I woke up at three am after dreaming that I was walking down the street and some wasps were attacking me. There were loads of people around me but none of them seemed to notice I was asking for help and swatting the wasps away...then my dream cut out and I could hear the sound of the news on TV. The newsreader was saying council staff were concerned at the amount of empty drinks cans being thrown or dropped on the floor in the Leeds road area of the city, it was causing a major problem with wasps in the area and that this was a plea to the public to be more vigilant and to bin any empty cans in the future.... the dream cuts out again.... I'm walking into a building with a glass front and I spot myself in the reflection I'm wearing just a pair of pants and heels. Horrified I turn around and march off down the street muttering to myself "Well done you made a right fool of yourself there Loraine".... then I woke up. If anyone out there reading this can give me an idea what any of this means please let me know it was very vivid and I am very puzzled. Right, I have a drink I'm gonna try to go back to sleep now, I've already been on google searching my dream meanings without much success .. please let me know x
I woke and got dressed and headed into work to discuss my pension first picking up my mum and then Lorna, we were going to go for a coffee afterwards. Everyone seemed pleased to see me and I had a chat with a few people and then headed down to the office to meet with Lisa Crawley from our HR department at Newcastle.
"Hiya Loraine, nice to finally put a face to the voice"
"Hi Lisa, nice to meet you"
"So take a seat" I sat down. "Would you like a drink?"
"I'd love some water"
"Anything to eat?"
"No I'm fine thanks".
"Okay I won't be long". I pulled the documents out of the bag that had been sent out through the post to me. I looked through them in a state of amazement when I'd seen the figures and I still wanted to query them because I wasn't entirely sure they could be right. I've been employed by the NHS Business Services Authority since August 2009. However, if you've read my first blog you will know I went on sick leave in August 2010 when I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. I'd returned to work in February 2011 and after being re-diagnosed and told I was terminal in August 2011 I've not been back at work. So I've actually spent eight of those months on sick leave. I'm not on a great wage and I only earn £13,233 a year. I'd taken a pay cut when I'd moved to the NHS after being made redundant in June 2009 from HSBC.
"So how are you feeling in yourself?" Lisa asked returning to the room with my water.
"Tired in all honesty Lisa, really tired on a constant basis, how on earth I thought I could cope with working full time and dealing with this cancer I will never know. I'm shattered.
"So is it the illness making you tired?"
"That and the medication I think".
"What medication are you on at the minute?"
"Well I'm on 40mg of Zomorph 12 hourly and Oramorph for break through pain. Zomorph is a tablet form of Morphine and Oramorph is the liquid version which I can use as and when".
"Is the pain bad then?"
"Well when I don't take the medication its bad".
"I'm sorry to hear that. When is it you start treatment?"
"Well Chemotherapy was suppose to start on October 12th. But I have very bad veins since my operation last year which is what I've been telling the doctors since I found out I was to have my chemotherapy intravenously and they didn't listen. So I went for the chemo and they couldn't do it because they couldn't find a vein. So I have to have a hicc line fitted now. Its basically a catheter threaded into my vein and stays in permanently until I finish my treatment. They will give me my chemotherapy through it and take bloods from it".
"And, how do you feel about that?"
"Well i was fine until they sent me the literature through the post to read about the procedure... now I'm scared silly it sounds horrific. But, its for the best and in the long run it should make things easier. So I'm just going to have to grin and bear it".
"Well I hope it all goes okay for you".
"Thanks".
"Right so did you have chance to look at the figures I sent out to you?" I nodded. "And were you shocked?"
"Yep. I can't quite believe how good they are... I'm quite shocked at the amount you are offering me and I wondered if I'd mis-read it in all honesty" I admitted.
"The figures are good but that's because we have to envisage that you would have been working for us up to retirement age". Lisa told me. "Right so just to explain it to you the Tier one figures are if you are incapable of doing your job with the NHS, but capable of doing a different job. So from what we have established I don't think this applies to you. Tier two is the figures you are most likely to be looking at because these are figures that apply if you are incapable of ever working again. So I think these are the most likely figures for you. However, there is another option and that is this section where we say you could be entitled to a lump sum of £33,000 now this is if your consultant gives you a lifespan of around 12 months based on your illness. What I would say is that some consultants won't give a timescale so based on that I think you are probably looking at tier 2 figures".
