"Morning Mrs Mcevoy"
"Morning" I mumbled.
"Were you asleep?"
"No I'm awake just a little sore".
"Have you had your morphine?"
"Yes I've just taken it"
"So what you up too today?"
"Well there's a bridal fayre on in Wakefield if I can get myself to move I was considering going there with mum and Jenna. Its a toss up between going back to bed or going to the bridal fayre".
"Well see how you feel. I'm sat with mum and dad at Waves having a drink so they've got my plane ticket but I've been told I can't have it cos I'll loose it. So they're hanging onto it until they take me to the airport".
"Oh right" I laughed in some ways Lee was as bad as me for loosing things. Someone wants to talk to you.
"Hi duckie" It was Steph Lee's mum.
"Hi Steph"
"We've been looking at hotels but I need to know which is nearest to you" she told me.
"Okay well I'm ringing the local ones on Monday see if we can get a discount for booking in bulk" I told her.
"Oh okay. Well me and Barry are coming Wednesday to Wednesday so let me know where we can stay that's near to you, okay?"
"Yes okay I'll give you a ring Monday night and let you know how I get on" I told her. Next Barry came on the phone.
"Hiya Sweets, so do you think his passport will arrive Monday?"
"Yeah I do Barry you can track it online and it tells you in detail where it is but it landed in Cyprus at 13.30 on Saturday and it says it arrived at depot for dispatch at 14.42 on Saturday so I think they'll deliver it to you on Monday"
"Oh well that's good sweets we're in all day Monday cos I presume we'll have to sign for it".
"Yes I think sot
"Well at least this way Lee will be there for your op on Monday and your chemo starting. I think he'll feel better that he's there for you".
"Yes I do too. And I'm glad he's there for the line putting in. They sent me through some documentation on it and its scared me stupid I wish they'd not bothered Barry it sounds horrific".
"I'm sure you'll be fine".
"I will be if Lee's with me" I told him. "I'm so excited, I can't believe he's coming home".
"Well me and Steph have both told him he's got to look after you so if he steps out of line you ring and tell us and we'll sort him out for you". I laughed and Barry laughed too. "See you at the wedding".
"Bye Barry".
"Hiya darl" Lee came back on the phone.
"Hi yourself. Have you told them all you're leaving?" I asked him.
"Only Leighton, Mario's from the bar. Oh and the fitness instructors you met, they know too now".
"Oh okay"
"So how do you feel if Luke isn't happy and doesn't come?"
"Its fine they've messed you about and anyone that does that to you isn't welcome in my book anyway". I told him. "I love you".
"I love you too" he whispered down the phone.
"Logan's coming at lunchtime Sue had a long talk with him on face book last night and he wants to live with his dad he's too scared to tell me though. He's worried I'll either kick off or be really upset. So he's asked Sue to come with him today whilst he tells me".
"Oh well at least he's being honest with you now. And I'm sure he'll come visit".
"That's what I'm worried about that he'll forget I exist".
"He loves you too much darl, he won't do that."
"I hope you're right".
"He's bound to be upset Loraine he's not coping with your illness we both know that and that's probably why he wants to stay at his dads. I wouldn't worry".
"Well I better go you get back to your mum and dad and I'm off to this wedding fayre cos I have to be back here for 2.30 for Sue coming and then Logan will be here at three".
"Okay have a nice day. I'm going to ring Sue later so let me know when she's at yours".
"What you ringing her for?"
"Its a surprise for you I just want to ask her about" Lee replied.
"Well I have a wedding surprise for you" I told him.
"What surprise?"
"Why you ringing sue?"
"I'm not telling you"
"Well I'm not telling you about the surprise I have for you on our wedding day then".
"You're a bugger"
"I know so are you. Right I have to go get ready love your Mr Mcevoy".
"Love you Mrs Mcevoy see you Wednesday".
"Can't wait".
The wedding fayre was okay but it had ideas for things I had already sorted out... Bridal gowns... done. Flowers.... done.. Cakes... done... Photographers... done. So there was nothing really that would have been any help it was a shame. We had a coffee at Marks and Spencer's ... well me and mum did. Jenna had a deluxe hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream. I must admit when I saw it I'd wished I'd ordered the same thing. From Marks and Spencer's we headed over to the Trinity walk shopping centre to have a look at bridesmaid dresses in Debenhams (well when I say we Jenna went to superdrug whilst me and mum headed to debenhams, saying she would meet us there! There were some really nice gold ones, as I love the theme gold and cream its very classy and its christmassy and as we're just out of the Christmas season I think its a good theme. Also I've seen a very elegant car in the same colours ha ha. At least now Lee will be here to help plan the wedding with me. Cos I was getting worried about doing it all on my own.
