Monday morning around ten am the Macmillan nurse Julie rang me "How you feeling Loraine?"
"Not good I was sick another three times last night and I'm drinking water now just so I have something to bring back when I start retching. But there's nothing left in my stomach its empty, the anti-sickness drugs are just coming back too now".
"Oh Loraine we need to get it under control then, when are you at the hospital?"
"One fifteen for pre-assessment"
"And whens your next lot of chemotherapy?"
"Tuesday"
"Mm, well I don't think they'll give you it Loraine they'll want to get your sickness under control first and stabilise you so don't be surprised if they say you're not getting it. I think we should go ahead and get a syringe driver I can organise for your district nurses to call after you get back with one and then they can get that fitted for you, okay?"
"Okay".
"I will give you a ring Tuesday and see how things are".
"Okay thanks Julie. Lee I've been thinking whenever I have a hangover or I'm feeling sick I normally have Fanta orange would you maybe get me some from the shop and I'll just try it and see if it works".
"Course I can darl just let me get these shorts off and into my jeans and I'll go to the shop, do we need anything else?"
"I don't know there's some money in my purse though just get what you think and take it out of that" Lee handed me a cup of tea and my tablets.
"Get them down you" Lee held out the tablets. I grimaced, "you okay?"
"Just not looking forward to being sick again".
"You might not be"
"Here goes then" I took the tablets with some water and slowly sipped my tea. Lee brought through some Ginger biscuits.
"Here nibble on that they're supposed to help with sickness". One bite of the biscuit was all it took I got off the settee and shot to the toilet just in time to be sick again and again and again. Once again Lee rubbed my back and held my hair with the other hand.
"Better?"
"A bit"
"Hello" a voice called from the hallway. It was my mum.
"In here Marlene" Lee called her.
"Everything okay?"
"No Loraine's just been sick again we'll be out in a minute". We heard her walking into the living room with her stick. I groaned my stomach hurt my throat hurt I felt bloody lousy.
"Finished?" Lee asked as I got up off the floor and let go of the toilet and followed Lee slowly into the living room.
"You look shocking" my dad said.
"Thanks I feel worse than I look". Mum came over for a kiss and a cuddle, since her illness she's gone all sentimental and has to cuddle everyone, to be honest it drives me nuts.
"Give me a cuddle" she asked and held out her arms.
"Mum please, don't.." I put my hand over my mouth as I burped only to gain more sick in my mouth. "move quick" i ran past her for the toilet again and heard her say.
"Lee she looks shocking, is she not holding anything down?"
"Not since this morning she's only had a cup of tea and two bites out of her toast and they didn't stay down for while".
"Make sure she tells them how bad its been when you go".
"I will Marlene don't worry". I walked back into the living room and headed for the sofa I needed to sleep before we had to go all the way over there.
"Is there anything you need me to do whilst I'm here?"
"No, no I'm fine you just sit with Loraine". I must have drifted off to sleep because when I woke mum and dad had gone and Lee gave me a kiss and told me we had to leave in half an hour.
We got to the pre-assessment clinic and were told to sit and wait in area 3 to be called. I felt terrible, I was cold one minute hot the next. I got a cup of water and sat down and took a sip of it.
"Oh Lee I'm gonna be sick again". I felt my stomach retching. A nurse walked past me at this point
"Excuse me could I please have a sick bowl?"
"Yes I'll get you one" she soon returned back to me and I held it in front of me.
"Are you waiting for the pre-assessment team?" She asked me and I nodded. "Right lets get you into a side room and you can wait there to be seen". So, Lee helped me off the chair and we walked into a side room. "Oh love how long have you been like this?"
"I started being sick on Thursday. Macmillan have changed my anti-sickness tablets but there not even staying down now. I'm drinking water just to be able to bring it back so it doesn't hurt as much". I told her and then was sick in the bowl. "I'll go get you another one and we'll come and do your assessment in here and I'm going to go get a doctor Loraine".
"Okay".
"Thanks" Lee added and rubbed my back. Liz brought me another sick bowl and told me she was going to get a doctor. When the doctor walked in I was on my hands and knees over the sick bowl being sick again.
"Oh no no this isn't good" the doctor said when she saw me. "We're going to admit you Loraine. You cannot go home like this you are dehydrated. What we need to do is admit you put you a line in and give you some fluids and some anti-sickness through a syringe driver. But you need to stay in so we can give you the fluids okay?"
