Just to bring you all up to speed I left hospital on Tuesday 1st November without the syringe driver which had only been in overnight feeling relatively okay. Pre assessment was set for Tuesday 8th November and I happily went along with Lee in tow this time having Liz as my named nurse I trusted how now we had a bond. I got weighed six more pounds drop but I have a few pounds to loose so hey ho who cares!!
On Wednesday 9th November, I was due at Jimmy's at 2.45pm for treatment and at 12 ish that day the phone rang. The guy on the other end said he was a registrar on Dr Jagdev's team and how he had been told to call me and cancel my treatment. I immediately panicked saying I didn't agree with his decision and how I wanted the treatment and felt fine to have it. But he was adamant in what he was saying no treatment today instead we were requested to attend outpatients to see him. A Mr Triggoli so along I went to outpatients a not very happy bunny!
It was whilst sat there that I realised I'd forgotten the paperwork I'd brought with me that I needed signing, paperwork for Dr Jagdev's team to fill in for my pension.
"I'll go get it from the car " Lee told me "Don't worry I won't be long" and he wasn't. Our appointment was 2.45 and we were still sitting waiting at 3.30pm at 4 I started to get fed up and pain was kicking in which didn't help. I never brought my tablets, (morphine) out with me and at outpatients I knew what it was like I never went in on time. But this was bordering on ridiculous. When we finally got called in all the guy did was continue to get my back up going on and on about cycle dates and when my cycles were expected etc. I told him to shut up and got arsey and said he had to listen to how he had made me feel then I began.....
I explained that cancelling on me last minute for treatment was not an option and how unhappy I was that this option had been taking. I told him how fed up I was on waiting for results from ct scan and bone scans back in October. I explained I didn't think i was getting enough feedback from the doctors and how I was being left out on a limb on a regular basis and how I wasn't happy. He looked quite ashen when I finished and I felt a twinge of guilt.
"I understand how you're feeling" first words out of his mouth.
"No actually you don't unless you are faced with a death sentence then you haven't a clue"... he tried again.
"I understand that to you it may feel like we haven't thought things through but trust me we have. Normally if you miss day eight we wouldn't re arrange it we would simply omit it from your treatment altogether. As for your results I can tell you what they are. There was no growth in your bones so your bone scan is clear."
"And the CT Scan?" I asked.
"Mm yes well, lets see..." as soon as he began to dither I knew there was a problem and latched onto Lee's hand as if it were a vice...."Mm well as you know you had a 2cm tumour in the tissues around your bowel, I'm afraid that is now 4cm's and you have another 2cm growth in your pelvis". The room went quiet apart from me crying I looked at Lee and his face had sunk.
"Do you not think maybe you should have told Loraine this news sooner?" Lee asked.
"Well its doesn't matter if its one lump or four lumps at the end of the day the treatment and the outcome will still be the same" he told us both.
"My argument is that if its doubled then surely i need the treatment more than anything instead you're stopping it. I'm really not happy. But I guess I have to trust you so what happens next?"
"Well you will come back for your chemo as scheduled on Tuesday 13th November".
"Okay fine! I need this paperwork filling in as work are wanting to pension me off. Can you fill it in?"
"No it has to be your GP" he told me.
"No my GP can't she doesn't know enough to feel comfortable".
"Try your GP" said the voice and I walked out of the office feeling extremely demoralised and somewhat more ill than I'd felt before".
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