I have to apologise to you all again, its been three weeks since my last post. I also have to apologise for dating my last blog incorrectly it should have been titled 28th Feb but for some reason I had it dated 19th Feb I have now corrected my error and edited the post to change the date... I swear Alzheimer's is setting in!! I sailed through my chemotherapy on the 29th February and felt okay until Saturday came and boy was I sick. On hands and knees over the toilet bowl Lee looked at me and said "I think we should ring the hospital" a concerned look on his face... it was the third time and we were only on 11 O'clock.
"No, Please, don't make me go back" I begged. The thought of going back to the uncomfortable bed at St James's and four boring blue walls with no working TV in a room by myself well not exactly enticing is it? "Besides its the weekend and if they took me in today it would be Monday before I would see a consultant there's only registrars on at the weekend" I pointed out.
"I'll give you til teatime if you're still being sick we are at least going to call the GP".
"Okay" I agreed. I went for a lie down on the bed and Lee went out to the shed. I am ashamed to say I lied to my husband when he came back in from the shed around 5pm and told him I'd been fine and no more sickness. Whereas I'd actually been sick twice more.... when he reads this he's gonna kill me. I love him to bits and I know he has my best interests at heart but the thought of that hospital again Ugh... I just couldn't face it. Besides we were off to see Sally Morgan the medium on Tuesday 6th and I was looking forward to it.
However I admit come the Tuesday although the sickness had stopped I was beginning to wish we weren't going. I felt weak, and washed out as we set off for my pre-assessment on the 6th March. We set off bags packed for our trip to Manchester tickets in hand and ready to head straight to the hotel from the hospital. We arrived at St James's checked in and sat patiently in the waiting room, we'd been sat for five minutes when I looked at Lee the colour draining from my face.
"You know how you said to me, have you got everything before we left?"
"Yes"
"I forgot my medication its in a plastic tub on the worktop in the kitchen. We're gonna have to go home before we go to Manchester". Lee laughed, I was always forgetting stuff it was getting to be a bit of a habit, hence he always said to me have you got everything?
"Its fine darl we can go home first and get your stuff and then go its no big deal".
"I love you" I lent over and gave him a kiss just as my name was called to go into pre-assessment. I cannot for the life in me remember the name of the nurse I saw that day... I hadn't seen her in pre-assessment before. She was younger than the other nurses on the pre-assessment team but that must mean she was really good at her job as oncology nurses all go through extra training.
"I will apologise in advance for my PICC line in case it decides to be temperamental again" I told her. "It has a habit of acting up".
"I'll be prepared for it then. How have you been since your last chemo?"
"Well for the first time since I started on the Carboplatin I've been sick" I told her. "I wasn't sick on the first cycle at all but I have been pretty terrible since last Wednesday. But, I'm thinking maybe its a sickness bug that I've picked up rather than chemo related because it only lasted one day".
"And how have you felt since then?"
"Really tired and drained to be honest. I've had no energy at all".
"It could be that you're iron levels are low Loraine, I mean I've not seen you before but are you usually this pale?"
"She does look whiter than normal" Lee interrupted.
"Well if there is anything it will come back in your bloods and they'll give you something for it tomorrow" she told me. She flushed my line and drew back the syringe waiting for my line to bleed... it didn't happen...."Please, please bleed, don't play silly buggers today" I actually spoke to my PICC line out loud...she must have thought I was ready for the nut farm. Lee smirked and I rolled my eyes here we go again.
"I'd do some star jumps to move the arm about but I really don't have the energy" I laughed nervously. I really hate it when this happens going to phlebotomy for bloods doing with a needle is not good when you have no veins it bloody hurts (I think you call the blood clinic phlebotomy... if you don't I apologise as I said before Alzheimer's lol). The nurse frowned as she continued to try and get my PICC line to bleed back... it didn't want to work. "Just a thought but sometimes they change the dressing and everything first and then try it again and it works" I suggested.
"Okay, lets give that a go" She stripped the dressing off my arm and changed the bung at the end of my line wiping round the area carefully where the line goes into my arm as it was quite sore. It stung as she wiped round it with an alcoholic wipe and I flinched slightly. "Sorry did that hurt?"
