Missy Moo... otherwise known as Sue copeman... snores...loudly!! I was in the next room and still managed to hear her. Jenna and I were asleep in the spare room Jenna was in the princess bed and I had the dinosaur one, let me explain! Nick, Sue's boyfriend has two four year old twin girls one called Grace and the other called Amelia. Amelia likes Dinosaurs and Grace likes princesses. Sue has decorated the room half in red and half in pink. The pink half for Grace and the Red for Amelia. They love it I've yet to meet them both but can't wait til I do. Anyway I awoke to the sound of Sue's snoring at six am so I tried to work out my budget now I'm going to have some Disability benefit coming in I don't want to waste it.
Sue got up around eleven and began making breakfast whilst I did the washing up. She cooked us a full fry up. Although Jenna only ate the bacon, beans and had some toast. I had bacon, sausages, tomato, beans and some bread. Matty the lad from next door came round and had all of the above plus an egg, and Sue had two eggs plus all of the above and a cup of tea!! I sloped off upstairs to carry on my budget and then I rang Lee.
"Hello Mrs Mcevoy"
"Hiya, hows you?"
"Tired" he told me. "Its been a long week not long til you're here that will put a smile on my face. I can't wait. I'm down at the pub watching footie and having a beer with Luke. I've checked with him about being best man again, he's promised he won't let me down. I just want it to be over with now so I can be over there with you".
"Me too" i told him. "I didn't sleep very well last night. Anyway I've sent you a copy of the invite and some waistcoat pictures to your facebook inbox so have a look and let me know what you think okay?"
"Ok darl I'll try and do it after the match. I've sorted out your lift and everything its the girl that came for you and Logan from the airport last time".
"Oh okay".
"Not long now"
"I know" I laughed. "I can't wait"
"Me neither I hope you don't think I'm being forward but I've never loved anyone as much as I love you".
"Good cos I feel the same" I told him and you can tell me that every day for the rest of my life if you like it won't bother me".
"Good. I love you Mrs Mcevoy"
"Love you too" I said blowing a kiss down the phone. "Go watch your game I've got things to do" I told him.
"Okay bye then".
"Bye".
I did the washing up for Sue and Jenna and I made our beds. She was flapping I could tell... worrying that the house wasn't tidy and about all the work she had to get done before school tomorrow.
"Would you like us to go earlier than planned?" I asked her.
"Yes" She replied. "I've got loads to do and I'm getting stressed".
"I know why do you think I offered. We'll get our stuff together and then we'll get out of your hair".
"Okay, you sure you don't mind?"
"No I don't mind but can you print a copy of that invite off for me first".
"Oh yeah I nearly forgot I'll do it now". Sue sat at the computer in the study and printed it off for me.
"Anything else?"
"Oh yeah could you print off my monarch tickets I need to print off the new set so it shows that we've paid for the extra bag".
"What do i need to be on?"
"My hotmail account"
"Okay well there you go do what you have to do and I'll go finish doing what I was doing" Sue got up and let me sit down. I printed off the tickets, Jenna loaded the car up, I got a glass of juice and we were off".
We headed for Asda cos I needed a few things from there and (Jenna was hoping Mike would be ready.) so we could pick Mike up as he lived near to Asda at Durkar. I only had forty pound in my purse and nothing in the bank so we had to keep it low. We ended up buying toiletries for the holiday and some spaghetti so Jenna could cook Spag bol and no doubt make a huge mess in the Kitchen.
Mike wasn't ready and it was bouncing it down with rain it was obvious that Jenna did not want to have to leave the shelter of our house later to go meet Mike. As long as its before four and he's in Ossett I'll pick him up.
"Will you?" Jenna grinned. "Okay I'll text him can I use your phone?"
"Yes Jenna" I replied and headed for home.
We got home about half three I was shattered and headed over to get Jenna's keys from Sue our neighbour. I stayed over there for a while and had a cup of tea etc telling her about everything that had hapLogan got home just after half six.
"I'm just about to text Lee, he wants to know what you think about grey suits said he text you and you didn't reply".
"Well it costs to text Cyprus and I can't afford it" He began his voice beginning to raise.
"Okay but how do you feel about wearing grey".
"If he wants to look gay then that's fine by me" Logan began "cos we will look green".
"The other colour is a pale green"
"Oh great!" he began moaning. "Well its that or pink!" I shouted after him as he slopped off to his bedroom. I was sitting on top of my bed and I typed in "Motability" into google. I was talking to our Lorna boyfriends brother Chris re a mobility car via facebook (he had one). Because it suddenly dawned on me that I could get a new car for the price of my disability allowance.
"They don't always take all of it if you type on motability scheme it comes up with the cars you can have wether you need to contribute to them or fif they are free. You also get free car insurance and free tax, free tyres, free breakdown cover".
"Wow I didn't know about the insurance".
"Yep and if you have a named driver they get free insurance too?"
"Really?" I text lee as I was talking to Chris via facebook.... "logan says yes to grey, can I ring you?" once again though the signal was crap in our house and the message wouldn't send. So I picked up the phone and rang Lee instead.
"I was just about to text you" he told me.
"I'm good aren't i?" I laughed. The amount of times I went to text him and my phone rang and it was lee and the amount of times it happened this way round was too many to count.
"Logan says yes to grey suit? Have you looked at invites and those waistcoat pictures?"
"No I haven't had chance yet I slept right up to seven oclock when I left the bar so I didn't have time, sorry".
"Oh its okay plenty of time" I told him. "Anyway did you know I can get a new car on mobility, free tax, free insurance, free tyres and I can put on a named driver and they get free insurnce too."
"Really?"
"Yep it would cost me the mobility part of my Disability which is £51 a week but I'd be saving £126 a month on car insurance and what I haven't had I'm not gonna miss. I'd be better off" I told him.
"Well you do what you have to do love. But if you could get a new car that would be nice".
"I know I can pick you up from the airport in a nice new car how good would that be?"
"So anyway when can i get my engagement ring?"
"Well when do you want to get engaged do you want me to do it in front of the family or what?"
"Well as far as i'm concerned we are engaged it just takes a ring to seal the deal."
"It won't be a surprise then though".
"Well I know we're engaged so its not gonna be one anyway".
"I'd rather get it when i'm there I told him".
"Okay we'll see" he replied. "Right I better go we're getting busy"
"Okay off you go Mr Mcevoy love you".
"Love you too babe. night"
"Night Xx"
I began looking at loads and loads of cars but I always came back to Citreons I could get a brand new one with all the extras on mobility it would be free in effect and I would save £126 a month on car insurance and what it was costing in mobility, well I didn't have it yet so i wasn't going to miss it was i?
A new car for my birthday now that would be good, I told myself. the quicker the better I could sell the one i had or do a trade in to get all the extras I wanted on the mobility one in case they weren't included and you had to pay. This would be brilliant I'd never had a new car before and it was on my bucket list so one more thing to cross over. Yep i was definitely going to get a new car I deserved something nice out of all this misery. So when I get back from Cyprus ( we go in three days by the way) I'm going car shopping....all I need to do is to decide on a colour I might even get a personalised nunber plate... mm wouldn't that be good.
Right off to bed.. night everyone.
Hope you enjoy reading this xx
Sunday 18 September 2011
Saturday 17 September 2011
Saturday 17th September - Shitty cat!!
On Saturday morning I awoke around seven did some work on the blog and went back to sleep. I was woken up again by John Sue's dad shouting up the stairs.
I went into Sue's room to hear tales of the shitty cat. Now Sue's cat had had a bit of a poorly tummy yesterday and it had some ... poop shall we call it? Nope... lets just go for shit... well it had shit all over its bum and down its legs, its a long haired cat and the white fur on its bum and legs was brown with shit everywhere. So last night Sue had had to wash its bottom in the sink...eugh disgusting.
"I had to get up and wash her at five this morning, there was shit all over the throw on the bed" Sue was saying so I washed her bum. "It was all over downstairs too".
"Well you should see her now I stopped her from coming in the house" John told Sue.
"Is it just stains or is it shit"
"Oh its shit alright" John laughed. We went downstairs to see the cats backside dripping with shit... it was on the carpet and she was doing her best to rub up against Johns legs whilst covered. I couldn't stop laughing. Sue couldn't stop laughing and her dad couldn't stop making comments.
"Sue can I take a picture and put her on you tube?" I asked her. Sue couldn't help but laugh whilst I chased the cat with my phone trying to get a picture of her shitty backside lol.
The cat was Mee owing because she wanted feeding but Sue quite rightly was telling her she couldn't have anything.
"Right I'm gonna wrap her in a towel dad you hold her over the bath and I will wash her bum under the shower" Sue told her dad. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face he looked terrified at the thought of holding a shitty cat over the bath lol.
I followed them into the bathroom. Sue's dad holding the cats front end wrapped in a towel and howling whilst its back end hung over the bath while Sue washed its bum.... what a sight it was so funny! I was screaming with laughter and I'm pretty sure John was desperate to laugh too. Eventually Priscilla the cat broke free and shot out the bathroom and past me on the stairs like a tornado a trail of shit following her as she ran.
It was at that point Sue decided vets had to be the next step as everywhere she sat Priscilla left a puddle of destruction behind her and boy did she stink. So whilst Sue got her booked in at the vets I rang Lee. He had the suit sizes for me.
"Hello Mrs Mcevoy I've got the sizes for you have the girls decided on a colour yet?"
"No that's what I told you to do choose a colour" I told him.
"Well the girls should choose" he told me. "I have sizes anyway collar sizes are 15 and Luke's the same size as me."
"Okay and chest size?"
"I think its about a 42".
"Okay"
"Right waist size we are both a 30 and its a 31 leg".
"Right okay". Sue was pointing to her watch and mouthing to me that we had to get a move on.
"Right Lee I'm gonna have to go cos Sue has to go and take her shitty cat to the vets, cos it won't stop crapping everywhere". I laughed and he laughed with me.
"I'll talk to you later,"
"Okay I love you Mrs Mcevoy can't wait to see you".
"Only four days" I laughed. "See you soon, I love you". We headed to Kim's for Sue to pick up a cat box and for me to start planning and designing invites with Simon Kim's partner. Sue left me at Kim's and headed back to get the shitty cat!!
Three hours later Simon had designed an invite that I truly loved I just hope that Lee likes it as much as I do. I plan to take a sample but meantime have sent him a sample via facebook.
For the past couple of hours I have sat chilling out watching recordings of X Factor (as I've pretty much missed all of them) whilst been waited on by Missy Moo Copeman. Who has definitely become my one of my best est friends. I had some pate on bread at lunchtime with a glass of wine. And for tea I've had beef bourguignon served with rice and a lovely glass of sparkling rose wine. Jenna has sat at the side of me playing the Sims whilst I've been writing my blog. Its been a wonderful evening and a shame it has to end. But I'm yawning my head off and its definitely time for bed. So night all and I hope you enjoy reading today's entry.
Loraine x
I went into Sue's room to hear tales of the shitty cat. Now Sue's cat had had a bit of a poorly tummy yesterday and it had some ... poop shall we call it? Nope... lets just go for shit... well it had shit all over its bum and down its legs, its a long haired cat and the white fur on its bum and legs was brown with shit everywhere. So last night Sue had had to wash its bottom in the sink...eugh disgusting.
"I had to get up and wash her at five this morning, there was shit all over the throw on the bed" Sue was saying so I washed her bum. "It was all over downstairs too".
"Well you should see her now I stopped her from coming in the house" John told Sue.
"Is it just stains or is it shit"
"Oh its shit alright" John laughed. We went downstairs to see the cats backside dripping with shit... it was on the carpet and she was doing her best to rub up against Johns legs whilst covered. I couldn't stop laughing. Sue couldn't stop laughing and her dad couldn't stop making comments.
"Sue can I take a picture and put her on you tube?" I asked her. Sue couldn't help but laugh whilst I chased the cat with my phone trying to get a picture of her shitty backside lol.
The cat was Mee owing because she wanted feeding but Sue quite rightly was telling her she couldn't have anything.
"Right I'm gonna wrap her in a towel dad you hold her over the bath and I will wash her bum under the shower" Sue told her dad. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face he looked terrified at the thought of holding a shitty cat over the bath lol.
I followed them into the bathroom. Sue's dad holding the cats front end wrapped in a towel and howling whilst its back end hung over the bath while Sue washed its bum.... what a sight it was so funny! I was screaming with laughter and I'm pretty sure John was desperate to laugh too. Eventually Priscilla the cat broke free and shot out the bathroom and past me on the stairs like a tornado a trail of shit following her as she ran.
It was at that point Sue decided vets had to be the next step as everywhere she sat Priscilla left a puddle of destruction behind her and boy did she stink. So whilst Sue got her booked in at the vets I rang Lee. He had the suit sizes for me.
"Hello Mrs Mcevoy I've got the sizes for you have the girls decided on a colour yet?"
"No that's what I told you to do choose a colour" I told him.
"Well the girls should choose" he told me. "I have sizes anyway collar sizes are 15 and Luke's the same size as me."
"Okay and chest size?"
"I think its about a 42".
"Okay"
"Right waist size we are both a 30 and its a 31 leg".
"Right okay". Sue was pointing to her watch and mouthing to me that we had to get a move on.
"Right Lee I'm gonna have to go cos Sue has to go and take her shitty cat to the vets, cos it won't stop crapping everywhere". I laughed and he laughed with me.
"I'll talk to you later,"
"Okay I love you Mrs Mcevoy can't wait to see you".
"Only four days" I laughed. "See you soon, I love you". We headed to Kim's for Sue to pick up a cat box and for me to start planning and designing invites with Simon Kim's partner. Sue left me at Kim's and headed back to get the shitty cat!!
Three hours later Simon had designed an invite that I truly loved I just hope that Lee likes it as much as I do. I plan to take a sample but meantime have sent him a sample via facebook.
For the past couple of hours I have sat chilling out watching recordings of X Factor (as I've pretty much missed all of them) whilst been waited on by Missy Moo Copeman. Who has definitely become my one of my best est friends. I had some pate on bread at lunchtime with a glass of wine. And for tea I've had beef bourguignon served with rice and a lovely glass of sparkling rose wine. Jenna has sat at the side of me playing the Sims whilst I've been writing my blog. Its been a wonderful evening and a shame it has to end. But I'm yawning my head off and its definitely time for bed. So night all and I hope you enjoy reading today's entry.
Loraine x
Sat 10th sept to Fri 16 Sept - Memory!!
To all of you that have been reading my blog I have to apologise. I was going to try and catch up and have been doing my best over the past week. However, hiccups keep on happening. No I don't mean I have the hiccups... just a week of disasters that has left me with little to no time in which to catch up. So here it is as much as I can remember of the last few days squashed into one blog.... I will keep up from now on... promise xxx
On Sunday... much to my horror my Fridge freezer broke.... its only two years old and under extended warranty... its on of those big ones with the water and ice dispenser at the front... Samsung... supposedly a good make. I was gutted...well I'll be honest with you all I sat and bawled my eyes out over something as stupid as my fridge freezer breaking down. What a nutter? I'd lost all my freezer stuff and most of the stuff in the fridge. I wouldn't mind last week it was the dryer.. its still not fixed and now the fridge freezer goes on me. I'd gone over to sues with some diced pork, chicken breasts, and a frozen beef casserole. Luckily she'd had room and stored them for me. I'd rung them but no one could come out until Wednesday that was the earliest date and it was an all day call out anytime between eight am and six pm.
On Monday I went into Wakefield with my elder sister Lorna (thought I'd get the elder bit in ha ha makes me feel good lol). I had bought the cream dress from H&M whilst in Wakefield with my neighbour Sue on Saturday. Me being me I couldn't be bothered to try it on and when I'd gotten it home it was far too big. So my first stop in town with Lorna was H&M. I hurried over to the rail but there were no size 12's.
"Why don't you try on the 12?" Lorna asked me.
"Me a 12? You have to be kidding... no its okay it won't fit" I told her.
"The changing rooms over there try it anyway" she urged me again.
"Okay, I'll try grab this will you" I gave her the bag with the size 16 dress in it that i was returning along with a bottle of water. "Stay around so i can show you"
"Okay".
I couldn't believe it when it fit and was quite shocked that I'd dropped two dress sizes.
"Oh yeah that looks really nice".
"You think"
"Yep". I practically skipped to the til point to hand the size 12 over along with the size 16 in the bag.
"Hiya I got this dress on Saturday but its way too big can I swap it for the smaller size?"
"Yes no problem" she replied and smiled.
When I got back home the Macmillan nurse Linda had arrived and was talking to Jenna.
"Hi sorry I'm late" I told her. "I thought we said half twelve?"
"We did I was early" Linda told me.. " Don't worry".
"Okay so everything okay?" I asked.
"Yes its great" Linda replied.
"Right I'm off upstairs for a bit" Jenna announced.
"So how are you?"
"Okay. Well no actually I've been a bit sick with the anti sickness drugs" I told her. "And I'm still taking 10ml of the Oramorph during the day and I'm worried that's a bit much" I replied.
"Well as I said before its not an issue but we do want to lower the oramorph if we can so I will up the dosage on the Zomorph tablets to 30mg, morning and night, twelve hours apart. And I'll change your anti sickness to Cyclizine".
"Okay that's great thanks".
"So are you okay in yourself?" Linda asked me.
"Its not a bad day today but yesterday was horrendous my Fridge/freezer broke down and I sat and bawled like a baby... I felt like a right fool afterwards".
"Loraine, the crying wasn't about the fridge it was just the straw that broke the camels back... that's all" Linda smiled. "Anyway I have sent the Macmillan grant forms off and I have something to show you" Linda pulled out a leaflet from her bag it was called the willow foundation. "Its a charity that runs special days etc for people and their families who are terminally ill ages eighteen to forty. Anyway they pay for a day out of your choice with your family... to go see a show in London... go to Disneyland and they also pay for family parties... I was thinking your wedding reception" she grinned.
"Ooh you mean I could apply for them to help?"
"Exactly! I've filled my bit out you just need to do yours and send it off... if you get it you get it if you don't you don't. All I would say is because you're due your birthday get it sent off asap".
