At five am I was still staring at the ceiling.... I had to be in Wakefield to see Jane about this Mortgage rescue scheme at 1pm and I was still awake ... not amused I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. At six I decided to take a look at the guest list again.... tweak it here and there... You see I've worked it out and although Woodkirk Valley Country Club is cheap as far as room hire is concerned.. when it comes to prices per head for the meals... that's when the figures start to go up...
I've spent ages doing the guest list you see... There is 43 people in our family i.e. aunts and uncles etc before I even get started on my friends I would like to be at our wedding. Forty-three people at sixteen pounds ninety five pence per head is seven hundred and twenty eight pounds.. and that's before I start on my friends list.... once I add my friends in the list gets huge. In fact I've got it to one hundred and twenty six people just on my own.. that's before we add in all of Lees guests and I still don't know how many he's invited.... So a lottery win is definitely needed... preferably way before January so I can get organised.
I tried to get back to sleep several times... either the dog started barking next door or the phone rang... then at nine am Sue knocked and I sighed and got up... sleep just wasn't going to happen.
"What times your appointment?"
"One, I am so tired I just wish I could sleep" I sipped my tea... and then... "Oh I'm gonna be sick" I shot past Sue and threw up.... that was the start of it.
"Right I'll let you get sorted and I'll call over later ... why don't you re-arrange that appointment?"
"No.. I want to get it out the way Sue.. I'll be fine it'll wear off"
"Okay if you're sure I'll come for you later on"
"Okay I'll see you about twelve" I went upstairs to lie back down.. an hour later I was sick again. Then the phone rang my mum.... I had text to let them know I was sleeping I answered it grumpily..."I did say I was sleeping or trying too" I whinged.
"I just wanted to know how you are?"
"Mum I'll be fine but its ten now and if I don't get some sleep before I leave .. then I won't be.. I don't mean to be grumpy but please just let me sleep I'll ring you later" I ran to the loo and was sick again as soon as she got off the phone.. I felt ill.. really ill.
"Okay okay I'll let you sleep", I felt rotten but when I said no sleep I meant no sleep.. the phone rang twice more whilst I was lying on the bed and at eleven am in desperation I headed over to Sue's...
"Can I please lie on your settee? I need sleep and everyone keeps on ringing me" I grumbled.
"They're all just worried about you" Sue told me.
"I know but I'll go to bits if I don't sleep soon"I moaned.
"Go lie down" Sue told me and gave me a hug. Click click click my mobile went and I looked at the screen... ' R u okay?'it was from Lee.
"Its from Lee but I can't message him back because three have stopped my credit until my bill gets paid. It just says are you okay."
"Well ring him use my house phone... I was gonna take the dogs for a walk down the field anyway so I'll do that you ring Lee then get some sleep.."
"Okay thanks Sue" I dialled his number.
"Will you please take something for that headache?" he told me.. "And why are you being so sick?"
"How did you know?" I asked him startled.
"Because I have had a headache all morning and I've been sick twice" he told me.
"Oops sorry" It wasn't the first time this had happened since Lee and I had met when I first went out and i was getting pains in my shoulder and arm Lee could tell me exactly where the pain was... I don't understand why its happening it just is.
"Have you taken anything for it?"
"Yep I had some morphine and took my anti sickness tablet.. I think its lack of sleep Lee I just can't seem to sleep I keep waking up..." I sighed. "I'm sorry I'm making you feel crappy too".
"Don't apologise darl its not your fault. I have to get on with work so go for a lie down get some sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better and I'll talk to you later".
"Okay I'll try talk to you later on I love you".
"Love you too". I put the phone down and went and laid on Sue's sofa in a desperate attempt to get some sleep, but it was no good. The door opened and the two dogs and sue trundled in after their walk.
"Everything okay?"
"Great. Well when I get some sleep it will be" I whinged. "I am so tired".
"Right lets get you something to eat and then we'll go". So Sue busied herself looking after me making me some toasted crumpets with butter and a coffee. I only managed half a crumpet before the nausea feeling came back. I finished my coffee and had some milk and then we were off.
Jane was absolutely fabulous I was totally honest with her told her everything that was going on and how I planned on going back to Cyprus for another week with Jenna and that I really needed to make sure I had some money to do it with. Jane was absolutely fantastic she helped me fill in my forms for disability living allowance and the macmillan grant form.
"Whats happening with your work?"
"Well I get full pay until November and then half pay from November til January then I go onto Nil pay" I told her. "They're going to look into Ill Health Retirement and see what the figures are going to be as soon as they have them they will ring me back".
"Well make a point of asking them about Death in service benefit and see what package they offer".
"Oh yes I hadn't thought of that. I know at HSBC where I used to work they offered it not sure if NHS do though".
"I'm pretty sure they will and if my memories right I think its how many years you've worked their times your annual salary".
"Okay well I'll ring and ask tomorrow and see what they say".
Then Jane took copies of the DS1500 the doctor had given me (a doctors report that basically confirms you have a terminal illness and helps you claim benefits quicker as well as show proof of your life expectancy) and said she would deal with all my creditors.
"I'll offer them as little as possible" she told me. "You need some money in your pocket to enjoy the time you have left so lets deal with this first and get a repayment plan set up so we know what you're left with.."
"Okay thanks. I just wish I had been given this help a year ago then I wouldn't be in this mess".
"Right well next step I will come out with the surveyor to do a valuation and see what we can get for you. And what I'll do is try and get a discount to settle the debt from HSBC and that way you will hopefully be left with some money."
"My concern is what happens to Jenna when I die, will she be able to stay in the house".
"Well if you like I'll have a word with Yorkshire housing and see if we can get that as a condition of the sale that Jenna stays".
"That would be great if you can do it."
"I will do my best because to me this is exceptional circumstances. So leave it with me".
"Okay thanks".
I walked out of that meeting feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"How did you get on?" Sue asked me.
"Fantastic" I beamed. "Everything is going to work out .. I can just feel it" I told her.
"Thats the spirit" Sue beamed back and we headed to the car.
"Now I'm going to bed" I told her. "I am so tired lets get out of here".
Logan and Jenna were both home when I got in. Jenna still in bed even though it was four o'clock.
"I thought you were both of f to grans for tea"
"I'm waiting for Logan" Jenna called downstairs.
"I didn't know we were going" Logan told me.
"I thought Gran had rung you"
"No one's rung me"
"I told you" Jenna told him.
"Yes but Gran didn't ring me"
"Okay, okay listen I'm tired and I'm off to bed so Logan if you are staying here you need to do your own tea. Jenna what are you doing?"
"I'm off to Grans"
"And you Logan?"
"I'm staying here"
"Okay Jenna see you later. Logan see you when I get up." I stumbled into the bedroom and lay on the bed. Bliss....
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