"Just a bit" I told her "Its just where its scabbed over where the line goes in, the dressing rubs against it and it gets irritated" I explained. Dressing change she flushed the line again and this time I could feel the cool saline going in.
"Its definitely flushing I felt that" I told her.
"Right lets try again then" once again she pulled back the syringe giving it a tug... nothing. Then again and.....voila it began to bleed.
"I knew it would work eventually" I grinned. "Thank god for that I was not looking forward to any needles especially as I have no veins". She smiled and filled up the vials with my blood which was trickling slowly into them.
"Right lets get you weighed Loraine" she took me over to the scales...another three pounds weight loss now at eleven stone. "Mm, you've lost another three pounds how's your appetite?"
"Non existent in all honesty but I'm drinking plenty" I quickly added.
"Okay well you are still a healthy weight so nothing to get too concerned about at the minute. If you are feeling really rubbish though Loraine I can get you in to see a doctor".
"No we don't have time today to be honest we're off to Manchester to see the medium Sally Morgan tonight and we need to be checking in at two so its fine". The thought of the registrar Virgil seeing me like this put the fear of god in me because I knew he would take one look and admit me straight away.
"Okay if you're sure. Any problems give us a ring if not I might see you on the day case unit I'm down there tomorrow".
"Okay bye then" I got up from the chair and pulled back the curtain and there was Liz the nurse I normally see on pre-assessment. A bright smile and "hiya" quickly faded and was replaced by a frown and a "You look dreadful". Alarm bells started ringing there was no way I was gonna let her admit me either.
"I'm fine just really tired. I didn't sleep too well last night Liz and I'm bloody cold I can't warm up," she seemed to accept this explanation and gave me a hug.
"Well you take care. Lee make sure you look after her!"
"I will Liz don't worry". I practically ran out of the clinic in case I bumped into anyone else that might want to admit me. I fell asleep in the car on the way to go pick my medication up from home.
"Loraine," lee stroked my arm gently waking me from my sleep. "Listen we don't have to be in Manchester until six so why don't you go for a couple of hours sleep. I'll get you up at two and we can set off then?"
"Are you sure you don't mind?"
"I wouldn't suggest it if I did. You look worn out I would much rather take you to Manchester later and have you feeling better".
"Okay. But don't let me sleep any later than two" I warned him. "We don't want to hit the teatime rush hour do we? Could you turn the heating up too, I'm bloody freezing, I complained."
"Okay I'll wake you I'll get your medication in the car now you go up and lie down". He gave me a kiss and I headed up to bed.
As promised Lee woke me at 2 o'clock and we got in the car switched on the Tom tom and headed to Manchester. I would highly recommend the Tom Tom Live, we got there with no mistakes in an hour and six minutes and parked up in the car park adjacent to the hotel. I knew there was a charge for parking of £9 per day because it had stated that on the website and there was a large notice saying please make sure all tickets are displayed in the window of your vehicle... but as we got out.. there was no sign of a ticket machine. A car pulled up just as we stood there looking puzzled around us for a ticket machine. "Ask that guy there" I suggested and Lee went over to chat with him.
"He says we get a ticket from reception when we check in" Lee told me. "And its this way" we headed out the car park with a suitcase, overnight bag, suit and dress on hangers and my laptop. We looked like we were staying for a week!! That's what happens when you're a stoma patient there's so many what ifs you have to come prepared. We were only here overnight but I needed two changes of clothes as I have a tendency of leaking. I'd had to bring four stoma bags again in case of leakages, then there's the wipes, the disposable bags, adhesive remover, scissors to trim the bags to size, overnight bag, and stand. Honestly its like moving house every time you go away!! We checked in at reception paid for the room and parking and were given a parking permit and our room key and we headed up in the lift to our room. The room was nice and clean and tidy but nothing to write home about.
"You look shattered again" Lee pointed out as I sat on the bed. "I'll leave you to unpack and I'll go down to put the ticket in the window of the car".
"Okay" I nodded, I hung up our clothes for tonight in the wardrobe and sunk onto the bed...I was still bloody cold and all I wanted to do was sleep I felt queasy and so tired all I wanted to do was sleep. It was as I hung up my dress I realised what else I'd forgotten, tights. Shit! Lee was not going to be happy! I was still sprawled on the bed when he came back up.