"Great thanks yes I will. So did you have a chat with Jenna"
"MM I did and you're right there's a lot off stuff she needs to talk about so I will refer her for counselling with Nina at Wakefield the waiting list is about eight weeks but it will still be quicker than going through your GP".
"Okay great thanks Linda."
"Right I have to be going so I will ring you next week before you go away again".
"Okay thanks see you then" I showed Linda out and immediately began filling out my application for the willow foundation.
It was later on Monday afternoon when I realised I still wasn't sure how I was getting to St James's the following day. Sue was coming with me but I wasn't sure of my appointment time or if transport had been arranged, Sue was meeting me there. I rang Sue but she wasn't sure either so I rang the number for hospital transport to check.
"Yes your appointment is half eleven transports been arranged" the voice on the other end of the phone said. Shit! Shit! Shit! I put the phone down Sue wouldn't be coming with me she would be at work cos she started at dinner time. I rang her anyway...
"No you're right I can't come with you I'll be working.."
"Okay I can ask Lorna or the other Sue its not a problem" I told her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'll get off and ring them now"
"Okay talk to you later".
You and I couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery Sue wrote later on facebook.
Tell me about it!! Lorna coming with me had to cancel transport as I don't think she's allowed in transport with me.
Sue and I are pretty useless I think that's why we get on with each other so well cos we're both dizzy cows ha ha.
Tuesday I was up at eight ready to go pick Lorna up at nine forty five one good thing with st James's was that I didn't have to pay for parking as you get a free pass when you leave the appointment. I warned her in advance that we could be waiting a while.
"As long as I can go somewhere for paintbrushes on the way home I don't mind" she told me. She was in the process of painting the bathroom. Why? I have no idea its not long since it was refurbished by the council... but apparently it needs doing again.
We sat in the waiting room for two hours at st james's oncology outpatients unit before we got seen I went in to see Dr Collinson again.
"So how have you been?"
"Okay I guess. Kids aren't good though. I'm afraid my eldest Jenna has taken it quite badly we're trying to get her in to see a counsellor. Macmillan think they can get her seen in about eight weeks" I told her.
"Well it is gonna be hard on the kids there's no doubt about it" she replied. "Have you made a decision on chemo yet?"
"Yes I'm gonna have it" I told her. "I decided Christmas isn't long enough I have way too many things to do before then".
"Good I think that's a really good decision. So we will schedule you in for chemotherapy the way it works is that you will have two infusions on day one, one infusion on day eight, both of which will be from approximately 8.30 til 6pm. Then on day 21 the cycle will begin again".
"So in effect the longest I'll go without chemotherapy will be 13 days?"
"That's right yes"
"Oh..." my face fell. "Lee proposed to me when we got the news and instead of me going to live in Cyprus he is coming to live here. We will be getting married on 14th January 2012. How does that leave me with regards to the chemotherapy as that means I should be having a session on the Tuesday before we get married on the Saturday and obviously I don't want to feel crap."
"We will work round you Loraine, there is lots of things we can do to avoid you having treatment on that Tuesday so don't worry about it".
"Can I ask a question?" My sister spoke up.
"Yes of course"
"Is there any chance Loraine's condition could be hereditary? I mean should we be tested and her children?"
"Its a really good question but in all honesty we don't believe bladder cancer is hereditary and especially in your sisters case as she developed a rare form of cancer."
"Oh right"
"We believe Loraine's cancer has developed due to her continually problems with reflux of her urethra's tubes and the issues with her bladder and frequent infections".
"Right okay."
"Is there any clinical trials open to me?" I asked.
"No due to the type of cancer you have the only thing we have to use is chemotherapy".
"And is there a chance it won't work?"
"There is" the doctor looked at me. "obviously we ask every patient to think positive as this can have a massive effect on recovery and timescales. However as you already know the type of cancer that you have is rare and there is a chance that the chemotherapy won't have any effect on the cancer you have".
"And when will we know that?"
"Well, you will begin treatment on 11th October prior to that treatment beginning we will have an up to date CT scan done. This will show us what the growth has been since your last scan which was done in July. We can measure that growth rate and give you chemotherapy that we think will be beneficial based on the speed that the cancer is growing at. After nine weeks we will repeat that ct scan to see if the chemotherapy we are giving you is having any impact. If its not we could perhaps re jig the chemotherapy providing you haven't had any really bad reactions to it. But you will always be given the choice and when it becomes too much you can always request that we stop."
"Is there a chance you will make the decision to stop"
"There is yes, if we think the treatment is having no affect or harming your quality of life then we may make the decision to stop. But this will always be thoroughly discussed beforehand".
"Okay then".
"Right I have a consent form here to say you agree to have chemotherapy regardless of the side effects are you happy to sign it"
"Mm yes I guess so."
"Right have you had your ct or bone scan yet?"
"No. I haven't"
"I will chase those up for you then Loraine if you haven't got an appointment by the 20th give my secretary a ring and she will chase it up for you, okay?"
"Okay" I passed her the form back.
"Right I think we will see you in clinic again on the 4th is that okay with you?"
"Yes although I have a appointment in the afternoon that day".
"Okay so I will make it an am appointment"
"Okay thanks".
"It won't be with me though because I'm moving departments it will be Mr Jagdev he's very nice".
"Okay thanks".
"Right and good luck".
"Thanks". We headed out the door and for reception and booked in for ten am on Tuesday the 4th of October".
"How do you feel?"
"I'm okay" I replied. "But I'm knackered mind if we just go home?"
"No that's fine, you look tired".
"Thanks".
"You know what I mean".
When I got home I rang Lee asked him if he was happy with the date 14th January 2012.
"I am Mrs Mcevoy"
"Great I'll start making the arrangements then". So the announcement went on facebook. Loraine Mooney and Lee Mcevoy would like to announce their wedding date of 14th January 2012. Everyone get your hats ready!!!The comments came flooding in everyone seemed really happy for us both. So the next thing on my list was to ring Teresa, Stephanie's new mum. Stephanie is my best friend Lisa's little girl. Sadly Lisa died of a brain hemorrhage when Stephanie was just ten months. Teresa is her new mum and we get on really well I have regular contact with Stephanie.
"Teresa its Loraine, do you think Stephanie would be my flower girl on 14th January"
"Ooh you've set a date that's great. I'm sure she'd love to why don't you ask her, I'll put her on".
"Stephanie its Loraine"
"Hi"
"Do you want to be a princess for me on my wedding day.. if i get you a princess dress?"
"Yeah" she replied sounding excited.
"Great well I'll have to take you dress shopping and you can try it on okay?"
"Okay" Stephanie was then replaced with Teresa.
"I think she's gone to tell everyone" Teresa laughed.
"So you don't mind?"
"No we will all be there for you hon glad you are happy".
"Thanks love".
Wednesday morning arrived and I eagerly awaited the arrival of the fridge freezer repairman.
"Its the compressor love,"
"Is that bad?"
"Well it will cost just as much to repair it as it will to replace it. Personally I think they will replace it it won't be worth their while doing the repair".
"Right, so what happens now?"
"I will put my report in by lunchtime. Then tomorrow give them a call and they will probably tell you they are going to replace it" he told me. When the fridge/freezer repairman had left i put a comment on face book saying
'I am so happy that a certain little girl called Stephanie will be flower girl at my wedding'. Teresa added the comment
'She hasn't stopped chatting about it even told her teacher she is going for a princess dress for a wedding so had to explain all to the teacher lol really pleased you asked '. Aw bless I am glad Stephanie is pleased having her being my flower girl will like having Lisa there for my wedding. Its a really nice feeling!
The following day, Thursday. I rang about my fridge freezer.... surprise, surprise they didn't have the engineers report....god why me? So i waited til lunchtime and rang them again.... still no engineers report.. I was getting madder by the second. When I rang back at three finally the report was back.
"Yep its here a compressors been ordered..."
"Pardon... I thought you were just going to replace it?"
"No if its fixable we'll fix it" she told me.
"And how long is this going to take?"
"Well the parts been ordered its in stock so will probably get to the engineer by Monday and then its up to him to arrange a time to come and fix it".
"I can't wait that long I haven't had a fridge since Sunday" I told her. "My son's a diabetic and I've got terminal cancer is there nothing else you can do?"
"No nothing".
"Great well thanks for your help" I got off the phone and bawled my eyes out. Pathetic I know but i did. No fridge for a bloody week and if i was away by the time they got the part no fridge for two weeks bloody great!!!
On Friday morning I got up early with Jenna to go to the doctors with her. She wasn't sure if they were going to take her implant out straight away or if she would need another appointment. So we headed off early once in the doctors we sat and waited. It was a female doctor Jenna was seeing and I've seen her quite a lot over the years. I think when she saw me everything fell into place about why Jenna was going through a lot of shit. Reality dawned on her face as I said
"I hope its okay for me to be here Jenna wanted me to come"
"Yes that's fine." She replied. "So Jenna things any better?"
"Not really no..." she began to cry.
"Do you want me to go so you can talk?" I asked and Jenna nodded through her tears so I upped and left. She left the surgery with two repeat prescription....none of which we could actually afford to pay for as I only had six pounds in my purse until she got paid on the 20th.
"We'll have to wait til you get paid on Tuesday and then you can get it I told her... .if I had the money I'd give it to you to pay for it".
"I know mum" we headed home and back to our beds cos we were both knackered! At around twelve the post arrived. I heard it land on the floor and Jenna rush to get it.
"Any for me?" I asked.
"Yep " she replied. So I went down to collect it. There was a lovely surprise waiting for me in an envelope a cheque from Macmillan cancer support for £300. Phew!! That would make things a bit easier for a while. Next I went upstairs to register for online banking as I had some new details through for my new bank account. But first I nipped on to check my natwest account... there was £250 just sitting there.. where was that from? Dla? Ooh...
I hadn't gotten any notification from Disability Living Allowance... However it looked like I was getting paid it.... interesting! I got on the phone to DLA and gave them my details.
"I've got a payment from you but no paperwork so I don't know what its for can you check it for me?"
"Yes a decisions been made Loraine. Its on its way out in the post to you. "You've been awarded the highest rate of care component and the highest mobility component so that payment is for two weeks you also qualify for the car tax refund so all the paper works on its way out to you. There should be another payment into your account of £125 next week to bring you up to date and then you will receive £125 every week from then on."
"Great thanks." I came off the phone and rang Lee... "they've given me the award" I screamed down the phone at him in excitement...."I've been given the highest rate for everything I'll even get a disabled parking badge"
"Aw love I'm so pleased for you cos I know its what you wanted."
"What would you like me to bring you a present anything".
"Aw darl surprise me"
"Okay ..."
"Or what about an engagement ring?"
"Okay yep if that's what you want get me your ring size and i will get you a ring" I told Lee.
"Okay I'll call in tomorrow and get you it" he told me.
"Right I'm off on a spending spree"
"You do that get yourself some new gear" he told me.
I arrived at Sue's at around 6.15 as we got stuck in traffic. It was after seven when we arrived at the fleece. The welcome was tremendous. Simon and Kimberley were sat down with the kids Theo and Lily Mae and John (Sue's dad) and Celia were standing at the bar. It was lovely to see everyone again. The golden fleece was also so warm and welcoming. I sat next to Kim and she immediately began talking about my wedding and the stuff she'd arranged for it with regards to invites etc. I was quite overwhelmed at the thought Kim had put into everything it was a great night had by all and I can't wait to come back to Howden and do it all over again!!
On Sunday... much to my horror my Fridge freezer broke.... its only two years old and under extended warranty... its on of those big ones with the water and ice dispenser at the front... Samsung... supposedly a good make. I was gutted...well I'll be honest with you all I sat and bawled my eyes out over something as stupid as my fridge freezer breaking down. What a nutter? I'd lost all my freezer stuff and most of the stuff in the fridge. I wouldn't mind last week it was the dryer.. its still not fixed and now the fridge freezer goes on me. I'd gone over to sues with some diced pork, chicken breasts, and a frozen beef casserole. Luckily she'd had room and stored them for me. I'd rung them but no one could come out until Wednesday that was the earliest date and it was an all day call out anytime between eight am and six pm.
On Monday I went into Wakefield with my elder sister Lorna (thought I'd get the elder bit in ha ha makes me feel good lol). I had bought the cream dress from H&M whilst in Wakefield with my neighbour Sue on Saturday. Me being me I couldn't be bothered to try it on and when I'd gotten it home it was far too big. So my first stop in town with Lorna was H&M. I hurried over to the rail but there were no size 12's.
"Why don't you try on the 12?" Lorna asked me.
"Me a 12? You have to be kidding... no its okay it won't fit" I told her.
"The changing rooms over there try it anyway" she urged me again.
"Okay, I'll try grab this will you" I gave her the bag with the size 16 dress in it that i was returning along with a bottle of water. "Stay around so i can show you"
"Okay".
I couldn't believe it when it fit and was quite shocked that I'd dropped two dress sizes.
"Oh yeah that looks really nice".
"You think"
"Yep". I practically skipped to the til point to hand the size 12 over along with the size 16 in the bag.
"Hiya I got this dress on Saturday but its way too big can I swap it for the smaller size?"
"Yes no problem" she replied and smiled.
When I got back home the Macmillan nurse Linda had arrived and was talking to Jenna.
"Hi sorry I'm late" I told her. "I thought we said half twelve?"
"We did I was early" Linda told me.. " Don't worry".
"Okay so everything okay?" I asked.
"Yes its great" Linda replied.
"Right I'm off upstairs for a bit" Jenna announced.
"So how are you?"
"Okay. Well no actually I've been a bit sick with the anti sickness drugs" I told her. "And I'm still taking 10ml of the Oramorph during the day and I'm worried that's a bit much" I replied.
"Well as I said before its not an issue but we do want to lower the oramorph if we can so I will up the dosage on the Zomorph tablets to 30mg, morning and night, twelve hours apart. And I'll change your anti sickness to Cyclizine".
"Okay that's great thanks".
"So are you okay in yourself?" Linda asked me.
"Its not a bad day today but yesterday was horrendous my Fridge/freezer broke down and I sat and bawled like a baby... I felt like a right fool afterwards".
"Loraine, the crying wasn't about the fridge it was just the straw that broke the camels back... that's all" Linda smiled. "Anyway I have sent the Macmillan grant forms off and I have something to show you" Linda pulled out a leaflet from her bag it was called the willow foundation. "Its a charity that runs special days etc for people and their families who are terminally ill ages eighteen to forty. Anyway they pay for a day out of your choice with your family... to go see a show in London... go to Disneyland and they also pay for family parties... I was thinking your wedding reception" she grinned.
"Ooh you mean I could apply for them to help?"
"Exactly! I've filled my bit out you just need to do yours and send it off... if you get it you get it if you don't you don't. All I would say is because you're due your birthday get it sent off asap".
"Great thanks yes I will. So did you have a chat with Jenna"
"MM I did and you're right there's a lot off stuff she needs to talk about so I will refer her for counselling with Nina at Wakefield the waiting list is about eight weeks but it will still be quicker than going through your GP".
"Okay great thanks Linda."
"Right I have to be going so I will ring you next week before you go away again".
"Okay thanks see you then" I showed Linda out and immediately began filling out my application for the willow foundation.
It was later on Monday afternoon when I realised I still wasn't sure how I was getting to St James's the following day. Sue was coming with me but I wasn't sure of my appointment time or if transport had been arranged, Sue was meeting me there. I rang Sue but she wasn't sure either so I rang the number for hospital transport to check.
"Yes your appointment is half eleven transports been arranged" the voice on the other end of the phone said. Shit! Shit! Shit! I put the phone down Sue wouldn't be coming with me she would be at work cos she started at dinner time. I rang her anyway...
"No you're right I can't come with you I'll be working.."
"Okay I can ask Lorna or the other Sue its not a problem" I told her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'll get off and ring them now"
"Okay talk to you later".
You and I couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery Sue wrote later on facebook.
Tell me about it!! Lorna coming with me had to cancel transport as I don't think she's allowed in transport with me.
Sue and I are pretty useless I think that's why we get on with each other so well cos we're both dizzy cows ha ha.
Tuesday I was up at eight ready to go pick Lorna up at nine forty five one good thing with st James's was that I didn't have to pay for parking as you get a free pass when you leave the appointment. I warned her in advance that we could be waiting a while.
"As long as I can go somewhere for paintbrushes on the way home I don't mind" she told me. She was in the process of painting the bathroom. Why? I have no idea its not long since it was refurbished by the council... but apparently it needs doing again.
We sat in the waiting room for two hours at st james's oncology outpatients unit before we got seen I went in to see Dr Collinson again.
"So how have you been?"
"Okay I guess. Kids aren't good though. I'm afraid my eldest Jenna has taken it quite badly we're trying to get her in to see a counsellor. Macmillan think they can get her seen in about eight weeks" I told her.
"Well it is gonna be hard on the kids there's no doubt about it" she replied. "Have you made a decision on chemo yet?"
"Yes I'm gonna have it" I told her. "I decided Christmas isn't long enough I have way too many things to do before then".
"Good I think that's a really good decision. So we will schedule you in for chemotherapy the way it works is that you will have two infusions on day one, one infusion on day eight, both of which will be from approximately 8.30 til 6pm. Then on day 21 the cycle will begin again".
"So in effect the longest I'll go without chemotherapy will be 13 days?"
"That's right yes"
"Oh..." my face fell. "Lee proposed to me when we got the news and instead of me going to live in Cyprus he is coming to live here. We will be getting married on 14th January 2012. How does that leave me with regards to the chemotherapy as that means I should be having a session on the Tuesday before we get married on the Saturday and obviously I don't want to feel crap."
"We will work round you Loraine, there is lots of things we can do to avoid you having treatment on that Tuesday so don't worry about it".
"Can I ask a question?" My sister spoke up.
"Yes of course"
"Is there any chance Loraine's condition could be hereditary? I mean should we be tested and her children?"
"Its a really good question but in all honesty we don't believe bladder cancer is hereditary and especially in your sisters case as she developed a rare form of cancer."
