"Happy Birthday" I lent over and gave Lee a kiss and handed him a cup of tea as he sat up in bed. "Your pressies are waiting downstairs" I told him and he grinned. "I'll be down in a minute can't wait".
"I just wish I could have let you have a lie in, sorry I have to have chemo today".
"Hey a birthday is a birthday your chemo is a must. I'll be down in a minute" .
"Okay love you".
"Which present would you like first?" I asked as he walked into the living room and sat down.
"That one" Lee pointed to the smallest of the two.
"Here you are then" I held out his present. His grin said it all when he opened it.
"Wow, thanks. Really thanks"
"Is it the right one?"
"It is great thank you".
"Right and here's your last one" I handed him the heaviest of the two.
"God that's heavy, whats in it?"
"Open it and find out" I told him. His first present a nail gun, he's been after one for ages. I should explain when Lee was abroad as well as working in a bar he was a landscaper gardener he loves nothing more than a bit of DIY or building something out of wood. When he came over here he only brought his clothes. As a single woman who's crap at DIY and all stuff like that I'm pushed to find a screwdriver in our house. So I got him a big bag full of tools like a starter kit.
"Aw Loraine, thanks" I had been worried that as it was all tool related that I got him he'd be a bit disappointed. I had considered a new watch or a mobile phone for him but that just wasn't what he wanted he'd been going on about getting some tools as soon as he got some money so now he had them.
"Are you sure I did the right thing"
"I was expecting an action man for my collection." He wasn't kidding Lee has started collecting action men, he's back to his second childhood. I think its some kind of mid life crisis but I can cope with a few action men round the place it doesn't bother me. "They are brilliant, thanks. Give us a kiss." he pulled me onto his lap and we had a kiss and a cuddle. "Now how are you this morning?"
"I'm okay"
"Nervous?"
"Scared shitless not about having the chemotherapy, about how I'm going to be afterwards". I told him.
"Well if you are sick, you're sick I'll clean it up, no problem. But I have a good feeling I don't think you're going to be sick this time".
"Well I hope you're right".
I tried to tune into the radio as Lee drove us to St James's but none of it sunk in. I was still in my own little world as we pulled into the car park. We got a spot by the door and headed for x-ray.
"I hope we're not here for long" I whinged as I sat down next to Lee.
"I'm sure we won't be".
"I should have said I had chemo at nine thirty they might have hurried us through"
"Its only eight forty-five now Loraine, there's no rush"
"I guess not. I just want to get on with it. I feel on edge".
"You will be".
"Loraine McEvoy" my name was called there was still a delay to me responding to my name I had to laugh this would take some getting used too. I followed the radiographer down the corridor and she showed me into a changing room. "I need you to take off everything on your top half and put this gown on Loraine and then if you put the clothes in a bag and come outside I'll be waiting for you".
"Okay thanks". I gave Lee my bag and coat and headed in to get changed, it took all of two minutes for me to shove the gown on but I couldn't tie it at the back. I stepped outside of the changing room to see Lee sitting on the seat outside I gave lee the carrier bag with my clothes in to hold.
"Can you tie me up?"
"Yes sure I can darl" Lee stood up to tie it just as the radiographer came to the door.
"Oh it doesn't matter she's waiting I'll just go in" I told him and entered the room.
"Have you had a chest x-ray before Loraine?"
"Yes lots of them"
"Can you just confirm your date of birth and full name for me?" she asked and I gave her my details.
"I'll need you to take your chain off for me".
"Oh sorry I forgot" I apologised and took off my necklace and handed it to her. I was probably in the room for all of five minutes before the x-ray was done and I was told I could go.
"Are you back at clinic today Loraine?" she asked as I left.
"Yes I've got chemo at nine thirty" I told her "So they want the results straight away" I added.
"They'll be there by the time you get back upstairs" she told me.
"Great no doubt I'll see you again" she looked at me puzzled. "The PICC line this happens every other week its temperamental" I laughed.
"Ah right well see you again then", I was soon changed and heading out of x-ray with Lee.
"Shall we get some goodies before we go up, we're still a bit early"
"Yes I could do with a paper"
"Right well I'll get a magazine and some chocolate, want a drink?"