"What do you think to this dress?" I asked my mum showing her the wedding dress I had picked out originally.
"Its not a patch on the one you've got" she told me. "Yours is fantastic".
"Aw thanks mum"
"I mean it you look stunning and Lee's jaw will drop when he sees it for the first time."
"Thanks. Okay well let me show you the gold bridesmaid dresses".
"Oh yes they're nice... its a different shade of gold to what I expected its nice.. more like a light bronze"
"Yes it is but its nice don't you think?"
"Ooh I like the long ones Loraine they're really nice"
"You think?"
"Yes I really like those ones" Mum told me. Then Jenna appeared and I showed her the dresses and the fur shrugs we could get to go with them. They had ivory or a light beige colour.
"Ooh yes I like those" Jenna smiled. "That fur jacket is gorgeous"
"So you would wear the long one then?"
"Yes I would".
"Bingo" I told my mum. "All we need to do now is persuade Lorna she can always wear the short one".
Just then I noticed the time.. "Crap we better go Sue's arriving at mine at 2.30 and Logan at 3 its 2.30 now. I'm just gonna text Sue". So I text her to ask where she was.
"I'm in the co op" the message came back.
"Shit she's in Ossett" I moaned "We seriously need to go" and so we headed to the ridings at as quick a speed as mums stick would allow us too.
"Sorry Sue, sorry Logan" I apologised as Jenna and I got out of the car. Sue was leaning against her car and Logan was sat on the table outside the front of the house playing his guitar.
"Its okay" Sue told me.
"I've only been sitting here forty five minutes" Logan told us.
"Really? Oh god I'm sorry" Logan smirked and Sue laughed.
"We've been here all of five minutes I picked him up on the way".
"Sorry we were as quick as my mums stick would allowed her to be. I think I've worn her out. And I have a leak so I'm going to have to get changed before I do anything else".
"Well I've been shopping so I'm going to make us a roast dinner" Sue told me as I opened the door.
"You don't have to do that"
"I know I don't but I want one" She told me taking the shopping bags into my kitchen. "You go do what you have to do and leave me to it".
"Okay I'll go and change first then" I told her and headed to get my bag for my spare supplies. "Logan I'm just going to get changed then I'll be with you okay?"
"Yes okay".
For those of you who don't have urostomy bags this is how I would describe it. Basically when they take out your bladder they have to give you a way to pee. So the tubes that previously went from your kidneys into your bladder are redirected. There are a few ways to do this some people have a bladder built inside and empty it with means of a catheter they have to insert into their stomach. A new way is to direct the tubes into your bowel so you poo and wee out of the same exit. Then there's the way mine works. They make a hole in the right hand side of your stomach and poking out of it is a bit of my small bowel (stoma nurses describe it as a little tomato cos its red and round in shape). However, I've checked and rechecked and I'm sorry but its not like a tomato its like a little boys willy, cos its only small about 20mm in diameter and it moves up and down and sticks out from your stomach. The tubes that previously went into my bladder now connect inside to this part of my bowel or as I would say into my little willy. Then a stream of urine comes out of it and when a bag is connected straight into the bag. A urostomy bag has a whole in the middle of some sticky backed bags and the little willy goes into the hole and a seal forms around it to hold it in place. Changing it is easy first thing in the morning as if you haven't had a drink overnight there's nothing to come out, so it remains dry. However, halfway through the day the stream of urine is constant so trying to change it standing up without getting wee everywhere is fairly tricky. I however have this down to a fine art.... or rather I did. But I have a problem lately my little willy isn't protruding from my stomach like it should its lying level with my stomach... i have no idea why. If i prod it a bit then it sticks out a little so I can attach the bag. But due to it not being upright enough the bags don't attach properly, therefore causing a leak. So I've had a couple of wet days lately and I'm not impressed.. its also bleeding a bit and its quite tender. So... I've arranged an appointment at the Stoma Clinic on Wednesday morning to see if it can be sorted. For those of you who are squeamish sorry if I've gone into too much detail but I figured you may as well know whats involved then you can know why i have bad days and good! So what should have taken me 5 minutes today took 25.
"Sorry" I apologised to Logan as I walked into the room. "So how have you been?"
"Okay thanks" Logan replied.
"Hows Ellie?"
"Okay"
"Where did you go then?"
"Leeds"
"What shopping?"
"You could call it that"
"Well what would you call it"
"Dunno" Logan said colouring slightly. "Did you kiss her?"
"No comment" he replied colouring red again.