"Oh right"
"We believe Loraine's cancer has developed due to her continually problems with reflux of her urethra's tubes and the issues with her bladder and frequent infections".
"Right okay."
"Is there any clinical trials open to me?" I asked.
"No due to the type of cancer you have the only thing we have to use is chemotherapy".
"And is there a chance it won't work?"
"There is" the doctor looked at me. "obviously we ask every patient to think positive as this can have a massive effect on recovery and timescales. However as you already know the type of cancer that you have is rare and there is a chance that the chemotherapy won't have any effect on the cancer you have".
"And when will we know that?"
"Well, you will begin treatment on 11th October prior to that treatment beginning we will have an up to date CT scan done. This will show us what the growth has been since your last scan which was done in July. We can measure that growth rate and give you chemotherapy that we think will be beneficial based on the speed that the cancer is growing at. After nine weeks we will repeat that ct scan to see if the chemotherapy we are giving you is having any impact. If its not we could perhaps re jig the chemotherapy providing you haven't had any really bad reactions to it. But you will always be given the choice and when it becomes too much you can always request that we stop."
"Is there a chance you will make the decision to stop"
"There is yes, if we think the treatment is having no affect or harming your quality of life then we may make the decision to stop. But this will always be thoroughly discussed beforehand".
"Okay then".
"Right I have a consent form here to say you agree to have chemotherapy regardless of the side effects are you happy to sign it"
"Mm yes I guess so."
"Right have you had your ct or bone scan yet?"
"No. I haven't"
"I will chase those up for you then Loraine if you haven't got an appointment by the 20th give my secretary a ring and she will chase it up for you, okay?"
"Okay" I passed her the form back.
"Right I think we will see you in clinic again on the 4th is that okay with you?"
"Yes although I have a appointment in the afternoon that day".
"Okay so I will make it an am appointment"
"Okay thanks".
"It won't be with me though because I'm moving departments it will be Mr Jagdev he's very nice".
"Okay thanks".
"Right and good luck".
"Thanks". We headed out the door and for reception and booked in for ten am on Tuesday the 4th of October".
"How do you feel?"
"I'm okay" I replied. "But I'm knackered mind if we just go home?"
"No that's fine, you look tired".
"Thanks".
"You know what I mean".
When I got home I rang Lee asked him if he was happy with the date 14th January 2012.
"I am Mrs Mcevoy"
"Great I'll start making the arrangements then". So the announcement went on facebook. Loraine Mooney and Lee Mcevoy would like to announce their wedding date of 14th January 2012. Everyone get your hats ready!!!The comments came flooding in everyone seemed really happy for us both. So the next thing on my list was to ring Teresa, Stephanie's new mum. Stephanie is my best friend Lisa's little girl. Sadly Lisa died of a brain hemorrhage when Stephanie was just ten months. Teresa is her new mum and we get on really well I have regular contact with Stephanie.
"Teresa its Loraine, do you think Stephanie would be my flower girl on 14th January"
"Ooh you've set a date that's great. I'm sure she'd love to why don't you ask her, I'll put her on".
"Stephanie its Loraine"
"Hi"
"Do you want to be a princess for me on my wedding day.. if i get you a princess dress?"
"Yeah" she replied sounding excited.
"Great well I'll have to take you dress shopping and you can try it on okay?"
"Okay" Stephanie was then replaced with Teresa.
"I think she's gone to tell everyone" Teresa laughed.
"So you don't mind?"
"No we will all be there for you hon glad you are happy".
"Thanks love".
Wednesday morning arrived and I eagerly awaited the arrival of the fridge freezer repairman.
"Its the compressor love,"
"Is that bad?"
"Well it will cost just as much to repair it as it will to replace it. Personally I think they will replace it it won't be worth their while doing the repair".
"Right, so what happens now?"
"I will put my report in by lunchtime. Then tomorrow give them a call and they will probably tell you they are going to replace it" he told me. When the fridge/freezer repairman had left i put a comment on face book saying
'I am so happy that a certain little girl called Stephanie will be flower girl at my wedding'. Teresa added the comment
'She hasn't stopped chatting about it even told her teacher she is going for a princess dress for a wedding so had to explain all to the teacher lol really pleased you asked '. Aw bless I am glad Stephanie is pleased having her being my flower girl will like having Lisa there for my wedding. Its a really nice feeling!
The following day, Thursday. I rang about my fridge freezer.... surprise, surprise they didn't have the engineers report....god why me? So i waited til lunchtime and rang them again.... still no engineers report.. I was getting madder by the second. When I rang back at three finally the report was back.
"Yep its here a compressors been ordered..."
"Pardon... I thought you were just going to replace it?"
"No if its fixable we'll fix it" she told me.
"And how long is this going to take?"
"Well the parts been ordered its in stock so will probably get to the engineer by Monday and then its up to him to arrange a time to come and fix it".
"I can't wait that long I haven't had a fridge since Sunday" I told her. "My son's a diabetic and I've got terminal cancer is there nothing else you can do?"
"No nothing".
"Great well thanks for your help" I got off the phone and bawled my eyes out. Pathetic I know but i did. No fridge for a bloody week and if i was away by the time they got the part no fridge for two weeks bloody great!!!
On Friday morning I got up early with Jenna to go to the doctors with her. She wasn't sure if they were going to take her implant out straight away or if she would need another appointment. So we headed off early once in the doctors we sat and waited. It was a female doctor Jenna was seeing and I've seen her quite a lot over the years. I think when she saw me everything fell into place about why Jenna was going through a lot of shit. Reality dawned on her face as I said
"I hope its okay for me to be here Jenna wanted me to come"
"Yes that's fine." She replied. "So Jenna things any better?"
"Not really no..." she began to cry.
"Do you want me to go so you can talk?" I asked and Jenna nodded through her tears so I upped and left. She left the surgery with two repeat prescription....none of which we could actually afford to pay for as I only had six pounds in my purse until she got paid on the 20th.
"We'll have to wait til you get paid on Tuesday and then you can get it I told her... .if I had the money I'd give it to you to pay for it".
"I know mum" we headed home and back to our beds cos we were both knackered! At around twelve the post arrived. I heard it land on the floor and Jenna rush to get it.
"Any for me?" I asked.
"Yep " she replied. So I went down to collect it. There was a lovely surprise waiting for me in an envelope a cheque from Macmillan cancer support for £300. Phew!! That would make things a bit easier for a while. Next I went upstairs to register for online banking as I had some new details through for my new bank account. But first I nipped on to check my natwest account... there was £250 just sitting there.. where was that from? Dla? Ooh...
I hadn't gotten any notification from Disability Living Allowance... However it looked like I was getting paid it.... interesting! I got on the phone to DLA and gave them my details.
"I've got a payment from you but no paperwork so I don't know what its for can you check it for me?"
"Yes a decisions been made Loraine. Its on its way out in the post to you. "You've been awarded the highest rate of care component and the highest mobility component so that payment is for two weeks you also qualify for the car tax refund so all the paper works on its way out to you. There should be another payment into your account of £125 next week to bring you up to date and then you will receive £125 every week from then on."
"Great thanks." I came off the phone and rang Lee... "they've given me the award" I screamed down the phone at him in excitement...."I've been given the highest rate for everything I'll even get a disabled parking badge"
"Aw love I'm so pleased for you cos I know its what you wanted."
"What would you like me to bring you a present anything".
"Aw darl surprise me"
"Okay ..."
"Or what about an engagement ring?"
"Okay yep if that's what you want get me your ring size and i will get you a ring" I told Lee.
"Okay I'll call in tomorrow and get you it" he told me.
"Right I'm off on a spending spree"
"You do that get yourself some new gear" he told me.
I arrived at Sue's at around 6.15 as we got stuck in traffic. It was after seven when we arrived at the fleece. The welcome was tremendous. Simon and Kimberley were sat down with the kids Theo and Lily Mae and John (Sue's dad) and Celia were standing at the bar. It was lovely to see everyone again. The golden fleece was also so warm and welcoming. I sat next to Kim and she immediately began talking about my wedding and the stuff she'd arranged for it with regards to invites etc. I was quite overwhelmed at the thought Kim had put into everything it was a great night had by all and I can't wait to come back to Howden and do it all over again!!
Wednesday 14 September 2011
Friday - Catching up!!
So on Friday I had to go to Lloyd's to finish the setting up of my bank account. The manager had to do it for me as the girl who had began the process still couldn't get onto the computer due to being locked out.
"That must be a nightmare" I commented as she sat opposite me. "One member of staff down in a small branch like this is half the workforce isn't it?"
"You sound like you've been there?"
"Yep I was at HSBC Dewsbury for a year but spent most of my time over the road at Ossett... now that was a nightmare. Hence why I was understanding about your colleague yesterday... Everything always went wrong for me as well..."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I did I loved cashiering"
"So why are you opening an account here then?"
"HSBC made me redundant in 2009" I told her. "I moved my accounts straight away to Natwest" they offered me a huge overdraft at the time, which I took and now I'm off sick they won't help me sort it out. So I figured I'd open an account with you redirect the credits and then they will have to agree to some kind of repayment. Will that be a problem?"
"No its not the first tale I've heard like that Loraine especially in today's climate".
"I'm not sure how much your colleague told you but I am in the process of looking to sell my house so there may be a little profit which ideally I want to put in the account as well".
"Well we'll open up a separate savings account for you just in case" she advised me. Half an hour later it was finally done and she assured me the card and pin would be out in the post within seven days.
Jo called for me at around 12.30 for lunch. We were going to the halfway house. I've known Jo and her daughter Ashley since we met at HSBC back in 1998, we've been through a lot together and she has counselled me through all of my breakups including my divorce back in 2001, six including my ex husband. All my subsequent relationships since my marriage ended have lasted around eighteen months and I can honestly say not one of them was my fault!! I just pick the wrong kind of me,,... well I used to... until now. We both decided on the Goats cheese salad for lunch and I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only ever had goats cheese once before but I definitely like it!!
"So am I gonna meet Leona before my wedding day?" I asked Jo. Leona is Jo's partner they've been together around three years I think although she only told me about being in a relationship with Leona last year. I think she was worried over my reaction due to a bad reaction from another close friend whom she told before me. But to be fair, I'd kind of guessed anyway so it didn't come as a shock, much to Jo's surprise.
"Yes I will make sure you meet her before the wedding" Jo told me.
"I'm gonna hold you to that!" I told her "and I'd like to meet her whilst I still have hair if that's at all possible and based on the fact that the first treatment sounds horrendous its probably best we do it before the 11th of October".
"Okay I'm sure we can sort something out before then".
"Great, right shopping now with my lovely daughter" I told her as she dropped me back at home. "Wish me luck, no doubt I'll need it" Jo laughed.
"Enjoy" talk to you soon.
As soon as I got in Jenna was waiting for our shopping trip. It actually went quite well. She bought a dress, a pair of shorts, four bikinis and two tops. We actually managed it all in the space of an hour as well. I was impressed. As we headed to Costa for a coffee Jenna announced that Mike was on his way to meet me.
"Really? But i look like a right minger" I whinged. I hadn't brushed my hair.. I had no make up on and I was covered in spots (which I'm pretty sure is down to the morphine) as I never suffer from spots!!
"You look fine" Jenna told me. "Mike doesn't have his foundation on today...!" She announced and i looked at her...
"What?"
"Oh yeah he wears make up" she told me.
"Oh no so we've had the guy that decided he was gay, we've had a guy that's bi and now you're going out with a tranny?" (sorry Mike if you're reading this but I find it kind of strange) I laughed.
"He's not a tranny he just likes wearing make up" Jenna protested.
"Take him to fanny and Bacardi then we'll know for sure!" (Fanny and Bacardi for those of you who haven't been is a show bar for straight people, gay people, bi people, those out for a real laugh and transvestites and cross dressers (to those i missed out in my description really really sorry and sorry if i offended anyone with this description but its the way I see it and only my opinion) Jenna laughed, and went to order coffee. I looked at the time, it was half four and Lee would be starting work soon. Not wanting to miss him i gave him a call.
"Hello Mrs Mcevoy"
"Hello Mr Mcevoy, hows your day gone?"
"Okay its been a long hot one but okay" he replied. "What have you done today"
"Well I've been to the bank sorted out my bank account. Had coffee with mum, had lunch with my mate Jo and I've been holiday shopping with Jenna. we're currently sat outside Costa having a coffee and waiting for her new boyfriend Mike to show himself"
"But I thought she was heartbroken over the other one"
"Ha ha I know now do you understand why i take everything Jenna dramatises with a pinch of salt?"
lee laughed.
"So who's the new one"
"He's called mike and she's in love after a day... oh and he wears make up"
"Pardon? Is he gay?"
"Nope apparently he just likes to wear make up... my daughter is going out with a tranny"
"He's not a tranny!" Jenna protested from the other side of the table.
2He's not normal either if you'd asked Danny to wear make up I'm pretty sure he would have told you to do one!"
"He's just a pretty boy that's all and likes to look good!"
"Whatever.. this one doesn't wear heels too does he?"
Lee laughed at the other end of the phone and then said "Oh god what type of family am I marrying into?"
"One that's nuts" i replied. "that okay with you?"
"Yep no problem"
"Right you better get ready for work... I'll talk to you later Lee""
"love you Mrs Mcevoy
"love you too Mr Mcevoy have a good night"
"I will bye..."
"That must be a nightmare" I commented as she sat opposite me. "One member of staff down in a small branch like this is half the workforce isn't it?"
"You sound like you've been there?"
"Yep I was at HSBC Dewsbury for a year but spent most of my time over the road at Ossett... now that was a nightmare. Hence why I was understanding about your colleague yesterday... Everything always went wrong for me as well..."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I did I loved cashiering"
"So why are you opening an account here then?"
"HSBC made me redundant in 2009" I told her. "I moved my accounts straight away to Natwest" they offered me a huge overdraft at the time, which I took and now I'm off sick they won't help me sort it out. So I figured I'd open an account with you redirect the credits and then they will have to agree to some kind of repayment. Will that be a problem?"
"No its not the first tale I've heard like that Loraine especially in today's climate".
"I'm not sure how much your colleague told you but I am in the process of looking to sell my house so there may be a little profit which ideally I want to put in the account as well".
"Well we'll open up a separate savings account for you just in case" she advised me. Half an hour later it was finally done and she assured me the card and pin would be out in the post within seven days.
Jo called for me at around 12.30 for lunch. We were going to the halfway house. I've known Jo and her daughter Ashley since we met at HSBC back in 1998, we've been through a lot together and she has counselled me through all of my breakups including my divorce back in 2001, six including my ex husband. All my subsequent relationships since my marriage ended have lasted around eighteen months and I can honestly say not one of them was my fault!! I just pick the wrong kind of me,,... well I used to... until now. We both decided on the Goats cheese salad for lunch and I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only ever had goats cheese once before but I definitely like it!!
"So am I gonna meet Leona before my wedding day?" I asked Jo. Leona is Jo's partner they've been together around three years I think although she only told me about being in a relationship with Leona last year. I think she was worried over my reaction due to a bad reaction from another close friend whom she told before me. But to be fair, I'd kind of guessed anyway so it didn't come as a shock, much to Jo's surprise.
"Yes I will make sure you meet her before the wedding" Jo told me.
"I'm gonna hold you to that!" I told her "and I'd like to meet her whilst I still have hair if that's at all possible and based on the fact that the first treatment sounds horrendous its probably best we do it before the 11th of October".
"Okay I'm sure we can sort something out before then".
"Great, right shopping now with my lovely daughter" I told her as she dropped me back at home. "Wish me luck, no doubt I'll need it" Jo laughed.
"Enjoy" talk to you soon.
As soon as I got in Jenna was waiting for our shopping trip. It actually went quite well. She bought a dress, a pair of shorts, four bikinis and two tops. We actually managed it all in the space of an hour as well. I was impressed. As we headed to Costa for a coffee Jenna announced that Mike was on his way to meet me.
"Really? But i look like a right minger" I whinged. I hadn't brushed my hair.. I had no make up on and I was covered in spots (which I'm pretty sure is down to the morphine) as I never suffer from spots!!
"You look fine" Jenna told me. "Mike doesn't have his foundation on today...!" She announced and i looked at her...
"What?"
"Oh yeah he wears make up" she told me.
"Oh no so we've had the guy that decided he was gay, we've had a guy that's bi and now you're going out with a tranny?" (sorry Mike if you're reading this but I find it kind of strange) I laughed.
"He's not a tranny he just likes wearing make up" Jenna protested.
"Take him to fanny and Bacardi then we'll know for sure!" (Fanny and Bacardi for those of you who haven't been is a show bar for straight people, gay people, bi people, those out for a real laugh and transvestites and cross dressers (to those i missed out in my description really really sorry and sorry if i offended anyone with this description but its the way I see it and only my opinion) Jenna laughed, and went to order coffee. I looked at the time, it was half four and Lee would be starting work soon. Not wanting to miss him i gave him a call.
"Hello Mrs Mcevoy"
"Hello Mr Mcevoy, hows your day gone?"
"Okay its been a long hot one but okay" he replied. "What have you done today"
"Well I've been to the bank sorted out my bank account. Had coffee with mum, had lunch with my mate Jo and I've been holiday shopping with Jenna. we're currently sat outside Costa having a coffee and waiting for her new boyfriend Mike to show himself"
"But I thought she was heartbroken over the other one"
"Ha ha I know now do you understand why i take everything Jenna dramatises with a pinch of salt?"
lee laughed.
"So who's the new one"
"He's called mike and she's in love after a day... oh and he wears make up"
"Pardon? Is he gay?"
"Nope apparently he just likes to wear make up... my daughter is going out with a tranny"
"He's not a tranny!" Jenna protested from the other side of the table.
2He's not normal either if you'd asked Danny to wear make up I'm pretty sure he would have told you to do one!"
"He's just a pretty boy that's all and likes to look good!"
"Whatever.. this one doesn't wear heels too does he?"
Lee laughed at the other end of the phone and then said "Oh god what type of family am I marrying into?"