"Loraine you really don't look well" he pointed out.
"I don't feel it, I'm sorry I feel so cold and tired" I apologised.
"Don't be sorry you can't help it, maybe we should just stay put?" he suggested.
"No way it cost me Fifty seven quid for two tickets Lee I'm not wasting them. I just need to lie here for a bit".
"Go for a sleep I'll go for a walk and find out where the opera house is I need a cig and its no smoking here" he pointed out.
"Could you do me a huge favour at the same time?" I asked.
"What you forgotten?" he smirked.
"Tights" I gave him an apologetic look.
"There's bound to be somewhere, what size, colour?"
"As thin a denier as possible, black, medium. Here's my bank card" I past him my cash card over. "Take the key with you".
"Okay, sleep well love" Lee gave me a hug and a kiss and I settled down on the bed for a sleep pulling the quilt and blanket over me.
I had no idea how long I'd been sleeping but woke to see Lee sitting on the floor at the end of the bed watching TV. "What time is it?"
"Just after five, feel any better?" he asked.
"Still cold but not as tired".
"I got your tights they only had 60 denier though" Lee told me. "That's fine. I better start getting ready did you find the Opera House okay?"
"Yep its only ten minutes walk if we set off at quarter past seven we will be there in plenty of time. Why don't I run you a hot bath, that will warm you up and make you feel better". I nodded, it sounded like heaven. As Lee ran my bath I got fresh underwear, dressing gown, toiletries, and stoma bag kit out of the suitcase and put them in the bathroom. The water gushed out of the taps really fast as I headed into the bathroom. "Well the water pressure here is definitely better than our house I don't think that will take long to run" Lee pointed out and he was right. Within ten minutes the bath was full and as I lowered myself into the water I immediately began to feel better as the warmth spread through me. "God this is gorgeous" I shouted through to Lee. "Don't let me stay in for too long though especially if you want one, call me in twenty minutes".
"I will". I was actually out of the bath within fifteen minutes however as I stood up I began to feel wobbly and half fell out of the bath as the room spun around me. Hot bath and moving too fast, recipe for disaster. I sat on the loo to compose myself wrapped in a towel. I still felt a tad dizzy but at least I was warm now. I set about changing my stoma bag, brushing my teeth and running a comb through my hair before exiting the bathroom in my dressing gown.
"Better?"
"Much" I forced a smile. I didn't really I felt horrid and wobbly and once more, tired. Lee headed for the bathroom to have a shower and I began drying my hair at the dressing table. My hair was limp and lifeless and looked shocking as it clung to my scalp. I always knew when I was ill my hair was the first to look horrid followed by my nails and two of those had broken yesterday. I secured my hair on my head with a clip which made it look a little better and begun adding make up to my white complexion. As Lee came out of the bathroom he looked at me in the mirror, "you look much better love".
"Amazing what a bit of slap can do isn't it?" I grinned. I pulled on my dress and my tights and then put on my new shoes. Oops... the thickness of the tights and the shoes did not go together my toes were pinched and I squirmed in them.
"They're crippling you aren't they?"
"Put it this way I may be walking back in my tights without the shoes" I told him. "They were fine in the shop but then I tried them on without tights and these are quite thick".
"Have you got anything else with you?"
"Only trainers and I doubt they will go with the dress" I laughed. "Its not far to walk, I'll cope" I added. Lee dressed in the suit we'd bought him earlier that week, he looked so sexy I couldn't resist giving him a kiss. "You are bloody gorgeous" I told him. "You look great in that suit".
"You look fab too Mrs McEvoy," Lee gave me a hug and a kiss. "Ready?"
"Ready!" I nodded determined I was gonna cheer up and enjoy the evening. The ten minute walk turned out to be more like twenty as I was walking so slow due to my shoes being so tight. As we headed into the opera house we saw the programmes on sale and purchased two. Then searched for a sign showing us the way to the gallery where we were seated. It turns out "the gallery" seats were at the very top of the theatre as high up as you could go. That's when I saw the stairs, stairs and yet more stairs, after fifteen I was totally exhausted. It took fifty five before we got to the top where we were seated third row from the back. I was knackered! Now, I've never been scared of heights but I must admit sitting on those seats not far from the ceiling and in such an upright position I was slightly unnerved.
