Mm not a good day!! I woke up in agony... severe stomach pains and lower back pain at around four am. I'd briefly gotten to talk to Lee around midnight our time he had just been leaving work. I couldn't sleep we were in the middle of a conversation when his phone just went dead. It often does that.... its so frustrating because I'll ring back and his phone rings and its as if he's not answering.. but actually its just not connecting at his end.... so I'd gone to bed on a downer. Now it was four am and the pains were bad so i decided to get up have a drink, a stretch and some Oramorph in a desperate attempt to get rid of it!!!
Instead I ended up stripping wallpaper in my hallway... there i was in my dressing gown and slippers stripping wallpaper at four thirty in the morning ... how mad is that?? The thing is once the pain takes hold its like a constant toothache and there's no getting shut of it then.... so I find keeping busy is best... hence stripping wallpaper at four in the morning!!!
Next I got on the laptop and worked out my guest list for day and evening... If I had my way everyone would be there both for our ceremony, the meal, and the party at night... unfortunately this wedding, our wedding is on a tight budget so I can't have everyone there for both. So my guest list during the day is limited to 95!! The Mooney clan is rather large (my Nana and Pop (as we called my grandad) couldn't afford a telly) Hence my dad has two brothers and a sister, My Uncle Douglas, Uncle Alan and Aunt Margaret. Whereas my mums lot (Gran and Pappy (as we called that grandad)) were a bit better off and had a black and white telly so there's only my mum, her sister (my aunt Loraine whom I'm named after and lives in Holland) and a brother my Uncle Edwin, who due to his disability probably won't be at my wedding..... I'm probably gonna suffer cos of these comments trust me. Anyway all of them are married apart from my mums brother, my uncle Edwin, and all of them have children so I have one cousin on mums side, (Kenneth and his partner Claudia live in Spain and have two children Gonzalo and Loraine) and four cousins on my dads side, Maureen, who's married to Colin and they have two children Finlay and Maisie. Eleanor who married John in March, then there's Ross who's girlfriend is Claire and David who's girlfriend I think is Joanne ( I haven't met her yet). So I was rather glad when Lee said he didn't have a big family as there's more space for our lot that way!! Then there's my friends, who comes to the day do and who doesn't god its complicated. But I'm sure each and every one of you will understand that if you're not at the wedding its simply because my gran and grandad didn't own a telly and things got out of control ha ha ha.
Seat planning now that is complicated all i can say is I did my best, so tough if you don't like who you are sitting with just make the best of it!
Anyway it got to six am Jenna was getting up for work so I decided I'd better try have a nap otherwise I'd be knackered for the rest of the day.... at ten I woke up again due to a leaky bag (here we go again!!) I must ring the stoma nurses today and get an appointment to get this sorted out!! Lee is not gonna want to lie in a bed that i pee all over in the night cos my stoma bag won't stay on!!
... ( can i just say I think one of my neighbours is doing karaoke at this moment in time and it resembles a squealing cat... please stop!!)
So at ten I got up and jumped in the shower, stripped the bed again.. I need to get more sheets too .. this is getting out of hand!!... NOTE to self get the dryer fixed that way you can dry the sheets you pee over when its torrential drizzle outside!!
Anyway just got out the shower when the phone rang....
"Dad can I ring you back just got out the shower and have to change my bag?"
"Okay I have good news, ring me back". So I hurriedly sorted out applying a new bag... a bit haphazardly and rang my dad straight back.
"Hi, what news?"
" That letter I got from the tax man where I thought it said i owed them £722."
"Yes"
"It was the other way round they owed me it, so I have a cheque I'm about to put in the bank and I thought I would like to buy your wedding dress for you"
"Really? Are you sure?"
"I wouldn't say it if I weren't sure"
"Okay thanks, when..."
"Well I'll go up and put it in the bank you get yourself dressed I'll draw out the cash for you and then you can pay for it and pick it up today if you like"
"Really? Wow thanks dad I'll be down as quick as I can. I'll ring the shop and check its okay to pick it up and see you in about an hour".
"Okay see you soon".
Can I just say one amazing thing about having naturally curly hair that I actually like curly... now means it takes half the time to get ready as I wash it shove some mousse through it and leave it to dry so I'm ready in half the time!!
"Hi Louise its Loraine, I came in and ordered my wedding dress with you yesterday."
"Well my dad has decided he's going to pay for my wedding dress. And as he's Scottish I decided I better bite his hand off and come for the dress today before he changes his mind... is that okay"
"Yep course it is I'll have it ready for you. The shoes aren't here yet though they'll be about six weeks but they will be here in time for your fitting. Do you want us to keep the dress here and wait for your shoes or take the dress and collect the shoes later?"