"One that's nuts" i replied. "that okay with you?"
"Yep no problem"
"Right you better get ready for work... I'll talk to you later Lee""
"love you Mrs Mcevoy
"love you too Mr Mcevoy have a good night"
"I will bye..."
Saturday 10 September 2011
Thursday 8th September - The banquet...
I woke up this morning being constantly sick again.... it has to be the anti-sickness tablets because I wasn't being sick prior to having them, or it could be the increase in my morphine. I went down to get some milk but quickly found that I didn't have any. Status update for facebook read... 'i really need some milk but can't stop being sick long enough to go out and get some'. Not much later Sarah commented that she was on her way out and would drop some off for me later. I was sooo grateful. Sarah turned up half an hour later with a baguette some milk and some old magazines I stood at the door and smiled weakly.
"If I can get you anything else, anytime you know where I am".
"Thanks Sarah". I shut the door poured a glass of milk and headed back to bed. Around 12 I dragged myself off the bed. Jenna came out of her bedroom...
"I have a date with Mike" she told me.
"Oh god... not another one... who's this one then?" I replied. (Jenna's boyfriends sometimes only last 24 bours before she kicks them into touch... one idiot after another).
"He works at mustangs Jodie introduced me to him" she told me.... "he does wear make up though.."
"He wears makeup ... oh great a transvestite this time.. "
"No he isn't he just wears make up " she told me.
"Okay okay whatever"
"What do you think?" she gave me a twirl in a dress she was wearing with a v neck line, it was grey at the top and black at the bottom.
"You look great, but you always do" I told her with.
"Not too officy?"
"No its great. Just be careful. What time are you meeting?"
"2pm Wakey bus station, why?"
"Well I would have offered you a lift but I'm not meeting Colleen til 4 and I'm at bank at 2"
"Okay no worries. I can get bus". I got sidetracked writing my blog and sorting washing out etc and by the time I had started to get ready it was already twenty past one. I was due at the bank at two. Oops.
"Excuse me I have an appointment at 2pm" I told a girl walking past me as I stood in the queue for the counter at Lloyd's.
"What name is it?"
"Loraine Mooney"
"Oh right, you're with me I just need to find a room if you'd like to take a seat". I plonked myself on a seat near the door. The girl (all bubbly and bouncy) came over to me
"Sorry about this I've got a room she's finishing up I just need to wait. Whilst we're waiting what type of account is it you're after".
"Just a basic account no overdraft"
"Okay. Do you bank elsewhere?"
"At Natwest, huge overdraft I want to start afresh and make arrangements to pay them back" I told her. "You see the thing is... mm I don't know if I should tell you here... oh what the hell... the things is I have terminal cancer. So I want to get my finances in order for my kids sake".
"Oh, um I don't know what to say" she responded flatly.
"Oh don't worry I'm fine with it" I told her. "Its actually quite uplifting knowing when you are going to die because this way you can squeeze everything you want to do into the time you have left". I explained.
"Mm I hadn't thought of it like that. Right, do you have I.D and a recent utility bill?"
"Yes" I wrestled them out of my bag and handed them over.
"Okay I'll go photocopy these whilst you are waiting".
"Thanks".
We eventually got into a room around twenty past two and then she had looked herself out of her computer so had to write everything down.
"I'm really sorry" she explained.
"Don't worry its fine, how long will it take to open the account. Will this slow it down."
"No it will be done tomorrow. Your cards should be through within seven days and the pin number will be out in the same timescale too but they won't be delivered together".
"Okay thanks".
"I'll need you to come back and sign some stuff tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes fine see you tomorrow then "I told her. It was three o'clock when i left the bank and i had to be meeting colleen at four. I had brought my make up with me so I went to my mums.
"I need to get ready here so I'm not late" I told my mum as she opened the door. "Can i borrow your bathroom need to go to the loo and get ready?"
"Yes sure, whats the rush"
"I'm meeting colleen at four" i told her. "don't have time to waste".
"Hi Loraine" Jane on reception greeted as I walked in.
"Hi Jane" I replied and headed over to my seat. My chair wasn't there I looked around confused.
"I had your chair sent to the warehouse so no one can use it" Colleen told me. "I need you to pack your pedestal too so that we have drawer space for the newbies".
"Oh just get rid of me why don't you? Nothing like making a girl feel wanted is there?" I laughed and walked around my desk to pack my stuff. After I'd finished I took the box to Colleen... "All done" I told her. "Where shall I put this?" I asked pointing to my box.
"Now Becky I've been thinking wedding and cupcakes"
"You read my mind... cupcake tower instead of wedding cake" she suggested laughing.
"My thoughts precisely.. can you do it, and how much?" I asked her.
"You give me your colours and I will do it for free as your wedding gift" she told me smiling.
"Really, wow, that's great Becky thanks" I hugged her. "I'm not doing bad that's free photos, and free wedding cake I'm on a roll" I laughed. "Right Colleen ready when you are!" I announced.
"Okay lets go and eat" we headed for the lift.
"Right so if we wait til five thirty we can eat for £12.95 and its full buffet, shall we go shopping for a bit first" Colleen suggested.
"Ooh can we go to \Select and I'll have a look at maxi dresses for my holiday?"
"Yeah no worries we'll head there now" I linked Colleens arm and we headed for Select. When I'd gone in before with Sue over the road there had been wall to wall maxi dresses, rows upon rows of them.. Now however, all the winter stock was out and there were no sign of any dresses. We eventually found one sale rail with dresses on there wasn't a lot left. There were four I liked which Colleen persuaded me to try on. (I hate shopping and often pick stuff up and try it on at home just to save the arsing around waiting for a changing room).
"Well I can't even get this one over my boobs!" I grumbled. "And its supposed to be a medium.
"Maybe they're on offer due to faulty sizing" Colleen replied "I'll go get you the large and you can try it."
"Okay thanks..." I tried on the next dress on my list just as Colleen came back.
"Ooh that is gorgeous" Colleen admired the peach dress.
"Mm but look" I pointed to the outline of my bag....
"You could wear a scarf around it to hide that" Colleen suggested. I honestly hadn't thought of a scarf but she was right a scarf wrapped around my waist would cover the top of my bag The next two dresses looked great. In the end I bought all three and it only came to thirty quid. Bargain!! Select in case anyone wants to know the name of the shop... their sales are awesome.
"So is the food in here okay?" Colleen asked as we were shown to a table.
"We came for my sort of sister in laws birthday and it was fantastic but I was high on morphine at the time so anything would have tasted good" I told her laughing.
"Can I have a coke" Colleen requested.
"And I'll have a lime and soda".
"Have you been before?" The girl asked. "Or should I show you how it works?"
"No its fine I've been before". The girl nodded and left.
"I know what I haven't done, I haven't rung Lee... we have this ongoing ritual now and I ring him between 4 and 5.30 our time, which is 6 til 7.30 his time as he starts work at eight".
"Ah well I've missed him now" it was quarter to six he'd already be at work. "But I could ring him at midnight if I'm still up he'll have finished by then".
"So wedding plans what do you want me to do?" Colleen asked.
"Well if you can just co ordinate everything to make sure it all goes smoothly I'll be more than happy" I told her. "As long as I don't have any stress on the day then I'm happy".
"Have you thought of colours yet?"
"I'm trying to get the bridesmaids to make a decision on their colours I'm thinking red or blue but I don't know if they'll agree. If they do its a bonus. Jenna will be maid of honour, Lorna is one bridesmaid and I'm hoping to get Stephanie, Lisa's daughter who is four to be my other one".
"Well it sounds like you've got everything under control" Colleen replied.
"Its invitations, favours, dressing of the room t
hat sort of stuff I'm gonna need help with " I told her. "We have free photographer, free cake, possibly free food, free cars so all there is to pay for will be the room, my dress, lee's suit, and the registrar because we have free entertainment as well".
"Right I'm hungry, shall i go first"
"Yep off you go and I'll watch the bags I told her"
Click click click went my phone it was from Lee.
"R u okay?" I couldn't reply as I've gone over my monthly contract and they've stopped any further calls or texts overseas until the bill is settled on the twelfth.
"I've got a text from lee he wants to know if I'm okay but i can't text back as i have no credit for calls or texts overseas".
"Well you can use my phone lets eat first then I'll let you text him from mine"
"Okay thanks Colleen".
I ate and ate and ate for the first time in ages. I had duck with pancakes and veg in hoi sin sauce. Seaweed lots of it cos I love it. Then Colleen sent a text to Lee for me we told him i was fine and was just out stuffing my face and I'd ring him later. It was a great night and we had a brilliant time.
"This would be a good idea for a works night out for Christmas" Colleen suggested.
"Yes it would you could get £20 each from everyone and tell them that covers the food and two drinks each. The most expensive thing to drink on the menu is £3.10 for a bottle of beer. That way there should be plenty tip money and they can stay as long as they want to eat.... Perfect".
"I'll have a word with Tim about it tomorrow" Colleen replied. We munched our way through mains and then dessert and left around 7.30. It was then I discovered I couldn't find my token card for Sainbury's to get out the car park.
"I've checked my bag and my pockets it must be in the car probably in my jacket" I told Colleen "along with my glasses cos I can't find them either". We got to the car park and there was no sign of the car parking token... I double-checked my bag and there it was at the top along with my glasses. "I did check I don't know how I've missed them" it was around twenty minutes ago that I'd started looking and I swear they weren't there. I dropped Colleen at the warehouse and she headed for home and i headed for home. I just got home when I got a text from Yvonne so I decided to ring her.
"Hello darling how are you" Yvonne greeted.
"Okay thanks a bit up and down but I'm okay"
"Right sweetie your wedding I was thinking Salmon and pork pies and mint sauce and peas what do you think"
"That's okay but I need all the guests to like it and there's a lot of kids coming " I told her.
"Well Darren's daddy has a Costco card I could go to Costco and buy lots of things in bulk and we could do that instead"
"That would be better I think just lots of party food, quiches, pizzas, sausage rolls, sausages on stick, salad, cooked meats that sort of thing"
"Well if that's what you want I can do that for two hundred people but I will do that as your wedding gift from me and Darren"
"That would be fantastic Yvonne"
"Okay well we'll get together nearer the time to discuss it all"
"Brilliant, right I'm off to bed talk to you later"
"Okay darling night night".
"Hello, Mrs Mcevoy, how are you?"
"I had a brill night. I'm very well and we now have free catering for our wedding so that's free entertainment, free photos, free cars, free wedding cake and now free buffet".
"So all we have to pay for is the price of the room, registrar, price of the rings, my dress, your suit and we are sorted!".
"Wow nice one. I love you Mrs Mcevoy"
"I love you more Mr Mcevoy, night"
"Night. Won't be long now only 13 days to go Jenna's really excited".
"We will have a great time. I'm going to hire a boat again I've got some nights off plus Saturday and Sunday".
"Sounds great love you"
"I'm off to bed"
"Me too, remember to give me a cuddle."
"I will night xx"
"If I can get you anything else, anytime you know where I am".
"Thanks Sarah". I shut the door poured a glass of milk and headed back to bed. Around 12 I dragged myself off the bed. Jenna came out of her bedroom...
"I have a date with Mike" she told me.
"Oh god... not another one... who's this one then?" I replied. (Jenna's boyfriends sometimes only last 24 bours before she kicks them into touch... one idiot after another).
"He works at mustangs Jodie introduced me to him" she told me.... "he does wear make up though.."
"He wears makeup ... oh great a transvestite this time.. "
"No he isn't he just wears make up " she told me.
"Okay okay whatever"
"What do you think?" she gave me a twirl in a dress she was wearing with a v neck line, it was grey at the top and black at the bottom.
"You look great, but you always do" I told her with.
"Not too officy?"
"No its great. Just be careful. What time are you meeting?"
"2pm Wakey bus station, why?"
"Well I would have offered you a lift but I'm not meeting Colleen til 4 and I'm at bank at 2"
"Okay no worries. I can get bus". I got sidetracked writing my blog and sorting washing out etc and by the time I had started to get ready it was already twenty past one. I was due at the bank at two. Oops.
"Excuse me I have an appointment at 2pm" I told a girl walking past me as I stood in the queue for the counter at Lloyd's.
"What name is it?"
"Loraine Mooney"
"Oh right, you're with me I just need to find a room if you'd like to take a seat". I plonked myself on a seat near the door. The girl (all bubbly and bouncy) came over to me
"Sorry about this I've got a room she's finishing up I just need to wait. Whilst we're waiting what type of account is it you're after".
"Just a basic account no overdraft"
"Okay. Do you bank elsewhere?"
"At Natwest, huge overdraft I want to start afresh and make arrangements to pay them back" I told her. "You see the thing is... mm I don't know if I should tell you here... oh what the hell... the things is I have terminal cancer. So I want to get my finances in order for my kids sake".
"Oh, um I don't know what to say" she responded flatly.
"Oh don't worry I'm fine with it" I told her. "Its actually quite uplifting knowing when you are going to die because this way you can squeeze everything you want to do into the time you have left". I explained.
"Mm I hadn't thought of it like that. Right, do you have I.D and a recent utility bill?"
"Yes" I wrestled them out of my bag and handed them over.
"Okay I'll go photocopy these whilst you are waiting".
"Thanks".
We eventually got into a room around twenty past two and then she had looked herself out of her computer so had to write everything down.
"I'm really sorry" she explained.
"Don't worry its fine, how long will it take to open the account. Will this slow it down."
"No it will be done tomorrow. Your cards should be through within seven days and the pin number will be out in the same timescale too but they won't be delivered together".
"Okay thanks".
"I'll need you to come back and sign some stuff tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes fine see you tomorrow then "I told her. It was three o'clock when i left the bank and i had to be meeting colleen at four. I had brought my make up with me so I went to my mums.
"I need to get ready here so I'm not late" I told my mum as she opened the door. "Can i borrow your bathroom need to go to the loo and get ready?"
"Yes sure, whats the rush"
"I'm meeting colleen at four" i told her. "don't have time to waste".
"Hi Loraine" Jane on reception greeted as I walked in.
"Hi Jane" I replied and headed over to my seat. My chair wasn't there I looked around confused.
"I had your chair sent to the warehouse so no one can use it" Colleen told me. "I need you to pack your pedestal too so that we have drawer space for the newbies".
"Oh just get rid of me why don't you? Nothing like making a girl feel wanted is there?" I laughed and walked around my desk to pack my stuff. After I'd finished I took the box to Colleen... "All done" I told her. "Where shall I put this?" I asked pointing to my box.
"Now Becky I've been thinking wedding and cupcakes"
"You read my mind... cupcake tower instead of wedding cake" she suggested laughing.
"My thoughts precisely.. can you do it, and how much?" I asked her.
"You give me your colours and I will do it for free as your wedding gift" she told me smiling.
"Really, wow, that's great Becky thanks" I hugged her. "I'm not doing bad that's free photos, and free wedding cake I'm on a roll" I laughed. "Right Colleen ready when you are!" I announced.
"Okay lets go and eat" we headed for the lift.
"Right so if we wait til five thirty we can eat for £12.95 and its full buffet, shall we go shopping for a bit first" Colleen suggested.
"Ooh can we go to \Select and I'll have a look at maxi dresses for my holiday?"
"Yeah no worries we'll head there now" I linked Colleens arm and we headed for Select. When I'd gone in before with Sue over the road there had been wall to wall maxi dresses, rows upon rows of them.. Now however, all the winter stock was out and there were no sign of any dresses. We eventually found one sale rail with dresses on there wasn't a lot left. There were four I liked which Colleen persuaded me to try on. (I hate shopping and often pick stuff up and try it on at home just to save the arsing around waiting for a changing room).
"Well I can't even get this one over my boobs!" I grumbled. "And its supposed to be a medium.
"Maybe they're on offer due to faulty sizing" Colleen replied "I'll go get you the large and you can try it."
"Okay thanks..." I tried on the next dress on my list just as Colleen came back.
"Ooh that is gorgeous" Colleen admired the peach dress.
"Mm but look" I pointed to the outline of my bag....
"You could wear a scarf around it to hide that" Colleen suggested. I honestly hadn't thought of a scarf but she was right a scarf wrapped around my waist would cover the top of my bag The next two dresses looked great. In the end I bought all three and it only came to thirty quid. Bargain!! Select in case anyone wants to know the name of the shop... their sales are awesome.
"So is the food in here okay?" Colleen asked as we were shown to a table.
"We came for my sort of sister in laws birthday and it was fantastic but I was high on morphine at the time so anything would have tasted good" I told her laughing.
"Can I have a coke" Colleen requested.
"And I'll have a lime and soda".
"Have you been before?" The girl asked. "Or should I show you how it works?"
"No its fine I've been before". The girl nodded and left.
"I know what I haven't done, I haven't rung Lee... we have this ongoing ritual now and I ring him between 4 and 5.30 our time, which is 6 til 7.30 his time as he starts work at eight".
"Ah well I've missed him now" it was quarter to six he'd already be at work. "But I could ring him at midnight if I'm still up he'll have finished by then".
"So wedding plans what do you want me to do?" Colleen asked.
"Well if you can just co ordinate everything to make sure it all goes smoothly I'll be more than happy" I told her. "As long as I don't have any stress on the day then I'm happy".
"Have you thought of colours yet?"
"I'm trying to get the bridesmaids to make a decision on their colours I'm thinking red or blue but I don't know if they'll agree. If they do its a bonus. Jenna will be maid of honour, Lorna is one bridesmaid and I'm hoping to get Stephanie, Lisa's daughter who is four to be my other one".
"Well it sounds like you've got everything under control" Colleen replied.
"Its invitations, favours, dressing of the room t
hat sort of stuff I'm gonna need help with " I told her. "We have free photographer, free cake, possibly free food, free cars so all there is to pay for will be the room, my dress, lee's suit, and the registrar because we have free entertainment as well".
"Right I'm hungry, shall i go first"
"Yep off you go and I'll watch the bags I told her"
Click click click went my phone it was from Lee.
"R u okay?" I couldn't reply as I've gone over my monthly contract and they've stopped any further calls or texts overseas until the bill is settled on the twelfth.