"Yes iron bru" Lee got his paper and i got the drinks and magazine and then headed to the chocolate section a chunky peanut butter kit kat was just what I had in mind as I picked it up and placed it on the counter. Lee chose a white one and a Yorkshire post and we were all set ready for chemo.
"Loraine McEvoy?" Fiona approached me as she called my name. "Ah, you see confusing us all with your change of name hello".
"Hi Fee"
"So how did the wedding go?"
"It was great thanks a brilliant day"
"And now you're back to start again?"
"Yes aren't I lucky?" I smiled. Maria appeared at the side of us about five minutes later just as I'd sat down. "Fee can I swap and have Loraine and you take my guy?" she asked.
"Yes sure, why?" Maria took Fee away to explain we didn't get to find out why but I had a feeling he was a tricky customer that she didn't want to deal with.
"Okay Loraine, we need to move you round here I've got you today" Maria announced and took me round the corner to another chair.
"As long as its a working recliner that's fine cos I will whinge if its not" I told her laughing.
"Oh I know you will. So did you have an x-ray?"
"Yep about half an hour ago the results should be up by now" I told her.
"Right we'll get a doctor to look at the results for you and meanwhile I'll get all the stuff ready okay?"
"Okay thanks".
Maria came back to us about half an hour later to say we were good to go with the chemo and that the PICC line was in place and there was no issue.
"The thing is its happening all the time now and I'm sorry but the whole idea of having the PICC in was to make it easier for my bloods and the chemo and it just seems to be causing more hassle."
"Yes I know what you mean so I've had a word with Alison its flushing okay so we'll give your chemo in it today. What Alison has said though is if it doesn't bleed back when you come for pre-assessment next week that we need to get them to flush it with some special solution it will unblock anything that's causing an obstruction such as soft tissue or clots. They've to leave the solution in for twenty-four hours until you come for chemo on Wednesday. Which means you'll have to have your bloods done the usual way providing we can find a vein. When you come on Wednesday we will try and get your line to bleed back again, to see if its working. If its not then Alison says what we will have to do is arrange either for another PICC line to be put in or a Hickman line putting in, at that point it will be your choice"
"What would you do?"
"Well I prefer Hickman lines but that's because its what I'm used too. The only real difference is that the Hickman line goes into your main jugular vein so there is more chance of infection which is what you have to be careful of."
"So would I do anything different with a Hickman line to a PICC line?"
"Nope it needs flushing weekly the same as your PICC line, obviously you can't go swimming with it same as your PICC line"
"You know I didn't know that, it doesn't matter cos I can't swim, but I didn't actually know I wasn't supposed too"
"Yes just like you're not supposed to submerge it in the bath" Maria added.
"Oh?"
"Have you submerged it in the bath?"
"Would that effect it as far as bleeding back goes and flushing?"
"No the reason we say that is because of the risk of infection obviously in a bath your sat in mucky water and if you were swimming it would be the same scenario".
"Well I'll hold my hands up I have bathed with it in" I told her.
"But not submerged it?"
"Yep" I nodded. "But no one told me not too, I thought they would have mentioned it".
"Mm they should have. But all I will say is you're not supposed to but I guess if you've been doing it since October then you've been lucky"
"Yeh I have haven't i?" we laughed together. "So, this Carboplatin that I'm having today obviously we discussed it last time I came because it had been mentioned and there was a brief chat about it. Dr Ralph says its not as toxic, do you think I'll be sick on it?"
"Honestly Loraine I've not had any patients on it that have been sick, but, I can't say definitely not just that its unlikely."
"And what about side effects like hair loss is that any more likely?"
"No it runs the same risk as the Cisplatin and that hasn't happened to you yet so I doubt it will now".
"And it takes less time I understand because there's less flushing to do, how long are we talking, four or five hours?"
"Oh no less than that you should be done in two".
"Really?"
"Really".
"Oh thats great hey we can do something for your birthday now Lee" I told him and he smiled.
"You have done enough for my birthday today" Lee grinned.
"Oh what did you get birthday boy?" Maria asked.