"Shall i go to the bar before it starts?" Lee asked.
"Yep but just get me a soft drink," I'd seen a few people sit down with cartons of juice "A carton of juice will do, you get a pint or whatever you fancy. Oh and some crisps I'm a bit peckish now" I grinned and Lee set off to the bar. When he came back he held out a carton of vimto, I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't keen on vimto and actually when I tasted it, it wasn't as bad as I remembered. The lights went down and the show began and there before us appeared Sally Morgan in the flesh if it hadn't been for the huge TV screen we wouldn't actually have been able to see her because we were so high up. For those of you who are sceptical about life after death and whether we do go on... I would highly recommend going to see a medium like Sally. Although I didn't get picked and I didn't get any messages from anyone I know that has past over there was no doubt in my mind after seeing that show life definitely does go on beyond the grave. I am totally convinced of it! And if you see someone and you're still not convinced try picking out the people she gives messages too after the show and ask them... that's what I did and it left no doubt in my mind whatsoever. I slept quite well in the hotel that night considering I wasn't in my own bed and I woke up feeling hungry on Wednesday morning. I woke Lee up at seven thirty and asked if he fancied breakfast.
"Why do you?"
"Starving" I replied.
"Well what are we waiting for lets head down for breakfast" Lee grinned I'll just go to the loo and get dressed. I popped my tablets with a glass of water before we headed down for breakfast. I helped myself to fruit juice, but couldn't stand the smell of coffee or tea today. Then I put two rashers of bacon and some beans on my plate and headed back to a table where Lee was seated. In front of him was a cup of tea and some apple juice.
"Where's your breakfast?" I asked.
"You know I can't eat as soon as I get up" Lee replied.
"Oh hell I was that hungry I just forgot"
"Its okay its nice to see you eating"
"Yes but you have to eat too" I told him.
"I can grab something later". At that point I decided to take as long as possible with my breakfast if I took my time Lee would come round and feel like eating. So bacon and beans was followed by another glass of fruit juice, a croissant, and some cereal, none of which I finished I might add. But as I sat with my bowl of cereal Lee rose from the table and headed over to where the cooked breakfast was. Ha I knew if I waited long enough he'd get hungry I grinned as he sat down with a plate covered in tomatoes, eggs, mushrooms, two sausages, two rashers of bacon, some fried bread and some beans.
"Good glad you're eating" I grinned. "I knew if I waited long enough you'd get hungry, and after all it is paid for" I added.
"You are sneaky at times".
"Yes but at least I got you to eat", I grinned and gave him a kiss. "Next stop Trafford Centre".
"Are you sure you're up for a shopping trip?"
"Positive. I feel better now I've eaten. Lets go pack".
We had a blast in the Trafford centre I was so glad I had received my pension and it was sitting in my bank account. I got Lee clothes because he was in dire need of them. I bought my very first radley bag and matching purse...two hundred and thirty quid lighter I exited John Lewis feeling very chuffed with myself. I had never paid more than sixty quid for a bag but I'd been after a radley bag for as long as I could remember and this lovely cream one with mint green lining was perfect for the summer. As we sat with a KFC a couple of hours later in the food court at the trafford centre I brought up the subject of death again. "When I go" Lee sighed I know he doesn't like me talking about it, but it needs to be discussed.
"Yes what about it"
"Make sure my Radley bag and the purse goes to your mum, I know she'll appreciate it. To my mum a bags a bag and Jenna would cover it in make up and ruin it in days if I gave it to her. Your mum will appreciate the fact that its designer and no how much it cost. So make sure it goes to her. If I do a will obviously it will be written in but I'm telling you verbally now in case I forgot. My bag and purse goes to your mum".
"That's nice, you're right she'll be overwhelmed" Lee smiled.
"And, I think as its her seventieth this year we should find out what colour bag she's after and get her one" I quickly added.
"Its a bit expensive" Lee pointed out.
"Its her seventieth its a special birthday and she's worth it".
"Well I'm sure she would really appreciate it".
"Well I'll find out what designer bags she likes when I show her mine when we go to Cyprus and we'll get her whichever make it is she likes".