"I don't have anything with me" I replied.
"We are a hospital we can lend you some things. Don't worry".
"Okay" I replied sitting on the chair with Lee's arm around me.
"We're going to try and find you a bed" Liz the nurse explained. "I just need to make a few phone calls meanwhile I'll try and find you a room with a bed so you can lie down". Liz left the room and returned about fifteen minutes later. "We can't get you a bed on a ward until after six o'clock Loraine" Liz said when she returned."But meantime we've found you a bed in a room in outpatients so you can at least lie down and we're going to put you a drip up whilst you are waiting to go to the ward. So if you both want to come with me I'll show you the way, okay?" I nodded and got up off my chair Lee held my hand and Liz linked my left arm. "We don't want you falling over so Lee and I will balance you between us okay?"
"Yes okay". We walked through outpatients oncology and round a corner and into... a cupboard....Liz opened the door and I looked at Lee and he looked at me and we smiled.... there was a hospital bed in the room which wasn't big enough to swing a cat in. It was some kind of storage place with shelves of files etc to the left and a big set of wheelchair weighing scales to the left of the bed.
"Its different"
"Certainly is"
"Sorry I know its only a cupboard but at least you can get your head down".
"Its brilliant Liz, thanks".
Within half an hour I was hooked up to drip with fluids in to re-hydrate me again and some anti- sickness was put into my PICC line. All we had to do now is wait for a bed.
"I'll wait til you're settled then I'll go pack you a bag and come back, I just hope I can find my way home".
"Oh Lee I hadn't thought of that" every time we came to the hospital etc I directed Lee. I do have a sat nav in the car... however she is more likely to get you lost than find the way as we've experienced on a few occasions,, (the last one being when I picked Lee up from the airport and she took us all the way back to Manchester airport when some road maintenance had closed the M62).
"Don't worry darl I'll find it, I can't go wrong if I follow the signs for Wakefield can I?"
"No not really you just follow the signs for Wakefield and you want to come off at Junction 40 you should recognise it from there".
"Okay, don't worry I'm not going anywhere until you are settled". It was at that point I remembered Logan had tried to call me so I gave him a ring.
"Logan did you try call me?"
"Yes I was trying to find out where gran and grandad where. I'd got something to drop off at theirs to for their laptop but gran wasn't answering the phone".
"Are you at Grans now?"
"No I'm back at home now".
"Well I'm going to be staying in"
"Yes I just read that on facebook. Are you okay mum?"
"I will be I just need something to stop me being sick. They're going to keep me in and put me on a drip overnight to try and sort it out. Well I've got the drip up now".
"What ward are you on?"
"I'm not I'm on a bed in a cupboard" I told him.
"What?" He asked laughing.
"I'm not joking" I told him. "They haven't got me a bed on a ward yet so they've stuck a bed into a storage cupboard and I'm on top of it" I laughed and he laughed with me. It was great talking to Logan again it seems like ages since I saw him. "We'll have to sort out for you to come and see your bedroom" Lee's almost finished it and I think you will like it".
"I'll come after school one day for tea"
"When?"
"I don't know I'll sort something out"
"Okay then". I put the phone down.
"Everything okay? When's he coming?"
"I don't know he said he'll get back to me. He did think it was funny that I was on a bed in a cupboard though".
"Well I find it funny too" Lee smiled. "Don't worry about Logan he'll come visit when he's ready".
"I hope so Lee, I really do".
It was half past six before Louise came to get me out of the cupboard and put me in a wheelchair to take me up to the ward. It was dark outside and the corridor of outpatients was completely deserted as everyone had gone home. Louise pushed the wheelchair and at the side of her, Lee wheeled my drip whilst carrying my handbag. We got into a lift and went up to the fifth floor and entered a corridor with a desk on the right.
"I've got Loraine Mooney, where do you want her?"
"Room 9" the nurse replied. "But I don't think its ready yet so if you want to put Loraine in the day room we'll come and get her when we're ready. It shouldn't be long they're just finishing washing the bed".
I looked at Lee and smiled as Louise wheeled us into the day room. A flat screen TV stood on one side of the room and two leather settees were in there along with a bookshelf filled with books.
"This is so NOT Pinderfields" I smiled at Lee.
"What do you mean?"