"I've got a text from lee he wants to know if I'm okay but i can't text back as i have no credit for calls or texts overseas".
"Well you can use my phone lets eat first then I'll let you text him from mine"
"Okay thanks Colleen".
I ate and ate and ate for the first time in ages. I had duck with pancakes and veg in hoi sin sauce. Seaweed lots of it cos I love it. Then Colleen sent a text to Lee for me we told him i was fine and was just out stuffing my face and I'd ring him later. It was a great night and we had a brilliant time.
"This would be a good idea for a works night out for Christmas" Colleen suggested.
"Yes it would you could get £20 each from everyone and tell them that covers the food and two drinks each. The most expensive thing to drink on the menu is £3.10 for a bottle of beer. That way there should be plenty tip money and they can stay as long as they want to eat.... Perfect".
"I'll have a word with Tim about it tomorrow" Colleen replied. We munched our way through mains and then dessert and left around 7.30. It was then I discovered I couldn't find my token card for Sainbury's to get out the car park.
"I've checked my bag and my pockets it must be in the car probably in my jacket" I told Colleen "along with my glasses cos I can't find them either". We got to the car park and there was no sign of the car parking token... I double-checked my bag and there it was at the top along with my glasses. "I did check I don't know how I've missed them" it was around twenty minutes ago that I'd started looking and I swear they weren't there. I dropped Colleen at the warehouse and she headed for home and i headed for home. I just got home when I got a text from Yvonne so I decided to ring her.
"Hello darling how are you" Yvonne greeted.
"Okay thanks a bit up and down but I'm okay"
"Right sweetie your wedding I was thinking Salmon and pork pies and mint sauce and peas what do you think"
"That's okay but I need all the guests to like it and there's a lot of kids coming " I told her.
"Well Darren's daddy has a Costco card I could go to Costco and buy lots of things in bulk and we could do that instead"
"That would be better I think just lots of party food, quiches, pizzas, sausage rolls, sausages on stick, salad, cooked meats that sort of thing"
"Well if that's what you want I can do that for two hundred people but I will do that as your wedding gift from me and Darren"
"That would be fantastic Yvonne"
"Okay well we'll get together nearer the time to discuss it all"
"Brilliant, right I'm off to bed talk to you later"
"Okay darling night night".
"Hello, Mrs Mcevoy, how are you?"
"I had a brill night. I'm very well and we now have free catering for our wedding so that's free entertainment, free photos, free cars, free wedding cake and now free buffet".
"So all we have to pay for is the price of the room, registrar, price of the rings, my dress, your suit and we are sorted!".
"Wow nice one. I love you Mrs Mcevoy"
"I love you more Mr Mcevoy, night"
"Night. Won't be long now only 13 days to go Jenna's really excited".
"We will have a great time. I'm going to hire a boat again I've got some nights off plus Saturday and Sunday".
"Sounds great love you"
"I'm off to bed"
"Me too, remember to give me a cuddle."
"I will night xx"
Thursday 8 September 2011
Wednesday 7th September - Bringing it home!
I did try and sleep but I was up and down all night long not being able to settle. I ended up looking at my wedding guest list again and seeing what I could tweak to reduce the numbers. But no matter what I did it was still looking around the £1,500 marker for food if I had the catering done at Woodkirk Valley Country Club... expensive is not what I needed. I got about four hours sleep in the end and at ten I got up and jumped in the shower.
Around half ten the phone rang. It was Tom Sue's son. "Loraine, its Tom is my mum in do you know?"
"I'm not sure Tom why?"
"I've been trying to ring her at home but there's no answer. Our Chloe's just rang... my auntie Bev has died..."
"Oh god" I felt sick. Bev, Sue's sister lived in Australia she had been suffering with bowel cancer for a while and had been in the hospice for the past few weeks.
"Can you go see if she's in and ask her to ring me?"
"Do you really want to tell her over the phone?"
"Not really no".
"Do you want me to do it?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure"
"Okay thanks Loraine". I pulled on my shoes and headed over to Sue's. I knocked on the door and she came to the door in her dressing gown (very unusual for Sue as she's normally up and dressed at 6).
"Hiya you okay Sue?" I asked trying to be bright and breezy.
"Not really no"
"Your Tom's text me can we go sit down?"
"If its about Bev I already know" she told me.
"Oh has somebody rung you then?" I asked and followed her into the Living room.
"No, why do you think I have the candle burning? I had a feeling this morning, I knew she'd gone, I was just waiting for someone to ring and tell me".
"Well Tom's been trying to get through and its just ringing out". I told her.
"Well its working" she said picking up the receiver and listening for the dial tone.
"Have you knocked the ringer off?" I asked her. Sue lifted the phone to check it.
"Well its halfway so I suppose it could be possible" she told me and came and sat on the settee.
"You okay?"
"Yep" I am she nodded and her eyes filled with tears. "He's got my sister, he's not taking you" she told me and cried and I cried with her. Telling Sue about her sister Bev brought it home to me just how possible it was that in six months I might not be here. The chemotherapy could fail and if it did my time on this earth would be limited. Suppose I only lived six months that would only give me until March. I might only have two months married to Lee...
"No he's not I'm not ready yet" I replied. "I have a wedding to arrange and I'm gonna bloody enjoy whatever time I have left" I told her. Sue patted my hand and smiled.
"Yes you are we're going to make sure of it".
"Right well I better go I have a house today, I have to get something to eat then I have some phone calls to make. You gonna be okay?"
"Yep I will be" she replied, I gave her a hug and headed home. Or I could have a couple of years or more I told myself.... maybe two maybe three or maybe I could be another Jane Tomlinson and get ten... you never know...
I rang HR to speak with Lisa first. "Lisa its Loraine Mooney, I just wanted to ask something if that's okay?"
"Fire away"
"Okay I wanted to know if we get Death in service benefit and if so how much is it and who would it go too?"
"Okay in your case it would be twice times your annual salary so around £26 or £27,000".
"Wow, really?"
"Yes... that's why I requested your pension figures so we can compare them. But realistically I think the death in service benefit will be more but its whether you want to wait or if you want to take it now".
"Right, okay something to think about then."
"I think when we get the figures we'll maybe come to see you rather than go through it over the phone. If that;s okay with you?"
"Yes that would be great thanks".
"Okay well as soon as I get the figures I'll be in touch with you".
"Okay Lisa speak with you later on".
Next I went to check my bank account and was just going through it when I got a text message on my mobile "As agreed your membership fee has now been collected today and will show on your bank statement as "Power money"... that was weird I hadn't joined anything. As I looked through my bank statement there it was Power money deducted yesterday £69.75..WTF?? I rang the number on the message and didn't get any answer. So i rang the bank and got put through to switch disputes as it said this was a card transaction.
"But I don't know who they are?"
"They are a loan company who act as a broker... you must have looked for a loan online and they took a fee from your account"
"But I didn't agree to anything and I haven't looked for a loan. I can't afford this I'm terminally ill I haven't looked for a loan" I protested.
"This is ridiculous.. if I don't recognise a point of sale transaction you are supposed to issue a refund and then investigate it" I told her.
"You need to try and contact the company first" she told me.
"But I don't know who they are... and I don't have a phone number for them" I protested.
"I will give them to you and you need to ring them" she replied harshly. So I took the details wrote them down and promptly put the phone down and bawled my eyes out. I think it was just sheer frustration over everything that made me cry cos its not something I would normally do. Next I rang Jane advised her what was going on and asked her about the details of where I could go for a bank account. Local to me seemed to be Halifax or Lloyd's TSB. So it was around four when I headed for the Ossett town centre to open a new bank account. Sod Natwest I would move the account and arrange to pay them back the overdraft later.
"I want to open a basic bank account with a cash card that I can set up direct debits from, no overdraft or anything fancy it will strictly be for money in and out and direct debits."
"Where do you bank at the moment" the guy asked me well I say guy he looked about 18.
"Natwest"
"Well we can move all your direct debits over for you. Do you have £100 to open the account with?"
"No, why?"
"Well for all our accounts you need to open it with £100"
"What even your basic account?"
"Yes all of them."
"Don't you have any other accounts?"
"Not that you can pay direct debits from no" he replied.
"Okay that's fine I'll go open one at post office or Lloyd's" I replied.
"I don't think anyone else does an account where you can open it without any money" he told me.
"I think you will find you are wrong" I replied and marched out of the building and headed to Lloyd's.
Lloyd's couldn't see me but did make me an appointment for Thursday at 2pm. I headed down to mum and dads next. I told my dad what had happened.
"That's ridiculous they can't do that"
"Well they have so I'm opening and account with Lloyd's tomorrow!" I told him.
"So are you skint now"
"I'll be okay til Monday"
"Well here I'll give you £70 write to them and ask them for your money back and if you get it you give me it back and if you don't then I will stand it"
"Thanks dad,"
"Its okay. Now what are we going to do about Jenna because she doesn't know if she can afford the holiday"
"What, why?"
"Well she only has one payment of £84 to get from me (my dads sorting out Jenna's finances he takes her wage and gives her pocket money) and that means the week after she won't have anything".
"Oh, well I can't pay for her flight I thought you said you had two payments and that this weeks was for clothes next weeks to live on and then you had your wage for your flight."
"I got it wrong. But I'll just have to see what wage I get and give grandad his £200 I owe him and go with whatever I have left.
"But you know I cant stand the cost of the flight.. what happens if you don't get paid enough if you don't pay me then I have no money to take with me".
"What do you mean?" My dad looked at me.
"Well I was going to book the flights on Monday with my tax credit money... but I only have enough for both flights. Jenna was going to give me £200 on the 20th the day before we fly and that was my money for spending. If she can't give me that then I can't book the flight".
"Well I'll give you the £200...and take it out of our holiday money"
"No i don't want you to do that. But if you can let Jenna skip this months payment then she can give that £200 to me for the flight?"
"Okay do that then. But then she has to pay me back month after".
"Well if I have Disability Living Allowance I can help with that can't i. That okay with you Jenna. So you can use your £84 to get your clothes with and then week after when you get paid you pay me £200 and then use some for your spend and the rest to live on, okay?"
"Okay yep that will work".
"Sues been round to see me from next door, you just missed her" mum told me.
"Will she be in?"
"Yes she should be" mum replied.
"Okay if i nip and see her?"
"Yes I'm sure she will be pleased to see you". So I walked round to mums next door neighbours. I'd known Sue right from when we first moved down from Scotland I'd been three at the time and Sue and Richard had moved into the house opposite on Waller Street. (Its a car park at the side of the prison now.) When we had moved into the Prison Officers quarters at Ossett, Sue and Richard had followed and moved next door. Mum and Dad were godparents to their daughter Louise we went back years.
"Hello Loraine" Richard welcomed me in. "Do you want a glass of wine?"
"I would love one just a small one though cos I'm on morphine not supposed to drink" I told him. Sue laughed. "I bet you're finding that hard?" I laughed with her. "So I hear congratulations are in order" I nodded. "I'm so pleased for you"
"Thanks".
"But, how are you coping with your other news?"
"I'm okay.. surprisingly upbeat" I replied. "Has mum told you about my bucket list?"
"She has,,.. not sure I could do the jumping out of a plane though"
"Well you only live once and worst thing that can happen is parachute doesn't open and I hit the ground no more chemo" I laughed. and Sue laughed too.
"I bet that went down well when you told your mum and dad..."
"About as well as me telling my dad I could get 50% off cos I've made friends with an undertaker" I told her laughing and she laughed some more.
"Well that outlook will certainly help during your treatment"
"I hope so. I hope you are going to come to my wedding?"
"We wouldn't miss it, would we Richard?"
"Definitely not" he smiled. I didn't leave their house until 6.30. I headed back to mum and dads picked up Jenna and her stuff and we headed home. I went straight to bed.. I was shattered and I slept for a couple of hours and then woke. I went through the guest list again trying to tweak it here and there and I rang mum around 9pm.
"Do you think I can get catering for two hundred people for a buffet for less than One thousand five hundred?" I asked her.
"I'm sure you can" she replied. "I'll come up one night and we will go through it all again and see what can be done. Oh, your dads here" she commented and then carried on. "I'm sure that one in ossett that does catering will be cheaper than that amount" my dad muttered something and my mum explained we were just discussing the wedding and the catering price.
"Let me have a word with my daughter" he said and took the phone.
"Hello daughter, did you sleep?"
"A bit" I replied. "Too much going round in my head.. wedding plans" I told him.
"I just want to say how proud of you I am" he told me, (not normally behaviour for my dad I might add) "I couldn't be as brave as you or as courageous as you are being. There is no way I could have been through what you are going through now and not moan about it or grumble."
"Thanks.. I don't feel brave though" I told him. "I'm just being me.. and at the end of the day I don't have any option but to get on with it do I?"
"I remember the day you were born" he began and then I heard a sob. My dad, my strong father was crying. My mum came on the phone and she was crying too.. then I started.
"I'm gonna have to go, I can't cry.. I'm gonna have to go.. I'll talk to you both tomorrow..." I swallowed hard. "Love you both" I told them and put the phone down. I sat and cried a bit longer then and Jenna came downstairs and gave me a hug...
"I'm off to bed" I told her. "I love you"
"love you too" she told me and I left the room.
Around 11.30pm... I decided to stay awake til midnight then I could ring Lee.
"Hiya darl, hows your day been?"
"Up and down" I replied.
"Have you had much sleep?"
"Not really too much stuff going on in my head"
"Like what?"
"Like how we're going to afford the wedding..." I replied.
"Well how much are we talking?"
"Three hundred for the room, then three hundred for the registrar to come there and marry us then there's the food I'm just panicking how i can afford it all".
"Well you're not doing it all on your own I'm paying for some of it" he told me
"How can you, you have no money?" I asked him.
"I'll find it I have overtime to come and holiday pay..."
"Yes but you have the rings to pay for..."
"Talking of the rings I need your ring size.." he told me.
"Well you can get it when I come out then can't you we'll go to the jewellers and we can always choose them together..."
"Okay yes good idea.. I'm just going into the flat.. two minutes.
.. what the??" he gasped.
"You okay, whats wrong" I asked him.
"Well you know how Luke and his friend are staying I've come home and well wow..."
"You like it?" I heard a voice ask...
"Its fantastic, thanks man" I heard Lee reply. "Here Loraine, your boyfriends here" Lee chuckled and handed the phone to Luke.
"Hiya love you okay?"
"I'm great its been a good day today thanks" I replied. "So what have you been up too?"
"Well we tidied the flat.. lets face it .. it needed it" He laughed and he was right it did Lee never had the time to clean up he was always working.
"Did you find my necklace by any chance?" I asked him.
"No, are you sure its here?"
"It has to be" I told him.
"Well I didn't come across it and this place is gleaming.. I haven't done Lee's room yet though I put my head around the door and decided it would be an all day job".
"You're not doing my room" Lee told him.
"I am tomorrow" he replied. "I need to look for Loraine's necklace" he replied. "Right I have to go love you take care and I'll see you soon".
"Okay bye Luke..." he passed the phone back to Lee.
"Your necklace isn't here I've looked for it, " he told me and I sighed. "I'll have another look for it tomorrow and if I can't find it I'll buy you a new one. I spoke to mum and dad today so they are definitely going to come and meet you and Jenna whilst you're here".
"That will be nice I can't wait to see them. You don't think they think I've made you marry me out of guilt do you"
"You stop right there. I am marrying you because I worship the ground you walk on" Lee told me. "No other reason"
"You sure?" I asked him.
"Yes I'm positive" he told me.
"My dad cried tonight on the phone. I've never heard him cry before... what happens if I don't make it to January?" I asked him.
"You will.." He told me.
"What happens if I start the chemo and its not working and they decide to quit in November.. I might not get to see you"
"You will.. I'm coming out there as quick as I can..."
"Suppose its not long enough..."
"It will be. Its not your time yet you and me are gonna have a very long life together" he said softly. "And wherever you are when I come over I'll be with you 24/7 holding your hand"
"Really?"
"Really I love you"
"I love you too Mr Mcevoy"
"Okay Mrs Mcevoy I need some sleep so I'm gonna go. take care I love you"
"Love you too, night"
"Night xx"
Around half ten the phone rang. It was Tom Sue's son. "Loraine, its Tom is my mum in do you know?"
"I'm not sure Tom why?"
"I've been trying to ring her at home but there's no answer. Our Chloe's just rang... my auntie Bev has died..."
"Oh god" I felt sick. Bev, Sue's sister lived in Australia she had been suffering with bowel cancer for a while and had been in the hospice for the past few weeks.
"Can you go see if she's in and ask her to ring me?"
"Do you really want to tell her over the phone?"
"Not really no".
"Do you want me to do it?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure"
"Okay thanks Loraine". I pulled on my shoes and headed over to Sue's. I knocked on the door and she came to the door in her dressing gown (very unusual for Sue as she's normally up and dressed at 6).
"Hiya you okay Sue?" I asked trying to be bright and breezy.
"Not really no"
"Your Tom's text me can we go sit down?"
"If its about Bev I already know" she told me.
"Oh has somebody rung you then?" I asked and followed her into the Living room.
"No, why do you think I have the candle burning? I had a feeling this morning, I knew she'd gone, I was just waiting for someone to ring and tell me".
"Well Tom's been trying to get through and its just ringing out". I told her.
"Well its working" she said picking up the receiver and listening for the dial tone.
"Have you knocked the ringer off?" I asked her. Sue lifted the phone to check it.
"Well its halfway so I suppose it could be possible" she told me and came and sat on the settee.
"You okay?"
"Yep" I am she nodded and her eyes filled with tears. "He's got my sister, he's not taking you" she told me and cried and I cried with her. Telling Sue about her sister Bev brought it home to me just how possible it was that in six months I might not be here. The chemotherapy could fail and if it did my time on this earth would be limited. Suppose I only lived six months that would only give me until March. I might only have two months married to Lee...
"No he's not I'm not ready yet" I replied. "I have a wedding to arrange and I'm gonna bloody enjoy whatever time I have left" I told her. Sue patted my hand and smiled.