"Okay if that's what you want to do". I munched the two pieces of chicken from KFC although I didn't touch the chips, I never did like KFC chips. But the chicken was the best chicken I'd tasted in bloody ages. I could actually have eaten more. We left the trafford centre about forty minutes later after I'd spent a bit more on a new Pandora bracelet. It was a nice feeling having a bit of a splurge after such a long time of being skint. We were on our way to St Jame's for my chemo when I got a voicemail from St James's asking me to give them a call about my treatment. I hadn't had a signal so the call hadn't come through. "The hospital have tried calling me about my treatment" I told Lee. "I'm gonna give them a ring I need to turn the radio off". Lee switched off the radio and I rang the day case unit. "I've been left a voicemail to ring you about my treatment today its Loraine McEvoy I'm booked in for three fifteen" I told the female voice that answered the phone.
"Do you know who rang you Loraine?"
"No the message quality wasn't that good I can tell you it was sister but not sure of the next name" I added.
"Okay let me find whoever it was and I'll ask them to call you back, okay"
"Well we're on our way there so can you make it sooner rather than later?" I asked.
"Oh right, okay leave it with me I'll ask them to ring you straight away" she replied. Thanking her I disconnected.
"There's a problem with my appointment" I told Lee but the sister i need to talk to wasn't around she's gonna ask her to call back as soon as she can. Hopefully the phone call will come before we get there" as I spoke my phone began ringing. "its them" i said and answered the mobile.
"Hi Loraine speaking"
"Hi Loraine this is Sister Fiona. I've been trying to get hold of you on your mobile since this morning"
"Yes sorry the signal on my phone is pretty poor its picked it up on voicemail but only just delivered the message now" I apologised.
"I left a message on your home phone too" she added.
"We've been away for the night" I told her feeling like a naughty school girl because I'd missed her call.
"Oh right, well I've got you now. Your treatments been cancelled love"
"WHY?" I practically shouted down the phone at her I was feeling okay now.
"Your bloods came back I'm afraid your white cell count is too low. Well when I say too low its almost non existent"
"Oh right. Is there anything I can do to bring it up?"
"No its a side effect of chemotherapy I'm afraid it kills the good cells as well as the bad. What I need to stress to you is because your white cells are almost non existent it means you're extremely vulnerable to infection. Have you been feeling more tired than normal lately?"
"Yes since Friday I've felt exhausted"
"That's because your white count is down. The best thing you can do is sleep sleep and more sleep. You need to stay put if you can the slightest sneeze or cough on you could land you in hospital. We've booked you back in for clinic on the 20th to see Dr Jagdev but until then you won't have any treatment and that should give your cells time to recover".
"Oh, okay thanks"... it suddenly made sense, the nausea, the tiredness, the coldness I'd been feeling at least now I had some answers.
"I'll send the appointment out to you in the post"
"Okay thanks". I disconnected the call and turned to Lee. "Give me the sat nav I'll programme it for home we're not off to the hospital" I told him and he handed me the sat nav and i programmed it to take us to our address.
"What did they say?"
"My bloods are back and the white cells are too low to proceed with treatment so its been cancelled I'll go back to clinic on the 20th until then rest, rest and more rest. She said I'll be more tired than usual and I've to try and stay put because I'll be vulnerable to infection. She also added its not just low its practically non existent".
"Anything you can do to boost it?"
"Nope she said its a side effect and I just have to wait it out" I explained. "So lets head to mum and dads first and I can explain it to them then we'll go home".
"Okay love no problem. At least now we know this hasn't been a chemo effect its just due to your blood count".
"Yep true" I smiled.
For the next full week I spent most of my days sleeping I would get up late morning and be back in bed come three o'clock this went on right through until the fourteenth I've never felt so horrendous. Then I began being sick again, and my appetite disappeared and the stomach cramps started. When I say stomach cramps i was in bloody agony. But come Friday the sixteenth i was determined to make an effort when Logan came to visit as I'd pretty much slept through the previous two. So we arranged to go bowling. I told Logan to invite his girlfriend Charlotte and arranged to meet Vicki and Jack my friends from work there as well. Come that evening i was sooo looking forward to it. We were five minutes away from the bowling alley when I got a call on my mobile it was Jack.
"Loraine, there's a problem its closed for refurbishment" jack told me. I indicated to lee to pull over.
"You are joking?"