"They're washing my bed, Pinderfields don't wash beds, well if they do I've never seen them do it. The amount of beds I've seen with dried blood on them and on the floor. This day room for instance Pinderfields would have the oldest telly sat there which wouldn't work or had a dodgy picture and you'd have them horrid high back plastic chairs to sit on. This is like a five star hotel compared to Pinderfields. I can't wait to see my room".
"You've got a bit more colour now anyway, you looked grey earlier but you look better now".
"I feel a lot better it must have be the fluid and anti-sickness kicking in".
"Loraine?" A nurse called my name as she popped her head around the door. "Your rooms ready if you'd like to come with me". So I got up off the settee and pushed my drip stand and Lee took my bag and we headed to room 9. I was in a private room of my own, it was really really nice. there was a table and chair by the window. A flat screen TV stood on a chrome stand at the bottom of my bed. At the foot of the bed was a sink, and to the right was my own en suite bathroom. "This is lovely. So much different than being on a ward with twenty-eight beds in and sharing a bathroom that has dirty bed pans all over the floor and is covered in dirt. Its like being in a hotel, I could get used to this". Lee smiled and the nurse laughed. "I just need to take some details off you Loraine and fill in an admission form then we will get the syringe driver sorted out and put you some more fluids up".
"Okay thanks do you think I could get some morphine too cos I don't have anything with me?"
"Yes we'll need to get a doctor to prescribe it before we can give it to you though".
"Okay. I don't have any pyjamas or anything either do you think I could have something to wear?"
"We can get you a gown its the one of those that show your bum but you've got your own room so it doesn't matter does it".
"No true yes that's fine. You don't have to come back then Lee if I can get what I need here then i don't need anything I have a spare bag change in my bag. You get yourself off home and I'll see you tomorrow. My batteries nearly dead on my phone so just let everyone know can you then they won't text me and run it down. That way I'll have enough battery to ring you tomorrow".
"Right Loraine, I'm going off shift now its Elaine that will be looking after you so I'll pass everything to her and she'll be in with your syringe driver, more saline for your drip and some morphine, okay?"
"Okay thanks".
"I better go too" Lee told me and smiled.
"Can you put tv on for me first see if you can get it to work?"
"Course I can" he moved the aerial which sat on top of a cupboard standing behind the tv. "Is that okay?"
"The pictures a bit wobbly" I told him.
"How about that?"
"Yes thats better" I got off the bed and gave him a cuddle. "I love you Mr McEvoy"
"I love you too Mrs McEvoy, try and get some sleep".
"I will. Let me know when you get home".
"I'll send you a text" Lee replied and off he went. I settled down to watch some tv I caught the back end of coronation street and then the hotel inspector... better than nothing. It was ten thirty before a doctor popped in to see me.
"Hi Loraine I'm Dr Wood, one of the registrars on the ward. I just want to take a look at you". The drip started beeping at this point. "Oh, whats wrong with that?" She asked out loud I'm not sure the question was directed at me but I couldn't resist answering.
"Its empty, its been empty for the past three hours" I replied.
"Oh I'll have to get one of the nurses to sort it out for you" she replied.
"Well they said they had to wait and see you and get it signed off so they could give me it".
"Ah right. So has the sickness settled down?"
"I'm still feeling sick but I haven't been sick for the past two hours".
"And hows the pain?"
"Pretty bad just now" I replied.
"Right well I'll get the nurse to put some morphine in through your syringe driver",
"I haven't got one yet" I replied.
"Oh, whats that then?" she pointed to my PICC line.
"Its a PICC line" I told her and she blushed.
"So what exactly have we done for you since you arrived on the ward?" she asked.
"Erm, well you brought me some water" I told her.
"Oh, right, thats not very good is it. I will go get your syringe driver sorted out now along with the saline for your drip and some morphine. I'm sorry"
"Its okay I know you are busy" I replied.
It was after eleven before a nurse appeared with some saline. "Hi, I'm Elaine, I'm just going to put your fluids back up Loraine"
"Have you got my syringe driver as well?" I asked her.
"Haven't you got it yet?"
"No"
"Oh, right I will go chase that for you now and you need some morphine is that right?"
"Yes"
"Won't be long" she replied. However, she was it was another forty minutes before she re-appeared. I was knackered and desperate for some sleep it was almost midnight.
"Loraine, I've got your syringe driver for you".
"Okay" I sat up whilst she inserted the needle under my skin.Its not painful but it is uncomfortable, "I'm just going to put some morphine in through your line, it should help you sleep".
"Thanks".
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