"Yes you are we're going to make sure of it".
"Right well I better go I have a house today, I have to get something to eat then I have some phone calls to make. You gonna be okay?"
"Yep I will be" she replied, I gave her a hug and headed home. Or I could have a couple of years or more I told myself.... maybe two maybe three or maybe I could be another Jane Tomlinson and get ten... you never know...
I rang HR to speak with Lisa first. "Lisa its Loraine Mooney, I just wanted to ask something if that's okay?"
"Fire away"
"Okay I wanted to know if we get Death in service benefit and if so how much is it and who would it go too?"
"Okay in your case it would be twice times your annual salary so around £26 or £27,000".
"Wow, really?"
"Yes... that's why I requested your pension figures so we can compare them. But realistically I think the death in service benefit will be more but its whether you want to wait or if you want to take it now".
"Right, okay something to think about then."
"I think when we get the figures we'll maybe come to see you rather than go through it over the phone. If that;s okay with you?"
"Yes that would be great thanks".
"Okay well as soon as I get the figures I'll be in touch with you".
"Okay Lisa speak with you later on".
Next I went to check my bank account and was just going through it when I got a text message on my mobile "As agreed your membership fee has now been collected today and will show on your bank statement as "Power money"... that was weird I hadn't joined anything. As I looked through my bank statement there it was Power money deducted yesterday £69.75..WTF?? I rang the number on the message and didn't get any answer. So i rang the bank and got put through to switch disputes as it said this was a card transaction.
"But I don't know who they are?"
"They are a loan company who act as a broker... you must have looked for a loan online and they took a fee from your account"
"But I didn't agree to anything and I haven't looked for a loan. I can't afford this I'm terminally ill I haven't looked for a loan" I protested.
"This is ridiculous.. if I don't recognise a point of sale transaction you are supposed to issue a refund and then investigate it" I told her.
"You need to try and contact the company first" she told me.
"But I don't know who they are... and I don't have a phone number for them" I protested.
"I will give them to you and you need to ring them" she replied harshly. So I took the details wrote them down and promptly put the phone down and bawled my eyes out. I think it was just sheer frustration over everything that made me cry cos its not something I would normally do. Next I rang Jane advised her what was going on and asked her about the details of where I could go for a bank account. Local to me seemed to be Halifax or Lloyd's TSB. So it was around four when I headed for the Ossett town centre to open a new bank account. Sod Natwest I would move the account and arrange to pay them back the overdraft later.
"I want to open a basic bank account with a cash card that I can set up direct debits from, no overdraft or anything fancy it will strictly be for money in and out and direct debits."
"Where do you bank at the moment" the guy asked me well I say guy he looked about 18.
"Natwest"
"Well we can move all your direct debits over for you. Do you have £100 to open the account with?"
"No, why?"
"Well for all our accounts you need to open it with £100"
"What even your basic account?"
"Yes all of them."
"Don't you have any other accounts?"
"Not that you can pay direct debits from no" he replied.
"Okay that's fine I'll go open one at post office or Lloyd's" I replied.
"I don't think anyone else does an account where you can open it without any money" he told me.
"I think you will find you are wrong" I replied and marched out of the building and headed to Lloyd's.
Lloyd's couldn't see me but did make me an appointment for Thursday at 2pm. I headed down to mum and dads next. I told my dad what had happened.
"That's ridiculous they can't do that"
"Well they have so I'm opening and account with Lloyd's tomorrow!" I told him.
"So are you skint now"
"I'll be okay til Monday"
"Well here I'll give you £70 write to them and ask them for your money back and if you get it you give me it back and if you don't then I will stand it"
"Thanks dad,"
"Its okay. Now what are we going to do about Jenna because she doesn't know if she can afford the holiday"
"What, why?"
"Well she only has one payment of £84 to get from me (my dads sorting out Jenna's finances he takes her wage and gives her pocket money) and that means the week after she won't have anything".
"Oh, well I can't pay for her flight I thought you said you had two payments and that this weeks was for clothes next weeks to live on and then you had your wage for your flight."
"I got it wrong. But I'll just have to see what wage I get and give grandad his £200 I owe him and go with whatever I have left.
"But you know I cant stand the cost of the flight.. what happens if you don't get paid enough if you don't pay me then I have no money to take with me".
"What do you mean?" My dad looked at me.
"Well I was going to book the flights on Monday with my tax credit money... but I only have enough for both flights. Jenna was going to give me £200 on the 20th the day before we fly and that was my money for spending. If she can't give me that then I can't book the flight".
"Well I'll give you the £200...and take it out of our holiday money"
"No i don't want you to do that. But if you can let Jenna skip this months payment then she can give that £200 to me for the flight?"
"Okay do that then. But then she has to pay me back month after".
"Well if I have Disability Living Allowance I can help with that can't i. That okay with you Jenna. So you can use your £84 to get your clothes with and then week after when you get paid you pay me £200 and then use some for your spend and the rest to live on, okay?"
"Okay yep that will work".
"Sues been round to see me from next door, you just missed her" mum told me.
"Will she be in?"
"Yes she should be" mum replied.
"Okay if i nip and see her?"
"Yes I'm sure she will be pleased to see you". So I walked round to mums next door neighbours. I'd known Sue right from when we first moved down from Scotland I'd been three at the time and Sue and Richard had moved into the house opposite on Waller Street. (Its a car park at the side of the prison now.) When we had moved into the Prison Officers quarters at Ossett, Sue and Richard had followed and moved next door. Mum and Dad were godparents to their daughter Louise we went back years.
"Hello Loraine" Richard welcomed me in. "Do you want a glass of wine?"
"I would love one just a small one though cos I'm on morphine not supposed to drink" I told him. Sue laughed. "I bet you're finding that hard?" I laughed with her. "So I hear congratulations are in order" I nodded. "I'm so pleased for you"
"Thanks".
"But, how are you coping with your other news?"
"I'm okay.. surprisingly upbeat" I replied. "Has mum told you about my bucket list?"
"She has,,.. not sure I could do the jumping out of a plane though"
"Well you only live once and worst thing that can happen is parachute doesn't open and I hit the ground no more chemo" I laughed. and Sue laughed too.
"I bet that went down well when you told your mum and dad..."
"About as well as me telling my dad I could get 50% off cos I've made friends with an undertaker" I told her laughing and she laughed some more.
"Well that outlook will certainly help during your treatment"
"I hope so. I hope you are going to come to my wedding?"
"We wouldn't miss it, would we Richard?"
"Definitely not" he smiled. I didn't leave their house until 6.30. I headed back to mum and dads picked up Jenna and her stuff and we headed home. I went straight to bed.. I was shattered and I slept for a couple of hours and then woke. I went through the guest list again trying to tweak it here and there and I rang mum around 9pm.
"Do you think I can get catering for two hundred people for a buffet for less than One thousand five hundred?" I asked her.
"I'm sure you can" she replied. "I'll come up one night and we will go through it all again and see what can be done. Oh, your dads here" she commented and then carried on. "I'm sure that one in ossett that does catering will be cheaper than that amount" my dad muttered something and my mum explained we were just discussing the wedding and the catering price.
"Let me have a word with my daughter" he said and took the phone.
"Hello daughter, did you sleep?"
"A bit" I replied. "Too much going round in my head.. wedding plans" I told him.
"I just want to say how proud of you I am" he told me, (not normally behaviour for my dad I might add) "I couldn't be as brave as you or as courageous as you are being. There is no way I could have been through what you are going through now and not moan about it or grumble."
"Thanks.. I don't feel brave though" I told him. "I'm just being me.. and at the end of the day I don't have any option but to get on with it do I?"
"I remember the day you were born" he began and then I heard a sob. My dad, my strong father was crying. My mum came on the phone and she was crying too.. then I started.
"I'm gonna have to go, I can't cry.. I'm gonna have to go.. I'll talk to you both tomorrow..." I swallowed hard. "Love you both" I told them and put the phone down. I sat and cried a bit longer then and Jenna came downstairs and gave me a hug...
"I'm off to bed" I told her. "I love you"
"love you too" she told me and I left the room.
Around 11.30pm... I decided to stay awake til midnight then I could ring Lee.
"Hiya darl, hows your day been?"
"Up and down" I replied.
"Have you had much sleep?"
"Not really too much stuff going on in my head"
"Like what?"
"Like how we're going to afford the wedding..." I replied.
"Well how much are we talking?"
"Three hundred for the room, then three hundred for the registrar to come there and marry us then there's the food I'm just panicking how i can afford it all".
"Well you're not doing it all on your own I'm paying for some of it" he told me
"How can you, you have no money?" I asked him.
"I'll find it I have overtime to come and holiday pay..."
"Yes but you have the rings to pay for..."
"Talking of the rings I need your ring size.." he told me.
"Well you can get it when I come out then can't you we'll go to the jewellers and we can always choose them together..."
"Okay yes good idea.. I'm just going into the flat.. two minutes.
.. what the??" he gasped.
"You okay, whats wrong" I asked him.
"Well you know how Luke and his friend are staying I've come home and well wow..."
"You like it?" I heard a voice ask...
"Its fantastic, thanks man" I heard Lee reply. "Here Loraine, your boyfriends here" Lee chuckled and handed the phone to Luke.
"Hiya love you okay?"
"I'm great its been a good day today thanks" I replied. "So what have you been up too?"
"Well we tidied the flat.. lets face it .. it needed it" He laughed and he was right it did Lee never had the time to clean up he was always working.
"Did you find my necklace by any chance?" I asked him.
"No, are you sure its here?"
"It has to be" I told him.
"Well I didn't come across it and this place is gleaming.. I haven't done Lee's room yet though I put my head around the door and decided it would be an all day job".
"You're not doing my room" Lee told him.
"I am tomorrow" he replied. "I need to look for Loraine's necklace" he replied. "Right I have to go love you take care and I'll see you soon".
"Okay bye Luke..." he passed the phone back to Lee.
"Your necklace isn't here I've looked for it, " he told me and I sighed. "I'll have another look for it tomorrow and if I can't find it I'll buy you a new one. I spoke to mum and dad today so they are definitely going to come and meet you and Jenna whilst you're here".
"That will be nice I can't wait to see them. You don't think they think I've made you marry me out of guilt do you"
"You stop right there. I am marrying you because I worship the ground you walk on" Lee told me. "No other reason"
"You sure?" I asked him.
"Yes I'm positive" he told me.
"My dad cried tonight on the phone. I've never heard him cry before... what happens if I don't make it to January?" I asked him.
"You will.." He told me.
"What happens if I start the chemo and its not working and they decide to quit in November.. I might not get to see you"
"You will.. I'm coming out there as quick as I can..."
"Suppose its not long enough..."
"It will be. Its not your time yet you and me are gonna have a very long life together" he said softly. "And wherever you are when I come over I'll be with you 24/7 holding your hand"
"Really?"
"Really I love you"
"I love you too Mr Mcevoy"
"Okay Mrs Mcevoy I need some sleep so I'm gonna go. take care I love you"
"Love you too, night"
"Night xx"
Tuesday 6th September - Double trouble!!
At five am I was still staring at the ceiling.... I had to be in Wakefield to see Jane about this Mortgage rescue scheme at 1pm and I was still awake ... not amused I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. At six I decided to take a look at the guest list again.... tweak it here and there... You see I've worked it out and although Woodkirk Valley Country Club is cheap as far as room hire is concerned.. when it comes to prices per head for the meals... that's when the figures start to go up...
I've spent ages doing the guest list you see... There is 43 people in our family i.e. aunts and uncles etc before I even get started on my friends I would like to be at our wedding. Forty-three people at sixteen pounds ninety five pence per head is seven hundred and twenty eight pounds.. and that's before I start on my friends list.... once I add my friends in the list gets huge. In fact I've got it to one hundred and twenty six people just on my own.. that's before we add in all of Lees guests and I still don't know how many he's invited.... So a lottery win is definitely needed... preferably way before January so I can get organised.
I tried to get back to sleep several times... either the dog started barking next door or the phone rang... then at nine am Sue knocked and I sighed and got up... sleep just wasn't going to happen.
"What times your appointment?"
"One, I am so tired I just wish I could sleep" I sipped my tea... and then... "Oh I'm gonna be sick" I shot past Sue and threw up.... that was the start of it.
"Right I'll let you get sorted and I'll call over later ... why don't you re-arrange that appointment?"
"No.. I want to get it out the way Sue.. I'll be fine it'll wear off"
"Okay if you're sure I'll come for you later on"
"Okay I'll see you about twelve" I went upstairs to lie back down.. an hour later I was sick again. Then the phone rang my mum.... I had text to let them know I was sleeping I answered it grumpily..."I did say I was sleeping or trying too" I whinged.
"I just wanted to know how you are?"
"Mum I'll be fine but its ten now and if I don't get some sleep before I leave .. then I won't be.. I don't mean to be grumpy but please just let me sleep I'll ring you later" I ran to the loo and was sick again as soon as she got off the phone.. I felt ill.. really ill.
"Okay okay I'll let you sleep", I felt rotten but when I said no sleep I meant no sleep.. the phone rang twice more whilst I was lying on the bed and at eleven am in desperation I headed over to Sue's...
"Can I please lie on your settee? I need sleep and everyone keeps on ringing me" I grumbled.
"They're all just worried about you" Sue told me.
"I know but I'll go to bits if I don't sleep soon"I moaned.
"Go lie down" Sue told me and gave me a hug. Click click click my mobile went and I looked at the screen... ' R u okay?'it was from Lee.
"Its from Lee but I can't message him back because three have stopped my credit until my bill gets paid. It just says are you okay."
"Well ring him use my house phone... I was gonna take the dogs for a walk down the field anyway so I'll do that you ring Lee then get some sleep.."
"Okay thanks Sue" I dialled his number.
"Will you please take something for that headache?" he told me.. "And why are you being so sick?"
"How did you know?" I asked him startled.
"Because I have had a headache all morning and I've been sick twice" he told me.
"Oops sorry" It wasn't the first time this had happened since Lee and I had met when I first went out and i was getting pains in my shoulder and arm Lee could tell me exactly where the pain was... I don't understand why its happening it just is.
"Have you taken anything for it?"
"Yep I had some morphine and took my anti sickness tablet.. I think its lack of sleep Lee I just can't seem to sleep I keep waking up..." I sighed. "I'm sorry I'm making you feel crappy too".
"Don't apologise darl its not your fault. I have to get on with work so go for a lie down get some sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better and I'll talk to you later".
"Okay I'll try talk to you later on I love you".
"Love you too". I put the phone down and went and laid on Sue's sofa in a desperate attempt to get some sleep, but it was no good. The door opened and the two dogs and sue trundled in after their walk.
"Everything okay?"
"Great. Well when I get some sleep it will be" I whinged. "I am so tired".
"Right lets get you something to eat and then we'll go". So Sue busied herself looking after me making me some toasted crumpets with butter and a coffee. I only managed half a crumpet before the nausea feeling came back. I finished my coffee and had some milk and then we were off.
Jane was absolutely fabulous I was totally honest with her told her everything that was going on and how I planned on going back to Cyprus for another week with Jenna and that I really needed to make sure I had some money to do it with. Jane was absolutely fantastic she helped me fill in my forms for disability living allowance and the macmillan grant form.
"Whats happening with your work?"
"Well I get full pay until November and then half pay from November til January then I go onto Nil pay" I told her. "They're going to look into Ill Health Retirement and see what the figures are going to be as soon as they have them they will ring me back".
"Well make a point of asking them about Death in service benefit and see what package they offer".
"Oh yes I hadn't thought of that. I know at HSBC where I used to work they offered it not sure if NHS do though".
"I'm pretty sure they will and if my memories right I think its how many years you've worked their times your annual salary".
"Okay well I'll ring and ask tomorrow and see what they say".
Then Jane took copies of the DS1500 the doctor had given me (a doctors report that basically confirms you have a terminal illness and helps you claim benefits quicker as well as show proof of your life expectancy) and said she would deal with all my creditors.
"I'll offer them as little as possible" she told me. "You need some money in your pocket to enjoy the time you have left so lets deal with this first and get a repayment plan set up so we know what you're left with.."
"Okay thanks. I just wish I had been given this help a year ago then I wouldn't be in this mess".
"Right well next step I will come out with the surveyor to do a valuation and see what we can get for you. And what I'll do is try and get a discount to settle the debt from HSBC and that way you will hopefully be left with some money."
"My concern is what happens to Jenna when I die, will she be able to stay in the house".
"Well if you like I'll have a word with Yorkshire housing and see if we can get that as a condition of the sale that Jenna stays".
"That would be great if you can do it."
"I will do my best because to me this is exceptional circumstances. So leave it with me".
"Okay thanks".
I walked out of that meeting feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"How did you get on?" Sue asked me.
"Fantastic" I beamed. "Everything is going to work out .. I can just feel it" I told her.
"Thats the spirit" Sue beamed back and we headed to the car.
"Now I'm going to bed" I told her. "I am so tired lets get out of here".
Logan and Jenna were both home when I got in. Jenna still in bed even though it was four o'clock.
"I thought you were both of f to grans for tea"
"I'm waiting for Logan" Jenna called downstairs.
"I didn't know we were going" Logan told me.
"I thought Gran had rung you"
"No one's rung me"
"I told you" Jenna told him.
"Yes but Gran didn't ring me"
"Okay, okay listen I'm tired and I'm off to bed so Logan if you are staying here you need to do your own tea. Jenna what are you doing?"
"I'm off to Grans"
"And you Logan?"
"I'm staying here"
"Okay Jenna see you later. Logan see you when I get up." I stumbled into the bedroom and lay on the bed. Bliss....
I've spent ages doing the guest list you see... There is 43 people in our family i.e. aunts and uncles etc before I even get started on my friends I would like to be at our wedding. Forty-three people at sixteen pounds ninety five pence per head is seven hundred and twenty eight pounds.. and that's before I start on my friends list.... once I add my friends in the list gets huge. In fact I've got it to one hundred and twenty six people just on my own.. that's before we add in all of Lees guests and I still don't know how many he's invited.... So a lottery win is definitely needed... preferably way before January so I can get organised.