"Nope afraid not there's a notice outside me and Vicki are stood here now"
"Oh bloody hell."
"So what else do you want to do?"
"Well there's not a lot available is there, we've already eaten what about the cinema?"
"What do you want to go watch?"
"I don't know whats on in all honesty Jack".
"Nope me neither. Listen you guys head to the cinema, ring us when you get there let us know whats on and we'll go from there. We'll set off in that direction now and see you there in about half an hour".
"Okay Jack speak to you in a bit" I told him and turned to Lee and Logan and Charlotte.
"The bowling alleys closed for refurbishment so we can't go there. What about going to the cinema instead?" I asked. "I don't know what else there is we can do in Wakefield but I'm open to suggestions if you have any?" I added.
"Cinemas fine if there's anything on to watch" Logan replied. "That okay with you Charlotte"
"Yes" Charlotte nodded.
"Okay with you Lee?"
"Whatever you want to do darl fine by me" Lee replied as we pulled into the cinema carpark. Then my phone rang again, again it was Jack.
"Hiya"
"Loz would you mind if we gave the cinema a miss, we'll do something with you another day, only we don't fancy the cinema really and I know you're stuck because you've got Charlotte and Logan with you?"
"No that's fine Jack. We will see you another time. I'm really sorry though. I was looking forward to tonight".
"Aw, we were too Loz but we'll re-arrange it okay mate?"
"Okay Jack talk to you later". We headed into the cinema and looked at the cinema listings it was seven o'clock now the next film available was seven twenty The Devil Inside all the others didn't start until after eight. I turned to the kids and Lee, me and horrors don't get on very well. But, I knew they would all want to see The Devil Inside.
"Mm not much choice is there" I murmured.
"Can we see the devil inside?" I had been waiting for that question from Logan and he laughed as he looked at my face, hoping for an ali in Charlotte I turned to her.
"Do you like horrors Charlotte?"
"They're my favourite films" she told me grinning and my heart sank.
"I don't think you'll like it darl" Lee looked at me sympathy in his eyes.
"Mum will probably fall asleep anyway" Logan commented.
"He has got a point I fell asleep during the last one and that was good and I wanted to see it. Lets go for it, worst case scenario I won't want to go upstairs on my own and I'll be scared shitless". I added and grinned approaching the counter and bought the tickets. "Right who's for popcorn and drinks?" I asked naturally Logan was happy to accept, after some persuasion Charlotte did too and I got them both large. Lee wanted a hot dog and a drink and I got a medium popcorn and drink. Its bloody expensive at the cinema, two large popcorn, two large drinks, two medium drinks, one medium popcorn and a hotdog, thirty quid. God they make their money!!
Now I won't spoil it for anyone that hasn't yet seen the Devil Inside and wants to go see it. But I will see its the worst horror movie I've ever seen, not that I've seen many and the scariest part were some dogs barking which made me jump. It was shit!! A bit like the blair witch project for those that have seen it and expected a whole lot more!!
The following day however, I suffered for my night out, I felt shocking and pretty much spent the whole Saturday in bed only going downstairs come teatime. I had really bad stomach cramps still and I was pretty sure they were down to constipation I'd not been since Thursday. I laid up pretty much all day Saturday although I did eat, not much, only sandwiches, cereal, toast and a packet of crisps. It was just after seven on Saturday night when I realised that as I couldn't get the food out one way it was going to come up the other way. I have never been so violently sick. When I say sick it looked like something out of a horror movie. There was sick down the bathroom door all over the floor and the bath all over the toilet it was even down the walls. Lee can clean everything and I can honestly say its the first time I've ever seen him look green and be near to being sick himself. I can honestly say after that though I felt so much better. After several laxitives I finally went to the toilet the following day. But, it was on the Monday morning whilst emptying my night bag down the toilet that I suddenly understood. My urine stank, it was orange and the bag was having trouble draining because my urine was so thick... why hadn't it occured to me sooner. I had a urine infection!! It was obvious why it hadn't dawned on me sooner I had no idea, but the stomach cramps the sickness, the hot and coldness, the tiredness even it made sense. Yes it could be down to the low white cell count but it could also be down to another urine infection.
"Right appointment tomorrow" I told Lee that morning. "I've got a urine infection, it stinks its obvious I don't know why I didn't see it sooner."
