say three weeks if they wanted to put up with us?"
"I could have sworn this started off at a week and has now crept up to three" she laughed. "It could be arranged this treatment is all about you and what you want. Obviously there's your PICC line to consider"
"Well Lee's learning how to flush that and what have you now... he's better at the dressings than most of the nurses" I told her.
"Well it can be negotiated sometimes to take it out and put it back in again".
"Oh right, well that's something to think about then I hadn't thought of that".
"Right go get your bloods done and I'll see you in a month".
"Okay thanks bye".
"Bye" lee told her and we both left the office.
"Right I best go have a word on pre-assessment" I was surprised to find Maria was on pre-assessment covering. I explained that Alison was supposed to have ordered me some of the special stuff to go down and was I booked in? I wasn't and they were running way behind because of an acute admission and couldn't get me in. So Maria told me to go down to the day unit and explain what was happening down there. I explained first to one of the staff covering reception who went off to have a word whilst Lee and I waited. It was Chanti who I hadn't really dealt with before who came to see me.
"Right Loraine, so Alison was supposed to order some stuff to put down your PICC line because its not bleeding back for pre-assessment to administer today for you and its not been ordered is that right?"
"Yep and I don't even have an appointment to see them and they can't fit me in because they are running way behind due to an acute admission. My lines due for flushing today too".
"Don't worry I can sort it for you come with me we should have some of the Uricianase in stock if we need it. Has the line been blocked then?"
"It hasn't bled back in about five weeks" I told her. "But it is flushing okay it just seems to be getting more and more resistant" I explained.
"Okay take a seat in chair 21 and I'll be back".
"I'm gonna go for a cig darl, okay?"
"Yep no problem" Lee gave me a kiss and disappeared to the smoking shelter outside the hospital. Chanti came back with a trolley and started to flush my PICC line."
"Ooh yes it is a bit tough" she said as she used the syringe to push some saline into it then she tried to pull it back and to my amazement it started to fill with blood straight away.
"It never does that, Maria will be amazed" I laughed.
"Well whatever was blocking it seems to be okay now. Its probably just shifted a little"
"Oh thanks Chanti you have no idea how happy I am. They were on about replacing it just last week".
"Well they don't need to know do they?"
"Doesn't look like it" I smiled. Chanti did all my bloods cleaned and dressed my arm again and told me I was free to go just as lee re-appeared from his little smoke.
"All done?"
"Yep bled back first time and flushed straight away I must tell Maria on the way out". Which is what I did heading straight for the pre-assessment office she was standing talking and I patiently waited.
"Are you waiting for me?"
"Just have some news... it bled back straight away and flushed first time" I told her grinning.
"That is just not right. Who did you have?"
"Chanti" I told her. "I might have to ask for her from now on she seems to be lucky".
"You do that!"she chuckled. "I know when I'm not wanted".
"See you tomorrow Maria,"
"See you tomorrow love" she smiled and I linked arms with Lee and we left. So far it was turning into a pretty good day. Of course it didn't last... it never does does it? Not for the likes of me??
So what now? I hear you ask. MY HOUSE! I reply....... I don't know if you remember me telling you all that I was selling the house to Yorkshire Housing through the Mortgage rescue scheme run by Wakefield council. Its basically a scheme that helps people who have run up arrears on their mortgage and are facing a real possibility of repossession. Well because of my illness and time off work I had gotten into that situation and had got about six months behind on my mortgage payments approximately just under £4,000 in arrears. So the sale had been going through with Yorkshire Housing although obviously they have to make a profit so they only pay 90% of the valuation. I was miffed I wasn't making any money on the sale because I have struggled for a long time to keep it going on my own. But happy that I would at least be mortgage free. The valuation ended up being lower than expected due to repairs needed urgently in their eyes which meant it didn't quite cover what was owing on the house .. well eleven thousand short to be exact. Yorkshire Housing had said not to worry what would probably happen is that HSBC would accept the offer and waive what was remaining because some money was better than none and they couldn't get what I didn't have. .... Apparently not!!! I got home to a letter from HSBC saying I have £11,000 outstanding on the mortgage and I need to pay it all in full within 18 days.... so here I go again. I actually feel like I've been had the whole point in selling the house to them quickly was to eradicate the debt that I had over me and be in a position where I didn't have to worry how to pay the mortgage every month. Instead I am now in a position whereas instead of having £4,000 to find I have £11,000 to find and I have no assets left to sell that will enable me to raise the bloody money... Well done... I really thought that one through didn't I? What an idiot? I feel pretty bloody dumb I can tell you! I no longer own my house and not only do I have to find the rent of £420 a month out of an income of £890. I now have to find a way of raising £11,000 in just eighteen days.... I really thought that one through didn't I?
Watch this space.................
No comments:
Post a Comment