I got into trouble today with my family. I received feedback that some people were upset with the comments in my blog with regards to my daughter Jenna. I edited it to make those people concerned happy. However, I regret that decision as far as I'm concerned I never should have felt pressured into re-writing what is in effect my diary because re-writing it turns it into fiction its not doing what I started out to do by writing it in the first place.
My blog is a diary about me, my life, my family and how I perceive things. How I deal with my illness and my family and the trials and tribulations I am going through from day to day. Not everyone will agree with how open I am in my blog about my thoughts and feelings and some of the content included. Writing my blog is what stops me from cracking up and what helps me get through the shit in my life. My kids understand this and Lee understands this and so should everyone else. None of my blog is fictional and if I wanted to write fiction I would write a novel. It is all the truth and some of you may not like what I write, and if you don't then please just stop reading it. From now on it will stay truthful and to the point. If you are in my life and do something to make me happy, or do something that sticks in my memory, or if you upset me you will probably end up in it too, whether its good or bad. Because that is what a diary is its a way of releasing your feelings and that's precisely why I'm writing it in the first place. The fact that its on the Internet bears no consequences whatsoever as far as I'm concerned its still my diary and anyone and everyone can read it.
My car had its MOT on Monday and we were both dreading it, and were pretty sure it was going to fail and not surprisingly it did. Headlights, as one of them had water in it and had dropped, indicators were flashing different colours, brakes needed sorting out the list was endless. However, it didn't cost the full amount that my dad had very kindly given us to sort it out. I rang him on Monday evening to let him know the full cost and offer him the change back. However, he was happy for us to keep the rest so today, Tuesday we went food shopping. Its not that we've been starving, don't get me wrong but we have been cutting down living on breakfast and one meal a day to try and get by and in all honesty it hasn't been hard. My stomach has shrunk since the chemotherapy anyway and my appetite is somewhat depleted. Lee, well Lee, doesn't eat a lot never has so he hasn't found it hard either. But to go to the supermarket and buy stuff that we'd gone without such as some bottles of wine for me and lager for lee and lots of meat and some fresh fruit and veg, well it was lovely. We came home and unpacked and my fridge and freezer are now full for the first time since about October. I can honestly say I'm looking forward to spaghetti bolognese and a glass of wine tonight. Tomorrow the direct debits go out and we are clear of bills for another month. There won't be much money left in the account but we have a full tank of petrol and I'm sure we will get by we always do.
There is some light at the end of the tunnel as we received a letter from the House of Commons yesterday from Mary Creagh (we emailed her about the problems trying to get benefits in particular Employment Support Allowance and Lee's claim for Carer's Allowance). Anyway it stated in the letter that she has written to both departments in respect of our claims and is awaiting a reply. The same day I received a call from the department who deal with the claim for Employment Support Allowance, the lady explained she needed to know the full amount received for my final wage (I hadn't included it as I submitted the claim before pay day). Anyway, I informed her that it was the grand total of One hundred and seventeen pounds. She advised me she was sorting out my claim that it would be backdated to the sixth of January and she would be dealing with it until the claim went through. I then asked her whether there would be a problem with it going through with regards to the lack of evidence I submitted in respect of Lee. It went quiet at the other end whilst she checked the details.
"No, it looks like its fine we can see from the copy of Lee's passport that he's a British citizen so we don't need that evidence anyway".
"WHAT?" I was mad, livid in fact, I had rang them on several occasions to advise we didn't have the information required I had argued with them explaining Lee was a British citizen and they had said the evidence was still required and then suddenly its simply not required anymore.
"Well as I said we can see Lee's a British citizen so we don't need that information" she repeated.
"Sorry, I'm just so flabbergasted that suddenly its not needed if you knew how many arguments I have had with people from your department on this phone, stressing me out, saying I had to find this information and send it and suddenly its simply not needed".
"I'm sorry if we've done anything to upset you or put you under any unnecessary stress Mrs McEvoy
"Okay, thank you".
"Bye". I explained the conversation to Lee when I got off the phone and he was as shocked as me but after putting two and two together I think I am right in thinking that this is probably down to a letter received from the House of Commons. So we are both hoping our next piece of good luck will be Lee's carers allowance going through as that is backdated to October of last year so it should be some serious cash. Things are finally looking up for both of us, its nearly seven o'clock and I'm having a lovely glass of Rosey and I have a smile on my face. I'm just going to kiss my hubby before he goes in the bath and then sit and watch Emmerdale. Night all x
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