I picked my mum up at 9am to come with me to Pinderfields this morning. I've got the stoma clinic to see if we can sort my Stoma out.
"Loraine Mooney"
"That's me" I got up and went with the nurse into a room.
"Hi Loraine, have we met before?"
"No I don't think so"
"When did you have your operation?"
"August last year"
"Ah no we haven't then I was working at Dewsbury last year. So what's been the problem?"
"Well the skins sore around my stoma and its been bleeding quite heavily and it keeps retracting"
"Right, have you got a spare urostomy bag with you"
"Yes I have" I replied.
"Okay hop up on the bed and lets take a look then". I laid down whilst she peeled my bag off and then she had a look. "You seem quite young to have a bag" she commented.
"I was forty when I got bladder cancer last year" I told her. "I had my operation the week before my 40th birthday, lovely present" I said bitterly.
"Aw sorry to hear that". She bathed around my stoma and had a look it was while since anyone had looked at it... "Well it seems to be protruding quite nicely at the minute I see what you mean about the skin though what I can give you is one of these" she held up a round cushioned like disk. "This sits on the skin around your stoma and if there are any leaks this will soak up the urine so it doesn't sit on your skin and it acts as a barrier. Then your bag sits on top of it so you have like a double seal. Want to give it a go?"
"Yes its worth a try. I want to get it sorted before I start my Chemotherapy next week".
"Oh are you having more treatment?"
"Mm unfortunately I'm starting chemo because the cancers back its metastasised" I told her.
"Oh"
"Mm palliative care only they've given me two years"
"Oh Loraine I'm so sorry".
"Its okay I'm determined to get longer I've got too much stuff to do before I go anywhere. I'm getting married in January"
"Congratulations" she smiled.
"Thanks"
"So when were you re-diagnosed?"
"August. Chemo was supposed to start last week but they couldn't find a vein. St James's is really good they just don't listen. I told them they wouldn't find a vein but they knew best. And because they didn't listen treatments been delayed again. I've got to go for a HICC line putting in on Monday I'm dreading it, but in the long run I know it will make things easier. I'm getting impatient now though I'm worried the cancers spread. I haven't had a CT scan since July" it was at that point I started crying.
"Oh love are you okay?"
"Yes sorry its just hard to put a brave face on sometimes"
"Oh I bet it is love you've got a lot to deal with" she passed me a tissue.
"Sorry" I mumbled into a tissue. "I'm just so scared that its spread. I'm dreading this CT scan on Saturday. It spread so quickly last year I just feel as if they're thinking ah well she's dying anyway no point in rushing"
"Is that really how you feel?"
"Yep and I know its probably not what they're thinking but they don't seem to be in any rush. I mean last year in the space of six weeks it had moved from my bladder, to my bowel, my cervix and my lymph nodes and its the same time of cancer just as aggressive but they just don't seem to be in any rush. There's just been delay after delay".
"Oh love I'm sorry if this is how you feel then you need to tell them".
"I know don't worry I'm going to when I see my consultant again I'm going to let her know how I feel".
"Well sometimes its good to have a good rant and get it off your chest."
"Do I look like I've been crying? I don't want my mum to know"
"No you look fine".
"Thanks for your help Pam".
"Your welcome I'll give you some of the round disks to try I'll ring fittleworths and let them know and if they are any good just ring up and order them, okay?"
"Okay thanks".
Lee's dad Barry rang me later that night to let me know the flight had taken off half an hour earlier than planned.
"That's great news he might land early then?"
"Yes duck just keep an eye on the flight at that end. I've got Steph here for you" there was a moments silence whilst Barry passed the phone to Lee's mum Steph.
"Hi duckie"
"Hi Steph"
"I tried to hold it together but I started crying" she told me. "I didn't know he was scared of flying".
"Neither did I" I replied. "He didn't mention it".
"Its probably just because its been a while I mean you think its been seven years".
"I know" Lee was giving up a lot for me.
"Look after him".
"I will Steph"
"Right we will talk to you soon ask him to ring me tomorrow. We'll see you in January but I'm sure we'll talk to you before then".
"Yes definitely and as soon as we sort out the hotels I'll let you know".
"Okay talk to you soon".
"Bye Loraine"
"Bye". I put the phone down worried about Lee on the flight. I hope he's going to be alright.
At eight Sue and I set off to the airport to collect Lee. I was taking her with me because I don't like driving in the dark. I was nervous and excited all at the same time the traffic on the roads was steady but at 9.20 I breathed a sigh of relief as we finally pulled into a parking space in Manchester airport.
When we got inside I checked the arrivals board it still said due at then next to it 22.25 another hour to go.
"Fancy a coffee?" I asked Sue.
"Mm why not" we wandered into the coffee shop at the side of the arrivals doors. Sue had a Cappuccino and I ordered a Caramel Latte and we each had some shortbread and sat down at a nearby table. "How do you feel Lol?"(Lol is Sue's nickname for me most people call me Lolly or Loz).
"Hard to describe.... jittery" I said finally. "I still can't believe he's giving up his life after seven years and moving here for me".
"I knew it would happen, I told you didn't I?" and, to be fair she has the day I met Lee she predicted I was going to marry him and I told her to stop being daft. But, she was right I'd been smitten since day one. "I honestly do think if I hadn't have gone back to see him on my own in June....well, I don't think this would have happened", I told her.
"Really and what does Lee say?"