"Well Loraines mum and dad got me a black and decker sander, Logan got me a leeds united scarf and a frosted beer mug with leeds united on it. Loraine got me a nail gun and a tool bag with loads of tools, I'm a very happy man" he added.
"Good. So i take it married life is going well for you both and the wedding went well?"
"Fantastic. I'm going to bring the photos in as soon as we get them done".
"Well it will be lovely to see them" she smiled. "Right this is your anti-sickness one going in now" she told me sitting down.
"Please do it slow" I grinned. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but the anti sickness drug feels like you're sitting in nettles and being stung all over. If you've ever been stung you will know what I mean. But imagine falling in them because when I say nettle stings all over I mean all over. It starts at your neck and works its way down and then you have to clench your bum cheeks and cross your legs I can tell you, and god it makes you squirm. Eventually it goes to your feet then you know its done. The slower its put into your system the less the effects are. If its put through fast its worse I've had it done both ways and slower is better. Trust me!! I squirmed a bit and began to itch just as Maria said the words "All done".
"Thanks that wasn't bad at all" I told her and she smiled.
"You're welcome". She brought through a bag of chemo and brought Lisa another nurse to do the check with her. "Can you just confirm your details for me Loraine?"
"Loraine Moo." I began "oops Loraine McEvoy" I began again I still keep forgetting my surnames changed it takes some getting used too Maria grinned at me.
"Loraine's just got married and she keeps forgetting her surname so we'll let her off that one" she laughed. "Right carry on Loraine"
"Okay date of birth third of October nineteen seventy, address 21 headlands grove, Ossett and allergic to penicillin" I confirmed.
"Okay thanks. Right lets get you started." She hung the bag of Carboplatin on the drip stand and started it off. Lee settled down to do his crossword and I put the footrest up on my recliner and pulled out my magazine to read. We were about half an hour in when a woman who introduced herself as Hilary stood at my feet.
"I'm from the Robert Ogden Centre we're part of Macmillan and offer complimentary therapies and support to carers and those going through cancer. Anyway I'm here to offer you a complimentary hand and foot massage if you'd like one today?"
"Ooh yes" I nodded eagerly. "I'd love one". Hilary sat down and pulled out a leaflet from her bag. There's all sorts of stuff we can help you with if you're struggling with anything. We have a social worker on site called Josie who can help with financial difficulties and things like that and we're also doing a course called Hope which is directed towards the carers."Lee had been sat listening along with me and his ears pricked up at this point. "Oh whats that?"
"Well its a course that we're offering to carers for them to go on to help them how to cope with a loved one that's going through cancer. If you're interested Lee I could take you round to meet Josie and she can tell you about it whilst I get on with Loraine's hand and foot massage".
"Yes I would be" Lee nodded and just as I was about to butt in he said "Also we're struggling to get carers allowance at the moment, could Josie help with that at all?"
"Yes I'm sure she would be able to help out with that or point you in the right direction. Shall I take you through to meet her?"
"Yes that would be good".
"Right Loraine I'll be back in a minute if you just slip off your shoes and socks for me and I'll get started on your feet when I get back".
"Great" I grinned. Finally someone that wanted to listen and maybe could help Lee get his carers allowance sorted, and something for him. I looked through the booklet whilst I waited for Hilary to come back. There were all sorts of therapy offered at the Robert Ogden center, manicures, Reiki, indian head massage, massage, hypnosis and reflexology sounded good.
"Right that's Lee settled. Have you been reading through the leaflet?"
"I have yes I'll definitely be booking in for a massage" I told her. "I've been wanting one for ages".
She began massaging my feet it felt fab.
"Well we do all sorts of courses Loraine, there's one called look good feel good and basically you come along for the afternoon bring a female friend with you and what we have are beauticians coming in to do mini makeovers and do a talk about applying make up. Its worth coming because you get a goody bag afterwards and I'm told it can contain goodies up to two hundred pounds worth."
"Wow really?"
"Yes. I'll get you details of the next course if you like".
"Yes definitely it sounds good" I told her.
"Lee seems interested in that course".