"Mm can I collect the dress anyway?"
"Course you can. I'll have it ready".
"Thanks Louise". Next I made a phone call to Louise the mobile seamstress Celebrations recommend to have a chat about my dress alterations. It definitely needs shortening cos I am a short arse at five foot three....and it needs taking in at the bust cos my boobs aren't as big now I've lost weight. A very friendly women answered I explained who I was. Then I told her my wedding date and that I was starting chemo so I wasn't sure what was gonna happen re my weight and asked what she recommended I do about alterations.
"Well what I do in special situations like yours is wait until a week before the wedding, come down and do a fitting with you take the dress away and have it back to you two days before your wedding. Is that okay?"
"Oh that would be fantastic thanks"
"Right then lets get you booked in. I just need to put you in my diary for next year, whats your name again?" So I now have a fitting for my wedding dress on the 7th January at 1pm. All I have to do is remember so I'm relying on whoever is reading this to give me a nudge and remind me because I will forget!!
About forty minutes later I walked into my mum and dads... the physio was there to discuss my mum and any help she might need. So i left them too it and plugged in the laptop so I could have a look at the email Simon had sent me (Simon is designing my wedding invites). Unfortunately I couldn't to connect to the wifi so that was a non starter I didn't want to interrupt and ask for the network key. So I connected myself with looking through my budget and staring at the one on my desktop that I'd saved earlier... .it looked really nice....
"When can we go for the dress?"
"Well go now if you want take your mum and we'll go for lunch when you get back".
"Okay great".
We parked in the Carpenters Arms car park and headed for celebrations via the wellgate centre. As we passed La Femme I waved to Debbie through the window and she beckoned us in.
"Let me see your ring?"
"Oh Loraine its beautiful, look at all the detail.. oh its great what a great choice he made".
"I know and how much was I worrying about his choice"
"Oh Marlene you should have heard her she was worried sick. Don't you look well" Debbie said turning to my mum.
"I'm feeling better"
"You look amazing"
"Thank you. I just need to get rid of my wrinkles" Then mum turned to me."Shall we book in and we can use our vouchers?"
"Yes why not lets get our nails done" Mum still has vouchers for the beauticians left from Mothers day cos she's not been well enough to use them. And I have £70 worth from my birthday.
"When can you fit us both in?"
"Only time I can do you together would be next Thursday at 3pm, is that okay?"
"Yep that's great I don't have a hospital visit that day so it should work out okay. Can you put it on a card I'll write it down in my diary when I get in".
"Yep there you go. Now I must get back to my lady I'm running really late now".
"No problem see you later"
"Bye Debbie".
"Hiya Louise"
"Hi, here it is all ready for you" Louise hooked my dress open and opened it to show us.
"Fantastic thanks".
"Your shoes will probably be about eight weeks okay?"
"Yep brilliant there you go" I handed her the cash.
"Right let me get you some change". She disappeared and came back with my money. "I'll ring you as soon as your shoes come in. Did you ring Louise?"
"Yes she's going to do a fitting the week before and work on my dress all week"
"I told you she'd work round you and she's really good." Louise told me. "Did you say it was Jane that recommended us to you?"
"Yes that's right Jane at Woodkirk Valley country club"
"Okay I was going to text and ask you cos we want to send her a thank you she's recommended a few people lately. Anyway I'll ring you about your shoes and good luck with the passport office".
"Oh we've given up Lee's gonna go to the British embassy and ask for a document to allow him to fly back... he should be here in two weeks. With any luck he'll be here for the start of my treatment".
"Oh I hope so that'll be nice for you".
"Yes me too", so we said our goodbyes and left the store. Anyone getting married go to Celebrations you really get the personal touch.. fantastic all of them can't recommend them enough!!
So its been a busy day all in all. I've even rang Tax Credits told them my change in circumstances as Logan has now moved in with his dad and obviously I'm on sick and doubt I will ever return to work.They were really helpful first time ever and I actually don't think I'll be much worse off because my income will drop £3,000 this year because shortly I'll go onto half pay followed by just SSP. So my working tax credit will increase. What I loose in Child tax I should make up for in working tax.. there is a god after all.... There is one thing good about this dying lark... you are always better off financially whilst you are terminal... .not the best way to get money.... but I've had sod all from the government and I've worked every day since I was sixteen so I figured its time for a bit of pay back!! My last days on this earth may be dogged with that terrible thing that is cancer... but you know what I'm gonna make damned sure I enjoy everyone of them and with my family and friends and Lee with me I know that's exactly what I'm gonna do!!
Night all sleep well talk to you tomorrow xx
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