"Ooh you did" he laughed and hid behind his guitar.
"Ooh has Logan been kissing" Sue came in after overhearing our conversation.
"I'm not talking about this" Logan replied. "Help me Jenna".
"What?" Jenna who had been engrossed in her computer looked up.
"Help me they won't leave me alone" Logan laughed.
"Okay I'll stop. When do i get to meet her"
"Hopefully never" Logan replied.
"Has your dad met her?"
"On a school trip in year four yes, not since though".
"Well you can bring her to the wedding" I told him.
"Yes i want to meet her" Sue told him.
"I don't know" Logan replied.
"Just remember you've agreed to help me with the photos at the wedding" she reminded him. "But I think you should have a plus one so you can bring someone with you".
"Okay I can go with that" Logan replied smiling.
Next we had the tricky conversation about Logan and where he wants to stay. I know its been troubling him. He's been staying with his dad since Jenna and I went to Cyprus in September.
"So do you want to come home or stay with your dad?" I asked him.
"I don't know" he replied.
"I thought you had made your decision Logan. I'm not mad but we need to sort it out so I can make a decision about the room". Logan looked down at his hands. You see, Jenna is twenty and currently has the box room in the house. Logan and her swapped when Kyle Dave's son moved down from Scotland when Dave and I were together so he would have somewhere to sleep when they stayed over. When Dave and Kyle left Logan continued to have the spare room. However, if Logan's living with his dad it seems unfair to keep Jenna in the small room if Logan will only be staying occasionally.
"So what do you think? Have you made a decision?"
"I don't know" Logan replied again. Then Sue spoke...
"That's not what you said to me Logan" Sue said. Logan looked at her. "Do you want me to tell your mum what we were talking about last night and explain it for you? I will if you want?"
"Yes if you like"
"Logan and me had a chat and he said he wants to live with his dad and visit you. But, he didn't want to tell you cos he is worried you would get upset. I have told Logan that if that is the case then obviously its only fair that Logan gets the small room as he won't be here all the time. Isn't that right Logan?"
"That's what you said" he replied grinning.
"No that's what you said" Sue replied.
"Logan just tell me what you want" I sighed "I won't be angry I just want you to make a decision either way"
"What Sue said" He answered.
"Okay that's fine, do you want to arrange set days to see me?"
"No. I'd rather just come over when I want".
"Okay that's fine by me. I'm glad you've made a decision and my door will always be open".
"Dinners ready can you grab some stuff for me?" Sue yelled from the kitchen about an hour later. We'd all been sat watching Toy Story which had been playing on the telly. I felt a tad ashamed at how we'd all left her too it.
"I'm sorry I should have insisted on helping you" I told Sue.
"Don't be daft I enjoyed it. Grab those potatoes and put them on the table for me?" She said as she stirred the gravy. The table was laid with four plates and in the centre sat some dishes. One held roast potatoes and chicken, a dish with cauliflower cheese, another dish with carrots and one with peas then a big bowl of mash potato and another with stuffing in.
"Wow you've been busy. Come on kids, table" I called and we all sat down together and helped ourselves to food.
We had just finished when Sue my neighbour over the road called in. "Lol can i get those steps I learnt you? I need to put that light bulb in the bathroom"
"Yes course you can they're in the kitchen"
"Wow that looks nice,"
"Grab a plate Sue" Sue told her.
"No its okay I've eaten"
"Are you sure, there's loads left it will only go in the bin"
"Oh you can't do that"
"Well it won't get eaten, are you sure you don't want any?"
"Well I tell you what I'll take some for Tom, he'll eat it" Sue replied and so I plated up some food for Tom and she took that and the steps over to her house. "He'll love it" she grinned and headed home.
Later that night Sue had left and I got in the car with Logan to take him back to his dads. "You will come and see me won't you?"
"Yes"
"Promise?"
"Promise!"
"Try and come over next week after Wednesday when Lee arrives"
"Okay I'll try"
"Good and let me know about the party"
"I will mum" Logan told me as we pulled up outside Rae's house.
"Kiss?" I asked and he lent over so I could kiss his head. "Cuddle?" and once again Logan lent over so I could give him a hug. "I love you" I told him. "Bye".
It is so hard letting your kids go watching them grow up and in effect letting go of the apron strings. Especially when you know they're running away. Right now I don't think Logan can deal with the fact that I'm ill and staying away is his way of coping. Cos if he doesn't see it, in his head its not happening. I understand and I'm glad he finally told me what he wants but I can't help being upset at loosing my baby. I hope one day he can deal with it so that he and I can spend some time together before its too late.
Night all xx
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