"Yes it will be good for him to meet other carers I think" I told her. "He's only been here since October I met him in Cyprus last year while I was on holiday. My dad paid for me to go away to give me chance to recover from my operation so I went took a friend with me and met Lee. I went back on holiday to see him again in the June and I was seriously considering moving over there. Then in August as I was due to go back I got told my cancer was back so it scuppered our plans really. I took Logan out to meet him, that's my son and had to tell him my cancer was back and I couldn't move over there. He said it didn't matter he would come to me. I didn't know at that point that the cancer was terminal I found out when I got back from that visit. I had to tell him over the phone. He persuaded me to go back again to visit and take Jenna with me before I started my treatment. When I got there he proposed to me. Then in October he moved over just before I started my chemotherapy" I'd babbled on trying to give Hilary the short version. "He hasn't got many friends over here yet just ones he's met through me and none of them going through what we are. It would be good for him to have someone to talk too that's doing the same thing as him day in, day out".
"What a wonderful story" Hilary smiled at me. "You have a diamond there"
"I know". It was then I noticed her eyes were glistening. "I haven't made you cry have I?"
"You brought a tear or two" she smiled. "What a wonderful story".
"Well we got married on the fourteenth of January and its been pretty good so far" I told her.
"Well that's your feet done lets move to your hands" I held my hands out. "What a beautiful ring" Hilary smiled "you better slip it off so I don't get cream all over it".
"Lee had it hand made in Cyprus" I told her. "Do I have to take my wedding ring off?"
"No leave that on". Just at that point Lee re-appeared.
"Hi love" he bent down and gave me a kiss. "I've signed up to do the course it starts on the twenty second of February"
"Oh great stuff. Does it sound good then?"
"Yes and Josie's going to look into the carers allowance thing for me a bit further and see if there's anything else she can do. You okay if I nip out for a cigarette?"
"Yes sure I am, I'm having a great time here" I told him as Hilary massaged my hands. He came over and gave me another kiss.
"Back in a bit" he told me. Half an hour later I said bye to Hilary and told her I'd been in touch for one of the treatments and might collar her next week for another massage.
"That's you all done Loraine, I'll just go get your medication" Maria told me.
"How quick was that?" I grinned at Lee. "Totally stress free we can go do some shopping now if you want?"
"Yes if you feel okay fine by me" He smiled. Maria appeared with my bag of tricks.
"Right Loraine, Cyclizine three times a day for sickness. Dexamethasone your steroid for tonight don't take it any later than five, then you have twice a day for the next three days then you stop".
"Is that one for sickness as well?"
"Yes that's right"
"I always forget why I'm taking that one" I laughed. "I have that many drugs now I'm loosing count".
"Right so I'll see you next week then".
"Yep see you Wednesday".
We went to next first on our shopping trip where I bought two pairs of jeans, size twelve I might add... and a lovely cream chiffon shirt. Lee couldn't find anything he wanted and was desperate to go to Primark or Primarni as I call it so we headed over there as I wanted some stuff for my hospital bag. Hospital bag? I hear you say. Yes you see this time I have decided I'm going to be organised so Lee has a list of all emergency contacts on front of the fridge. Last year was a nightmare when I got ill because we could never find the numbers when we needed them. The hospital give you a card with a whole host of numbers on. Only last time I was admitted in a rush we couldn't find it. And had to go through my emergency doctor who was clueless and didn't have clue. Also, try packing a hospital bag in a rush and getting medication together, its a bloody nightmare! So I'm getting together pyjamas, slippers, dressing gown, toiletries, toiletry bag, stoma bags and medical equipment, hairbrush, phone charger, towel, underwear, and a pair of joggers, top and t-shirt. Then they are all going to be put in a holdall and left in the car. This time if I need admitted I'm going to make sure its stress free for Lee as well as me he was running round like a headless chicken and completely stressed out last time.
We dropped lucky in Primark there was loads of stuff on offer. Lee bought some cargo trousers and a few tops and treated himself to a t-shirt and some joggers to lounge about in. I bought two pairs of pyjamas at six pounds a pair, a dressing gown and some slippers, two bra and knicker sets and, a jog top, bottoms and a two t-shirts and we still only spent eighty quid. I'm not normally a fan but its growing on me!
I can honestly say Lee's birthday was a great day regardless of the chemo and I think he enjoyed it as much as I did.
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