"Well when we go tomorrow you make sure you tell her everything and if you don't I will."
"Don't worry love I will I need to this pain is really sore."
So this morning we headed to clinic I had my hospital bag and all my medication packed in a bag in the car ready because I honestly thought they may keep me in. At least I had an early appointment which meant we shouldn't be waiting long. Andrea one of the clinic nurses called me for weigh in. I'd dropped another two pound since last week which I was certainly pleased with I'm under eleven stone now.
"Right I need you to go get your bloods done".
"There's a problem with that Andrea, I've got a PICC line I normally see pre-assessment but they haven't made an appointment for me again".
"Come with me lets see if we can get you sorted" Andrea replied and led me to the pre assessment team.
"Wait here for me just going for bloods" I told Lee and followed Andrea down the corridor. Andrea asked nicely if they could squeeze me in. Liz saw it was me and smiled.
"Yep we're quiet just now we'll fit her in" Liz smiled. "Come take a seat Loraine".
"Lets hope it behaves" I smiled.
"It bloody better" she grinned.
"Hey you know how last time I came you said I looked terrible.."
"I'm really subtle like that" she laughed.
"Yep well you were right low white cell count treatment was cancelled"
"Are you down for chemo tomorrow?"
"Yep but I've got a urine infection I think so not sure what they will do".
"If its infected they won't go ahead darling, I'll tell you that now".
"I'll prepare for the worst then eh?"
"I would love" Liz flushed my PICC line with saline and we waited as she pumped the syringe on the third time the blood began to flow.
"Whey, we have lift off" I smiled. It trickled slowly into the vial and when I say slowly I mean slowly. It took ten minutes to fill two little vials with some blood. I thanked Liz and left heading back to outpatients. "Blood done!" I told Lee a triumphant smile on my face. "It bled back although it was on a go slow hence why we took so long. I've just seen Dr Jagdev so I think we may be going in to see her". Ten minutes later I was called in by Dr Jagdev and led into her room.
"So how have you been?"
"Well the first cycle was fine" I told her. "Sailed through it no problem, but after day one of cycle two I felt really crappy and I was pretty sickly for a couple of days before I picked up. Then they told me about my white cell count and cancelled day eight and it made sense. Thats why I'd been so tired and sick"
"And how are you now?"
"Not too good to be honest. I've got really bad stomach pains and I'm pretty certain I have a urine infection again my urine is thicker than normal and orange in colour and stinks quite bad. And I guess that would make sense as to how I'm feeling at the minute. Tired, sickly, and achy".
"Well its been a while since we had a sample but you know you're own body and if you say you have an infection I will go with your judgement cos you probably know better than me. We'll get a sample sent off today and get it tested but I'll give you a course of anti biotics to start today for five days. However I do think we should treat the infection first. Bring you back to pre assessment next week and if everythings okay then we'll commence cycle six next week. When I say cycle six you had three cycles of Cisplatiin and this will be your third cycle of Carboplatin. So that means you will finish your chemotherapy on the 4th April. We will look at doing a CT scan mid april and then bring you back to clinic to discuss the results on the 24th. If those results shows everythings still stabilised and there's no new growths then I think we can stop treatment for a while and follow you up with three monthly CT scans. How does that sound?"
"Terrific" I replied. "I can have my life back".
"Obviously if the scan shows more growth then we will have to re-think it and we may start treatment again".
"Okay sounds good to me."
"Right we will get a sample off you before you go. I'll write up a prescription for you to start of anti biotics straight away. You need to complete the course. Next week you will come back for pre-assessment and then start cycle six on wednesday next week. When the results of the urine sample come back if its not compatitible with the anti-biotics we will ring you and get them changed okay?"
"Okay" I nodded.
"Any questions?"
"None" I grinned. "None whatsoever". I practically jumped on Lee when we left her room. "Nearly nearly over" I smiled. "We get to go to Cyprus and I get my life back".
"And I bet you can get rid of that PICC line before we go".
"Good point" I smiled.
So sorry for the long windedness of this one but that brings you all up to speed with whats been happening in my life. My chemo is nearly over and although I know one day I will die of this shitty disease lets hope its been put on hold for a while and I can get on with my life eh? Night folks x
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