Sitting waiting for the nurses to arrive and I opened the post. A letter from Employment Support Allowance, finally some good news. They have paid me and backdated it to the 15th January my leaving date from work... the whopping amount of One hundred and forty-five pounds, its solves all my problems....NOT. But I have to keep my chin up they will be paying me Ninety-Nine pounds a week so its better than nothing, but not a whole lot to live on in the long run. Still no word on Lee's Carer's allowance so we are going to ring and chase that up on Monday. I would love to know how these people do it living on benefits day to day because I am really struggling to make ends meet. So if anyone has any answers please let me know?
When Jane the district nurse arrived I explained that Lee wants to learn how to flush my PICC line. We want to go to Cyprus and visit Lee's mum and dad at their new house in Cyprus. However, at present we can't because my PICC line needs flushing every seven days so if we went just now we could only go for six days to make sure we were home for the flush to be done. When we spoke to the Oncology nurses at the hospital before Christmas they explained that if Lee was to learn how to flush the PICC line we could go away it would just mean us taking supplies to do the flush and Lee doing it. So Jane said it wouldn't be an issue she could let Lee observe her flushing the line today and in the coming weeks she can let him do it and see how he gets on. Lee seemed to pick it up pretty well asking questions etc and to be fair it looks pretty straight forward so hopefully it shouldn't be too difficult for him.
"I'm just going to text Rose let her know I'll be late". It was nearly eleven and I said to Rose I'd be arriving around eleven. But the nurses were late arriving so I'd got sidetracked. I looked through Rose's directions again I was pretty sure I knew where I was going anyway it was near Hemsworth and I knew those directions pretty well.
"Right I'm off have a good day" I gave Lee a hug and a kiss and set off. It was pretty straight forward getting to Rose's house and I arrived just after twelve.
"Hiya"
"Hi did you find it okay?"
"Yep I didn't see the coach park though, but I was just thinking about pulling over to ring you when I saw the sign for Park Farm Gardens so here I am". Jack was at nursery it was a shame I was looking forward to seeing him. I love kids when they're little its when they get argumentative that I go off them... ha ha. Only joking. Isla was lovely sitting in her little chair looking gorgeous and content.
"Would you like a drink?"
"Coffee one and a bit sugars please". It was lovely just to feel normal again, in control of my life and having a girlie chat about everything. Looking at Rose though I felt a pang of jealousy she had a young family, a lovely house, and all her life in front of her. How I wish I could have that back. I still feel in turmoil not knowing whats happening next or what kind of future I have to look forward too. I know I'm back at the hospital on Tuesday and that I'll get my results but I'm dreading them like I told Rose today either the chemo will have worked and they may want me to continue treatment or stop or it won't have worked and I'll get the news there's nothing else they can do... its the waiting that's the hard bit. I simply don't know what future I have. We get our results the day before Lee's birthday which is hard enough but I'm provisionally booked in for more Chemo on Wednesday, Lee's birthday poor bugger spending it sitting at the hospital with me. But we can hope that its good news which will make his birthday a good one too. This weekend I have a feeling is going to be a really, really long one. Lets just hope Tuesday brings a miracle!
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