"Right okay. So, if my consultant gave a lifespan of around 12 months and I lived longer, what would happen then?" I asked.
"Well that's where the survivors pension would kick in and you would get that for the remainder of your life". Lisa told me.
"Okay so worst case scenario I'm looking at the lump sum of £18,921 plus the annual pension of £2,221?"
"That's right yes"
"Well that's pretty good. But would there be any provision for my children after my death?"
"Yes there would be the thirty seven percent of this annual amount would be divided equally between your children until the eldest, Jenna, reaches twenty three. Once Jenna reaches twenty three she would stop getting the eighteen and a half percent and wouldn't get anything and the youngest of your children, Logan, would get the thirty seven percent until he reached twenty three".
"So that works out at about four hundred pounds per year is that about right?"
"Yes that would be about right".
"Mm so could I put any more to once side or take less so the kids get more".
"No it doesn't work like that but obviously you can always do a trust for them" Lisa told me. "I'm sorry Loraine".
"No its okay, I'll have enough to set up a little trust for each of them I've got the pension from HSBC to come as well so I'll be fine".
"Okay so now you've filled in the application we will fill out our bit and then we'll send it to your consultant for them to fill their part in, once its done the application will go to the trust for consideration and they will make the decision. But, as I said in light of your circumstances it will be at the least tier 2 that you get granted. However, I do have to warn you these things take a while to sort out. However, due to your circumstances I will try and push it through as quickly as possible".
"Okay thanks Lisa. It was nice to meet you".
"Nice to meet you too Loraine and if you need me for anything you have my number".
"Okay thanks".
"I hope chemo goes okay".
"Yes me too". I left the office feeling a bit brighter at least financially I'd be okay for a while and have some money behind me. I went over to Colleen next.
"How did it go?"
"Okay pretty impressed" I said smiling.
"That good?"
"Mm" I grinned. "Considering how long I've been working here I'm very happy. Anyway I know we were going to go for a coffee but my mum and Lorna are waiting for me. We're going to look at the bridesmaids dresses I've seen in Debenhams".
"Well, you need to put your foot down"
"I know today, I intend too" I replied.
"Lorna it looks great, really suits you" I told her as she came out of the changing room in the full length bridesmaid dress I'd picked out for her. Now the ticket said Light Gold but I would say it was more a Light copper colour it certainly wasn't a yellow gold anyway. It looked very classy".
"I don't like it" she moaned.
"Well I do, mum what do you think?"
"It really, really suits you" my mum told her.
"I'll need a spray tan" she told us both.
"Well get a spray tan then. See, fixed easily" I told her and turned to the girl in the changing room. "Can we reserve two of these til next week?"
"Well we're not officially supposed to reserve them because they are on sale at the moment" she told me. "But, yes okay then for a week we will".
"That's great thanks".
"They will be up on wedding services for you to collect but you need to come get them before Tuesday otherwise they will go back on the floor".
"Okay we will". It was as we walked out the store that I realised that could be a problem I was at St James's having chemo all day with Lee.
"Well we'll sort it out don't worry sis".
"Okay thanks".
"Not long now Mrs Mcevoy" Lee said when he rang me.
"I know I can't wait. So what have you got planned for your last night then?"
"Well mum and dad have booked into a hotel in Protaras they're taking me to Georgia's for a meal".
"You lucky bugger" Georgia's was lovely Lee's friend had taken us there when I was on holiday with Logan in August the food had been out of this world. "And then we're going to Rives to say bye to everyone. Then tomorrow mum and dad are picking me up about ten o'clock we're going for fish and chips and then I have to be at the airport for four o'clock".
"You okay?"
"Yep can't wait now I just want to get home to be with you, love you Mrs Mac"
"Love you Mr Mac have a good night".
"Night".
.
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