Monday 24th October - PICC line... what fun?? Not!!

"I can honestly say I'm quite scared" I gave Lee a hug.
"You'll be fine darl, it won't take long to do" Lee smiled and hugged me back. I was shaking like a leaf as we got in the car and headed to St James's.
"Ah well at least I have my disabled badge we don't have to pay today". The one thing I have got out of this whole cancer thing so far is the right to have a disabled badge. Last year, when I got fitted with Urostomy bag I got turned down for Disability Living Allowance. Now fair enough I can walk okay although I have a slightly dodgy left leg, and I don't need mobility help. However, what I do need is access to a disabled loo when out and about... the reason... well if my bag leaks I need to use a sink to change my Stoma bag. Now if you've ever come across anyone with a Stoma and they've actually let you see it you will no that my body appearance has changed and next to my navel on the right hand side is my stoma. A stoma is constructed out of your small bowel and it forms a round shape and sticks out of your stomach. In effect it looks like a little boys willy attached to your abdomen (although much pinker). So.. its not very pretty and lets face it if my bag leaked and I was stood at the sink trying to change it with this little boys willy weeing everywhere whilst the change is in progress... I would get some very funny looks, hence the need to use a disabled loo with a sink inside if I'm changing it. However the government in their wisdom believe this isn't necessary and that it doesn't qualify me to be disabled so if you've ever walked into the ladies and seen someone stood at the sink changing their bag with their little boys willie winking at you.. its not our fault ... its the governments!! They make the rules!!
Anyway we turned up at the multi storey of St James's and it says to press the help button if you are a disabled driver and they lift the barrier for you. The next obstacle is trying to find a disabled spot... after half an hour of mindlessly driving around in circles we gave up parked in a standard spot and stuck the badge in the window!
We got to reception at the oncology day case unit just before nine am and I told the receptionist whilst I was there and we sat down. Alison came to see me just after nine "I'm running a little late Loraine, my helper is off today and I'm having to set up by myself and I'm so used to her being here that its taking a tad longer than usual. Can you bear with me?" 
"Yes that's fine no problem".
"I'll come get you as soon as we're ready".
"Okay no problem". I smiled at Lee nervously.
"You okay?"
"Shitting bricks" I replied.
"You'll be fine".
"God I hope so".
"Loraine? We're ready for you".
"Can I come?" Lee asked.
"Yes no problem although you can't stay for the procedure just for hygiene purposes I'll explain everything to you first". So Alison showed us into a room off the main oncology day case unit there waiting for me was a bed and a tray full of instruments at the side of it... it looked painful!


"Right so just to explain the PIC line procedure to you Loraine. What I'm going to do is insert a catheter a very small one through a hole I will make at the inside of your arm it gets threaded through your main vein and into you heart. All of this is done using an Ultrasound machine to guide me so I can see where the catheter is going. Once I think its in I'll dress your arm to hold it in place. Then we will send you down to radiology they'll do a chest x-ray on you and then you have to come back here. If its in properly then we'll dress your arm fully and you're free to go. If its not then unfortunately we have to take it out and start again, okay?" I nodded. "Now what I have to warn you of is obviously there's a chance we won't be able to get it in at all if your veins are too thin for instance for the catheter to thread through. However, if that happens we have a theater on standby and we might revert to putting a Hickman line in instead, a Hickman line is one that comes out of your chest just above your breast. So, are you happy to go ahead?" 
"Mm okay" I nodded. 
"Right so Lee at this point I have to ask you to go take a seat in the waiting area and we'll send Loraine to you when its done". Lee stood up and gave me a kiss.
"You'll be fine" he squeezed my hand and left.
"Nervous?"
"Very".
"You'll be fine. But this is a too man job and as my helper is away my boss is going to come in and give us a hand okay?"
"Okay".
"Right so I need to ask you to slip your shirt off and lie on the bed".
"Okay no problem". I lay down on the bed as Alison got suited and booted ( gowned up) in other words.  
Her colleague came in and she introduced her to me .. but I cannot for the life in me remember her name now...its a bit of a blur.