I tried to get back to sleep several times... either the dog started barking next door or the phone rang... then at nine am Sue knocked and I sighed and got up... sleep just wasn't going to happen.
"What times your appointment?"
"One, I am so tired I just wish I could sleep" I sipped my tea... and then... "Oh I'm gonna be sick" I shot past Sue and threw up.... that was the start of it.
"Right I'll let you get sorted and I'll call over later ... why don't you re-arrange that appointment?"
"No.. I want to get it out the way Sue.. I'll be fine it'll wear off"
"Okay if you're sure I'll come for you later on"
"Okay I'll see you about twelve" I went upstairs to lie back down.. an hour later I was sick again. Then the phone rang my mum.... I had text to let them know I was sleeping I answered it grumpily..."I did say I was sleeping or trying too" I whinged.
"I just wanted to know how you are?"
"Mum I'll be fine but its ten now and if I don't get some sleep before I leave .. then I won't be.. I don't mean to be grumpy but please just let me sleep I'll ring you later" I ran to the loo and was sick again as soon as she got off the phone.. I felt ill.. really ill.
"Okay okay I'll let you sleep", I felt rotten but when I said no sleep I meant no sleep.. the phone rang twice more whilst I was lying on the bed and at eleven am in desperation I headed over to Sue's...
"Can I please lie on your settee? I need sleep and everyone keeps on ringing me" I grumbled.
"They're all just worried about you" Sue told me.
"I know but I'll go to bits if I don't sleep soon"I moaned.
"Go lie down" Sue told me and gave me a hug. Click click click my mobile went and I looked at the screen... ' R u okay?'it was from Lee.
"Its from Lee but I can't message him back because three have stopped my credit until my bill gets paid. It just says are you okay."
"Well ring him use my house phone... I was gonna take the dogs for a walk down the field anyway so I'll do that you ring Lee then get some sleep.."
"Okay thanks Sue" I dialled his number.
"Will you please take something for that headache?" he told me.. "And why are you being so sick?"
"How did you know?" I asked him startled.
"Because I have had a headache all morning and I've been sick twice" he told me.
"Oops sorry" It wasn't the first time this had happened since Lee and I had met when I first went out and i was getting pains in my shoulder and arm Lee could tell me exactly where the pain was... I don't understand why its happening it just is.
"Have you taken anything for it?"
"Yep I had some morphine and took my anti sickness tablet.. I think its lack of sleep Lee I just can't seem to sleep I keep waking up..." I sighed. "I'm sorry I'm making you feel crappy too".
"Don't apologise darl its not your fault. I have to get on with work so go for a lie down get some sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better and I'll talk to you later".
"Okay I'll try talk to you later on I love you".
"Love you too". I put the phone down and went and laid on Sue's sofa in a desperate attempt to get some sleep, but it was no good. The door opened and the two dogs and sue trundled in after their walk.
"Everything okay?"
"Great. Well when I get some sleep it will be" I whinged. "I am so tired".
"Right lets get you something to eat and then we'll go". So Sue busied herself looking after me making me some toasted crumpets with butter and a coffee. I only managed half a crumpet before the nausea feeling came back. I finished my coffee and had some milk and then we were off.
Jane was absolutely fabulous I was totally honest with her told her everything that was going on and how I planned on going back to Cyprus for another week with Jenna and that I really needed to make sure I had some money to do it with. Jane was absolutely fantastic she helped me fill in my forms for disability living allowance and the macmillan grant form.
"Whats happening with your work?"
"Well I get full pay until November and then half pay from November til January then I go onto Nil pay" I told her. "They're going to look into Ill Health Retirement and see what the figures are going to be as soon as they have them they will ring me back".
"Well make a point of asking them about Death in service benefit and see what package they offer".
"Oh yes I hadn't thought of that. I know at HSBC where I used to work they offered it not sure if NHS do though".
"I'm pretty sure they will and if my memories right I think its how many years you've worked their times your annual salary".
"Okay well I'll ring and ask tomorrow and see what they say".
Then Jane took copies of the DS1500 the doctor had given me (a doctors report that basically confirms you have a terminal illness and helps you claim benefits quicker as well as show proof of your life expectancy) and said she would deal with all my creditors.
"I'll offer them as little as possible" she told me. "You need some money in your pocket to enjoy the time you have left so lets deal with this first and get a repayment plan set up so we know what you're left with.."
"Okay thanks. I just wish I had been given this help a year ago then I wouldn't be in this mess".
"Right well next step I will come out with the surveyor to do a valuation and see what we can get for you. And what I'll do is try and get a discount to settle the debt from HSBC and that way you will hopefully be left with some money."
"My concern is what happens to Jenna when I die, will she be able to stay in the house".
"Well if you like I'll have a word with Yorkshire housing and see if we can get that as a condition of the sale that Jenna stays".
"That would be great if you can do it."
"I will do my best because to me this is exceptional circumstances. So leave it with me".
"Okay thanks".
I walked out of that meeting feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"How did you get on?" Sue asked me.
"Fantastic" I beamed. "Everything is going to work out .. I can just feel it" I told her.
"Thats the spirit" Sue beamed back and we headed to the car.
"Now I'm going to bed" I told her. "I am so tired lets get out of here".
Logan and Jenna were both home when I got in. Jenna still in bed even though it was four o'clock.
"I thought you were both of f to grans for tea"
"I'm waiting for Logan" Jenna called downstairs.
"I didn't know we were going" Logan told me.
"I thought Gran had rung you"
"No one's rung me"
"I told you" Jenna told him.
"Yes but Gran didn't ring me"
"Okay, okay listen I'm tired and I'm off to bed so Logan if you are staying here you need to do your own tea. Jenna what are you doing?"
"I'm off to Grans"
"And you Logan?"
"I'm staying here"
"Okay Jenna see you later. Logan see you when I get up." I stumbled into the bedroom and lay on the bed. Bliss....
Monday 5 September 2011
Monday 5th September - Enlightening....
I woke up to torrential rain and a fair bit of pain again... although at least I had got a decent nights sleep... Lorna was due in an hour at ten and Macmillan after 10. I knocked on Logan's door.
"You all ready for school?" I asked.
"Yep.."
"Why don't you find out if you can go to Sarah's earlier and I can drop you off..."
"No its fine, I have to walk to school anyway so I can walk to Sarah's"
"Well make sure you wear a coat"
"I will"
"I'm off the shower can you answer it if door goes and keep the Macmillan nurse happy til i get downstairs.
"Yes"
"Okay see you in a bit". When I got out of the shower there was no sign of Lorna or Macmillan nurse .. giving me time to get ready for her visit. I then shot downstairs to tidy up... as usual Jenna was last up and had left the house in a mess.
Lorna arrived in time to give me a hand and for that I was grateful. Logan had just said bye and left when Linda Carmichael my nurse turned up.
"Hiya you must be Loraine, I'm Linda"
"Hi please go through"... i gestured showing her the way into the living room with my hand.
"So how are you feeling first of all?"
"Okay.. up one minute down the next" I told her.
"Right so i need to go through your history first this will be documented for us and the gp's and district nurses to have access too... is that okay with you?"
"Yes that's fine, thanks"
"Can I ask what type of cancer it is i have this time>"
"Its Squamous cell carcinoma..."
"Oh.. so its the same type then"
"Yes its just spread"
"Okay... so they say its in the tissues so how is it the same"
"Well its some random cells that have floated off and what we call metastasised in several areas.."
"Well i was shocked cos my friend has it in her bones and she was given a timescale of eight maybe ten years... but i was given one of two to three years.."
"That's because when its in the soft tissue it will normally spread faster the chemo is to slow down the spread for you..."
"Right okay.. that makes sense thanks". It was an extremely enlightening chat.. Linda spoke about the hospice and I said I would like to go and have a look see what its all about. Linda asked if I'd thought about end of life care I explained that prior to Lee coming I would have said hospice away from the kids but now that Lee was coming I was unsure.. Its something I have to discuss with lee ... where he wants me to go etc if he could nurse me at home or would want to not see that side of things... I am going to discuss it when I go and see him next. Just in case. I explained I wanted a donor card because I do want to help other people after my death and the more thee better so anything that's useful and can help others can go as far as I'm concerned. I asked Linda about developing coughs and colds because I'd heard all sorts and wasn't sure what was true and what wasn't. I had guessed right though .. no contact with anyone during chemo who has a cough or a cold as it can cause severe infection... I explained I was planning my wedding for January was that gonna be a problem. She suggested i write on my invitations. "Loraine requests that you do not attend if you have a cough, cold, chickenpox or any other kind of virus that will affect her as she does not want to spend her honeymoon in St James's it is extremely important that you follow this request prior to attending. If you are unsure you can ring our wedding coordinator explain the condition you have and she will make a decision based on what you tell her."
"I hadn't thought of that"
"Well there is a few people that I have dealt with who have chosen to get married.. bear in mind i only deal with people who have incurable cancer..."
"Right.. so its not just me wanting to get married then?"
"No its not it gives you something to distract you and keeps you active and focused.. anything to distract you from the condition can only help..."
"Okay thanks".
"So how are the kids coping.." I shook my head and swallowed.
"There not Jenna's off work sick already with depression and Logan just wont discuss it I think for him if he discusses it its suddenly very real and he wants to ignore it for as long as he can"
"That's a normal reaction for someone of his age .. we can try the counselling but I would say he will talk or listen.. when he's ready. But don't struggle with him get help it is there. I would suggest that you or someone in the family makes an appointment at school and explains the situation and asks if a counsellor at school could be suggested".
"I wouldn't know what to say.. and i certainly wouldn't want to cry whilst i explained"
"You don't have too then can someone else go?"
I looked at Lorna and my mum... what about Rae? I could ask?"
"Yes I think that's a good idea" Lorna replied and my mum nodded and began to cry again.
"I'm sorry" she apologised ..
"Its okay" I smiled weakly and rubbed her back. I couldn't cope when my mum cried.. she was always my rock the strong one... there has been a massive change since her illness and I can't help but feel a little scared that my rock isn't there anymore... I have other rocks don't get me wrong but that one.. that one I could have done with...
Linda went on to discuss pain management and promptly changed my dose of morphine to tablet form day and night in a higher mg to help with the pain and explained breakthrough pain could be controlled but he liquid morphine. She prescribed anti sickness tablets... stuff to help me go to the loo as an unfortunate side effect of morphine is constipation.. last thing i need is stomach pain...and paracetamol two four times a day regularly also as a pain control.
"So i'll contact your doctors get your prescription sorted out for you to go collect along with a ds1500 once you get that photocopy it and get it sent off with your dla form and to anyone else you can think of.. okay?" I nodded. It was such a relief knowing I had back up from a professional. "So I will come out to see you at some point next week and I will stay with you until everything is sorted out.. at that point I may not do another visit until a lot later on but I'll always be at the end of the phone if you need me for anything".
"Can you come out when loraine starts her chemotherapy"
"If loraine rings to say she needs me yes I can be here" Linda replied to my mum who looked like she was about to cry again... so we said our goodbyes and Linda headed off out to the rain.
"I feel tonnes better" I beamed at my sister and my mum. They both smiled weakly unfortunately for them I think Linda's frankness had maybe drilled home their worst fears.. that I was gonna die...!!
"Next stop diary shopping and cat food " I told them both "Who's coming?" Both of them wanted too. I could not find a magnetic calendar anywhere I know you can get them its like a roll which is a whiteboard on one side and magnetic on the other it sticks to your fridge and its wipe clean for you to write stuff on... Staples ... don't stock them! Anyone who's reading this and knows where i can get one for the door of my fridge "Please do tell" I'm getting desperate. I need organising and a diary is just the half of it because I just know i will forget to look... its just dippy old me and the way i am at the minute...
Got home and I tried to ring Lee around 4pm , six his time.. no answer.. I text him.
"Are you okay? Being trying to get you.
"Hiya darl just having a bad day I just can't talk ...I love you so much Mrs Mcevoy xxxxx" although I was disappointed I broke into a grin.. Mrs Mcevoy... sounds wonderful.
"I love you too husband to be" I wrote..."Doing guest list for the wedding so I hope you will have a better day tomorrow beccause I need figures for your side and whoever you want to comexxx"
"Okay I'm listening to Bubles song "home" thats my song to you darl xxx"
I remembered hearing it whilst we were out there and I had just been playing it on you tube thinking what a lovely first dance song it would be.
"You read my mind I've just been listening to that was thinking it could be our first dance song.. thats if i'm up to dancing!! I think I may have just landed us free catering for the wedding... I already have free photos courtesy of Misssy Moo. How great am I? Love you xx"
So tomorrow afternoon I am ringing my husband to be to discuss numbers I hope he isn't having another bad day but I am sure he won't be. Night all ... talk to you tomorrow.
"You all ready for school?" I asked.
"Yep.."
"Why don't you find out if you can go to Sarah's earlier and I can drop you off..."
"No its fine, I have to walk to school anyway so I can walk to Sarah's"
"Well make sure you wear a coat"
"I will"
"I'm off the shower can you answer it if door goes and keep the Macmillan nurse happy til i get downstairs.
"Yes"
"Okay see you in a bit". When I got out of the shower there was no sign of Lorna or Macmillan nurse .. giving me time to get ready for her visit. I then shot downstairs to tidy up... as usual Jenna was last up and had left the house in a mess.
Lorna arrived in time to give me a hand and for that I was grateful. Logan had just said bye and left when Linda Carmichael my nurse turned up.
"Hiya you must be Loraine, I'm Linda"
"Hi please go through"... i gestured showing her the way into the living room with my hand.
"So how are you feeling first of all?"
"Okay.. up one minute down the next" I told her.
"Right so i need to go through your history first this will be documented for us and the gp's and district nurses to have access too... is that okay with you?"
"Yes that's fine, thanks"
"Can I ask what type of cancer it is i have this time>"
"Its Squamous cell carcinoma..."
"Oh.. so its the same type then"
"Yes its just spread"
"Okay... so they say its in the tissues so how is it the same"
"Well its some random cells that have floated off and what we call metastasised in several areas.."
"Well i was shocked cos my friend has it in her bones and she was given a timescale of eight maybe ten years... but i was given one of two to three years.."
"That's because when its in the soft tissue it will normally spread faster the chemo is to slow down the spread for you..."
"Right okay.. that makes sense thanks". It was an extremely enlightening chat.. Linda spoke about the hospice and I said I would like to go and have a look see what its all about. Linda asked if I'd thought about end of life care I explained that prior to Lee coming I would have said hospice away from the kids but now that Lee was coming I was unsure.. Its something I have to discuss with lee ... where he wants me to go etc if he could nurse me at home or would want to not see that side of things... I am going to discuss it when I go and see him next. Just in case. I explained I wanted a donor card because I do want to help other people after my death and the more thee better so anything that's useful and can help others can go as far as I'm concerned. I asked Linda about developing coughs and colds because I'd heard all sorts and wasn't sure what was true and what wasn't. I had guessed right though .. no contact with anyone during chemo who has a cough or a cold as it can cause severe infection... I explained I was planning my wedding for January was that gonna be a problem. She suggested i write on my invitations. "Loraine requests that you do not attend if you have a cough, cold, chickenpox or any other kind of virus that will affect her as she does not want to spend her honeymoon in St James's it is extremely important that you follow this request prior to attending. If you are unsure you can ring our wedding coordinator explain the condition you have and she will make a decision based on what you tell her."
"I hadn't thought of that"
"Well there is a few people that I have dealt with who have chosen to get married.. bear in mind i only deal with people who have incurable cancer..."
"Right.. so its not just me wanting to get married then?"
"No its not it gives you something to distract you and keeps you active and focused.. anything to distract you from the condition can only help..."
"Okay thanks".
"So how are the kids coping.." I shook my head and swallowed.
"There not Jenna's off work sick already with depression and Logan just wont discuss it I think for him if he discusses it its suddenly very real and he wants to ignore it for as long as he can"
"That's a normal reaction for someone of his age .. we can try the counselling but I would say he will talk or listen.. when he's ready. But don't struggle with him get help it is there. I would suggest that you or someone in the family makes an appointment at school and explains the situation and asks if a counsellor at school could be suggested".
"I wouldn't know what to say.. and i certainly wouldn't want to cry whilst i explained"
"You don't have too then can someone else go?"
I looked at Lorna and my mum... what about Rae? I could ask?"
"Yes I think that's a good idea" Lorna replied and my mum nodded and began to cry again.
"I'm sorry" she apologised ..
"Its okay" I smiled weakly and rubbed her back. I couldn't cope when my mum cried.. she was always my rock the strong one... there has been a massive change since her illness and I can't help but feel a little scared that my rock isn't there anymore... I have other rocks don't get me wrong but that one.. that one I could have done with...
Linda went on to discuss pain management and promptly changed my dose of morphine to tablet form day and night in a higher mg to help with the pain and explained breakthrough pain could be controlled but he liquid morphine. She prescribed anti sickness tablets... stuff to help me go to the loo as an unfortunate side effect of morphine is constipation.. last thing i need is stomach pain...and paracetamol two four times a day regularly also as a pain control.
"So i'll contact your doctors get your prescription sorted out for you to go collect along with a ds1500 once you get that photocopy it and get it sent off with your dla form and to anyone else you can think of.. okay?" I nodded. It was such a relief knowing I had back up from a professional. "So I will come out to see you at some point next week and I will stay with you until everything is sorted out.. at that point I may not do another visit until a lot later on but I'll always be at the end of the phone if you need me for anything".
"Can you come out when loraine starts her chemotherapy"
"If loraine rings to say she needs me yes I can be here" Linda replied to my mum who looked like she was about to cry again... so we said our goodbyes and Linda headed off out to the rain.
"I feel tonnes better" I beamed at my sister and my mum. They both smiled weakly unfortunately for them I think Linda's frankness had maybe drilled home their worst fears.. that I was gonna die...!!