"Well I've never really asked him. But, I think I am right" I replied. "On that last night when Lee asked me to come back over to see him, I don't believe he thought I would ever go and I think by going and sticking to what I said I intrigued him and that's why he's coming to join me now".
"I knew you had met your soul mate that first night we met him in the bar. The way you were together there was a spark straight away from the minute you laid eyes on each other."
"I just hope none of it goes wrong and that I have a while with him Sue, I'm not ready to go anywhere yet".
"Good cos you're not. I wonder what Lee will think to the weather?" she asked changing the subject.
"Well his mum said his jacket is packed in his suitcase and he has a thin shirt on"
"Ooh he's gonna be cold"
"I know I'm cold and I'm never cold" I laughed. "Poor Lee doesn't know what he's let himself in for".
At 22.28 the board updated with landed and I couldn't stop smiling as I waited for the doors to open Sue disappeared off out for a cigarette and my eyes were glued to the doorway then my phone rang Lee, and I answered.
"Hiya"
"Hi Mrs Mcevoy I'm just waiting for my case".
"Was it a good flight?"
"Yep"
"Are you cold?"
"Very" I could hear the smile in his voice. "Won't be long" , it felt like ages and ages and ages but in effect it was only ten minutes later that he appeared suitcase in tow looking incredibly brown and very cold. "Hello sexy" Lee grabbed me in a tight bear hug and I hugged him right back then he kissed me and my knees went to jelly. 'This feels right!' I thought to myself. "Hiya Sue, you alright?" he kissed Sue on each cheek and gave her a squeeze.
"I'm fine love its nice to see you. Was it a good flight?"
"Not too bad"
"Do you want to go for a smoke with Sue outside and I'll queue to pay for the parking?"
"Ooh yes" it was a queue a very long one and took me about ten minutes before I left with a validated ticket. I got outside to find Lee zipping up his case he'd pulled his jacket out and was putting it on I laughed.
"Cold?"
"Very!"
"Told you you would be" I laughed. "If you can lift your case up these stairs we're just down there" i told him pointing to the rows. "Was it row D Sue?"
"Yes between Row D and E" she replied as we walked. When I saw the car I began to walk faster so I could open the boot for Lee. Then suddenly I was hurtling towards the floor and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it. I Put my hands out to stop my face hitting the deck too just as Lee grabbed me and pulled me to my feet.
"God Loraine, you okay"
"Yes sorry I tripped"
"Was it your leg?"
"Nope I just didn't see that hump the full length of the car park" I said pointing out the speed bump in the road. "Shit, shit, shit that's the third time I've fallen for you" I grimaced.
"You okay?"
"Well my hands are stinging and my little finger on this hand is sticking out at a weird angle" I said showing Lee the left. "And my knees hurt and I'm a bit shaky...other than that I'm fine" I said trying to laugh. Lee grabbed me and gave me a hug.
"You're shaking"
"I know"
"Looks like I'm driving us home then" Lee told me and opened the boot to lift his case in.
"Sorry" I apologised my knee was stinging and I winced as I got into the passenger side of the car. We set off and followed the sat navs instructions to get us home cos I'm crap with directions lol. We were halfway along the M62 when we were faced with a sign Road closed for maintenance and cones across the motorway so we followed the diversion sign to take us off at the next junction... then.... nothing... no signs to follow no nowt.
"Bloody brilliant. What now?" the sat nav kept just saying turn back when possible so we followed her instructions only to find ourselves back at Manchester airport. Stupid machine had taken us all the way back again!!! Lee looked knackered my knee had stopped stinging... "Pull over I'll drive" I told Lee.
"You sure?" I nodded and he pulled over and we swapped seats. We came off the motorway there was no point me following the M62 anymore it was almost midnight and I was knackered as well as Lee. So we saw a sign for sheffield and I followed that knowing I could find my way back from there.... Finally we seemed to be heading the right way.
"You need to take that turning" Sue piped up from the back seat.
"That's gonna take us back to Manchester Sue" I replied.
"I'm sure its that way" she continued. Lee had drifted off to sleep and I was getting to screaming point. Sue doesn't drive and thought she was helping but all she was doing was irritating me. Next minute she was leaning forward prodding Lee's shoulder and waking him up.
"Don't you think she should be going that way?" She asked Lee.
"Sue I'm sure Loraine will get us home".
"I'm not" I mumbled. "But I do know we don't want to go that way cos its back to Manchester" .
Lee looked at the sign ahead "Yep you're right it definately says its that way to Manchester so go the opposite and we should be in the right direction". Sue sighed from the back seat and I ignored her. Sue is lovely she's brilliant and she's my best friend but sometimes she talks at the most inappropriate of times and I get irritated. "Sorry Sue we'll get home eventually don't you worry". It wasn't long before the signs for Wakefield appeared and just before one we pulled up on my driveway.
"Here we are home sweet home" I told Lee.
"Right I'm gonna get off to bed" Sue told us both and said night.
"Go open the door I'll carry my case in" Lee gave me a kiss. "Can't wait to see inside".
We entered the house and I cracked open a bottle of champagne I had in the fridge "Here you go. I'm soo glad you're here" .
"Me too" Lee gave me a cuddle. "I love your house".
"Thanks".
"I'm gonna be happy here. We're gonna be happy here" he paused.
"What?"
"Tomorrow can we go to Wakefield so I can buy some fleeces? I'm bloody freezing" I laughed.
"Yes course we can".
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