"Okay ready".
"Right its going in now".
"Arrrrr shiii- SUGAR!"
"You can swear its fine"
"Shit that hurts" now how can i describe it? It was like being branded with a bloody hot poker! 
"All you should feel now is a bit of pushing anything other than that tell me okay?"
"Okay" and to be honest I didn't feel a thing the colleague of Alison's (lets call her Anne although I know that wasn't her name) got me talking about my wedding and what I'd done for it so far and what I still had left to do. The only thing I felt was a little flutter in my heart as the catheter must have entered it nothing else. It was a strange feeling.
"Right that's it, I think its in, so I'll give you a card and you need to make your way down to x-ray" Alison told me. I got off the bed and went to get my bag.
"You can leave that there until you get back if you like. All you need to do is come back to reception and tell them you're here and I'll take you back through again".
"Okay" I headed out to the waiting room where Lee sat waiting.
"Done?" I nodded. "Its a funny feeling when it goes in, isn't it?"
"You felt it then?"
"Yes" he rubbed his chest... felt like a fluttery feeling?"
"Mm, right down to x-ray then I've to come straight back up here again".
"Okay, lets go then where's your bag?"
"Oh Alison said I could leave it there".


"Loraine Mooney?" the radiographer called me in. "Right Loraine just stand here arms at your sides and shuffle forward a bit. That's it and if you can lean forward and just hold onto each handle at either side of the screen. Okay now just hold your breath when I tell you too for as long as you can okay?"
"Okay" I nodded.
"And, breathe in,.... hold your breath..... and breathe away. Right Loraine that's you done by the time you get back upstairs the x-ray results will be there".
"Okay thanks" I headed back out to the waiting room where Lee sat waiting. "Done!"
"What now then?"
"Back upstairs see what the results are... I hope its in".
"It is!" Lee told me.
"You think?"
"Yep" he rubbed his chest. "Its in". We headed back upstairs and I'd just walked up to reception when I saw Alison and she beckoned me down in her direction grasping Lee's hand we followed her.
"Right that's fine Loraine its in, so all I need to do now is dress your arm properly and then you are free to go home. So you're back with us tomorrow for Chemotherapy, is that right?"
"Yes that's right" I nodded.
"Well I hope it goes well, tomorrow after they've used your PICC line they will dress it again for you before they send you home".
"Okay I'll see you again then".


It was when I got home later that day that my phone beeped message upon message from my friends who knew what I'd had done wishing me all the best. Then I had from an unknown number, this is how it read "Hi, I am really sorry that things haven't worked out health wise with you and I really do mean that with all of my heart. But can you please not refer to Dave as a Dick in your blog anymore. I sincerely wish all the luck in the world for you and Lee". I sat and looked at it for a couple of seconds and laughed out loud then tossed my phone to Lee for him to read the message....
For those of you that have read my blog in the past you will have heard me mention Dave my ex the lovely bloke who I had been with for eighteen months who chose to shag a mutual friend whilst I was in hospital having a operation, just before I was diagnosed with cancer. Then he brought the said mutual friend Beverley Grayson to visit me in hospital the day after they'd slept together. This was  a mere seven weeks after Ian, Beverley's husband had been killed on a motorbike. So maybe she was still grieving and to a certain extent could possibly have be forgiven. However, I had asked Beverley if her and Dave had slept together and she had denied it and had said she was outraged by my accusation and I ... silly me ... had sent her an apology via facebook because she convinced me I had got it wrong. Only to find out a week later that I had been right all along when Dave had admitted that he had slept with Beverley on the night of my operation.  All I want to say to Beverley is this: I, Loraine do not need your sympathy and I have never needed it. As for a heart I sincerely don't believe you have one! As for Dave the Dick I will continue to call Dave a Dick for as long as I live, because in my eyes he is one and always will be and as we have freedom of speech in this country I am entitled to my opinion. Dave prays on vulnerable women, bleeds them dry of any money they have and moves onto his next victim. Its a pattern he has followed for years what you have done for me Beverley is the biggest favour anyone could have done because you took him off my hands after he'd bled me dry but before he could do anymore damage! As for you wishing me luck Beverley its not me that needs luck its you because you have Dave in tow, and I feel so sorry for you because every woman deserves better than Dave.  My mobile number has now changed sorry if this disappoints you in any way!