"Next stop diary shopping and cat food " I told them both "Who's coming?" Both of them wanted too. I could not find a magnetic calendar anywhere I know you can get them its like a roll which is a whiteboard on one side and magnetic on the other it sticks to your fridge and its wipe clean for you to write stuff on... Staples ... don't stock them! Anyone who's reading this and knows where i can get one for the door of my fridge "Please do tell" I'm getting desperate. I need organising and a diary is just the half of it because I just know i will forget to look... its just dippy old me and the way i am at the minute...
Got home and I tried to ring Lee around 4pm , six his time.. no answer.. I text him.
"Are you okay? Being trying to get you.
"Hiya darl just having a bad day I just can't talk ...I love you so much Mrs Mcevoy xxxxx" although I was disappointed I broke into a grin.. Mrs Mcevoy... sounds wonderful.
"I love you too husband to be" I wrote..."Doing guest list for the wedding so I hope you will have a better day tomorrow beccause I need figures for your side and whoever you want to comexxx"
"Okay I'm listening to Bubles song "home" thats my song to you darl xxx"
I remembered hearing it whilst we were out there and I had just been playing it on you tube thinking what a lovely first dance song it would be.
"You read my mind I've just been listening to that was thinking it could be our first dance song.. thats if i'm up to dancing!! I think I may have just landed us free catering for the wedding... I already have free photos courtesy of Misssy Moo. How great am I? Love you xx"
So tomorrow afternoon I am ringing my husband to be to discuss numbers I hope he isn't having another bad day but I am sure he won't be. Night all ... talk to you tomorrow.
Sunday 4th September. Backseat Bangers!!
Woke up on Sunday determined to have a lazy day.... its amazing how busy I've been since I put my sick note into work... Lady of leisure? I wish... busy bee more like!!
Anyway I woke at eight and tidied the house and then began looking at flights to Cyprus ... i wonder... i mused....
My dad had asked me if I'd thought about going back.. and based on how down Jenna had seemed last night maybe ... just maybe we could both go...
So I did a flight search and then I looked at monarch.... tickets are "199" for 21st to 28th September... mm i wonder. So I text Rae first no point booking unless i could find somewhere for Logan.
"If I took Jenna away to Cyprus 21st to 28th Sept to Cyprus could you have Logan for me?" I text and waited.
"Yep no problem" I got back... right that's hurdle one.
Next, I sent Colleen a message.... "Can you find out on Monday if there would be any issue with me flying to Cyprus whilst I'm on the sick?"
"I can't see it being an issue I'll find out for you though and ring you Monday"
"Thanks Colleen".
Wes popped up on facebook chat.
"Hiya I'm off to cinema to see The Inbetweeners movie with Charlene and for food if you fancy it?"
"Okay i might do what time?"
"1pm I'll pick you up"
"Okay I am bored so i just might do that, knackered so off for a sleep first".
Next however I went in to talk to Jenna.
"How do you feel about Cyprus 21st to 28th September?"
"What?"
"You and me, how do you fancy it?"
"What about work?"
"I'll speak to Kay for you....well?"
"I'd love too..."
"I might surprise Lee... or should I tell him?"
"Well he might be annoyed if you don't tell him...."
"Hmm... and if I turn up and the flats a mess I'll be miffed..." I laughed... "Right I'm gonna ring him" I told her... talk to you in a bit... Oh and I'm off for food and cinema with Charlene and Wes at one if you fancy it?"
"Hmm might do" she answered sleepily.
So I rang Lee.... "Hiya chick"
"Hello husband to be... " he laughed.
"Your mum put something really nice on my facebook page" I told him and read him it.
"That's lovely... she thinks its wonderful..." he told me.
"Good anyway I've written back told her that they both need to come to the wedding... after all that might be the only chance to get to see them..."
"Yeah true"
"I haven't had a reply yet"
"She's probably not been on facebook ... she'll reply though."
"Yeah I know.... anyway I wasn't gonna tell you but how would you like two visitors in September?"
"Who?"
"Me and Jenna....21st to 28th?"
"Really?"
"Yep really.... that okay with you?"
"Its fantastic with me..." Lee replied.
"Good cos we're coming out... you have to take some time off though"
"I will don't worry!"
"Good... its a date then... I'm giddy as hell already" I laughed and Lee laughed with me.
"I'll take a night off and we can go see Luke's show and go to Boogies if you're bringing Jenna..."
"Yep she won't cost as much she hardly eats" I told him. "I need you to sort out transport though"
"No probably I'll have a word with Mark don't worry" He told me.
"Right its a plan then. We're just going through our guest list"
"Well bring the details with you and we can go through it together when you come out!"
"Hee hee nice one..can't wait..make sure they all know I'm coming out again. I'm gonna be skint but I'll be with you so who cares. And by the sounds of it I'm gonna be loaded anyway with all the grants and benefits I can claim."
"Is Jenna there?"
"I can get her"
"Go on then.."
"Jenna come talk to lee...." I yelled.
"Two minutes"
"Jenna?
"Hi Lee"
"Has Luke accepted you as a friend yet?"
"No not yet..."
"Okay well he will be doing cos I've told him he has too... if he's best man and you're maid of honour you'll be spending a lot of time together... has your mum showed you his picture".
"Yep I've seen him"
"She's done nothing but drool" I laughed.
"Not as much as my mum" Jenna giggled.
"Ha ha very funny" I retorted.
"He was telling her he loved her the other night on my phone" Lee said to Jenna. "Gonna have to keep an eye on those two"
"You know you are the only guy for me!" I told Lee.
"Good to know"
"Love you Mr Mcevoy"
"Love you Mrs Mcevoy..."
"Right I'm gonna go off to cinema with Wes and Charlene"
"Okay I'll finish my beer in the 38 degrees and get another one"
"Stop rubbing it in" Lee laughed.
"Hang on a minute" he told me..... "Jo, how do you fancy coming to a wedding?" he shouted.
"You getting married?"
"Yep.."
"Aw congratulations both of you" Jo yelled back. Jo works at Tee jays bar in Protaras.
"So you're at Tee jays?"
"Yep sun is shining and I'm about to get another beer"
"Can't be bad... right I better go get ready cos Wes is picking me up at 1 and I'm not dressed yet..."
"Okay Mrs Mcevoy have fun"
We arrived at the cinema and Charlene and Wes went for sweets and i headed for the popcorn combo and promptly dropped half a tonne of popcorn down my cleavage... not the best look in the world for anyone lol I spent the next fifteen minutes fishing it out....
Wes headed for the back of the cinema and I struggled up the steps with a wobble on due to the morphine I'd taken in the foyeur. Charlene updated her facebook and put on her status backseat banging with Wes Weaver and Loraine Mooney. Hence the title of this blog Backseat Banging.
And so to the movie I have never ever watched the Inbetweeners and for those of you who have not been I will not spoil it for you. all I will say is that is a very unique way of updating your CV and last time I looked that isn't what it was called.... and I still don't understand why the goggles and snorkel are needed so all those blokes that go watch it please please tell me lol.... and the dancing I so so want someone to teach me how to do that... unique is not the word ha ha.
Anyway I woke at eight and tidied the house and then began looking at flights to Cyprus ... i wonder... i mused....
My dad had asked me if I'd thought about going back.. and based on how down Jenna had seemed last night maybe ... just maybe we could both go...
So I did a flight search and then I looked at monarch.... tickets are "199" for 21st to 28th September... mm i wonder. So I text Rae first no point booking unless i could find somewhere for Logan.
"If I took Jenna away to Cyprus 21st to 28th Sept to Cyprus could you have Logan for me?" I text and waited.
"Yep no problem" I got back... right that's hurdle one.
Next, I sent Colleen a message.... "Can you find out on Monday if there would be any issue with me flying to Cyprus whilst I'm on the sick?"
"I can't see it being an issue I'll find out for you though and ring you Monday"
"Thanks Colleen".
Wes popped up on facebook chat.
"Hiya I'm off to cinema to see The Inbetweeners movie with Charlene and for food if you fancy it?"
"Okay i might do what time?"
"1pm I'll pick you up"
"Okay I am bored so i just might do that, knackered so off for a sleep first".
Next however I went in to talk to Jenna.
"How do you feel about Cyprus 21st to 28th September?"
"What?"
"You and me, how do you fancy it?"
"What about work?"
"I'll speak to Kay for you....well?"
"I'd love too..."
"I might surprise Lee... or should I tell him?"
"Well he might be annoyed if you don't tell him...."
"Hmm... and if I turn up and the flats a mess I'll be miffed..." I laughed... "Right I'm gonna ring him" I told her... talk to you in a bit... Oh and I'm off for food and cinema with Charlene and Wes at one if you fancy it?"
"Hmm might do" she answered sleepily.
So I rang Lee.... "Hiya chick"
"Hello husband to be... " he laughed.
"Your mum put something really nice on my facebook page" I told him and read him it.
"That's lovely... she thinks its wonderful..." he told me.
"Good anyway I've written back told her that they both need to come to the wedding... after all that might be the only chance to get to see them..."
"Yeah true"
"I haven't had a reply yet"
"She's probably not been on facebook ... she'll reply though."
"Yeah I know.... anyway I wasn't gonna tell you but how would you like two visitors in September?"
"Who?"
"Me and Jenna....21st to 28th?"
"Really?"
"Yep really.... that okay with you?"
"Its fantastic with me..." Lee replied.
"Good cos we're coming out... you have to take some time off though"
"I will don't worry!"
"Good... its a date then... I'm giddy as hell already" I laughed and Lee laughed with me.
"I'll take a night off and we can go see Luke's show and go to Boogies if you're bringing Jenna..."
"Yep she won't cost as much she hardly eats" I told him. "I need you to sort out transport though"
"No probably I'll have a word with Mark don't worry" He told me.
"Right its a plan then. We're just going through our guest list"
"Well bring the details with you and we can go through it together when you come out!"
"Hee hee nice one..can't wait..make sure they all know I'm coming out again. I'm gonna be skint but I'll be with you so who cares. And by the sounds of it I'm gonna be loaded anyway with all the grants and benefits I can claim."
"Is Jenna there?"
"I can get her"
"Go on then.."
"Jenna come talk to lee...." I yelled.
"Two minutes"
"Jenna?
"Hi Lee"
"Has Luke accepted you as a friend yet?"
"No not yet..."
"Okay well he will be doing cos I've told him he has too... if he's best man and you're maid of honour you'll be spending a lot of time together... has your mum showed you his picture".
"Yep I've seen him"
"She's done nothing but drool" I laughed.
"Not as much as my mum" Jenna giggled.
"Ha ha very funny" I retorted.
"He was telling her he loved her the other night on my phone" Lee said to Jenna. "Gonna have to keep an eye on those two"
"You know you are the only guy for me!" I told Lee.
"Good to know"
"Love you Mr Mcevoy"
"Love you Mrs Mcevoy..."
"Right I'm gonna go off to cinema with Wes and Charlene"
"Okay I'll finish my beer in the 38 degrees and get another one"
"Stop rubbing it in" Lee laughed.
"Hang on a minute" he told me..... "Jo, how do you fancy coming to a wedding?" he shouted.
"You getting married?"
"Yep.."
"Aw congratulations both of you" Jo yelled back. Jo works at Tee jays bar in Protaras.
"So you're at Tee jays?"
"Yep sun is shining and I'm about to get another beer"
"Can't be bad... right I better go get ready cos Wes is picking me up at 1 and I'm not dressed yet..."
"Okay Mrs Mcevoy have fun"
We arrived at the cinema and Charlene and Wes went for sweets and i headed for the popcorn combo and promptly dropped half a tonne of popcorn down my cleavage... not the best look in the world for anyone lol I spent the next fifteen minutes fishing it out....
Wes headed for the back of the cinema and I struggled up the steps with a wobble on due to the morphine I'd taken in the foyeur. Charlene updated her facebook and put on her status backseat banging with Wes Weaver and Loraine Mooney. Hence the title of this blog Backseat Banging.
And so to the movie I have never ever watched the Inbetweeners and for those of you who have not been I will not spoil it for you. all I will say is that is a very unique way of updating your CV and last time I looked that isn't what it was called.... and I still don't understand why the goggles and snorkel are needed so all those blokes that go watch it please please tell me lol.... and the dancing I so so want someone to teach me how to do that... unique is not the word ha ha.
Saturday 3rd September. Tripping all night long.
Phil text me saying congratulations when I woke next morning and I rang him to ask how Ali's first round of chemotherapy had gone.
I went round Phil and Ali's later that day and we had a chit chat about her chemotherapy and she showed me booklet hospital had given them with numbers in for different benefits. I wrote down the one for road tax exemption intending on using it as soon as I got home. It was two o'clock before I left theirs after telling Ali to apply for morphine as she's in a bit of pain at the minute.
"Night out tonight" I told Jenna when I got in. "Why don't you come, going out with your aunt lorna and andy for Claire's birthday a meal at that chinese first and then into town. Fancy it?"
"Well I'm going out with Adam at ten..." Jenna told me.
"Well we're meeting at eight at chinese and then going round town so you could come with us and then meet adam..."
"Okay I'll get ready then"
"Great be ready for quarter to eight and bagsy bathroom first".
"Hiya Claire" I leant forward and gave her a hug and a kiss.
"Aw its lovely to see you babe ... how you doing?"
"I have my morphine with me so I'm on the pop but I'll be high as a kite in a bit cos I necked some morphine in the taxi... its good stuff I love it" I laughed.
Claire laughed with me "I might be nicking some off you later babe. Glad you came "
"Me too I needed a night out it stops me thinking" I told her.
The Chinese was gorgeous can't remember the name but its the new place on trinity walk in Wakefield... I highly recommend it excellent grub and all you can eat for £12.95 at night and its cheaper day time. I had duck and pancakes, shredded beef with chili and rice, chow mein, chicken in black bean sauce and lots and lots of seaweed. I was in my element it was ace.
Next stop Fanny and Bacardi's.... that place is bloody excellent lots of transvestites dressed up.. my first time and what an atmosphere loads of people in fancy dress it was an excellent hour or two..bloody loved it... and best yet ... drinks 75p cos I was on lime and soda... cheap as chips lol. One of our group... sorry I can't remember his name was thrilled and couldn't believe his eyes he walked past a couple of ladies on the sofas one of whom was on her knees licking the others inside leg he couldn't believe his eyes and stopped to watch lol. ...
"You wouldn't believe what I just saw." He told us as he came back from the loo..."You wouldn't get away with that in the Icon" he laughed...
From Fanny and Bacardi's we went to the exchange and then Jenna presented us with tickets to get into Mustangs where she used to work.. free entry before 11.30 so we headed that way. Bumped into Colleen just as we were leaving... she was wearing false eyelashes with little white balls on the end...
"God they are ace" I told her. I'll be getting some of them when I loose mine!! Ha ha perfect for my wedding day!! "So do you fancy the wedding planners role?" I asked her.
"Course I do... yeah I'll organise it no worries.."
"Right that's that sorted" less work for me!!
Headed to mustangs for my Lime and soda... 40p in here great stuff... cheap night out this!!
Had a laugh and showed Claire the photo of me breast feeding Lee's cat that got a laugh I can tell you lol. She was in hysterics
We left mustangs around 1.30 headed to the pie shop for pie and peas and then got a taxi home. Fantastic night had by all!!
I went round Phil and Ali's later that day and we had a chit chat about her chemotherapy and she showed me booklet hospital had given them with numbers in for different benefits. I wrote down the one for road tax exemption intending on using it as soon as I got home. It was two o'clock before I left theirs after telling Ali to apply for morphine as she's in a bit of pain at the minute.
"Night out tonight" I told Jenna when I got in. "Why don't you come, going out with your aunt lorna and andy for Claire's birthday a meal at that chinese first and then into town. Fancy it?"
"Well I'm going out with Adam at ten..." Jenna told me.
"Well we're meeting at eight at chinese and then going round town so you could come with us and then meet adam..."
"Okay I'll get ready then"
"Great be ready for quarter to eight and bagsy bathroom first".
"Hiya Claire" I leant forward and gave her a hug and a kiss.
"Aw its lovely to see you babe ... how you doing?"
"I have my morphine with me so I'm on the pop but I'll be high as a kite in a bit cos I necked some morphine in the taxi... its good stuff I love it" I laughed.
Claire laughed with me "I might be nicking some off you later babe. Glad you came "
"Me too I needed a night out it stops me thinking" I told her.
The Chinese was gorgeous can't remember the name but its the new place on trinity walk in Wakefield... I highly recommend it excellent grub and all you can eat for £12.95 at night and its cheaper day time. I had duck and pancakes, shredded beef with chili and rice, chow mein, chicken in black bean sauce and lots and lots of seaweed. I was in my element it was ace.
Next stop Fanny and Bacardi's.... that place is bloody excellent lots of transvestites dressed up.. my first time and what an atmosphere loads of people in fancy dress it was an excellent hour or two..bloody loved it... and best yet ... drinks 75p cos I was on lime and soda... cheap as chips lol. One of our group... sorry I can't remember his name was thrilled and couldn't believe his eyes he walked past a couple of ladies on the sofas one of whom was on her knees licking the others inside leg he couldn't believe his eyes and stopped to watch lol. ...
"You wouldn't believe what I just saw." He told us as he came back from the loo..."You wouldn't get away with that in the Icon" he laughed...
From Fanny and Bacardi's we went to the exchange and then Jenna presented us with tickets to get into Mustangs where she used to work.. free entry before 11.30 so we headed that way. Bumped into Colleen just as we were leaving... she was wearing false eyelashes with little white balls on the end...
"God they are ace" I told her. I'll be getting some of them when I loose mine!! Ha ha perfect for my wedding day!! "So do you fancy the wedding planners role?" I asked her.
"Course I do... yeah I'll organise it no worries.."
"Right that's that sorted" less work for me!!
Headed to mustangs for my Lime and soda... 40p in here great stuff... cheap night out this!!
Had a laugh and showed Claire the photo of me breast feeding Lee's cat that got a laugh I can tell you lol. She was in hysterics
We left mustangs around 1.30 headed to the pie shop for pie and peas and then got a taxi home. Fantastic night had by all!!
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